Courtney Rae's Journal

:: 2008 27 October :: 5.46am

All my eggs are now in one basket.

Chapter 2: the beginning.

:: 2008 26 October :: 9.54pm

Its hard to forgive what happened.

Its also hard to lose a friend that close.

what to do?

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:: 2008 26 October :: 3.52pm
:: Music: blink 182 - always

for once, i'm enjoying the rain

:: 2008 26 October :: 1.19pm

it really sucks losing sombody i was that close with, Its not worth my pain for that though.

also, with all the depressing entry's lately, i bring you ken, the lawn jockey

:: 2008 25 October :: 4.11am
:: Mood: numb

"regret nothing, Live every day as if it we're your last"
Since red flannel I've learned alot about myself, alot more than I care to know.

I know now that I try and change myself to fit in with someone else.
I know what its like to say "I love you" and truly mean it
I have cried, I don't do that ever.
I have driven to points where I feel nothing at all, then I cut myself just to see if pain even exists, it doesn't.
I have compleatly handed my heart to someone
who had no idea what to do with it, and later crushed it.

I knew what I was getting into, she warned me, told me not to do it.
I've also learned to listen.
I've learned lies hurt more than the truth.

In the past month, I've felt the best I ever have in life, I feel the worst I ever have right now.

This girl has driven me to do things I've never considered ever before, I wish I could put into words the way I'm feeling now.

flexeril can't even take these feelings away.

When the time comes, just remember.
"Regret nothing and live every day as if its your last."

Erin Marie Crisp,

Again, I've never been as sorry as I am now about how much i hurt you.
again I'm sorry.

Justin McW,
You we're right, my knife is definatally not sharp enough.

:: 2008 22 October :: 11.28pm

Sons of Anarchy
so far on SoA i've recognized 2 songs

clutch - can't stop progress
Dropkick murphys - johnny i hardly knew ya

jax is a badass, plain and simple, throwing a guy through a glass door last week, then this week shooting him in the head.

also gemma's friend had a good one liner "six years of taking two in the ass while a teenager cums on
my face!"

:: 2008 19 October :: 11.11pm
:: Music: weigh on my mind - the transplants

I've made the decision to stop drinking so much, also i need to get some shit straightened out in my life.

and i bring some lyrics,

Read more..

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:: 2008 18 October :: 3.28am
:: Mood: high

i see it, i wonder if they do too.

:: 2008 16 October :: 10.29pm

bowled a 102, 180, and 152. i'm feeling good.

:: 2008 16 October :: 4.26pm
:: Mood: accomplished

feeling great right now.
truck is in my driveway, hoodlatch is fixed, needs an oil change though, also needs the steering shaft u-joint or whatever, it kind of wanders.

I get to bowl tonight and i'm going to kick ass at it, fuck yeah!

:: 2008 16 October :: 2.49am

in my attempts to understand others, i still don't understand myself.

I wonder if I'll ever know exactly who I am.

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:: 2008 14 October :: 6.39pm

alright,

truck just needs plates to drive now, insurance is transfered, brake lights didn't work, fixed those.

need to get the hood latch to work now, change the fluids, and i'll be good to go.

:: 2008 14 October :: 2.27am

I've decided to just take things for what they are.

I've also decided my new years resolution is to spend less time on this fucking computer.

:: 2008 13 October :: 7.40pm

dakota runs now.

it was corroded wiring, all i need to do now is bolt the box down, plates, and insurance.