the end is the beginning is the end

dego aemulus
it is impossible to live a pleasant life without living wisely and honorably and justly, and it is impossible to live wisely and honorably and justly without living pleasantly. whenever any one of these is lacking, when, for instance, the man is not able to live wisely, though he lives honorably and justly, it is impossible for him to live a pleasant life.

no pleasure is a bad thing in itself, but the things which produce certain pleasures entail disturbances many times greater than the pleasures themselves.

the just man is most free from disturbance, while the unjust is full of the utmost disturbance.

bodily pleasure does not increase when the pain of want has been removed; after that it only admits of variation. the limit of mental pleasure, however, is reached when we reflect on these bodily pleasures and their related emotions, which used to cause the mind the greatest alarms.

he who understands the limits of life knows that it is easy to obtain that which removes the pain of want and makes the whole of life complete and perfect. thus he has no longer any need of things which involve struggle.

if you do not on every occasion refer each of your actions to the ultimate end prescribed by nature, but instead of this, in the act of choice or avoidance, turn to some other end, your actions will not be consistent with your theories.

of our desires, some are natural and necessary, others are natural but not necessary; and others are neither natural nor necessary, but are due to groundless opinion.

poverty, if measured by the natural end, is great wealth; but wealth, if not limited, is great poverty.

some men spend their whole life furnishing for themselves the things proper to life without realizing that at our birth each of us was poured a mortal brew to drink.

don't spoil what you have by desiring what you don't have; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for.

the love of money, if unjustly gained, is impious, and, if justly, shameful; for it is inappropriate to be miserly even with justice on one's side.

the wise man who has become accustomed to necessities knows better how to share with others than how to take from them, so great a treasure of self-sufficiency has he found.

[addressing a young man] i understand from you that your natural disposition is too much inclined toward sexual passion. follow your inclination as you will, provided only that you neither violate the laws, disturb well-established customs, harm any one of your neighbors, injure your own body, nor waste your possessions. that you be not checked by one or more of these provisons is impossible; for a man never gets any good from sexual passion, and he is fortunate if he does not receive harm.

the wise man feels no more pain when being tortured himself than when his friend is tortured, and will die for him; for if he betrays his friend, his whole life will be confounded by distrust and completely upset.

what cannot be satisfied is not a man's stomach, as most men think, but rather the false opinion that the stomach requires unlimited filling.

nothing is enough to someone for whom what is enough is little.

do nothing in your life that will cause you to fear if it is discovered by your neighbor.

the soul neither rids itself of disturbance nor gains a worthwhile joy through the possession of greatest wealth, nor by the honor and admiration bestowed by the crowd, or through any of the other things sought by unlimited desire.

- epicurius

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:: 2003 15 December :: 3.11 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: radiohead

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICAN GLADIATOR!
i must say that i love the fact that people fall asleep and enter into this scary realm of unconsciousness, and yet their brains are still working, (probably harder than they do during the day, imagination-wise) and they create some of the most interesting and beautiful things ever. salvador dali used to wake up in the middle of the night after he had some crazy dream and he'd paint it out right then so he wouldn't forget any details.

i have to describe a dream i had last night. i was outside, sitting in some bleachers that were facing a large open grassy field. there were some foresty areas on the sides of the field. it reminded me of the backyard of my grandparents' cottage in prudenville, minus the lake. it seems that i was in the crowd of The Price is Right. people were down on the grass, behind podiums, wagering money. my cousin tom was sitting with me, drinking a beer. my other cousin (tom's sister) stephanie, was there too. then suddenly david bowie was on the grass, all alone, playing "the man who sold the world." that was it.

what freaks me out is how things form. especially animals. especially us. we start out as nothing more than cells. a sperm and an egg unite. little, tiny, supposedly meaningless, cells. they create a zygote. and from this junction of two measly little cells comes specialized cells... cells for everything... heart cells, nerve cells, lung cells, tissue cells, muscle cells, skin cells, brain cells, cartilage cells (chondrocytes!), blood cells, bone cells (osteocytes, osteoclasts, osteoblasts!), etc. and all of these millions of tiny cells join together by the masses to create whole fibers and tissues to create whole organs. and these organs are all connected to each other to form our bodies. everything functions together. every part of our bodies relies on the other parts. and there's one little squishy brain in charge of everything. my God, it's amazing. it's perfect. look at your hand. isn't it beautiful? and your ears. and your nose. the shape of your back and your legs. how the muscles move and contract. how the bones in your arms bend and twist. everything has a purpose. i feel so bad for the organs and bones and muscles in my body. they work day in and day out, never faltering. they never even get a break. they keep me healthy. they allow me to do so many different things. my heart especially. a small, soft muscle, contracting every second, so that i can live and breathe and see. it has so much power, it gives me life. and yet i'll never even be able to thank it for all that it's done for me. that makes me sad. seriously. poor little heart. i love you.

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:: 2003 4 December :: 10.00 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: a perfect circle

reading up on buddhism

If there are no persons at all, then there is no self and no other. There is no distinction between pain of which there is direct sensual awareness (which is conventionally called one's own pain) and pain that is known through inference (conventionally called another person's pain). Whether pain is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to quell it or an urge to cultivate it. Whether joy is known directly or indirectly, there is either an urge to nourish it or to quell it. In the conventional language of speaking of events personally, the urge to quell all pain and to nourish all joy is known as being ethical or skillful or (if you like) good. The urge to nourish pain and quell joy is known as being unskillful, unethical or bad.

Being fully ethical is said to be impossible for those who make a distinction between self and other and show preference for the perceived self over the perceived other, for such perceptions inhibit being fully responsive. Being fully ethical is possible only for those who realize that all persons are empty, that is, devoid of personhood.

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:: 2003 1 December :: 10.42 pm

it's the band! you guys are wild!

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