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2004 12 October :: 3.55 pm
your life is yours
okay, let me get this straight. or crooked. or whatever way i'm going to get this.
we hate what we are.
we hate who we are.
we want to be anyone else but us.
we hate everyone else because they're not like us.
that's how it works, correct?
have you ever wondered why we pride ourselves and our children on innate differences between us and them? why is it black vs. white, woman vs. man, jew vs. gentile, etc.? we're fixated on our differences, as minute and meaningless as they are. there's so much energy channeled into proving that we are better than everyone else based on things we have absolutely no control over, while bitching and moaning about everything we do have control over, yet never taking any action to improve these conditions. you suck because you're not from the same country as me. you suck because you're a different race. you suck because your father sucked. i suck because you can dance better than me. i suck because you're nicer than me. i suck because i'm not like you.
so...
you're not who you want to be, eh? well, who is it that you do want to be? why? will you ever be that person? no. will you ever be happy by wanting to be that person? no. is there a way to get around this? yes.
there is a way for you to be everything you ever wanted to be.
how do i do it?! i'm a lame, piece-of-shit excuse for a human being, laurence! i suck! no one likes me, and no one should like me, because i'm a terrible person! and i'm scared of everything! i don't want to get close to anyone because that makes me weak! i suck! but i'm better than everyone else because no one understands me!
timmy, please, calm down. you've just described every human being alive.
well, i'll be jiggered.
yes, i know timmy, it's a rather hard concept to understand at first -- but don't be fooled, every person alive is weak, afraid, and wants someone to take care of them.
but what about steve, the football captain? he's so cool! everyone loves him!
steve has herpes.
oh. yeah, but, i suck! how could anyone possibly ever like me, let alone love me?!
timmy, that's the beauty of humanity. no matter what your age, your sex, your weight, your height, your IQ, your skin color, your beliefs (or lack thereof), your culture, your strengths, your weaknesses, your talents, your faults, your personality, your shoe size, your ass size, or your nose size, you are capable of giving and receiving love.
ha! you don't know nothin'! i've never been loved my whole life! everyone puts shit on me and takes advantage of me! nobody's ever loved me and nobody ever will!
do you love yourself?
hah. what's to love? i'm worthless to the world and to myself. i should kill myself.
so why haven't you, yet? is there hope inside you somewhere that maybe all of this emotional subjective bullshit talk about that stupid 4-letter word has some truth to it?
what?
did you ever consider the fact that it's no one's responsibility to make you feel anything?
what are you talking about?! other peoples' actions make you happy or sad or angry, come on. it's always someone else that makes you feel something!
why are you getting upset?
ugh, because you're such an asshole! cramming all your pansy opinions down my throat! god, can't you just leave me alone! i'm a bitch and i like it, okay! i've had enough of this self-help crap! i'm outta here!
listen, children-who-call-themselves-adults, here's the deal:
1. i hate myself, you hate yourself. we have something in common already.
2. i want love, you want love. ah ha! something else in common.
3. no one else in the world will ever make you who you are or make you feel how you feel. no one. ever. you're alone.
you are all by yourself in that body. yeah, just you. and you'll always be that way. you're stuck forever in that body, with that brain, with those hormones, with or without those talents, with every insecurity, with every memory, with every experience, with every attitude, with every pain, with every joy, with every single thing that has ever been inside of you or outside of you. you are you. you make choices. you act. you speak. you control how you react. you make yourself beautiful, or you make yourself ugly. you make yourself what you want. you are your own responsibility, no one else's.
get it straight, or crooked, or however you can. just get it already.
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