::
2012 16 June :: 5.27am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Turning Pages-Sleeping At Last
I've waited a hundred years. but I'd wait a million more for you. nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do.
if I had only felt the warmth within your touch, if I had only seen how you smile when you blush, or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough, I would have known what i was living for all along. what I've been living for.
your love is my turning page, where only the sweetest words remain. every kiss is a cursive line, every touch is a redefining phrase.
I surrender who I've been for who you are, for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart. if I had only felt how it feels to be yours, well, I would have known what I've been living for all along. what I've been living for.
though we're tethered to the story we must tell, when i saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well. with a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas. like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.
After going through postpartum on my own I finally believed it was over, but the whole getting pregnant again I think just thrust me back into it. The feeling isn't as bad as it once was but I have my days. Today is one of those days. I had a wonderful morning and afternoon but as soon as 3:00 hit I just was stressed and overwhelmed and couldn't control my feelings anymore. I ended up going into my room and shutting myself off until Thaddeus had to go to work, and of course he left thinking that I was upset that I couldn't find the sundress at the store that I saw online that I fell in love with. Please. I just feel so.... unhappy right now. I want someone around but alas all my friends are gone. Gone with the coming of a baby. Its funny to think everyone would still be there after having a baby, like you were there for them and then they just don't have the time for you or care for you anymore. Sad to think about. Especially how many of my friends left after having her. Oh well. I have Hillary and our Wednesdays that I live for lately. That and Sunday night so I can watch the new episode of American Gypsy. I love that show.
So I just ordered pizza because no car means no going out and getting groceries, which really sucks because I would love to cook right now but I'll have to settle for breadsticks and a personal pan.
I neeeed a change. In something. I've been changing myself and I'm happy for the most part its just not enough. I think the best change would be another car but we can't afford another payment and insurance note. Blah. The joys of a stay at home mom.
Lifes crazy. My daughter is almost 6months old, I'm almost halfway through my second pregnancy and by baby brother is off to college in a couple months. I used to hate change but now I'm beginning to embrace it.
I have all that I ever asked for. A close family, my own family. With the man of my dreams. Although I had always thought I'd want to work while having kids I realize now that its way more important to me to stay home with my babies and watch them grow up. Make sure I do everything in my power to let them know that they're loved and make sure they are raised to be productive God fearing members of society. That is my job now. The hardest job I've ever done in my life.
Thaddeus does an amazing job supporting our family but in doing so I'm left with many sleepless nights and met with aggravation in the morning because though he may work a 12 hour nightshift I have a 24hour job with no break.
Time has done well for me.
Now I'm working on myself. I've been changing my eating habits, doing a little more for myself, a little more for my husband, and love it. One day I may even get back down to the size I was when I met Thaddeus which I would really like.
I have a notion, a feeling that something big is about to happen, something is going to change and something is going to come to fruitition out of nowhere.
