hehe i got a journal thingymabobber! this is my very first entry..(lets have a party lol). well bsides my *personal* entry that natalini was kind enuf to sho me how to do.. that was the high point of my day.. i didnt get to vacuum so it wasnt too eventful .. *sigh*.. lol natalini.. cleaning a room is one big process.. and im not gonan overwhelm myself all in one day.. k well im bored as fuk so im gonna go n find somethin to do!

em
why do guys have to b so confusing.. i mean i love emy beyond what anyone could imagine but i dont understand him one bit.. he claims that he really loves me yet he never tries 2 see me.. never calls.. half the time i talk to him online hes trying to leave.. id die to see him, even just hear his voice, its only been 3 days since i last saw him and i miss him like crazy but i try and mention that i wanna do somethin n he doesnt even acknowledge it. and everytime i mean to get offline i never can cause i just love talkn to him so much. i love hearin his voice but now i hesitate 2 call him cause lately at times it seems as if hes not too thrilled to have me in his life even tho deep downi know he loves me.. i mean we were talkin bout how awesome itd be to live across the street from eachother and we could always do stuff n shit.. n i dont think he realizes that its not the distance, that doesnt even havta be an issue its the fact that we never try.. i duno i might not try to hard but to me it seems that mosta the time its him tho,and now im always afraid to ask him if he wants to do somthin cause i always do n he doesnt say nething, and now im just scared 2 ask.. i dont know why.. hes supposed 2 be my best friend this stuffs supposed ta be easy.. i always used to be able to talk to him bout everything goin on in my life and sometimes now i feel like he really doesnt care.. like i dont remember the last time he just asked me what was up.. or whats new with me.. or asked me how i was doin.. and not just ask and expect to hear not too much howbout u but actually listen for an answer.. i love him so much but i dont know sometimes it doesnt feel like he loves me back.. even tho he tells me he does n he means it. i mean things arent too hot with some of my other friends but hes the only one i really care about changing.. he means so much to me.. and i began to realize that i dont even know like simple stuff bout him.. i mean i know he wants to be withme and eventually get married but i dont know what he wants to do with his life, like he tries so hard to have good grades but whats it all for? we used to talk about everything and now it seems as if we dont talk about anything anymore.. i guess im just havin an off day but i really wish i understood more the way he thinks and what goes thru his head.. and i wish i could make him understand how i feel. when im with him in his arms nothing in the world could make me any happier, i just feel so, complete, and when im not with him, not in his arms, i feel like a part of me is missing, and i hate it, cause i know that if we both tried a little harder it wouldnt have to be like that, and i could see him every week!i just wish he could see that, show me that he cares, and i duno maybe do somethin bout it.