The Only Broken-Hearted Loser You'll Ever Need

2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

:: 2005 9 March :: 6.07pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: none..

blah
well right now im reading tuesdays with murrie.. its really good.. katie and a bunch of other people told me to read it.. so i bought it today, and im like almost done! its really sad though..

"love is the only rational act"

<3 Nik <3

3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

:: 2005 8 March :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: american idol

im bored
well right now im watching american idol and praying for a snow day tomorrow! i want to go tanning with my tracii babyy! :) lol i went to the mall with her today but we didnt find jobs like we had planned! whatever we still had fun! i love that girl! lol ya so now im watching american idol

COMMENT PLEASE!

tell me you love me.. tell me im yours..<\3

-Nik

:: 2005 8 March :: 8.13pm

oops

:: 2005 8 March :: 8.12pm
:: Mood: sick

this makes me so happy!!

:: 2005 7 March :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: sad

"why does the lonely bird follow? and why does the happy bird lead? why does the sky reflect beauty and freedom why do these oceans reflect hate. why does the sun set each day farther away making for a pain we'll regret. why does life keep on going, without regards to me, or people i havent met. why am i destined to feel, like im destined for nothing at all? and why does god let us climb up so high if hes going to let us fall? why does this earth continue turning, and why wont my heart cease to beat? why does the wind keep howling why do we sweat when in heat? why do my eyes slowly follow, your shadow as you enter a room? why am i forced to be different? why am i forced to be doomed. why is this fate all around me? its in me its in you its in hate.. why does it move like a sun beam, with no need to hesiatate. why does my heart reak of depression? and why doesnt the world overflow with tears? after all of this sadness, id figure itd happen over the years. too many people feel sadness, too many children know pain. too much has gone left unspoken.. too much is lost along the way. weve lost so much in translation. theres no hope in ever turning back.. weve stopped at this time lost here in space.. evolution is now what we lack.. why have we begun to regress, and fall further behind in lifes plan? why do the trees grow, the moon shine, the child wish? and why arent you with me today? why do we bleed when were broken? why am i kicked when im down. why can we be sad when we smile? but never happy when we frown? why does the world strive to be fake? why cant we just show whats real? in a world where bigger is better, why is it that we all must conceal? why do my words hit your earlobes so lightly, but your heart and head so strong? because these questions burn in your brain, in this time, in this world, and they have for so long.. your conscience will follow, but why will it never speak? never tell you what to do, what to say what to think, but make you feel bad at the choices you make, and the risks that you take. why does the heart know only one beat, and blue bird sing only one song? the people around you protect you.. and keep walking beside you on this web of life..until finally youve turned wrong.." by Amanda Maltz... my hero and the love of my life

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 7 March :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: sixteen candles. (on tv)

blahh
im actually updating twice in one day. idk why...im just really bored.

i hate school.

i miss my old life.

thats all i guess...

:-/

:: 2005 7 March :: 6.19pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: none

madd bored so...

Your Porn Star Name is: Sindee Slickbooty

Get your own Porn Star Name

Your Stripper Name is: Mocha

Get your own Stripper Name

hahah im a loser right? i konw lmao

-Nik

1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

silentcriez

:: 2005 7 March :: 5.46pm

I NEED SEX IM HAVING WITHDRAWLS!!

its like nothing else in the world matters to you.. no problems nobody else just you your heartbeat and the one your embracing.. its like the world is falling down around you and you dont seem to care. nothing is as important as that satisfying moment which continues for hours if lucky.. its like in that moment your wrapped in all the love, all the want, all the lust in the world.. for that split second your in love.. ofr that split second your happy.. and then as quickly as it came.. your back where you began..

read me

"why does the lonely bird follow? and why does the happy bird lead? why does the sky reflect beauty and freedom why do these oceans reflect hate. why does the sun set each day farther away making for a pain we'll regret. why does life keep on going, without regards to me, or people i havent met. why am i destined to feel, like im destined for nothing at all? and why does god let us climb up so high if hes going to let us fall? why does this earth continue turning, and why wont my heart cease to beat? why does the wind keep howling why do we sweat when in heat? why do my eyes slowly follow, your shadow as you enter a room? why am i forced to be different? why am i forced to be doomed. why is this fate all around me? its in me its in you its in hate.. why does it move like a sun beam, with no need to hesiatate. why does my heart reak of depression? and why doesnt the world overflow with tears? after all of this sadness, id figure itd happen over the years. too many people feel sadness, too many children know pain. too much has gone left unspoken.. too much is lost along the way. weve lost so much in translation. theres no hope in ever turning back.. weve stopped at this time lost here in space.. evolution is now what we lack.. why have we begun to regress, and fall further behind in lifes plan? why do the trees grow, the moon shine, the child wish? and why arent you with me today? why do we bleed when were broken? why am i kicked when im down. why can we be sad when we smile? but never happy when we frown? why does the world strive to be fake? why cant we just show whats real? in a world where bigger is better, why is it that we all must conceal? why do my words hit your earlobes so lightly, but your heart and head so strong? because these questions burn in your brain, in this time, in this world, and they have for so long.. your conscience will follow, but why will it never speak? never tell you what to do, what to say what to think, but make you feel bad at the choices you make, and the risks that you take. why does the heart know only one beat, and blue bird sing only one song? the people around you protect you.. and keep walking beside you on this web of life..until finally youve turned wrong.."

i need you here with me
wont you stay next to me
ill love you endlessly
tonight... ill take you for a ride

wont you come lay with me
ill give you everything
ill be your slave tonight...
ill take you for a ride

(chorus)
its like these warning signs around me
Cant be seen when im with you
like all that surrounds me
suddenly they hide behind you

im blind and maybe im stupid
ill let the whole world see
i just cant stand to be lonely..
i just cant stand to be me

i need to see you face
brown eyes so calm and collected
ill love you endlessly
i'll take you for a ride..

(chorus)

beat me
hide me
hold me
take me
rape me
save me
its on tonight

wont you just stop your games?
im sick of hearing names
of all the other girls
your getting with tonight

wont you just stop and see
all the happiness our life could bring
id love you endlessly
ill be your slave tonight..

(chorus)

--

silver and gold
it never
gets old
im trying
to grow
to go
to places you wont go

walk alone
and come up behind me
im all that you can see
walk faster
breathing louder
and you know that you can have me if you want

(chorus)
im not your average girl
im never gonna let you down
im not the girls you been with before
ill never let you down

black and blue
im falling into you
im dancing on the edge
the silence in my head
is mocking all my tones
its making me feel old
and cry all night in bed

run again
and your right behind me
stepping on the heals of my shoes
you need me just as bad as i need you
but you can have me any time you please

(chorus)

the heat is up
im sweating profusely
our bodies
collide
in teh night
all i want
is to feel right

in love
in hate
in life
its too late
ill come
ill wait
for your love
wont hesitate
all i need
is a kiss
all i need
is this fake bliss...

xoxchubbyxox

:: 2005 7 March :: 2.54pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: lovers and friends

fun vacation
well i spent the first part of my vacation in vermont and then NH skiing nd the like... then i went to NATICK woohoo! lol it was very fun! i stayed with nikkie from wednesday night to saturday morning. i went to school on thursday which was awesome and then ate at georges and hung around julies! then we came home and ate georges pizza again.

then on friday we went out to ac moore and sears and i painted tinkerbell on nikkies wall and a karate person on melissas. we went shopping at the natick mall wihich i missed verymuch and ate haagen daz. lol

then on friday nite i saw cursed which sucked but whatever and then we went back to julies and hung around. me and nikkie stayed up til 2 talking while julie fell asleep like she ususally does lol.

anyway it was the most fun ive had in a LONG time. i cant wait to see u guys again!

-darien

1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

silentcriez

:: 2005 6 March :: 9.27am

well last night was fucked lizzy was driving dereks car around memorial and its just our luck that a cop came and stopped us and took all of our information. and on top of that the cop was dan brogans dad!! ahh!! the officer came to the window and asked me what was under my jacket (cuz i had it over my legs) and if i was naked!! wtf? hopefully nothing bad happens to lizzy or derek :-[

hum. well im bored and i need to do somethingggggggggggg

im so stressed out i need to get high, get laid and get money..

1 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

:: 2005 6 March :: 12.16am
:: Mood: scared
:: Music: none

fuck!!

tonight was horrable!!! so me and Manda, Derek, and Tim went to burgerking and smart us hey lets go to Memorial or however u spell it and let Lizzy drive.... bad idea.. makeign a logn story short the cops showed up and i got booked... and a nice safe ride home fromt he cops...can't want to find out if im goin to court... :-/ no good:-(

3 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: | ::I::Saw::Red::

:: 2005 5 March :: 7.02pm

name: Nicole
nicknames: nikkie, nik
birthday:: october 20
location:: Natick
sex:: female
hair color:: some say blonde, most say red, and i say strawberry brown
eyes:: hazle
siblings and age:: melissa-12 dj-18
pets:: domino
job:: im looking
zodiac sign:: libra
school:: Natick High

FAVORITES
color:: pink, lime
number3
letter:: k
song:: gretchen wilson.. its 5 o'clock somewhere.. basically anything on 99.5.. im a hick
movie:: the notebook
animal:: doggy
food:: french fries
pepsi or coke?:: both
candy:: twislers
day of the week:: friday .
month:: october and july
store::kohls and aeropostale
icecream:: stawberry
sport:: CHEERLEADING
subject in school:: algebra
holiday:: birthday
fruit:: peaches
veggie:: celery, grean beans
salt / pepper:: pepper
season:: summer

OPPOSITE SEX
do you have a b/f or a g/f:: no :(
if so who::
do you have a crush:: yes
of so who:: not telling
what do you first notice about the opposite sex:: teeth
biggest turn off:: assholes who are controling
biggest turn on: a guy who thinks about things other than sex.. but with the sex part too (that makes no sense but i understand it)
what is your dream date:: umm anything that i get to laugh and not be bored

HAVE U EVER
been on a plane:: yes
been out of the country:: yeah
drank:: haha YES
smoked:: uhh huh
been in love:: i dont believe in love.. its all lust
been afraid:: who hasnt
broken a bone:: yea ouchhh
driven a car:: i got my permit bitches
skipped school:: honestly.. yesterday i did
met a celeberty:: kimberley locke
written poetry:: only for school

CHOOSE BETWEEN
christina or britney:: britney
coke or pepsi:: i dunno
vanilla or chocolate:: vanilla
M&MS or skittles:: depends upon my moom
movies or music:: movies
stay up late or sleep in:: both
sun or moon:: moon but im afraid of the dark lol
short or tall:: tall
cat or dog:: doggys
newspaper or magazine:: magazine
McDonald's or Burger King:: neither after seeing supersize me in gym
happy or sad:: :/
serious or funny:: funny
snow or rain:: Rain when its warm so i can dance in it
run or walk:: ??
rap or rock:: rock
radio or CD:: radio
curly or straight hair:: straight cuz mine isnt
spanish or french:: spanish
truth or dare:: dare
christmas or birthday:: birthday
nintendo or playstation:: i dont like video games
phone or IM: cant live without either
breakfats or dinner:: breakfast makes me sick so dfinner
sexy or cute:: sexy to the guy i like.. cute to my friends
pen or pencil:: pen
blonde or brunette:: brunette
rich and dumb or poor and smart:: im a gold digger. .money is EVERYTHING

DO U BELIEVE IN
love at first sight:: i dont believe in love at all
miracles:: yes
magic:: ?!? not sure
fate:: to some extent
destiny:: yea
guardin angels:: yes definatly
God:: yea

WHENS THE LAST TIME U
cried:: ummm.. thursday
watched TV:: earlier this morning
stay up past midnight:: last night with darien and julie
jumped on a bed:: ummm.. im not sure.. it sounds fun though
were at the beach:: i work there so all summer
took a shower:: earlier today

FUTURE
who do you want to marry:: ?
how many kids do you want:: 2
sons name:: im not sure
daughters name:: trinity
job:: sports medicine doctor
do you want to go to college:: yes
where do you want to go on your honeymoon:: anywhere thats pretty.. tropical islands maybe

RANDOM
do you put posters in your room:: ya a mix of posters and pictures
do you read your horoscope:: no
what is your middle name:: julie
what color shirt are you wearing:: umm im wearing no shirt but a grey hoodie
who could you spend 24 hours with and not get the slightest bit annoyed with:: TRACIIIII
do you like your handwriting:: ya when i take my time
do you have braces:: no
can you name all four teletubies:: i could but i dont feel like it
last school activity your participated in::cheerleading.. capitain baby
somethingyou support:: alot of things.. marijuana should be made legal.. umm i believe that the whole fight over abortion shouldnt be hapening.. i think abortion is a good thing for some people and other people shouldnt trey to change that

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

just being bored..

getting ready to go fishin' with TANCCK!! love them girls!!

-Nik

:: 2005 5 March :: 11.33am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: homewrecker x gretchen wilson

blah
ya so dariens leaving in like 3 mins. :( im sad.. im gunna miss her! well we slept at julies last night and saw cursed! it was good! ya and when my mom picked us up she was like virginia amanda and brittany stopped by yesterday! that pisses me off soooooooooo much becasue it hurts me to see the person who was my bestfriend and isnt aloud to see me come over! i just dont like it and im gunna tell her not to i think! ya so anyways i have funny pictures from last night!!

ohh and darien painted tinkerbell on my wall

Read more..

ya thats all for noww

-Nik