the end is the beginning is the end

:: 2008 8 July :: 11.08am

Being back in university is nice, but I don't remember everyone around you being so stupid...

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:: 2008 12 June :: 12.32pm

Part of why I want to leave....from Slate:
Comparatively speaking, Americans are winning the time-clock Olympics. The typical U.S. worker puts in 1,804 hours at work each year, 135 hours more than the typical British worker, 240 hours (or six full-time weeks) more than the average French worker, and 370 hours (or nine full-time weeks) more than the typical German. The Conference Board's magazine points out that the trend toward increased work demands "has begun to reverse the two-century-old industrial paradigm of equating progress with increased leisure." None of this is good for our family relations. Middle-class couples in the United States, taking both spouses together, are working 520 hours (13 full-time weeks) more a year than such couples worked in the 1980s. Little wonder that the Families and Work Institute found in 2004 that 67 percent of working parents say they don't have enough time with their children, and 62 percent say they don't have enough time with their spouses.

:: 2008 9 June :: 10.24pm
:: Music: Sarah Blasko - Queen of Apology

If you close your eyes and tilt your head all the way back and your neck is at a right angle to your shoulders, you'll be able to fill your head with dreams, like dipping a bottle into a stream. You'll find the dream world full of colours and shapes if you do this twice a week.

Or at least, that's the theory.

:: 2008 29 May :: 9.59am

Thank you, Scott McClellan, for coming out against the Bush administration and the war now that it's safe for you to do so. God forbid you take a stand for what you think is right when you're in a position to do something about it.

:: 2008 20 May :: 2.44pm
:: Mood: peaceful
:: Music: Radiohead - Jigsaw Fallin Into Place

I went to AUK this morning and took a placement exam. Then I registered for three summer courses. One of them I don't really want to take, but I registered for it in case the class I DO want to take won't accept. I am currently trying to kiss enough ass to overload into it.

I like the idea of going back to school. I've missed being a student while I was gone and I'm really looking forward to having something productive and stimulating to do. Besides, this'll force me to practice my graphic design stuff so I can have a bigger better portfolio for it at the end of these next two years.

I'm also thinking I'm gonna minor in English Lit. It'll give me an edge so that when I apply to agencies, I can apply as not only an Art Director, but an Art Director/Copywriter, a position coveted by many and desperately sought out. Or so I'm told.

I saw a third of my high school just walking around campus. Some of them said hi when they recognized who I was, others walked by me like they'd never seen me before, probably because they didn't recognize me at all. It's kind of depressing that it's the same faces again, but on the other hand, at least I know what I'm up against. Whenever they ask me where the hell I've been I just say I took a year and a half off and did some travelling. It seems to pass as a plausible explanation, and it's close enough to the truth that I don't have to watch out for my eye-twitch - or the contemptuous smile that comes with it.

:: 2008 17 May :: 4.52am
:: Music: Sade - Is It a Crime

Surely you want it back.

I've been out of Kuwait for a little over a month. My room feels dusty and unchanged. I wonder if this is what it was like while I was gone.

I think I might never know, and I'm not sure which I'd prefer.

:: 2008 11 May :: 9.58pm

the road to hell
i know it's cliche, but it is amazing how a group of rich humans no different than you and i have somehow achieved the power to send another, much larger group of poor, impotent humans to shoot at each other and die in the name of arbitrary nationalism. it's random chance that any one of us was born in america; we could have just as easily been born to iraqi or sudanese or chinese parents, in which case our world views would have been entirely different and rooted in whichever upbringing we happened to be born into. no one of us is any different or any better than the other, so what gives you the right to tell me what to do?

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:: 2008 8 May :: 10.25pm

how quickly things change.

:: 2008 1 May :: 6.30am
:: Music: Edith Piaf - Le Vieux Piano

Catch me, because this has been a long way down.

:: 2008 21 April :: 2.16am

Und so weiter...

I think this is what it must feel like to fall into time with no regard for anything except for when it's going to end.

P.S. This is not an unhappy post.

:: 2008 26 March :: 9.57pm

I'm sorry, I absolutely hate Maroon 5. And Zach Braff. There's nothing I can do about it.

:: 2008 20 March :: 10.19pm

After 8 years of the most atrocious orator in American (perhaps world) history, it's no wonder that the delicious prose of Obama is so inspiring. He's waking us up from the comas we imposed upon ourselves so as not to be implored to listen to the power-hungry, secretive, narrow-minded, lying bastards we called leaders. Leaders.

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:: 2008 15 March :: 10.16pm

jay: what were you doing?
me: nothing
watching tv
greys anatomy came on
jay: oh yuck
you like it bubi?
me: no
i dont get it
jay: hahaha
girly girls love it
i dont know either
me: everyone sleeps with everyone else
and then meredith gets pissed off at someone
jay: hahahha
me: and then the angry little black woman is mean to someone
and soemone learns a valuable lesson
jay: its like a german orgy in the garden, with everyone blindfolded, and one girl married to all the guys
me: LMAO
oh my God
i think that'll go in my blog

:: 2008 12 March :: 9.20pm
:: Music: Incubus - Southern Girl

Could you want me..?

It's time for another list of things I've realized about myself...

1- I am not nearly as strong as I thought I was. I am weak and full of insecurity. I fail almost everyone I care for and constantly pass around advice and trash talk which makes me a hypocrite.

2- I am so over everyone who wants to make my life harder than it needs to be. I know who I love and what I want out of that love, and everyone else, anyone holding their breath for an apology or some kind of reward for accepting me after I've run away, is very welcome to go to hell.

3- I can accept the bullshit situation I've put myself in, and I can even be happy in it, but I'm lonely and I need my friends, my real friends, to support me. Like I said, I'm weak.

4- I miss the closeness I used to have with people so I spend a lot of time reading through old emails from '04 and remembering what it was like to come home everyday from school to an email waiting to be read, full of love and support, sometimes pain and the need for comfort, and I miss it so much I try to grasp at it like some kind of faded washed out dream that wouldn't survive a serious breath. I am filled with dread that I might never have that closeness again with those people I love.