billyfan
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2003 16 December :: 12.46pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: The wird noise of blakes game!
Blah
I know I know, thank you sierra. It is just like when someone like me has a real problem it is like a cold everyone thinks that have problems to and try to do the things that I do, like Sara wrote this Pome and it said she cant stop lookig at the knife. OMFG! I mean really what kind of game are you playin with me? Well, I gotta go class is alomost out and blake is really watching something wierd! bye I love you!
4 bend & not |
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billyfan
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2003 15 December :: 12.52pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: funny niose of the printer
Blah!
Here I am at school on this website and I am not supposed to be but o well and also well I had to try on this other computer and I tried to get here and I could not so now I am on the nice new Dell computer! My friends have been thinking I was actually getting happy and getting over my suicidleness but I wasn't! I cut myself again last thursday and then once more on Sunday. This is just getting out of control, my friends are getting sooo pissed off! I mean What the Fuck I am sorry I am not happy but when you guys are sad I comfort you and give hugs but when I am sad and doin bad things you guys yell at me and hit me. That is soo not what I need. My dad has been going out late and leaving unexspectantly lately doin work busieness. And my has been going out to a lot of parties, and well I have been alone, a lot, more than I should be. My teacher Mr. Bartch is concerned but he does not no what I am going through he does not understand he is helpfull and all but I dont think he would even really care if I killed myself, And my friends they seem like the same way, I love them sOOOOOOOO much but sometimes I dont think they even care! G2G class is over!
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billyfan
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2003 14 December :: 9.04am
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: the funny noise of the dryer and washer
Uggggg!
Well I told you about my baby that was born yesterday, well I found something else that is sad about Stell(that is her name) You know she has only two toes on her front left foot, but on top of that she is blind in her right eye! What the Fuck! but I still love her a lot, she sqeuks more than any of my other babies! My mom and dad keep gettin all pissed at eachother, like all the time. They kinda force me to pick sides with them. Like one will want to take me somewhere and they will want me to agree with one about how crappy the other is. They always do this. And then they yell, a lot at me.........and that makes me angry. I dont eat anything all day and I come home and barely eat any of my dinner because they tell I am ugly and fat and that they wish I was not thier daughter. Alot of times they will say I am stupid or retarted. But something they dont know is that I am depressed and that i cut myself to relive my pain not cause it, but it seems to be visa versa, bbecause my friends get all worried about me and angry at me. Because of my depression and Suicidleness I have become a great writer/artist, i have books ii have written at least 100 notebooks full of my drawings and my poems and songs. although i show these to nowone that is okay. Another unfortunate effect is I force myself unowingly to loose my memory and well i forget a lot of things, big thiings, like remembering if something really bad happened the night before i just forget, but then someday later it comes back but I still am unsure of it. Well i gottat go towork in a few minutes Bye...................
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billyfan
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2003 13 December :: 11.18am
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: just the wierd noise of the computer and my bird in the back!
HI
I was at my friends house for a sleep over last night, and well she fell asleep, and slept all morning along with my other friends. I tried to wake them up, but it was hopeless. Then I tried to wake her up, I kicked her pushed her, sat on her, pocked her and everything and she still would not get up! Then my Dad called and told my Guini pig had her baby so I was going home, I still could not wake Sara up, so I just left and said bye with no response. I know she gets really grumpy in the morning so I guess it was a good thing she did not wake up! So I go home and I check out my Baby that my Guini pig had, It was a black Texel(If you dont know what that is I will post a picture later!) So I am looking at it, and it is kinda small but that is okay, teeth, perfect eyes perfect, all things looked good on the little girl, but to my misfortune I looked at its front right foot, and instead of haveing four toes, it had only two, so it cannot be shown in my show in january witch really makes me mad and I dont think it will live because it looks kindad slow, because it isnt moving much and the mom is not taking very good care of it! But it is my baby and I love it ne way.
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