::
2005 19 March :: 9.13am
:: Mood: high
:: Music: Keane-Somewhere Only We Know
goodbye
I was never really able to translate my feelings into words.. All my life I've suppressed my feelings and protected myself from the world full of rejection.. Like my sign-- Cancer the crab.. a person who crawls inside their shell; I never let anyone get too close. My true self rarely ever exposed. Using drugs as a way of putting life on hold.. always caught up in my own twisted thoughts. No one really knows anyone.. you can't trust people, there's so much that every individual doesn't show.. Don't be scared of getting hurt. Don't ever hold back.
I've thought about it.. and I decided you only live once. The past does not predict the future.. Live everyday as if it were your last-- because someday..that will be the case. You need to have fun in your life, make memories you'll want to remember..don't sulk in just one situation. Trust your instincts and follow your heart ..never forget that.
....
well i havent updated in a little bit i guess. nothing much has happened really...
its like we just got off of feb. vacation and i already cant wait for april...lol w/e
im confused about everything...the time since i have moved has gone by so fast...i want everything to be the same again. i hope i can be really happy again soon, rite now im just in this middle areatrying to move on. idk
i dont make any sense.
i lost 5 pounds so far, i guess im happy about that, cuz ive really never lost weight before, as sad as that is.
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2005 18 March :: 9.52am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: since you've been gone x kelly clarkson
:\
well.. yesterday i went to school.. and it was a half day..woohuu lol.. and then i wanted to go to framinham with TRACI but noone could drive us.. so i just went home and took a nap.. then.. at drivers ed the hot kidd who always talks to me wasnt there so i had a boring night.. except the fact that i talked to T-Dawg on my break, and in ther middle of class lol! ya so it guess it wasnt that bad..
well yesterday was sait patricks day.. and depressingly i didnt get drunk
ya so today im not in school again becasue i have a doctors appointment to see whats going on ..
im a bit nervous .. but i guess i'll be fine so thats all that matters.. i just hope i dont have to switch medicines.. becase this noe works so well..
i dont understand how i can just melt completely.. after all the shit.. i just dont even care i just.. need it.. i dont even care about the consequences i dont care what i really want i need this.. and idk what im gonna do cuz im so weak to it.. i love it.. ahh
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2005 17 March :: 6.13am
:: Music: think about it - A.O.T. ft. ME!
so.. things have been pretty sucky.. i mean im getting closer to new friends but i feel like i barely see my other friends and i miss them.. i dont want to lose how things were before...
i recorded a song with cj matty and hakeem and i love it, it makes me so happy that people like it so many ppl have come up to me in the hallways like "I LOVE YOUR SONG" lol and im glad :-) a week until i leave for las vegas... damn im scared..
well its way early and im so tired ill write more later
Sometimes all I really want to feel is love
Sometimes I'm angry that I feel so angry
Sometimes my feelings get in the way
Of what I really feel I needed to say
If you stand in a circle
Then you'll all have a back to bite
Back logged voices on the 7 wonders
We're all so funny but he's lost his joke now
A communication from the one lined joke
A stand up comic and a rock musician
Making so much noise you don't know when to listen Why are you judging people so damn hard
You're taking your point of views a bit too far
I made my shoes shine with my coal
But my polish didn't shine the hole Think it over
There's the air of the height of the highrollers
Think it over
You aint got nothing till ya know her
hospitals suck..
well last night i went to the hospital.. till like 2 am, becasue i was having a reaction to my prozac.. well not really a reaction.. it just wouldnt let part of my brain fully function.. ya it was kinda scary becasue it was causing my right eye to go blury.. i gott maddd dizzy.. and i felt like there was fire flowing through my veins and it really sucked.. so now since i CANT go off my prozac i have to go to the neurologist to get onto ANOTHER medicine :/ .. thats fucking 3 medications.. this is rediiculous! i hate this shit.. now since we were there so late i cant go to school.. but im not tired because i guess im Over tired!
"I dream of you when I'm asleep, you even appear when I'm awake daydreaming. There is no escaping you. I just wish it was true."
its sad how its never ever going ot happen :(
i guess i just have ot get over it..
X x X x X x X x X x X x X
well i had a fun weekend.. i stayed at TRACI ANNE's the entire weekend! i had fun with her bacasue shes the only one i know i cna trust and for that i truly owe my life..
I'm coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go
I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside
I’m coming out of my cage
And I’ve been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss
Now I’m falling asleep
And she’s calling a cab
While he’s having a smoke
And she’s taking a drag
Now they’re going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it’s all in my head
But she’s touching his—chest
Now, he takes off her dress
Now, let me go
Cause I just can’t look its killing me
And taking control
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea
Swimming through sick lullabies
Choking on your alibis
But it’s just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
‘Cause I’m Mr Brightside
I never...
I never...
I never...
random found this shong and i fell in love with it....
::
2005 13 March :: 10.42am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: amerie: its this one thing
yesterday
well... yesterday i went to the mall with michelle... it was fun lol. we basically just ate, and bought a few shirts and stuff. and a weird salesperson asked me what was in my bag when we were walking thry the mall and asked if he could have it...? lol weird people.
well idk thats about it...school is still no fun...
::
2005 11 March :: 10.42pm
:: Mood: ecstatic
:: Music: la lal la la la nikkie tryin to sing =)
TRACIIIIII !!!
alright so this is the one and only TRACI !!! hellz yea well today me and nikkie went to school and then i went to drivers ed and then at 5 we went to the mall with Christy and Ashley =) it was MMMMazing. Jimmy went to the movies with us but then he left =/ so we're gunan go call him and see if he wants to come to my house (traci's) right now ..
I LOVE NICOLE JULIE ALLEN MORE THEN ANYONE IN THE WORLD AND I WILL FUCK U UP IF YOU DARE TO THINK OTHERWISE =)
You tend to stick with relationships - through the good and the bad.
You are a great listener and tend to give valuable advice.
Cautious and careful, you never jump in recklessly... saving yourself from heartbreak.
Your negative traits:
Money is very important to you, so much so that it's a cause of arguments in relationships.
If your lover isn't loyal or attentive enough to you, your eyes start to wander...
You tend to keep things inside - so your partner may not know when or why you're upset.
Your ideal partner:
Is stable, serious, and ready to be committed to you.
Is successful and able to provide you with the lifestyle you crave.
A true romantic, who is willing to express their desire for your heart.
Your dating style:
Comfortable and traditional. You'd love to have a nice meal at a cozy restaurant.
Your seduction style:
Love comes first for you before you'd even think of intimacy.
Traditional: you're not a cold fish - but you're not into kink either.
Pleasing... you always make sure that your partner is having a good time.
Tips for the future:
Be willing to change your mind. Who you think is the love of your life may be very wrong for you.
Try listening to your mate. While your stubborn streak is hard to break, sometimes your partner knows best.
Ligthen up! The first months of a relationship should be about fun, not intentions.
Best place to meet someone online:
American Singles - peek in on how much potential dates make, and what they do for a living.
::
2005 10 March :: 5.59pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: grrr
angry
ya so today i talked with ms navarro and she asked me what was up with virginia and me.. well for everyone who aperenly likes to make shit up and thalk alot heres whats happening..
so a few weeks ago virginias mom sed she couldnt hang out with me anymore.. so she stopped.. and when that happened she stopped talking to me as much and all that fun stuff.. ok so even now when i see her, if shes the only one around she'll talk to me.. but if other poeple are around she'll ignore me.. and i dont think i deserve to be treated like that.. also when she comes to "visit" me with amanda and brttany.. that hurts me bacasue it shows me that she can have other friends.. just not me.. so whatever.. obviously she never really wanted to be my friend, and im definatly done losing sleep over it becasue through all o this i realized how lost i was without my one TRUE best friend.. there was so much that i even kept from virginia when we were at our tightiest, that i just couldnt bring myself to tell her.. but they were things that traci already knew..
so this journal entry i about how me and virginia arent friends.. but its mostly about how Traci is such a good friend.. honestly i think i would have killed my self by now if i dint have her here to talk to..
ohh ya .. so.. to whoever is spreading shit and goes and says "ohh ya nikkie took virginia out of her profile" and all that shit.. well fuck you cuz heres why!!
wow i had a WICKED bad day today :( it sucked.. this didnt make it much better besides the fact that i know im gunna talk to traci in a little while.. then i KNOW she'll make me laugh!