In love with a Singing Beauty

In love with a Singing Beauty

I LOVE MY SEXY ASS BOYFRIEND JOSE!!

2 I love | Gina

:: 2007 1 February :: 7.15pm
:: Mood: crushed

i feel so empty..
&& I haven't even left yet.

Gosh... my dad signed the papers to sell the house. We should be moving in about a month or so, unless I decide to live with my mom for the time being. I'm thinking long and hard about this because I really don't want to leave Alyssa. She's all I have. She's everything. She's my world & I'd be leaving it behind. How could I do that? I mean, there's this more than amazing school that I could be going to.. but really, no one I know will be there. My whole world is here. Do I really want to leave it? Part of me says yes. The other part says no. Although, I'll only be about an hour and 45 minutes away, it'll still seem like worlds apart. I mean, I don't see Alyssa rarely as it is. Imagine when I can only see her every other weekend... gosh.. =[ I don't know if I can do it again. We tried it when she left to Michigan and we didn't really make it. I don't know... I have to think.

i love Alyssa soo much.
more than anything & anyone.
forever and always.

here are some icons.
Read more..

1 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2007 29 January :: 5.27pm
:: Mood: angry

& it all begins like this...

"& so it is....
just like you said it would be."

It's been a long time & I thought I should bring my journal up to date a little bit. First off, Alyssa.

We're great. As perfect as we're ever going to be. I love her & she loves me, we're going to be one big happy family. lol Yeah, we're amazing. Except for not seeing her as much because of homeschooling & now because her parents think we hang out too much (if they only knew....). It sucks. =[ But just one more year, & we'll be away. Away from it all. We'll be together. Able to be with eachother whenever we want. =] It'll be amazing.

Next, John Mayer.

Alyssa & I went to the concert on friday. AMAZING!!! lol Aly & Eric were there as well & our seats weren't very far apart. =] coolness! I got a shirt & Dippin Dots. SCORENESS! hehe. It was an excellent concert. I still can't believe I was like.. 500 ft. or less away from John Mayer. AH!

Third, the Rodeo.

Our quartet, which consists of Lyndsay, Alyssa, myself, & Anjane, sang at the Homestead Rodeo on Sunday. Wow. In 58 years of the Rodeo, we were the first quartet. Pretty awesome. =] We didn't do as well as we should've but there were also things you have to take in account. We were outside, it was windy as hell, their PA system was not very good at all. Of course we could've been better, but we can always be better. Overall it was pretty good.

Well, that was major weekend. hehe.

Also, I'm going to be recording a harmony part on a song for this band Dissever. It's going to be pretty cool. Apparently, I might be singing with them live next week at some show.. but I'm not sure. I'll update if anything.

[ l o v e a l w a y s ]

. g i n a .

i { l o v e } alyssa
.more than the moon & sky.
forever & always
.we'll be together.

2 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2007 3 January :: 10.38pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: "Man On The Side"- John Mayer

All because of her... my life feels.. liveable..
:Sigh: this past week has been such an amazing week. Ok, Christmas was great.. but it came & went extremely fast. It's already the 3rd.. wow. The days are speeding by. Since the 30th, everything has been great. Let's start on the 30th.
Last saturday. Went shopping with Alyssa to the Falls. Bought a $40 bra at Victoria's Secret! =] A micro mini skirt & white sandals at Hollister. Awesome day. (Before I mention this, Alyssa & I broke up on the 20th. =[) Later that night, I decided that I wanted to be back with her. I missed her so much. Seriously, we've been inseperable since saturday. I haven't been this happy in sooo long. I love her so much!
New Years Eve. What an awesome day. Besides the fact that the Dolphins lost. But it was to be expected. Especially since we were up against the Colts =[. I hung out with Tiffany & Alyssa. Gees, it was so much fun. I missed hanging out with Tiffany. =[ I loved it & I hope it happens more often. I actually wanted to drink that day. Really weird since I'm completely against drinking. =\ I had a tiny bit of Hennessy but wasn't evennear tipsiness. I kissed Alyssa at exactly 12! Aww.. it was awesome. =] & Then, Tiffany, Alyssa & I had a group hug around 12. Gosh, so cool. hehe
The rest of this week I've either been staying at Alyssa's or hanging out with her and then going home. This week has been amazing. I stayed up on New Years Eve till 7 in the morning with Alyssa. Just talking. I haven't had that in so long. I missed it. =] I'm so happy I'm back with her. I'm never going to mess up again. I won't ever lie or be confused. I want to be with her forever. Really. I love her so much.

Well, I have to go... I'll write as soon as I can.

I love you Alyssa.
Always & Forever baby.
More than anything & everything.

=]

2 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 18 December :: 3.58pm
:: Mood: confused

Cannibal Girl..
Eh... I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
I mean, life isn't suppsed to hurt this much.. right?
Every damn decision I've made recently has, I feel, been wrong. =\
Alyssa came back to Homestead =] For good! So yeah, almost the entire time she's been down (About a week), we've been talking about breaking up. It's all my fault. This all happened because I'm "confused".
I love her. No confusion there. I still somewhat love Mike. Complete Confusion! I started talking to him & I shouldn't have. I don't want to hurt Alyssa anymore & I never want to lose her as my best friend. =[ She told me that we'll always be best friends and that she'd accept it if we broke up but I know it would be awkward for a while & oh gosh... I don't know. There's a big part part of me that wants to be with her so bad but then there's the part that tells me we should break up. She said she'd always be here for me & that breaking up would be easier for me... but it would still be hard because it would be hurting her. God... I don't want to hurt her anymore. I love her so much... but I've lied to her too many times although I didn't mean to. I've lost her trust. I wish she knew how much I really do love her. =[
I'm acting the same way I have in every relationship. I'm a horrible girlfriend. I think in some subconscious way, I'm afraid of commitment. Things being final. I don't know. =[ I wish I knew how I felt about everything.
Things should start getting better... I'm getting over a cold & my voice is coming back, slowly but surely. I'm also getting withdrawn from school this week because of home-schooling & then the next 2 weeks are Christmas break.

I haven't wanted to do it in a while, but I remember what it feels like to want to die.
I want to now.

"The fame & praise come
year after year
Does nothing for these empty
tears."
-Jack's Lament, Nightmare Before Christmas

Gina

2 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 5 December :: 7.55pm

woah....
This is a horrible habit.. I always seem to write when I have a bad day or something or other.
I woke up and my eyes were extremely puffy... another night of crying. I was so tired and I woke up a little late.. but oh well.

1st period: Did my work, didn't understand it.... copied Randi's paper and told her I'd make her another bracelet.. lol that did it. Anjane was supposed to get me out so we could practice for 3rd period.. but she forgot. Oh well.

Lunch/3rd period: Anjane and I try practicing our revised version of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas".. didn't work out to well. Actually, that's an understatement. It sucked. When we told Kristin we couldn't do it, she got upset and told us to sing the beginning. We sang it, it was blah. She said it was fine and they had already gotten their instruments. We said we couldn't do it again and she gave us a guilt trip. I almost started to cry because I felt bad... so we tried to practice it again all together.. it was horrible. We deff. couldn't do it. So, we're going to perform it next 3rd period. Oh well.

5th period: We sang once out of the whole period. Whatever. This whole Science FCAT thing happened... I really don't feel like writing the whole explanation. Other than that, chorus was boring. I'm so discouraged in chorus now.

After school: Didn't have to go to Drama today. Went straight home and ate some mandarin oranges and raisins. Had to go to Publix to get Cookie mix and got Hot chocolate, M&Ms, and a cookies and cream Hershey's bar. Lyndsay tells me she's going back to SD full time because she wants to go back and her health is better. My dad said that I could still do home-schooling without her though. I really hate SD now. It's getting really bad and stressing me out like crazy. I hate crying.

Well, I have to go.

I love Alyssa soooo much!!

=]

1 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 5 December :: 7.55pm

Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 23 November :: 5.13pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: "Dance Party Plus"- Head Automatica

Thanksgiving!

To begin with, Happy Thanksgiving to all. I've had a very good thanksgiving! I woke up pretty early today, around 9 something. Went to my aunt's house to feed the dogs and let them out. I'm taking care of her animals this weekend because she's out of town. I needed money and the opportunity arose, so yeah! lol. Came home, watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. That's a pretty cool parade. I wonder how much of our tax dollars go to that every year. Hmmm.... Anyway, time passed and the parade ended. Then, the beloved Dolphin game! 5-6 baby!!!! =] hehehe I'm extremely happy about that game. The final score being 27-10 and all. We whooped 'em! lol I wish I could've watched the game with Alyssa though. =[ Well, my dad had cooked a lot today and his girlfriend came over. It was really fun. We ate turkey, ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes... yummmm... lol i think my dad's girlfriend is bringing over an apple pie later on too. I actually prayed.. which is pretty funny because I'm bordering atheism. In about an hour I'm going to go back over to my aunt's to feed the dogs once more. I'm so thankful for so many people. Gees, I can't even name them all. Aly told me that she was thankful for me! yay! =] Tomorrow is the "Choral Thanksgiving" which I need to ask Alyssa about. I'm not sure if I'm going to go yet. Tiffany & I kind of started talking again. It makes me really happy because when we stopped talking, it hurt really bad. It won't ever be the same, but atleast it's something. =] Well, I'm having a pretty damn good day, so I'm going to go.

Love yaaaa!!

Hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving!

��

I love Alyssa
Always & Forever

Here are some icons =]
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1 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 18 November :: 8.10pm
:: Mood: discontent

I should be having a great day!

I should be having a fantastic day... with getting a Superior at Solo & Ensembles and all. We would've went to States, but FVA isn't having States this year for some odd reason.
I was so nervous today. I messed up on our first song very obviously because of my nerves and I thought it all went downhill from there but apparently not. Our dynamics were really good. =] I was really proud of Lyndsay though. She started learning that music on tuesday and got it. It was so awesome! hehe..
I feel like I don't do anything right. Alyssa was mad at me again... still is actually. I don't know what to do. I really wish I can prevent her from being mad at me. Anjane slept over my house last night so it would be easier for me to take her to Solo & Ensembles today. She got mad. I was out all day at Solo & Ensembles and couldn't talk. She was mad. I'm sorry. What hurt me the most though was that she knew how many times I had cried about going today and how much I cared about this day, and when I told her we got superior, she didn't even care. Well, I guess it doesn't matter much.
Then Aly & Anjane got into a big fight about gift wrapping at Barnes & Noble this year. Aly didn't call them and sign us up and Anjane was really mad.. oh well, it's sort of done & over with now. I guess I'm going to go. Alyssa's not going to talk to me for the rest of the night so I'm extremely bored. I might go to sleep.

♥

I love Alyssa

Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 17 November :: 6.11am
:: Mood: anxious

Life..
I've realized that life really does have ups and downs. There are moments when I'm the happiest I've ever been, to moments where I contemplate death. It's really early in the morning and I'm getting ready for school. Right now, of course, is not one of my happiest moments. Not only because I'm going to school, but I'm not feeling good and Solo & Ensembles are tomorrow.
Tomorrow I might be happy in the morning or completely stressed out or just nervous. I'm not sure yet. Last year when I was doing a solo, before I actually performed, I was freaking out. I was so nervous I was scared I couldn't sing. I went in and seriously sang those songs the best I had ever sang them. Right when I got home, I had the worst fever I had ever had and I couldn't get out of bed because I was so sick. All the stress had built up inside of me and released by giving me a fever, apparently. Ms. Romero, Anjane, Leslie, & Tomlin had called me with the results though and told me I was the only soloist that got a superior... that made up for it all. lol
Anyway, this year (I don't think) will be as good as last year... I might go to school late... I'll write later.

♥

I love Alyssa

Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 28 October :: 4.44pm
:: Mood: determined
:: Music: Alyssa's voice

bllahhh!
Ah... life... I don't really see what the point of it is sometimes. Everything I love has just been taken from me... My 1st year of chorus, I began to love chorus.. & Ms. Romero leaves... I actually fall in love with Alyssa & she leaves... I just hate life sometimes.....
We were so close to not being able to go to Solo & Ensembles.... I had to bring the application to John Rose's house last night at like... 11.. it was crazy... John Rose is Coral Reef's director... I feel so special that 2 choral directors were helping us out.. =] Ms. Romero & Mr. Rose are cool people! hehe...
Yeah.. but I wanted to die last night.. I was not happy... I was crying a lot & I felt cutting myself.. but I didn't thankfully... =\

Anyway... I downloaded music from Aladdin.. so yeah I think I'm going to go listen to it... lol

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I love Alyssa

3 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 22 October :: 2.46pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: "Nobody Wins"- The Veronicas

Man... apparently I suck..
I sware I must be one of the worst girlfriends of life.. right? I mean, I wasn't able to talk to Alyssa on friday (although it was our 4th month anniversary! Mind you, I was completely understanding about the whole thing.) because she was at a sleepover and then yesterday I went out (not even all night) and I get the cold shoulder because I somewhat can't talk on the phone. =\

Yesterday was pretty fun. I hung out with Anjane like I usually do on the weekends now. I went over to her house at around 1:30 yesterday and we were going to practice our solo and ensemble songs again. We really only practiced for about 20 minutes out of the entire time we were there though. lol We talked about everything most of the day. She straightened my hair and it actually turned out really good. Although my hair isn't really far from straight.. it's just a little wavy, but it looked a lot different. She did all of my makeup too.. It was fun. We called Aly but she had plans already so she couldn't hang out. We decided we wanted to go to Barnes & Noble and we had called Kristin to meet us there but she couldn't go. We had also asked Ryan but he was acting dumb and said he was going to the movies, so it was just Anjane & I. My dad actually gave me money so I was pretty excited. lol
So, we went to Barnes & Noble and we were just looking around. Anjane suggested we go across the street to Old Navy and the GAP so I was like, sure! We looked around there and I was going to buy a pair of flip-flops but decided against it. I really should've bought them, but oh well. I had my heart set on buying a book. =] We were going to go to Claire's which was around there but they were closing as soon as we got over there, so we couldn't. After that, we decided we wanted something to eat (& strangely I was craving hot chocolate) so we went to this 24/7 diner. It was around 9 p.m by this time. So yeah, we had food and talked and then got out of there. Then, we went back to Barnes & Noble because I wanted to buy a book extremely bad. lol
I had no clue what book I wanted to buy throughout this whole time in Barnes & Noble and Anjane was trying to figure out what I'd like to read. We started talking about A Series Of Unfortunate Events and I had told her I wanted to read it. We found out last night that they had finally come out with The End. It was the last book of the series and it had apparently just come out last week. Anjane was freaking out. All she kept saying was, "They made an end? Oh my gosh! They actually finished it!?" lol it was really funny. I had already seen the movie, which is based on the first 3 books and she had told me that the 4th book was extremely boring and she didn't like it. So, she told me that I should start with the 5th book since I basically know the beginning and everything. So I bought it. I actually already finished it and I bought it at like 10 something last night. I was reading it from 10 something in the morning today and finished it around 1:30 or something. lol yeah, I'm a loser.
Anyway, I've called Alyssa like 3 times today and she didn't answer any of the times, so I'm guessing either she's not home or she just doesn't want to call me back because she's mad. I think it's really pointless to be mad about something like that, but I can't change it. We really shouldn't be fighting now. Especially since we're so far away from eachother. It's bad enough that all we have is the internet and phones now. =[
Yeah, I feel like I've done a lot today. I finished a book, I cleaned my room, I'm doing all of my laundry (Not that I don't do it already!)..

Well, I have to do some other stuff... I'll write later.

.I love Alyssa.
With all of my heart & soul.

1 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 18 October :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: "The Piano Duet"- The Corpse Bride

Did I do something wrong?
It seriously feels like everytime I update this journal I'm insanely depressed. Oh well. Today started out pretty good.. I mean, I wasn't stressed out completely like I am now.. well, I'll explain.

Morning: I went to school for about 20 minutes? lol I picked Anjane & Kristin up and we went to my house. We were trying to practice this song called "Rosin Eating Zombies From Outer Space". Kristin wrote me notes and lyrics to it, while she and Anjane play seperate violin parts. It's crazy! I have to sing 2 D's above middle C (I know everyone reading this is probably like, what the hell is that?)!!! If you don't know, that is EXTREMELY high!! & even that is an understatement. It was hard because I hadn't really practiced the night before.. so yeah. Well, Kaila called Kristin at around 10 and we decided to go to Denny's. We had fun. We shared stories. Well, they did while I listened. lol. When we got done there it was about 11 something and we all had decided to go to school. Blah!

School: We got to school at around 11:30. No one was around the auditorium or music department so we got away with not getting late passes. Well, Kaila and Kristin had already decided to get passes but Anjane & I stayed in the chorus room. The other girls met up with us in the chorus room about 20 min. later. Mr. Navarro, surprisingly, was ok with us staying in there. I was shocked. lol. We're all doing the "Zombie" song (Kaila plays Cello) for our English class because in the lyrics, Kristin put in our vocab. words. We would've practiced but I hadn't brought my music, so they just played basically the whole time while I listened. At the very end Anjane & I sang. I was supposed to go during what was supposed to be my 2nd per. to get Ms. Perez to sign my Office Aide paper, but I didn't. So great, I might be getting a F3F in my teacher's aide block because today was the last day to turn in our papers. =[

After school: I was freaking out about the teacher's aide paper so I went to Ms. Perez's class and tried to get her to sign it. She wasn't there. Typical. So, I went to the Drama club meeting. I was freaking out there and almost crying & Brienna was trying to calm me down. Bryan attempted too.. he's funny! He does a really good gay impression! lol. I stayed there till about 3. I got the script for the play we're doing and I have to memorize my lines by Nov. 5. I only have 16 lines... so I should be ok. We actually acted some of it out. It was pretty cool! Then, when I was leaving, Bryan was like "Hold on. I need to talk to you about the play." (He's the director) We walked outside and I thought he was going to say I did bad or something but on the contrary he was like "Man, I didn't know you could act! You did really good!" lol It was funny. I was like, "Well, thank you!". Oh, and there was a guy (he was in Drama) outside who was talking to his mom on the phone and he was like "Bryan, Stop flirting!" & Bryan was like "I'm not." & the guy kept insisting he was and I just screamed to him, "I have a girlfriend!" & the guy was like, "WHAT!?" lol. People have the funniest reactions whenever I say that statement. It's kind of ironic that 4 words can effect someone so much. Yeah, then I was almost running to my truck because I had to pick up my cousin. On my way there, I called my dad because he had called me during my meeting. I asked him if we were going to look at that truck that I might buy and he said yeah. Then he started telling me that I should have a job because he's not going to pay for the truck and all this stuff. I was already stressing out about the paper I hadn't turned in and stuff and I was almost crying. It's all ok right now and I'm praying I can turn it in early tomorrow morning... oh well... yeah anyway... I was crying before I picked up my cousin and after. I cried more at home. It's killing me not being with Alyssa. I could handle so much when she was here but now it seems like it's piling on and I can't stop it. It's horrible. well, I have to go... I'll write later.

I love Alyssa

1 I love | Gina

imaqinary

:: 2006 15 October :: 6.38pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: Dolphins game on t.v

High Hopes... Too high?
Are my hopes too high in life?
I would really like to know the answer to that question... I mean.. The least of my hopes is wanting the Dolphins to win. I want to go to Juilliard, the best performing arts school in the U.S. I'm hoping we move really soon. I'm hoping that Alyssa and I are together forever.
Is it all too much to be hoping for?
My dreams are really big... are they too big?
I'm dreaming to be a Broadway singer. I dream of Alyssa and I getting through all of this.
Broadway? Is it too much to dream for? Too high? 1500 miles... is that too much distance for a relationship? I have my days where I think nothing is too big or too high for me, but then, like always, there are the negative days. The days where I don't believe I sing good enough, don't believe I'm a good enough girlfriend. I don't know anymore. I try so hard at everything I do, but maybe it's not hard enough.
I want to be the perfect daughter, the perfect teenager in general. I want to be the perfect singer, the perfect actress, the perfect dancer. But most importantly, I want to be the perfect friend and girlfriend.
Alyssa means everything to me. I want to be everything she wants, but I can't. It's really hard. I hang out with Anjane & Aly to take my mind off of being sad but I end up sad anyway because Alyssa gets mad at me. I try though. Really, I try. Of course I'm going to make mistakes, although I hate the fact that I do. I really wish I was perfect. Then I wouldn't get into fights with anyone, I wouldn't be criticized. Everyone would like me and no one would be mean to me. It would be amazing. I could do no wrong. Then, & only then, I could be everything and then some that Alyssa wants.
But, I can't. I can't be as perfect as I dream to be. I'm sorry for that. I can't look as perfect as I want. I can't act as perfect, sing as perfect. I can't always say the right thing. I'm sorry.

Enough with my philosophical rant though. Two months until I can see her beautiful face in person again. I miss it so much. Being able to hold her and kiss her, whenever I wanted almost. It seems like she's been mad at me a lot. I don't really know what I do, but I guess that's where the "not being perfect" thing comes into play. There are going to be plenty of things I do wrong. I'm sorry in advance. I wish I was perfect but I can only change myself so much, & even then I still wouldn't be perfect.

I love you so much baby & I want to be with you forever. Really.

♥

2 I love | Gina