silentcriez
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2005 26 September :: 9.52pm
everythings down the drain..
i love him...
i had the worst night of my life onm saturday...
everyone is fake, and i knew it all along.. but i guess i just forgive too easily.. im easily duped.. and im an idiot for even believeing that ppl can change..
we havent seen eachother in going on 3 days and its not that much but from going from being together everyday it sucks.. when all i do is shit i dont wanna be doing and i just think about if hes even thinking of me.. he didnt even call me back today like he said he would..
i wandered around in the rain..
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 16 September :: 11.37pm
so i havent updated in a long time.. school sucks like i dont think ive ever hated school this much.. but i hate it and i dont wanna be there.. but i decided what i wanna do with my life in a more realistic manner.. ill go to college for production and then produce myself ;-)
well i feel so amazed by having what i want.. i love it and i love being with him.. and its all so overwhelming
we fight every second but i wouldnt trade it for the world.. i love getting mad at him and then making up 5 seconds later..
ugh...
write more later
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 28 August :: 11.20am
well.. scott left for college the 26th.. i havent updated in weeks.. cuz uh nothing really interesting has ben happening.. i guess i am alot happier now.. hm...
and uh i guesss thats it..
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 14 August :: 10.28pm
damn did i fucking miss you or whattttttttttttttttt
::I::Saw::Red::
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xonixieox
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2005 8 August :: 8.08am
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: none
update.
i havnt updated in forever, and im sorry for that!! anyway, i just got home from cheer camp. i got a tonnn of pictures.
http://www.worldisround.com/articles/200872/index.html
x0x
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 1 August :: 12.29pm
hmmmm well i had a horrible day yesterday and i didnt feel better until i finally got fucking high with dana thank god.. humph shit is getting fucked it feels like back in fucking school.. god damn i dont want to go back i hate it here i hate natick i hate this life..
grrrrrrrrrr
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 30 July :: 2.48pm
i miss your arms around...
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 25 July :: 5.11pm
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh sooo maine was fucking awesome :-) it makes me never want to come home to shitty natick ever again cuz its 50 million times betterrrrrrrrrrr ahh it was great jimmi had his own cabin so me dana and jimmi slept there lol jimmi got his own damn room lol and me and dana had to sleep on the damn pullout couch with a whole in the bottom lol but it was fun i went swimming in sebago lake "laid" on the docks stared at the stars wished ona shooting star.. roasted marshmellows n made smores.. drank some arbor mist with nancy and had girly conversations while paul was dressing dana with knives and guns to be a pirate lol i relaxed and just had a well needed stress relieving vacation away from natick.. "you are now ever maine: the way life should be"
NEW SONG <3
everyday is sadly the same
im waking up empty im feeling insane
your arms are around me but its like your not there
cuz you dont even love me, no you dont even care
if i turned to you and told you id stay
would you take me with you when you ran away?
when you left the life you hated here
when your done with the bad news the drugs and the beer
(chorus)
sip me baby itll all go away
ill kiss your sweet lips and then maybe youll stay
((overlay))
[i just wanna be your drug
cuz there goes another day..]
the time is wasted here in this town
try and speed up but you end up slowing down
you never said what you really wanted
silence speaks louder and its still haunting me
will you ever miss me will you need my touch
when your hands on the stick shift and your foots on the clutch
when your speeding away spewing sand in my eyes
will it hurt you to hold me as we say our goodbyes?
(chorus)
i, i just wanna be your drug
something you could rely on
i, i just wanna be your drug
something you need
but my days are wasted
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 22 July :: 1.13pm
Sometimes this beauty is choking me
but at least its your hands at my throat
Your lashes brush against my cheek
coupled with your breath on my neck
The world around you falls away and I will still be there
I know my words are like daggers but they cut me too
And I am sorry for all the fucked up things I say I didn't mean it
And I never realized that I can be what I hate
Lets be happy with what we have, enjoy the beauty in these days
Sometimes we'll laugh sometimes we'll scream no one said caring was easy
I know there was a time when emotions felt like pulling teeth
Sometimes I felt so souless I couldn't even look at me
It's pathetic to hate who you are and it feels like hell to change
But I'll be damned if I push you away
I remember when my dreams were dying
and I damned the sun, I damned the sun to pieces
I carved hateful thoughts into my chest
then you took my hand and nothing, no nothing has ever felt the same
2 ::More::Secret::Lovers::That::I::Shot::Dead:: |
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 17 July :: 1.47am
Please don't go
Now my feelings for you
Now they're lost
'Cause we're through anymore
I'll write you
I'll call you
just tell me that youll miss me...
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 16 July :: 11.58am
idk i guess im stupid for thinking anything would come of it.. im crazy for getting in so deep.. but i mean i believed what he said when i honestly asked.. gr.. i just dont want him to leave i dont want to be a memory.. but i guess its selfish of me to hodl him back from what he wants to do.. so i guess i couldnt and he wouldnt stay for me anyways..
i dont know its times liek this that drive me insane i think and think and question and wonder and i never stop and enjoy today.. im too caught up in what could happen or what has happened to even enjoy the moment im in..
was that all it was.. no strings attatched? hm... i must have been pretty stupid if thats really all it was.. i dont know what im talking about
i dont know what im gonna do
i dont know where im sposed to go
i dont know where im at..
im insane..
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 14 July :: 9.02pm
You keep pushing me away
In spite of what you say
I found out yesterday
That I've been wasting all my time
Trying to make you smile
Trying to make this seem worth...
While you've been pushing me around
In spite of what I do
Trying to make things good for...
You
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 13 July :: 12.25am
i waited all night for you to call
but it seems that you dont care at all
the street lights they blind your eyes
you gotta get away from this place
so you took your car and you drove to the city
stayed a while before you find
that the lights drown out the stars
and you gotta get out gotta get away again
so you get up and leave
you get up and drive away to a town so small
and the rural hills and empty skies
they pass the time so quickly by
did you never notice?
did you never care?
that i missed you when you werent there
you gotta get out gotta make it on your own
you aint got no home no place to be
except for here with me
driving aimlessly can drive you insane
you have nobody but your own self to blame
but again you find yourself driving alone
and its not the speed
its not the time
its not any place you could drive to
cuz youll never be happy
youll never be satisfied...
so you take your car
and your driving away again
if you want to get away so bad
then why do your lights find you here again?
if you want to leave this town then go
nobody gonnas hold you back, no
your roads always winding
and your hearts always finding
you back here with me
back heres where you need to be
so take your car
and take all teh time you need
just promise me youll come back to me
--
youve opened up my mind
youve opened up my eyes
and now i see the truth
which used to hide behind the lies
i see what i thought we were
and i see where we are today
and im amazed that we stuck through it all
through each and every change
im glad we didnt let it go
whatever it was we had
i needed to feel you in me
more than you knew i wanted you bad
as time rolled on
your visions changed
and you see me as something more
does it ever feel strange?
when you touch me i feel beautiful
i feel like im the only one
and i dont care if im blinded by this
like im staring at the sun
ill remain numb
while you eat me away
and ill be conent
youll never hear me say
that i want you gone
or i want it to end
because on your kisses
i do depend
so i wonder what lies ahead
as im thinking of the past
was it just a teasing game
or is it built to last
whats to happen when you go
will you leave without a trace
will you call me will you write
will u even remember my name
i want to be with you
wherever you are
no matter how close
no matter how far
so take me with you
when you leave
ill be like the buttons
on you sleeve
ill hold you together
when you want to fall appart
when your feeling empty
ill be the beating in your heart
and you can have me
whenever you like
ill take the beating
when lightning strikes
ill be your service
ill be your slave
just promise me a place
in your heart to stay
crimson tears from a stoic heart
are the sweetest form of love
and when the storms come which they will
ill stick with you though it may be tough
just ask me and im telling you
ill do whatever i can
just take me with you take my heart
and hold tightly to my hand
--
lonliness is like a disease healed by only love and compassion. its like nothing is good enough when your alone, like nothing could go right. and then you taste the kiss of a lover. you take a hit of this drug, this drug which numbs your pain. your suddenly euphoric and need to taste this drug again and again. at the beggining is exciting its new its something youve never felt before. and then you take it so much you become dependant on the feeling. you need that constant high, you need that comfort and reassurance. so you feind for it, and you obsess. days go by and you havent had your dose you havent tasted your kiss, you begin to go crazy. withdrawls of emotions are the hardest to bear. then finally you hold what youve wanted in your hands and you cherish it. little by little you use up your drug and your bottle is empty. you now feind for a new taste something stronger something more substantial and all thats there is your terminable high and it begins to wear off. your body pains once again.. and nothing is solved.. nothing can help you.. except for a new drug. a new kiss. and the cycle begins again..
::I::Saw::Red::
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silentcriez
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2005 12 July :: 11.33am
i want your sex
so yetserday i sat around and then dana came over and helped me clean my room it was cute :-) then ya.. and then scott came over and we all smoked then dana left n i watched a movie.... hmmmmmm well whats up for today? hopefully exactly yesterday without a minor/major detail
::I::Saw::Red::
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