:: 2004 7 June :: 7.24 pm

it's been a long time.
i'm free.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 4 June :: 12.27 am
:: Mood: tired

when you have too much of something, such as alcohol, it poisons you and naturally you try to throw it up. if you keep exposing yourself to it, it will eventually permanently harm you.

seems the same goes for your mind, but you don't have such an immediate gag reflex to protect you.

2 mind fragments | leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 2 June :: 11.58 pm

$725 out of pocket so some jackass and yank out my teeth. my insurance covered $850. thank god i have money saved up.. but geez. of all the things i could buy with $725, i'm gonna buy me some surgery.

less than two weeks now.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 1 June :: 8.11 pm

it's quite possible i may be needing a new roommate soon. i could afford my place on my own, but i don't really want to. we'll see how things go. there's a job i'm not supposed to know about that will be opening up in a couple months, and i have some very good people pushing for me to get it. if i get it, i could easily afford the apartment on my own and with only 1 job. though, i'm not sure i'd want to give up oberweis. my poor boss.

i hate not knowing what's going to happen, and at the same time, it's kind of exciting. i couldn't make my next dentist appointment cuz i can't even guess what my schedule will be like in 6 months. so i suppose when you factor in that, it's annoying too. annoying and exciting. geez.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 30 May :: 5.11 am

i've made a new promise to myself.

i will never, ever regret standing up for something i full-heartedly believe in, and i will never let anyone make me feel sorry for it.

it may be the absolute end, and he may never speak to me again. but i wasn't the only one that was worried about him tonight, but i was the first one to try to stop him from getting in the car. if he's going to believe that i stopped him for selfish reasons, then damn him. damn him if he can't see that i was purely 100% worried about his safety, and damn him if he's going to hold it against me that i tried all i could to keep him from drinking and driving. damn him for trying to make me feel guilty about it.

i've had enough. i'm tired.

1 mind fragment | leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 28 May :: 3.26 am

so, as a serious question that's actually to be contemplated, what is the point of living?

i'm not being whiny, or depressing, or self-pitying. i really, sincerely just want to know what people think about this.

let's say i favor death, and we're debating about it. what backs up your argument?

1 mind fragment | leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 27 May :: 2.03 pm

so, i had been planning on "throwing in the towel" at my second job.. but after today's meeting, i don't think thats going to be happening. geri successfully talked me out of it.. and it wasn't just a guilt trip. things are gonna be okay. i need to work on myself some more before i rule out that oberweis is doing it to me.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 26 May :: 8.09 pm
:: Mood: tired

i think i slept alright last night.
yea, today was a long day. everyone kept asking me what was wrong. i guess that's a tough spot to be put into, when you care & you're curious, but knowing that when you ask "what's wrong?" or "are you okay?" that it's just going to trigger those little glands in their eyes. and of course, it didn't take that much some of the time today.

i'm gonna be okay, and it sucks knowing that and still crying... still feeling hurt. i feel like i'm trying to convince myself.. but i really do honestly know this. this isn't going to kill me, it's just going to give me insight into how i deal with relationships and what i need to change and look for more.

i just feel so alone right now. dustin's my best friend, and he'll be there for me.. but that's kinda rough, ya know? maybe having my wisdom teeth pulled will be a good thing. it'll give me a break away from work and the apartment and i'll relax.. in pain.. but i'll get to relax nonetheless.

i hope the doctor gives me lots of drugs.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 25 May :: 8.14 pm
:: Mood: ill

i'm so hungry, but i can't eat.
everytime i even look at food, my stomach aches. i think i might be coming down with something.

AND i have to get all of my wisdom teeth taken out the tuesday after i get back from michigan. i'm gonna be so poor. paying for the surgery and not working for a week! i'm glad i've saved my tax return money.

i'm so tired.
tomorrow is gonna be a long day.
i'm not looking forward to it at all.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 25 May :: 12.25 am

throwing in the towel on relationship: check.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 24 May :: 9.16 pm
:: Mood: discouraged

i'm really ready to throw in the towel on everything. this is bull shit.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 17 May :: 8.11 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

i hate my bosses, i hate my co-workers, and i hate the majority of my customers. damn my love for being able to take care of myself.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 14 May :: 1.55 am
:: Mood: uncomfortable

hip hip hooray for the most awkward situation i could put myself in tonight

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 12 May :: 11.40 pm
:: Mood: tired

i always think i have so much to say until i start to talk. it's so well worded, planned out, sincere, and meaningful inside my head.. but i never can get the words out

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 10 May :: 1.22 am
:: Mood: tired

how'd it feel to open your eyes for the first time?

i think sometimes we hide just to be found, we keep secrets so they can be uncovered, and we tell lies so people see the truth.
i can't write in a normal journal anymore because i always write as if someone is going to find it one day... then i want them to know everything while at the same time, not really knowing me. there's so much to say and so much of it useless, while there's too little explanation and not enough recording and venting or whatever the use is for it at the time. not wanting to be negatively judged when it becomes ashes in a junkyard somewhere.

some words are just erased by time, but you can't judge their mortality.

i'm really tired.

leave a piece of your mind