last night was a haze of cold cold cold, walking, an iron tin with a dangerous fire, line dancing, so many stars and dancing my poor brains out to the fritz beside ashlee jared joe gabbi mom and jonathan. i am so lucky. i know i'm a scratched record about this, but god damn i am so lucky.

and i don't want to have a girlgasm over this but for five years i have wanted this, outwardly and inwardly and last night in the freezing cold, my hazy memory is of jacob and myself reminding one another that we are always on the same team regardless of social complexities and unrest, and he said god damn, i have fallen completely in love with you, and i was lighting a cigarette and could see his face in the flame and i asked again: "jacob." "yes," "do you love me?" and i pulled inward on the cigarette he had rolled for me. "you stupid, beautiful girl, of course i do. you knew that before i did."

and then the two of us walked the long way back to the campsite, full but not too full of people and a warm fire and laughter, and you know what, if i wanted to be any happier i just couldn't.

leave a memo to my mind