I don't hold my breath, and I don't hold my tongue.

:: 2010 6 July :: 10.00pm

Kinda want a mullet mobile, don't have money for it right now.

4 comments | [x]

skife

:: 2010 6 July :: 2.02pm

things are more different than they have ever been before, i'm scared out of my mind.

1 comment | [x]

:: 2010 6 July :: 1.42am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Goo Goo Dolls

You wait, wanting this world
To let you in
And you stand there
A frozen light
In dark and empty streets
You smile hiding behind
A God-given face
But I know you're so much more
Everything they ignore
Is all that I need to see

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

I wish
Wishing for you to find your way
And I'll hold on for all you need
That's all we need to say
I'll take my chances while
You take your time with
This game you play
But I can't control your soul
You need to let me know
You leaving or you gonna stay

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to do without
The only way to feel again
Is let love in

There's nothing we can do about
The things we have to live without
The only way to see again
Is let love in

You're the only one I ever believed in
The answer that could never be found
The moment you decided to let love in
Now I'm banging on the door of an angel
The end of fear is where we begin
The moment we decided to let love in

:: 2010 1 July :: 2.19pm
:: Mood: content

Is employed!

xjayk

:: 2010 23 June :: 9.03pm

So I planned to quit.
I really did
I sat down and wrote out what I'd say to my boss to make things less awkward and leave on a good note.

So when she takes me outside to talk she tells me she's wanted to
talk to me for some time.

.....oh shit

Now that she's promoted me things are a little better. But lately I'm just agrivated for no apparent reason

Perhaps no time to myself

...no time with my husband?

Who knows.

Lately I feel like I can't do anything right. Everytime I go to do something I screw it up.
And I mean EVERY time.

I'm sooo tired.
But the day isn't done
and the work is never done

.....well

this was a truely awe inspiring journel entry I'll have to mark this one down

spud

:: 2010 21 June :: 5.19pm

the entire time i have a woman, i'm bitching about her. (okay not really, but sometimes)

the minute i'm alone, i want one.

oh, the paradox that is me.

i suppose i'd have to stop hanging out with old people all the time to actually meet someone my age. but where's the fun in that?

4 comments | [x]

:: 2010 20 June :: 7.03pm

Today= Moving Day.

skife

:: 2010 18 June :: 10.57am

i actually like getting up these days.

i get up, get around, go to work, enjoy what i do. i get to hang out with cool people at work, i have an awesome girlfriend. great friends.

this is my bfffy's birthweek so we get to celeberate. fuck yes!

i'm going to buy a motorcycle soon and sell the chevy, its a 60 mile round trip drive to work, gas is expensive in a jeep that only gets 16mpg

2 comments | [x]

:: 2010 12 June :: 3.42am

Who you are can be better.

:: 2010 20 May :: 6.37pm

Knowing how fragile mortality is and then if not completely disregarding it.

rayray

:: 2010 19 May :: 1.58pm
:: Music: Life After You - Daughtry

I used to think that I was going to be one of those people that lived alone with 50 million cats and grew old by myself.
Apparently, someone else had a different plan for me.
I never imagined myself being pregnant. Always swore it off and said it wasn't going to happen.
And no, I am not that girl that says "OMG! How did this happen?"
But something about being pregnant has changed me, other than the obvious things.
My outlook on life hasn't really changed, yet.
I still think the world is cruel, people are selfish, and I am more scared to raise a child in this world than I am to live the rest of my life in it.

I had to work my way up to taking a pregnancy test.
I was scared for the result, I had my hopes up for both possible answers.
Part of me knew what the test was going to say, but a piece of me doubted it.
Then for the next few weeks, it didn't seem real to me at all.
The only thing different in my life, was that I hadn't had a period and I didn't crave mountain dew.
At my 11 week appointment, the situation changed. I heard the heartbeat for the first time, and my hear grew a million sizes.
I knew it was real, but it still didn't feel real.
Since then, I have had cravings, ripped the ass out of my favorite jeans, cried an immense amount of tears about my pants not fitting, and grown out of all of my bra's in a weeks time.
I am becoming more annoyed with people, and have been having dreams that make it seem like I am smoking crack before I go to bed.

I had my 15 week appointment today.
I heard the heartbeat again, had blood drawn to test the baby for certain things, and scheduled my ultrasound.
Now things are becoming even more real.

I cannot wait to meet this little nugget.
I joke about my fears of ginormous ears, and reddish hair.
Now my BIGGEST fears are, that my child will hate me, be as shallow, selfish, emotional, and messed up as me.
I HOPE that my child is as athletic as his/her dad, as smart/funny as me, but knows that it has a HUGE family from both sides that will love him/her unconditionally no matter what.

I know I can't be a perfect parent, but I just want to be a good one.
I want my kid to understand that it's not always what you have in life that counts.

:: 2010 19 May :: 12.24am

We are now settled into the new house. It's not as bad as I thought it was going to be, especially because I ended the relationship with RJ. He was a great guy, but it wasn't going to work out for a few reasons, so I cut it short. But, had my 18th birthday Monday, it was a pretty good day. Had Mike and Jenny over for dinner, then went out after that. Got dry humped by Neilee, Highlight of my night. HaHa. But, gonna go. Bye.

spud

:: 2010 18 May :: 11.24am

wtf, mate

been feeling really weird and detached the past couple of days. not sure why. been more sober than usual (though still not completely) so maybe that's part of it. also, my dear seester is gonna be sixteen in a couple days. makes me feel fucking old.

also also, still no job. sucks ducks, man. need a job. handyman scheduled me for like 2 hours on friday this week. awesome. there's 10 dollars that i'll see in two weeks. fucking bullshit.

just not feeling very enthused about much of anything in general. would like to be excited about something - anything - soon, very soon.

4 comments | [x]

:: 2010 13 May :: 9.51am

He's Captain America, not Captain Government.

7 comments | [x]