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what i pretend to be

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 12 December :: 10.38pm

i wanna go see that guys light show that he made. someone take me. and while you're at it...

oh nevermind... maybe it's at the whitecaps thing i thought it was at his house.

while you're at it take me to japan.
everytime i start thinking that i shouldn'tbe a nurse and that it isn't for me i talk to my mom and she makes me feel like i'll be good at it or that i can at least pass the school. i'm not stupid but i'm not brilliant. i duno. she always makes me not want to quit. i feel like i would disappoint my parents if i quit and it's not like i have something else wonderful in mind and my college is free so i might as well keep going... right?

i had to write this will thing for my online class and I gave my money and our cats to Roman and my car to Brandon and that was pretty much it... hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

tomorrow i have my last test and then next week i have two exams and then two online class exams that should be pretty easy. Only one really hard exam. I just hope i pass cell biology or I will be screwed and sad. ughghhghghgh i hope i get 100 on the paper i wrote. then i wont be as worried

i just called my phone company because i wanted to add text messaging and they wont let me because roman's name is the one on the account the FCC just changed their rules that sucks because usually i am the one who takes care of all that stuff. I call and fix stuff when it gets messed up, i pay the bills through my account and then roman just writes me checks for his half. like i do EVERYTHING and then now i can't even have control over it. it is understandable but still it sucks.

i really should be studying.

annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd. i duno. we almost got another cat tonight. we are like...obsessed with cats. we are freaks.

i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 11 December :: 12.04am
:: Mood: flusterated
:: Music: our refrigerator

my terrible memory

i feel like someone wanted to hang out tomorrow night, but i don't remember who. there's also the german club christmas party happening at the same time.

and i have my two "hard" exams.

sometimes i suck at life, just a little. it's not like hardcore suckage, it's more along the lines of moderate.

6 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 10 December :: 1.05am

i just turned in the shittiest paper in the world. via email. half an hour late.

...

yep. pretty sure i just nabbed myself a C in botany.

on the plus side, i should do semi-okay everywhere else.

that and i don't have to write any more fucking papers for at least a month.

no really, the shittiest. in the world. paper.

Edit:
1 - i'm enjoying the sudden popularity that my journal has been experiencing. i think it has something to do with a general increasing trend in the overall woohu traffic.
2 - emo philips is currently on my journal header. i like it.

2 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 8 December :: 3.05pm

There's a penny on the ground, and it's sporting a frown while it's raining outside.
There's another one around, facing neither up nor down, because it is worth two points.

if you were playing horseshoes.

8 screamed | i am afraid


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 7 December :: 1.16am



just in case you weren't already against abortion. make sure you watch part 3 where you actually see the poor baby on the ultrasound. it is awful..

3 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 5 December :: 1.56am

so...

... it's 2am, and there's this guy standing outside of my apartment building, winging a nunchuk around in the snow.

i just thought it was odd. kids are fucking crazy sometimes.

6 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 2 December :: 10.17pm

this is what happens when you fall behind on homestarrunner and don't want to write papers...

Homestar Cartoon

4 screamed | i am afraid


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 2 December :: 9.43pm

i seriously feel like just forgetting about what christmas was going to be and just go to ohio again.

i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 30 November :: 1.14am
:: Mood: winding down
:: Music: porn

fucking dumbass...

... so i had this dream last night that i was riding in the car with kevin. obviously it was kevin's car, since i don't have one. but then again, it's a dream, so nothing's obvious, since it could have been any car, because it was a dream. but it was kevin's. anyway.

so we're cruising along, and he's going like 65, which would be fine, but there's this curve coming up. i'm not paying attention, because i'm trying to improve my skills as a passenger and not be such a backseat driver like i always am. so he tries taking this corner waay too fast, and the car starts sliding, and we go off the road, and there's this big patch of grass that we cruise through all sideways-like until we get into the trees, and then fall into this big gorge. and as we're flying through the air toward impending doom (in slow motion, of course) all he can do is blame it on the car. and i'm just like "dude, what the fuck is your problem? it's not the car's fault. you were going way too fast for that curve and are just freaking dumb." so then we hit the ground, but are still bustling along in our weird spinny-hovery-ness, and we encounter some trees which take out the windows for us. and i'm like "dude, we've gotta bail before we hit the bottom" but he's all braced for impact and shit, resigning himself to whatever fate lies at the bottom of the gorge, cursing the shortcomings of his automobile all the way. i see my opportunity in a relatively soft-looking patch of earth, bail out the shattered window, and watch the car go tumbling down.

i woke up before he hit the bottom.

i don't think it really means anything, but i figured i'd write it down. because that's the kind of thing that i do.

4 screamed | i am afraid


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 29 November :: 2.17pm

My fate will be decided by a man tomorrow that i have never met.

shitty shit shit. if indeed i need to say goodbye, at least for a while... this is it.

goodbye :0(

....not a good color. i would lose weight though.... no christmas.

2 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 29 November :: 12.18am
:: Mood: Atheistic

CHECK IT OUT!


i have my very own dæmon! isn't she sexy?

i was expecting a wolf, but i will accept anything in the canine family.

4 screamed | i am afraid


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 28 November :: 10.24pm

oh and I keep getting these headaches again. I used to get these ... the last time i was getting them was in august-ish when i worked at the daycare but...

it starts out that my left eye-it's like i can't see... it's that thing you get when you look at the sun or a camera flashes in your eyes- you know, the little dot things. and so that happens but like over my entire left eye so basically i can't see and then about a half hour or so later i get an incredibly bad migraine where i feel like i'm going to die/throw up.

yeah so that's fun. except not. and then in the morning i wake up and my head honestly still hurts but it's just a dull headache

so i'm pretty sure i have a tumor of some sort.

and i have a lot of woohu reading to do but more importantly i have homework and i might be getting a part time nannying thing and also i dont know if i want to be a nurse so yeah.

fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

4 screamed | i am afraid


.j.e.s.s.

:: 2007 28 November :: 10.19pm

not kidding this time. i'm serious. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT.

i even changed my school schedule all around so that i'll have more time to work out .

I MUST DO THIS

i don't want hi helen arms and thunder thighs anymore.

2 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 27 November :: 2.49pm

what the fuck is up with me?

i'm seriously getting pissed off. because this is bullshit.

i bombed my presentation today, my eye is bugging out and hurting, i keep hurting people and pissing people off, i'm always exhausted, and i can't stop thinking about how much i suck.

and it's not one of those times where i really don't suck, and just need people to convince me that i don't. it's one of those times where i really do suck and all i need to do is stop sucking, but apparently i can't.

three more weeks and it won't matter, right? right.

1 screamed | i am afraid


spud

:: 2007 23 November :: 2.39pm
:: Mood: nostalgic, as ever.
:: Music: Billy Mack - Christmas is all around me

"I feel it in my fingers,
I feel it in my toes,
Christmas is all around me,
and so the feeling grows

It's written in the wind,
It's everywhere I go,
So if you really love Christmas,
C'mon and let it snow

You know I love Christmas
I always will
My mind's made up
The way that I feel
There's no beginning
There'll be no end
Cuz on Christmas,
You can depend

You gave your presents to me
And I gave mine to you
I need Santa beside me
In everything I do

You know I love Christmas
I always will
My mind's made up
The way that I feel
There's no beginning
There'll be no end
Cuz on Christmas,
You can depend

Cuz on Christmas,
You can depend

It's written on the wind
It's everywhere I go
So if you really love me
C'mon and let it snow
C'mon and let it snow
So if you really love
C'mon and let it
If you really love me
C'mon and let it
Now if you really love me
C'mon and let it snow"

yup. fingers AND toes.

2 screamed | i am afraid

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