i wish...
im so bored. i have nothing to do. im babysitting my sisters right now cuz my mom went to the movies. i dont mind babysitting so much because i need the money and plus i have nothing better to do. im really bored and im waiting to see if blondie is ever gonna get on so i can talk to her. im bored. yeah you know how i said that brian didnt like me anymore? well he does...just not as much. big whoop. anyways im feeling really depressed right now. i miss how things used to be...before i went out with danny and before brittanie went out with brian. i miss how things were towards the beginning of te school year. i miss how britt and i used to have long conversations about all the sh!t we were dealing with and we would help each other with problems and stuff. i miss how she used to always call me after school and we would complain about things. i miss how brian and danny would call me at night and we would talk for a long time...just about stupid stuff. i miss the feeling i had when i found out danny liked me and i miss the feeling i had when i first started going out with him. i miss the long conversations i had with brian. we would talk for hours and hours and we talked about everything...stupid random things and then we would talk about serious deep stuff. i liss how we used to always play truth or dare over the phone. i miss how josh would always give me hugs and stuff after school before he moved. i miss how i would freak out whenever i saw Dustin last year. i miss how things used to be. i miss how seventh grade was and i miss how the beginning of eighth grade was. i wish that Brittanie and brian had never gone out and that emilee and dominic had never gone out. i even wish that i still liked danny and i was still going out with him. as wierd as that sounds. i miss the good feeling i used to get whenever danny talked to me in PE. i miss everything how it used to be (to a point). i want PE to be fun again...i just want to be happy again. i wish the everyone else felt the same way about this as i did...because if they did...we could get it back. but they dont. they dont see anything wrong with the way things are now. they dont see anything wrong with britt and danny going out. they just think things are hunky dory...but they arent. i just want everyone to be happy again...i want everyone to be able to smile again and mean it. i want to be able to actually be happy and not have to pretend i am when im not. i just want things back to how they were before.

-ME

blah
hey. i havent updated in a while. oh well. i have been busy. there is too much that has happened lately to explain all of the details but i will try. well brian doesnt like me anymore...he likes brittanie (his best friends girlfriend...who s my best friend). that is kinda good...at least i have him off of my back. danny made me feel REALLY bad last night...he said something to me that made me feel like an evil witch that deserved to die. yeah...i had a good long talk with brittanie about everything that is bugging me. that helped a lot. i think brian and danny are mad at me but danny says that neither of them are...but i dunno. i keep trying to call brian but nobody will answer his phone. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HIM. i have things i need to straighten out with him. anyways i g2g. i have issues to deal with. ttyl.

-ME

yeah...
hey...im so bored. i have nothing to do...i was talking to my brittanie for a while but then her phone started to die...but anyways i went to a music store....FINAYLL!!! i got some picks and i was gonna get a tuner but they didnt have anymore because it was right after christmas. yeah i might start taking lessons in January...i really hope my parents let me...im so excited. yeah...i would start the lessons on my computer program i got but i cant if i have a guitar thats out of tune. anyways im also in a thinking-really-hard stage. i have been thinking about reinventing myself. like being more...just different. im sick of ppl always looking at me and thinking of me as little miss perfect (they do that cuz i get good grades....it gets really annoying) im not gonna stop getting my grades but im just sick of being looked down on. i dunno...its really hard to explain...but yeah. anyways im feeling really guilty right now cuz im not being really supportive of my friends realtionship. i mean this is the first major on she has had since she moved here a year ago and she is like one of my best friends. i just dont approve of it...i think he is too fast for her. its not like they are having sex and stuff but yeah. i just dont like it...maybe its cuz she has been different since they have been going out. before she used to kinda get me...and we used to be able to talk about everything...but now its like she doesnt care anymore and that she is too busy with him to notice that im still alive here. i cant talk to her about my problems that im actually having (even tho i sound happy now im not) cuz she is too wrapped up in her own little fantsy world, emilee doesnt get me (most of the time), brians is just being too wierd to talk to, and blondie is the only one i can talk to. she gets me and she actually acts like she cares. she will listen to my problems and even if im upset about something stupid...she still listens. nobody get me...im tired of being misunderstood and looked down on by ppl.

just stuff...
hiya!!! you know wut i dont get...is why people are so shallow and they take things for their face value. (im not talking about anyone specific...i was just sitting here thinking to my self and i thought of that all of a sudden.) for instance im in love with Good Charlotte but my friend Emilee hates them only because of the way they look. yeah i know they have a lot of piercings and tattoos and stuff but their arent as bad as some other bands i have seen. anyways i just thougt i would bring that up. im so sick of pretending...its really hard and i dont like it. i mean for the past week or so i have been happier than i have for a really long time. i mean the whole christmas thing has really cheered me up and this break form school has really helped with my mood. im still really snappy and stuff but only sometimes. ppl think im happy and stuff but what they dont know is that deep down im not. im actually really depressed. but ppl dont see that...they can ask wuts wrong and i will lie and say nothing when there really is something wrong, and all they do is say "okay then" and then they go on and on about pointless stuff. but some ppl acutally know wut im going through...im not gonna say any names but they should know who they are...they actually feel the pain i do. they know how hard it is to talk to someone about it. so instead of talk about it...i sit in my room all alone listening to music. if it werent for my music and the few friend i have that dont lie to me i wouldnt be here. and im dead serious about that. i mean im really happy about my cd and about christmas but when i was sitting in the car while my mom was in the commisary a really sad song cam on. it on my new gc cd. when i heard that i felt like crying...it broke my heart when i heard that song. i mean i heard it before but this is the time i actutally heard it without talking and stuff and it really got to me. im trying to figure out wuts up with my mom. she has been really grouchy lately. i mean she will go from being nice and stuff to being really mean and yelling at everyone. its pissing me off. plus i have been trying hard to push my feeling out of the way and worry and help my friends with thier problems. anyways i know some of you would rather not listen to me go on and on about all the shit so im gonna go. ttyl.

-ME

whats the dillio? lol
hey im so bored. i know i already updated but oh well. im really bored. i love this song. if u havent heard "Whats the Dillio" by Mest then u seriously need togo to launch.yahoo.com ad listen to it. its a kick ass song...its so funny. anyways i felt like writing something. anyways im gonna go see if i can find a good song to put on here...so ttfn.

-ME

omg
omg!!!! this christmas is soooooooooo awesome. i got a crap load of stuff i wanted. there were more CDs i wanted but i got a bunch of other stuff i really wanted so im good. i got a whole crap load of Good Charlotte stuff. i am so happy. i cant wait to watch my gc DVD later. anyways blondie is sooooooooooo awesome. her dad got her a cd with ALL of the unreleased Good Charlotte songs on it and she made me a copy of it and she is going to give it to me for a christmas present. she also got me the really awesome mest poster i wanted (Mest is a band...just so all you losers who dont know them now know what they are.) anyways im so happy. now im just waiting for my aunt, uncle, and cousins to come. i cant wait for them to get here. i also have lots of fun with them. (just so u all know they are older than me...one is 20 and the other is 18) anyways i better go. i have to make a duct tape wallet for Jake. (my little buddy at school) i promised i would make him one BEFORE christmas break but i never got around to getting the right kind of duct tape...so yeah...anyways i g2g. ttyl.

-ME

p.s. i hope u all had just as good a christmas as i did!!!

i cant wait
i cant wait. i have been doing everything i can think of to keep myself busy so that the day will seem to go by faster. i made a ginger bread house with my grandma and sisters today while my mom wrapped presents. it was really hard getting the pieces to stay together and not fall down. its already falling down...i think by tmrw morning it will be down. anyways my mom just told me to go and set up the air mattress...so i g2g. ttyl.

-ME

FINALLY!!!
i cant believe its finally christmas eve. tmrw is christmas...i have waited all year for this and its finally here. i get to make a gingerbread house today with my sisters and grandma while my mom wraps presents. i dont like gingerbread but i like the cany u put on it. anyways im trying to forget aobut everything bad that has been going on lately and im trying really hard to be happy and not depressed but its not easy. there ia whole big part of me that is happy and excited (not truly happy....the only way i would be truly happy was if i could spend christmas with my family in Maryland and if all my friends were truly happy) but there is a litle part of me that is still sad and depressed and stuff. the depression and sadness isnt as severe as it was before....but i bet it will after christmas. anyways i better go. i gotta take a shower. i will write more later.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (feliz navidad)
-ME

why why why???
omg...why? why are all of my friends having all of these problems? i never thought i would ever have to deal with a suicidal friend or with friends being really depressed(kinda like me). usually im the one really depressed. deep down i am...but my holiday spirirt is showing right now so i will save the depressiveness for AFTER the holidays. im having problems with one of my bestest friends in the world and her pathetic boyfriend. i have a feeling he is gonna hurt her and we dont want that now do we? if he hurts her...i will hurt him (physically and mentally). i have my ways of doing things...and that is one thing i CAN and WILL do if he hurts her. im also really mad at him...he has changed everything. he changed her...and i dont like that. now she is all...different...i liked things how they were before. i wish girls and guys (the ones in my group click thingy) could just be friends and not have feelings for each other. it wouls seriously cut down the drama. but noooooo, tings have to be difficult and drama filled. anyways i also feel bad for my other friend. she is going through hell riht now...with her "unnamed buddy" and all the stress is really breaking her down. all this stress is breaking me down too but im not worried about myself...just her. i wish things would just ease up a bit. anyways i gotta go. i have to do a major cleaning job on my room. ttfn.

-ME

i want presents
hey everyone. i cant wait itll christmas!!! fun fun fun. i am going to my aunt's house today. i get to eat and i think i get presents. nothing better than early presents. anyways im so bored. well my cousin is here so i better go. ttyl.

-ME