For the first time in a week, I am home. A lot has happened in the last week. Actually a lot has happened since I've been home from Ohio. Saturday night was the start of a lot of it. I went to see my mom. I wanted to see her. I enjoyed my time there. We had fun. Like the old times. We drank together, and I got drunk. I felt trapped. Like I couldn't express how I felt about anything. I needed an escape. So I called Mike and asked him if he could pick me up if I started drinking. In a round about way I guess I was asking permission. Why I felt I had to ask him if I could, I don't know. I do what I want, and he does what he wants. He told me that if I wanted him to come get me, that he would. So about eleven o'clock, I get sick of drinking and being at my moms because all I am doing is whining about Brian and listening to a CD that I made of songs that remind me of him and I call Mike to come get me. He tells me that he is on his way and will be there shortly. An hour goes by and he's still not there, not to mention I continued to drink as I waited for him. So I start playing Euchure with my mom, my cousin scott and his wife. I'm drinking more and getting drunker as time goes by. Still waiting for him at 2 AM, as I am balling my eyes out because it had just hit me that last monday the 21st, I forgot about my grandpa passing away four years ago on that day. Being that I was intoxicated, it was so easy to cry. So easy, I couldn't stop. By 4 AM, when I am on my way to Mikes because my cousin drove me, I was still crying. When I got to Mike's I was finally done crying. I was just pissed off at this point. I walk into his house expecting him to be there awake watching a movie, and I can just start my drunken rant. But no, I walk in the door to see his daughter sitting there with his head in her lap because he's asleep. So I start crying more because I figured his daughter was gone and he didn't show up because of something stupid. I wake up Sunday morning to hear him tell me why he didn't show. Reasonable explaination: He took his daughter home and no one was there so he took her back to his place to wait for her to fall asleep so that she wasn't awake with a bunch of drunks and he fell asleep waiting for her to fall asleep. However, he didn't call. I was a little mean to him throughout the day sunday, but he drove me to Belding to get my car. I had only slept for 4 hours. And it was drunken sleep so it wasn't that good. So sunday night at work I was dead. Monday wasn't so bad, I went to dinner with my dad and my car was being a whore and started acting funny again. Last night was the start of another shitty day. Mike's car wouldn't start so we were going to use my car to give him a jump. Well my hood wouldn't open so I'm pulling the handle to open it, and it comes off. Apparently I am stronger than I thought or Mike loosened it. Then I think he's mad at me so I'm freaking out at work. I ran Holly's foot over with a hand cart. But that actually made my night better because I hate that stupid fucking cunt. She complained the whole night, like I had done it on purpose. So I got cocky and was like if I had done it on purpose it would hurt a hell of a lot more, and if you really want something to cry about, I can give you something to cry about. Then my boyfriend shows up to work to punch out there instead of fairplains and doesn't say one word to me. He said more to his EX-GIRLFRIEND, than he did me. So I call him as I'm cleaning my car off and he says that he's not mad at me. That he misses me and wishes that I didn't have to go to lunch with my mom today and be at my house.

Crying isn't a bad alternative at the moment. But sleep would be better..

will you love or hate