:: 2004 22 January :: 7.07 pm
:: Mood: excited

i'm getting a jack russell terrier!

2 mind fragments | leave a piece of your mind

:: 2004 21 January :: 8.23 pm
:: Mood: content

so i've been not-so-seriously looking for an additional job for a couple days now. i haven't actually applied for anything.. just looked around to see if anything was "worth my time." and i only say that because the job i am at now has completely spoiled me. i think i'm going to go for more of a mindless job. subway starts at $8.50. the portrait studio wants me back, but that's only $7.00. i found a retail job for $8.00. the grocery stores here are union, so they start nicely. one of them is hiring floral assistants. that'd be interesting... and home depot starts pretty high.. and hotels would have flexible hours.. then i found some not-so-mindless jobs in the paper. educational assistants, clerical jobs, and whatnot.. it's nice to have your options open, but it really slows down my motivation. i should probably get something soon. it's also not helping much that i know i can afford my rent, gas, groceries, and car payment on my current income, and i just sent off my W2's.

i do want to get a new job soon though, because i'd like to get a dog. i won't know if i could really logically get a dog though, until i figure out what my second job will be. i need to make sure i have time for it, before i jump in and go adopt one. i figure if i am too busy for a dog, i won't be thinking about it much anyways, thus decreasing my yearning.

blech, i am bored.

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:: 2004 20 January :: 6.19 pm
:: Mood: tired

sleepy? why wait?

so i was like half asleep the whole way to work today, and somehow i got here about 15 minutes faster than usual. i'm pretty sure there were no fatalities. then i discovered i got here early and i went and took a nap on 4.

anyways, i love, love, love my new car. but i don't think i'll be driving it home for a little while now. michigan = snow. but there's always a chance i'll get restless, i suppose.

i need to get into a traveling job so i'll never get bored. =T

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:: 2004 15 January :: 8.37 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

i'm exhausted. my moods have been fluxuating between high and low so much lately. excited about that, stressed about this, high strung over little things, jumpy, from happy, to sad, to sick feeling, to alert, to tired...

and when it's all through i just feel genuinely depressed, but content that things have worked themselves out. it's odd. my stomach hurts.

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:: 2004 14 January :: 7.13 pm
:: Mood: excited

so i got a new car. i found a cute little '03 toyota matrix with very low miles and very good gas mileage that was loaded with options for a very nice price, so i sorta jumped on it like a fool. then i sold my car yesterday for $500. the guy picked it up today and i was kind of sad to see it go, actually. sure, it was a piece of crap, but i loved that car. alas, life goes on.

so figuring out how to get a new car has been about all i've been doing for the past week, ever since my transmission decided to start acting up. i think i'm coming up to michigan in february (depending on when i get my second job) to show my parents the vehicle, so i'll probably be up for a weekend if anybody wants to see me

of course, i did get offered my old job at the portrait studio today. i'm not sure i want to work there again though. it's too much stress for too little money. i think i'll try a few other places first.

other than all of that, i don't really have mcuh to say. dustin thinks i'm a morning person. imagine that. heh.

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:: 2004 7 January :: 8.18 pm
:: Mood: excited

has anybody ever owned a rav4? because i think i'm in love.

yes yes, the time has come for me to start looking at new vehicles. i want to get a new one within the next month or so. anyways, cars just don't appeal to me anymore. and then i saw this darling little suv, and i was in love. so my two top choices are now a jeep liberty renegade and a toyota rav4. i'm leaning toward the rav4 because of how much better the gas mileage is, though i'm finding used ones are more expensive than the jeeps and my insurance would be cheaper with a jeep. though it's kind of comforting that the value doesn't decrease all that much in the rav4. anyways, dustin talked to his friend who says she loves her rav4, and kelli told me she heard some bad stuff about jeeps, but i wasn't really paying attention to her. but that's all i've really heard about either besides the information i looked up.

i'm getting excited about the prospect of a new vehicle, though i should probably calm down a bit because i don't even know if i'll be able to fit in it yet. "fit" as in my feet comfortably reaching the pedals while at a safe distance from the steering wheel.

i need to grow.

oh! and it's dustin's birthday. happy birthday, old man.

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:: 2004 3 January :: 1.59 pm
:: Mood: chipper

build me an everlasting monument
build me the greatest instrument of destruction
oh, build me a reason to add to the reasons
destroy the earth
begin all the freezing
and destroy all the things that reside deep inside yourself...

build me the tallest stage
build me the saddest play
because we all live on lifeless strings
afraid of what tomorrow brings
oh but living in fear has become an essential way (to live)

oh but sometimes
you can see right through
the confessions
they are telling you

so build me a reason
build me a reason why...
build me a reason to test all the seasons
stand up to the winter
the dark and the freezing
say anything just to pass the time

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2003 30 December :: 8.38 pm
:: Mood: tired

i went to lunch and a movie today with lucy, maria, and laura. i think seeing a movie kind of put me in the mind set that it was more like 10pm when it was really only 3pm when the movie got out. the sun was still shining and i still had to go to work. =( boo. so i've been sleepy ever since i got here and i can't find anything to do except drink my caffeinated beverage. i just want to go home.

dustin is coming over tonight. kim's ex-boyfriend got the legal letters today stating that she is taking him to court, so she's a little nervous. having dustin over will make her feel better, though i'm not terribly sure i want to see him tonight. i'm all confused about dustin and it's starting to piss me off. i'm just going to back off for a while and see where that puts us--or him, rather. he just needs to see that i won't be lost without him. i know i've been kinda clingy, but i'm a fan of instant self-gratification. if i have a need or want, i like it to be dealt with ASAP. there's still a lot of emptiness left in me from my break up with billy, and having dustin with me helps me get through it. i'm over billy, but i guess i'm not really over being heart broken and unsettled. i'm not really close to anybody anymore. it's not that i call dustin a lot and beg him to see me.. usually he sets when he's going to come over. what bothers him is that i get sad when he leaves. i know it's stupid, but i just enjoy his company. even if we're just sitting there, reading our books next to each other, i like having him there.. holding me or kissing me every once in a while.. rubbing our feet together or whatever. it's not that i can't live without him, it's just that i want him with me. but he's getting all weird because he's scared of getting in too deep. he's so tragically sweet, but when we're around other people or when he's talking to other people about me, he likes to act like i really don't mean much to him. he talks about me more like an object or something, i don't know, maybe because it makes him feel better or stronger.. i don't know what he really wants, but i know i don't want to go through another relationship where i get treated like shit because the guy is confused, not even if i care about the guy as much as i do for dustin. no, thank you.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2003 27 December :: 10.25 am
:: Mood: tired

cranberry pills for all.

so it's been a good week. i only worked one day, besides today. but i get paid for two other days too. and after how pathetic last week's paycheck was from me being in florida, next week's check is going to look very nice. this amused me though. my gross pay for my 8 hours of vacation time last week was $114.08. and my net pay was $65.69. that's $48.39 of total deductions from my measly paycheck. whew, i put too much money away.

christmas was nice. i opened presents with kim and her kids, then headed out to my ex-boyfriend's family get-together, and then to my boyfriend's house, and then back to kim's for a party. then yesterday, dustin and i went to my favorite restaurant and then took his little sister to see the lord of the rings. it doesn't sound like a lot, but i am so tired. i was lucky to wake up in time for work today after falling asleep after i turned off my alarm clock this morning.

i want to go grocery shopping.

1 mind fragment | leave a piece of your mind

:: 2003 23 December :: 6.24 pm
:: Mood: tired

whew, i had so much fun in florida! great weather, ocean breeze, fruit trees, swimming, sunsets, good food, dustin.. needless to say, i didn't want to come back.

although, it was nice to come home. everyone is getting ready for all of their christmas festivities and everything is going so well. well, besides the ankle sprain.. hehe, i fell down last night when i was out. oh well, atleast i'm not old and it's not broken.

i met this guy last night who gave me a little pep talk about the choices people make and what they do about their problems, and how we feel is our decision and all of that stuff.. as much as i felt like he was preaching to me for an hour straight, it made me feel really good. it was weird because everything he said, i can remember feeling the same way at one time, but i can't figure out when it became so hard to believe and live by. anyways, the pep talk seemed to be just what i needed. life is good. =)

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:: 2003 11 December :: 7.00 pm
:: Mood: drained

Not a lot of patience
You're not a patient man
Don't have a heart to stay with
You get it while you can
Just because you can
Get out of it

And I wasted your time, didn't I and
That that's the reason we fight all the time
It's been so long since you've been a friend of mine

Gonna take a vacation
Stop chasing what I lack
Am I gonna get blown off
As soon as I get back
On another track
Without you

'Cause I don't have the heart to try
One more false start in life
It's been so hard to get it right
Seems like the moment I catch up
The farther you fly

And I wasted your time, didn't I and
That that's the reason we fight all the time
It's been so long since you've been a friend of mine

And I wasted your time, didn't I
And that's the reason we fight all the time
It's been so long since you've been a friend to me
It seems like I dreamed and now I'm waking up to daylight
What happened, when did you let go of me
I miss you so badly

It's been so long since you've been a friend of mine

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2003 10 December :: 8.58 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

you'd think i'd be happy. i was so fucking worried. but it just angers me now. i want to cry. oh well. i'm at work. no crying. customers will wonder...

in other news, lots of cookies. i'm so tired from baking today. maybe i'll get some decent rest tonight after i finish them when i get home. they're being mailed tomorrow with any luck.

i'm still excited about friday but i'm starting to worry about stupid things again. i'm also beginning to feel guilty and regretful and all those other emotions that make me feel like a worthless piece of shit.

i'm just in a bad mood. i will cheer up by tomorrow. instead of telling my friends to calm down if the situation arises, i decided to start telling them "you need to get laid." it gets a good laugh. well, maybe i need to get laid. ha.

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:: 2003 8 December :: 7.31 pm
:: Mood: content

i shop too much. it's official. i'm a shop-a-holic. i keep telling myself, it'll all be over this week. one more christmas gift to buy. but i've fallen victim to the word "sale." someone keep me out of the malls =(

in other news, i'm leaving for florida friday and i'm terribly excited. i can't wait to get away for a little bit. i hope we can find someone else to go with us though. someone, anyone? 12th-20th?

other than that, nothing terribly exciting on this end of the line. i've been doing pretty well lately. it seems things are looking up for me, though i'd still like to win the lottery.

2 mind fragments | leave a piece of your mind

:: 2003 1 December :: 8.26 pm
:: Mood: tired

i'm going to florida. =)
annoying girl is upset because bitchy girl will be filling in for me 2 of the days i am gone. oh well. i don't care, it's just that she won't shut up about it.

in any case, i'm starting to enjoy being alone and keeping my thoughts inside. i like being able to sit and think and problem solve and wonder and dream and whatnot without someone worrying about me. i like not being a hassle.

leave a piece of your mind

:: 2003 25 November :: 8.29 pm
:: Mood: cranky

ow, my cervix.

everyone is worried about me. i want to stay home on thanksgiving. i've been invited to my ex-boyfriend's, my new boyfriend's, a co-worker's, and my roommate/landlord's family's houses because everyone is worried about me staying home on such a holiday. i just tell them "besides, i'm asian." and it makes them chuckle, but then they get all serious again. "really karen, you shouldn't be by yourself on thanksgiving." oh well.

st. louis is wearing me down. i think i'm gonna take a vacation in december. dustin and i might go to captiva. long drive, but it's a break away from here. i'm getting restless. i want to move again. new state. i should probably get a degree or something. i need more marketable skills. but i can't see sitting through 4 years of college to work at a job with more responsibility than this one and only making about 5k more to start.

i think i should win the lottery. then i can just put the money away and be free from financial worries. well, not free. i'd buy up lots of property. FSBO's only. but other than that, i think i'd just travel a lot. do what i want. relax. find myself. yea. the lottery sounds good. maybe i'll buy a ticket one day. hehe.

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