kangabunny
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2004 27 February :: 8.34am
:: Mood: distant
:: Music: three days grace
but I can't
o.@
you people
*sigh* spent a lot of time in my room last night. [you know that's not great news =P] I have a new insight. I actually think I may have two or three personalities, and the reason why I'm so confused is because they're always arguing. XD. The really negative one and the really positive one.
this might sound harsh and cold
insane ranting...
but I've needed to get it out of my system for way too long
so get over it =P
why am I here?
why can't I be free?
why won't they leave me alone?
why is the world like this?
why can't I stop lying?
why can't I stop this downwards spiral?
what's wrong with me?
who am I?
what do I do?
where do I go?
why do you all tell me you care?
why? If you do, then why don't you help me?
why aren't you here when it matters?
why?
why won't anything change?
why can't I change it?
can I?
why did I lie?
why do I put on this mask?
why...?
*.* gwee. that would be my very negative personality speaking. but hey, that whole thing is just a theory.
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kangabunny
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2004 26 February :: 7.24pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: ok go-get over it
let it go
o.o
It's all ripped apart, and the pieces are on the floor
and no one wants to put them back together
why should they care?
why should you care?
sorry, just random rambling.
Today.. stress xP.
[[we]] spent almost all of lunch convincing [[someone, I shouldn't tell people's secrets]] to come to lunch. We were all so worried.. and then everyone wanted to tell the councelor. I said it was a bad idea, that they would call her parents, but NO.. dammit.
anyway, I feel pretty shitty now =P because of that, and them, and.. well, my project is moving along.. interestingly.
I spend my days looking at all the hurt people around me, the ones with cold eyes, or pain they deny.. and all I can think of is "why? why would someone do this to a HUMAN BEING??"
you know what
I really want to work for social services.
but I'm gunna be an artist too
hwah!
=)
you know what's funny
it's been two weeks, and my parents never noticed all the piercings I got. XD. yep, they care
good for me =)
*~*j*~*
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kangabunny
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2004 26 February :: 8.27am
:: Mood: insane.
:: Music: 311-All mixed up
my head hurts x.x sleep=5 1/2hrs
=) on a happy note, guess what? I won an iPod off the radio last night. Magz just got one, and she's going to be soooo ticked XD fun stuff.
It is INSANELY cold at my house right now. INSANE INSANE geh
*~*
Isn't it messed up when thinking of pain gives you pleasure?
When your daydreams are nightmares?
..what?!
*~*
I can feel your pain inside me
I can hear your piercing screams
Just forget this, don't remind me
Stop living in this dark dream
1 Seduction |
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kangabunny
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2004 25 February :: 8.45am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: weak and powerless-perfect circle
I hate orange.
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kangabunny
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2004 24 February :: 5.26pm
:: Mood: apathetic/frustratedish
:: Music: beautiful disaster...
o__o the plot thickens! lol, what a tarded phrase.. XD.
today was rough xP.
d00m @.@
So, hehe.. today. I didn't get any sleep [not that this is unusual] but.. omfg I know why I felt so tired XD. just realized... hah, do not take painkillers before breakfast.
::blink:: what.. I had a headache. so shoot me =)
Lol, anyway, I slept through history [literally] and then in 2nd karen got onto me all about how I get no sleep, "Julia!! You need sleep! Ahh! You're gunna get bags!" XD. Yes, karen, for you.. I'll give sleep a shot.
or, you know, I'll make a note of it and forget it.
=( 3rd period was PLAH. I walked into the room and shelby came over with tears in her eyes, and had a breakdown... so jax n laurel n laasya n me skipped some of theatre with her. I swear, I'm going to make a point of hunting her parents down and... grrr.
x.x
I---want---my-----
*~*some girl*~*
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kangabunny
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2004 23 February :: 7.00pm
:: Mood: dangerous
:: Music: AFI
--still--
[edit]
This, tis teh survey I stole from nicole =)
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
001. being alone [literally]
002. sunken ships
003. people
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
001. human nature/psychology
002. myself
003. Christianity
THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN
001. graphic designing stuff
002. to draw better
003. how to handle and help people with emotional problems .....that would help.... yeah.
THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
001. tank top
002. Jeans
003. 7 earings
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
001. some cds I forgot to label
002. club info from the westwood thing I just went to.
003. my art pad
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
001. live
002. love... be loved
003. I want a career... and then, I want to help as many people as I possibly can. And... well, this is "things I want to do" so... I wanna patch up that hole in the ozone ^_~.
THREE GOOD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
001. perceptive
002. open minded
003. creative
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
001. shy
002. emotional problems =P
003. in your face at times x.x;
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
001. russian
002. jewish?
003. ..canadian?...
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
001. I'm not fat.
002. Tall.. but not too tall. [hope?]
003. I like my nose =D XD
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
001. my butt XD
002. sometimes I feel overly tall.
003. other than that, I'm fine.
THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
001. why I am.. this way
002. who I am
003. what I do when I'm alone
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
001. ..why? why?!
002. damn it
003. Are you ok?
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO TO
001. new york
002. julliard =)
003. japan
[/edit]
o.o;
I make a goal, for real, and I can't even last a day.
x.x
dot dot dot
the truth will come out eventually =P. that's all you need, the truth
just confused, that's all...
"coping strategy?" Yes.
XD I really need to start saving my aim convos.
*sigh*
It's really a surprise when I find out that someone reads this ^^ like "...Oh!" dunno why. fun stuff.
My thoughts are not in order. Can you see? Oui oui?
Ah, c'est pas terrible... la vie, c'est frustre. Je suis perdu.
La francais =)
::Addresses the eworld::
hey you know what? you should gimme a call. yes, YOU!
hehe. bubye.
2 Seductions |
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kangabunny
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2004 22 February :: 8.30pm
:: Mood: thoughtful, wistful
:: Music: alice in chains-down in a hole
You don't know what you haven't seen.
Meh.. um, well yeah.. I talked to a buncha people today o.o
Ok, not everything that's on my mind will be sorted out by spilling it to the world.
er.
heart of glass? fun, but dangerous. x.x;
um? Dude, I'm just rambling here so.. ttyl? =)
bubye.
Heart of Glass
What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla
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kangabunny
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2004 21 February :: 11.59am
:: Mood: happy/sad
:: Music: anesthesia-TON
memories are the worst x.x;
=).
there's this wonderful feeling, where you know you've come to the end of some magnificent, and it's good.. but it's sooo sad because it's over. XP Ugh, I resent that feeling so much XD. Like when I remember my best friend from 5th grade who moved to korea. and stuff like that ^^;.
what a feeling...
oioi! I am gunna have a kick-ass time tonight! HWAH! Well, first I'm going to the mall with either zarae's gang or lauren and kae, but then I'm going to the movies and d&b with bee ling and erica [an erica who lives in austin o.o] all night >:DDDDDD haha, her mom will pick us up any time we want XD. fun stuff, staying out all night with fun people you rarely see. =D
*sigh*
Are a thousand tears worth a single smile?
When you give an inch, will they take a mile?
Longing for the past but dreading the future
If not being used, well then you're a user and a loser
I wish I could write like peter steele o.o
::she creates::
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kangabunny
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2004 19 February :: 7.49pm
:: Mood: alright. really. =]
:: Music: bloody kisses-type o
hey.
hehe, so yeah.. journal's been kind of scary lately, eh? Lol. Well, this thing is most obviously a way to blow off steam and get my feelings out.. ^^. I had an inspirational talk with nicole the other day. This is quite important ...where are the words....
I'm going to give it my best shot. ::smiles::
I'm going to help people, and I'm going to stop destroying myself. Things are gunna be good again. *sigh* Nicole is escaping to freedom... I'm going to miss her so *so* much. but now, it's not like I'm being broken again. It's like.. we are both going to be
free. FREE! free is breathing. free from your own lies. free from hatred. free from the pain of the world.. not bound to it. I can help destroy it, but it will not be a part of my life anymore. No.
::whispers:: Free.
tears of joy ^^;...
1 Seduction |
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kangabunny
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2004 18 February :: 8.21pm
:: Mood: hopeful.. sad, but hopeful
It's going to be better. There's light. For everyone.
StarkistPixie: lately talking to you has made me cry a lot.
StarkistPixie: it's good, though.
VibrantDarkSoul: A good cry?
StarkistPixie: yeah. strengthening.
VibrantDarkSoul: =)
StarkistPixie: ::smiles and laughs through the tears::
StarkistPixie: =) ::hugs::
VibrantDarkSoul: ::hugs back:: ^^
StarkistPixie: [laughing and crying at the same time is amazing ^^.]
StarkistPixie: write?
StarkistPixie: call?
StarkistPixie: stop by if you're near?
VibrantDarkSoul: Yes
StarkistPixie: =)
VibrantDarkSoul: ^^
StarkistPixie: I think I have a plan..
VibrantDarkSoul: ?
StarkistPixie: Wake up every morning. Work hard in school. Be generous and kind. Stand up for people. Help out all of the lost people as best I can... work hard at my friendships. make new friends. avoid sharp objects. not get addicted to cigarettes. be honest honest honest.. I don't have one for what to do with my parents, though.
VibrantDarkSoul: Simple, for that one...
VibrantDarkSoul: Learn from their mistakes so you don't turn out like them.
VibrantDarkSoul: ::hugs:: I'm very proud of you
StarkistPixie: =D. why?
StarkistPixie: ::hugs back::
VibrantDarkSoul: You already know why
StarkistPixie: ::laughs:: see, I told you.. you psychic you.
VibrantDarkSoul: Hehe
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kangabunny
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2004 17 February :: 6.29pm
:: Mood: gone.
:: Music: three days grace-I hate everything about you
it won't stop
Just kill me.
You know you've been doing it for a lifetime... go ahead, just end it. I'm just a person. here is my heart. destroy it, once and for all. forever. Just leave me here to bleed. please...
nothing like a good, cold dose of reality to make you realize you hate yourself.
2 Seductions |
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kangabunny
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2004 17 February :: 8.33am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: beautiful night-burden brothers
o.o
First, Lyrics.
It's a beautiful night for feeling lonely
A beautiful night for being afraid
So raise your hands, you one and onlys
You one of a kinds who feel this way
I don't want to talk, don't want to explain it
I don't want to fuck and I don't want to fight
It's only a feeling, it's fleeting and fading
It's all over the world and it's only tonight
It's a beautiful night…
…a beautiful night to be here
It's the perfect time for being wasted
The perfect time to watch the stars
So throw back your head, come on embrace it
It's a beautiful night wherever you are
It's a beautiful night…
…a beautiful night to be here
All good things will come to you
And maybe tonight it's the truth, I don't know
And all good things to those who dream
Maybe tonight we'll find peace, god I hope so
So raise your hands, raise your hands
All good friends who stood by you
One at time they fall down, they fall down
And all your fears are coming true
And this is the time of your life that defines you
So raise your hands, raise your hands
Under the stars I'm alone among strangers
Confused, connected, diffused and alive
Maybe the future will smile on us
Maybe the future is smiling tonight
It's a beautiful night…
…a beautiful night to be here
::blinkblink:: oh, hey! heh. gasposity, I have my final FRENCH2 exam today. x_x;;; If I don't get a 90 or above, I will basically be murdered and have wasted the last 5 months of my life. XD. Wish me luck?
I really want my third hole in my ears >=). Oh, hehe, you wait, lalalaaa ^^. w00t.
Btw everyone... I have and always have had a habit of NOT calling, especially when I really should.. like last night =/ I dunno, just call me. Or this feeling will come over me like if I call, I'm being an annoying pest =)
heh.
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kangabunny
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2004 16 February :: 3.02pm
:: Mood: alright
:: Music: numb-linkin park
it gets worse..?
Yo.
Lauren's house was pretty fun. ^^;. We all brought our guitars and played for a loooong time >:]. Then, teehee...
HAHA this is gunna sound odd
Let's just say, two pairs of ears and two belly buttons got pierced by two pairs of hands last night. XD.
It looks wicked cool, too ^_~
yesh, gutsy is I.
=( I'm worried about erica. =(.
And nicole.
aaaaa this is not cool!!
x_x I g2g make calls n stuff. *sigh*
love, j
2 Seductions |
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kangabunny
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2004 15 February :: 12.56pm
:: Mood: fine
:: Music: type o-we hate everyone
ooga! booga!
wahey!
so I just woke up. I have a guitar lesson at 2. I might visit my old choir buddies [long story]. hmm.. also, I'm going to Lauren's house w/ Kae tonight. d00mful fun? we'll see ^_~
I'm gunna get kidnapped! Yaaaaaay! =D
ljljljlj<<<------
WAHA! and if you haven't figured out how to get there yet, monkeys.
Btw, go sign my site guestbook. =)
love, j
3 Seductions |
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kangabunny
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2004 14 February :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: ashamed to have had a happy day
:: Music: haruka kanata-pillows
::strum strum::
did you have a good vday? I did. Well, I did *sigh*. It was fun. me and di and euni and their families got together and went out to eat... and to coco's cafe and such. Twas fun.
the world is filled with sorrow.
I keep finding out more and more people are not ok. I'm stuck, sorta.. cuz when you feel like this, you don't want to be around people who don't understand and who are happy, but you can't be around all the people who feel the same... x_x
many hugs and much love, my friends.
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kangabunny
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2004 14 February :: 2.29pm
:: Mood: sarcastic. I have lost my optimism.
:: Music: switchfoot-meant to live
Happy Valentine's Day.
Yes, everyone, It is Valentine's Day. I have a secret! >:) I have despised v-day for most of my life. I do enjoy all the candy and such, though. I'm prolly gunna go see that adam sandler movie with sum ppl.. yeah. Hoorah.
As usual, much better than the alternative, ne?
So my mom decided to clean my bathroom yesterday [she could not resist] and she threw away all this crap.. I found out that she did and I sorta went crazy. my black eyeliner and a piece of paper that had my ----- wrapped in it... among other things, was missing. So I took the bag out of the trash can and started frantically looking for my-- stuff--- and my junk, and after this... I realized that this has turned into a bit of a problem. It's more like a nervous habit though, really.
I am the queen of nervous habits ^^;.
x_x today's the day, among other things.
love, julia
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kangabunny
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2004 13 February :: 8.26pm
:: Music: harvest-opeth
I truly hope you never ever ever feel alone =).
Umm.. well, everything is the same... I blah blahed.. details at LJ. I'm having fun talking to kristen right now. Yay =).
See, everyone says they care.. but they say it to make themselves feel better. To help them keep themselves happy. And these people don't understand. And when it matters, they are never there. so there. =).
That's what I've been thinking about lately. It hurts. Whatever. =)
bye
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kangabunny
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2004 13 February :: 9.17am
:: Mood: insane.
X___O
It's friday, everyone. Lookee! I already have my mask on. And I'm already screaming SCREW IT underneath it all. By the end of the day I won't notice it's there, from all the candy I've had. Hopefully I'll be fine from 4 to 7 ~_~ but if not... well that's just too bad.
happy school-version valentine's day, you people.
1 Seduction |
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kangabunny
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2004 12 February :: 9.24pm
:: Mood: cold and silent
:: Music: afi
basket case basket case!
It's still.
It won't change unless I make it, and if I make it it will change. Then I wonder, do I really want it to change? But I do. But do I?
=).
*sigh*
~<3~
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kangabunny
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2004 11 February :: 9.17pm
:: Mood: careless, indifferent
:: Music: t.o.n.
Can't say where I'm going, or with who, or when, but someday I'll be.. back again.
let's have a random rant. shall we?
x_x
I think the most annoying thing in the world is a mob of people asking you "what happened?!" "tell me!" when you don't feel like talking to them.
sorry. I love you all. I did the same thing to sharry and shelby today.
then again, I have a feeling I could actually help them...
my aim has frozen 5 times. I'm going to murder aol.
an editorial is a place where you can state your opinion freely, even if it is directly against someone's views. ne?
well, that's what I've been led to believe.
^~*~¿
I'm so not going to school tomorrow.
damn it, my wierd drive will make me go. I just... *geh* I hate letting people down. plus, what will I do at home? --- till I --- to death?
1 Seduction |
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kangabunny
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2004 10 February :: 5.28pm
:: Mood: indescribable
I actually forgot my phone number today. today was the first time I have cried in public since 3rd grade.
The worst thing that could happen has happened. My "life" has finally, finally collapsed into a pile of worthless shit. It's all my fault. I want to die.
[EDIT] 5:20 PM
flamingo dance01: are you back now?
flamingo dance01: jooce?
StarkistPixie: I'm talking to you, aren't I? ~_~
flamingo dance01: kind of
flamingo dance01: so hows it going?
StarkistPixie: never been worse
flamingo dance01: what's wrong?
StarkistPixie: can't say
flamingo dance01: oh. okay. well, if you want to talk about it, i'm here.
StarkistPixie: that's what everyone says. =/.
flamingo dance01: um...okay.
flamingo dance01: we're kind of being nice then.
flamingo dance01: bc we care.
StarkistPixie: yeah.
flamingo dance01: and we want tooknow whats wrong so we can help.
StarkistPixie: but, in this situation, you can't do a damn thing. it's the thought that counts. thanks.
flamingo dance01: WOW! THERES A FIRE TRUCK DRIVING DOWN OUR STREET
flamingo dance01: i gotta go see it, brb.
[::if it wasn't her own journal, she would laugh a little bit.::]
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kangabunny
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2004 10 February :: 1.51am
:: Mood: mmph
:: Music: er..something oh! weazer-hashpipe
::hums the kickass guitar part::
1:28= http://www.geocities.com/rainstarfire/doom.jpg
7:28
heyhey. Sorry about all off the excessive posting ^^;... I was gunna put them all into one, but I got comments, so no way ^_~. I'll try to keep it to a minimum today.
Yesterday I ::blank::... Well, at 5:30 I simply could not stay inside any longer, with the stupid dangerousness, so I went for a walk. After about half an hour, I ended up at the computer lab** Which was good, since I needed to talk to nicole o.o. She finally got on at like 6:50... then, I started to walk home because it was getting very dark. It was nice. I went and sat on a stone thing in the big pool near my house. It was pretty... a misting rain, a dark blue sky, the sound of water running... I sort of huddled up into a little d00m and cried a little bit. it felt good.
what? I'm not complaining or bragging. I'm just saying what happened. mweeh.
love, j
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kangabunny
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2004 9 February :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: numb- linkin park
this will leave a mark...
damn it, they've screwed me over for life ~_~
I spend too much time on my AIM alt.
sorry to all the people who I hide from.
1 Seduction |
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kangabunny
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2004 9 February :: 5.24pm
:: Mood: tired---greyish
:: Music: bleak-opeth
D00M x.x
I love that x__x face. *sigh*
The most sleep I ever get is 7 hours. =/. usually about 4, though. Makes it really hard to function.
X~X~X~X~X~X
KARLY!!!! *tears her hair out in frustration*
X~X~X~X~X~X
*~*
I was going to say something now, but who cares? I don't even care about my own thoughts. =/ I don't really care about anything, at the moment. Why should I? It isn't important.
^^; sorry. negative outburst. it's monday, ya know?
I sort of crawled through the day, taking every blow off class opportunity to sleep. We're doing a "story of my life" proj in french, and we're supposed to list 8 things that are happening right now... >.> I don't feel like sharing.
::forces smile:: =). ::melts away::
my doom is your doom
your doom is my doom
e-doom is free-doom
let free-doom ring
XD I made that up in math last week.
::grins at her stereo and starts playing air guitar::
bye =)
2 Seductions |
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kangabunny
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2004 9 February :: 7.58am
:: Mood: awake ~.~
:: Music: think twice- eve 6
x__x
I've been realizing in the past few weeks... unless you look at me with light shining on my face, the dark rings around my eyes make me look like I'm on drugs x.x. I'm truly without sleep.
1 Seduction |
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kangabunny
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2004 8 February :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: creatures-311
my d00m is your d00m
Day?
..Laurel came over. We finished our theatre proj, and then she sat thru my guitar lesson. I learned "electrocute" >:D. It's kickass.
Then, I talked on aim. I drew a pixie on the moon for Kristin. Yay.
*~*My friend laurel. XD.*~*
Anyway, um.. another frickin week of doom. I want to go with nicole, but I don't think I can get the money.. haHA you don't know what I'm talking about O.X *sigh*
love, j
3 Seductions |
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kangabunny
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2004 7 February :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: wired
:: Music: a perfect circle- weak and powerless
it's sad
o.o this is the first saturday night I've stayed at home in like.. ever =). Though it's not the greatest, I got to do a lot of thinking. I've *duh* thought about this a lot...: I know exactly [I think] why I'm so screwed up now. All those memories.. add up to my current screwed upness =). At least I've figured myself out a bit, eh? *sigh*
Also, I painted a pretty good sunset with my oils ^^.
And then, I painted my nails sparkly black. And, I'm aLmOsT done with my new layout!!! I really like it. check it out. Suggestions?
Oh, and make sure to give me your site link for teh links if I don't know it.
=) Now I'm going to draw something for Kristin.
Then, I'm going to watch mad tv and snl. and get high on caffiene. and not sleep. and think. and hopefully, avoide a d00m like last last saturday. >.>
love, j
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kangabunny
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2004 7 February :: 1.08pm
:: Mood: huh?
:: Music: [we were] electrocute- Type O Negative
aAaAaAaAa
yo O.O
Last night>> Opeth concert :D!! It was a kick ass show. I got an awesome tee, and we were in the second row. But we couldn't stay for the whole thing of Opeth =/ cuz my parents were the only ones who could pick us up ~.~. at the end of the concert this guy [he was not in my age range] started hitting on me ~.~; I just sort of tried to edge away, but it was pretty "moshed up" up there. Then he started making me really uncomfortable, and he grabbed my ass. what a fuck up. x_x THEN, since we stayed in there till 11:40 [just like, 10 or 20 minutes late ^^;] the rents gave me this mondo lecture, threatening to never take me to the backroom again, and telling me I smelled like marijauna. XD
*sigh*
I love LOVE LOVE LOVE this song! If you don't have this damn cd, download it illegally this very second.
We were.. electrocute
In our has-been 1980's suits
Sssso electrocute
Everyone we knew said it too
That's when even strangers knew our names,
Ten years later sighed, "what a shame"
Ssso Electrocute
How on you I've wasted my youth
Your cold eyes of Coney Island Sand,
Hair dyed the blood of a foolish man,
So proud to be by your side
We were a team no one denied
Even though I still miss your lips
You're about as real as your ^^;
Anyway, it's too sunny for me to brood. So I plan to go out with Maggie and Jackie tonight. and I can't go to mangathon because my parents are gone till 3 -.-
love, j
2 Seductions |
Seduce Me ...
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kangabunny
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2004 6 February :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: opeth of d00m
rays of sunlight
I'm going to paste the same entry as from my LJ. Sorry to bore yall ^_~ I simply don't have much more to say today.
Here it is.
=).
When it's raining, I am crying. When the sun shines, I turn my face towards the sky and absorb the glow with a smile. When the sky is grey, I sleep, and light candles. And when the night is clear, starry, and lit by the moon... I feel like I can fly, and become a part of it all.
it's nothing special to most people, but the earth is beautiful.
^^;
Just some thoughts.
Today was good. We got to draw outside today in art, and it was great. I took more piccys for my photos from school place. Check them out for no reason? Lol. ^^
Opeth is tonight *grin* It's going to kick ass.
Laurel gave me her screenplay to read today O.@ I finished it by 3rd period XD [about 100 pages].. It's weird because she's never let me read any writing of hers before, even though I've tried begging. =D
I wore lots of black eyeliner and pink highlights today >:D hehehe
love love love
Seduce Me ...
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