WHY DO I BOTHER ANYMORE, I WANT TO GET A LIMO FOR SEMI, BUT IM NOT PAYING FOR IT ALONE! THERE ARE MAYBE 5 OTHER PPL GOING AND KNOWING ME ILL GET STUCK PAYING FOR IT, THAN MY SISTER HAS TO GO AND RAG ON ME ABOUT, THIS KINDA STUFF MAKES ME WANT TO PUT MYSELF IN A PLASTIC BUBBLE AND NEVER LEAVE AGAIN I MEAN SERIOUSLY IM GONNA TOTALLY FLIP OUT WHATS THE POINT OFHAVING FRIENDS? WHATS THE POINT OF HAVING ANYTHING ANYMORE! I CANT TAKE IT I SWEAR IT TO GOD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE! IM NOT DOING IT NO MORE, IM SO THROUGH OMG!!

Oh my God! People make me so mad! You try to make plans with people, and you get dicked over! I'm so tired of it! I have feelings to you know! My God!! I'm like about to scream! I had so much fun though tonight with my Aunt Terri, Uncle Mark, My cousin's Annmarie, Taylor, and Vinny. We went to the Haunted Woods at Washington Township Park. It was so much fun, when the people would growel at my cousin Vinny, he growled back. It was so cute! We went to Mickey D's than Wal-Mart, and now, I come home to bullshit! Not family bullshit, but just the fact that I am getting ignored and a whole bunch of crap. It's really starting to make me mad. On Halloween about 9 or 10 people were supposed to come, from what I know, only 3 or 4 will be here including myself! Why do I even bother inviting people over? Wait, why do I even make the attempt to be nice to people and be friends with them!? But whatever, this is the last time, I'm so friggin tired of being treated like shit, ok whatever i better go before i get even more bitchy than i am,

<3 Sam

I went to my grandmother's today, and for the longest time (from 6-9th grade) I was doing horrible in school. Now I am doing really well, and I was telling her about it, but then she rubs it in my face that my cousin, Annmarie is being boosted up to an Algebra 2 or Geometry class. Don't get me wrong, I love my cousin to death, I seriously mean it, but my grandmother is trying to make this rivalry there, and it makes her mad that it's not working. When it comes to math I am the stupidest person ever. Math is my worse subject ever! I mean, honestly, all you really need to know is to add, subtract, multiply, and divide! I mean seriously, when are you honestly gonna use this pi times radius squared crap. I mean honestly, it has nothing pertaining to what I want to pursue in my life, I mean, I used to have sketches of my dream house, but I didn't need dimensions or anything like that for it, I mean seriously, why does she have to compare me to everyone else? I am going to be successful, I am going to show everyone, I can succeed, and that I am without a doubt NOT a failure! I mean God, people make me so mad! But, what can you do, it's just life. My mom was talking to me the other day, we were watching an old movie called Paytone's Place, and when they graduated, they have all known each other since kindergarten, it made me think of the people I have been in school with since than. I started to cry, in 2 years about, I'm moving to Florida, I don't know what I'm going to do without them, down to even Kevin, Mark, and CJ. I mean wow, and the one that kills me the most is my Bridget Mary, I love that girl, I have been friends with her since Kindergarten, and to lose a friendship like that will kill me, and when I move, I am mailing her a plane ticket whenever I can to come see me, I'll miss her so much! I don't know what I would do without that girl, same thing with my Jeanna Marie, those are my 2 best girls from here. But, I guess that if the friendship is true, we can all pull it through. If we all love eachother as much as we say we do, we DEFINATELY can make it through.

<333 Sam <333

Ok, I know for sure, I am a boring person. But, I don't know what I do wrong. People judge me long before they know me and then expect me to give them what they want, when they want it. I am so tired of being so nice. I can't stand it anymore, we got our new groups for fitness day 2day, and let me tell u, if Chelsea starts saying shit, she will with out a doubt find a 10 pound weight up her behind! She is so petty, and I am so through with the petty crap. We aren't in 3rd grade anymore, it's definately time to grow up and face reality. People need to also learn that they aren't the only one with problems, and their problems are the worse. I mean honestly, no one has problems as bad as those people who live out on the street, are dying of starvation in a 3rd world country! I mean seriously, money, and family, is nothing compared to some peoples lives. Everyone has problems in some way, they always have something to make them feel better though. I don't. Don't get me wrong, I have my friends and all that, but there is something missing, something else, I don't know what it is, but I need to get over it. It's time to grow up, seriously, no more petty crap, no more arguing, I need to knuckle down, and pass this year with flying colors. I need to, I don't want to get in trouble anymore, and uggh! But, I don't know, here's some old poetry of mine from when me and Timmy Putnam 1st started fighting, and he STILL wont talk to me :-\

A knife can pierce my skin, but nothing can hurt like the way you pierced my heart.

I don't want to type no more <333 Sam

Well, what's there to say? Nothing really, just that I have been talking to Vince alot, and just talking to alot of ppl alot more than I used to. I don't know so much has changed. It seems my maturity level is getting so high, that I want nothing to do with somethings and some people because I think the stuff they are doing is immature. Is thee something wrong with me? I mean I don't know, I really don't! My personality is getting to old for me. I don't know, I guess I'm confused about everything, but I know I have my friends there for me! I love you guys! Y'all know who you's are! Thanks bunches! Bonnie has helped me through something, it's nothing big, but it's still something, she's pretty much like the ONLY one who actually tries to make me feel better about this situation! Everyone thinks it's this big thing...well, it is but uggh..i dunno, It's getting late and I'm so tired! Bye!
Love yall! *Kiss*

<3 Sam <3

Ok, so this is kinda 3 days late but 3 days ago i was talking to Chris, and yeah jackass me fell for him, knowing he was like in total love with Christine. . .I choose the best ppl to like now dont i? I have the convo w/ Chris saved, I tried so hard. . .but ya know

Crimzon Regret: whats the matter
dEvourEr 3K: nothing
Crimzon Regret: bullshit
Crimzon Regret: tell me whats wrong. . .what makes u think ur an asshole, whats on your mind sweetheart
dEvourEr 3K: nothing i'm pissed off
Crimzon Regret: why, what happened?
dEvourEr 3K: nothing happened in general
dEvourEr 3K: i'm just tried of being second best
Crimzon Regret: christine. . .??
dEvourEr 3K: you catch on pretty fast
Crimzon Regret: chris calm down
dEvourEr 3K: i can't calm down
Crimzon Regret: dc w. me im gonna show u our convo, i didnt want to but i am going to anyway
dEvourEr 3K wants to directly connect.
dEvourEr 3K is now directly connected.
Crimzon Regret: ripstarsfrmmysky: my :-\ face is cuz of chris
Crimzon Regret: why?
ripstarsfrmmysky: cuz he's in love with me and i can't give him the same feeling back and i am seeing jared and it's hurting chris an dlike i lu(o)ve that kid and i don't wanna hurt him
Crimzon Regret: ahh confusion
ripstarsfrmmysky: chris means the world to me sam
Crimzon Regret: does he?
ripstarsfrmmysky: yea he does
Crimzon Regret: and jared?
ripstarsfrmmysky: but liek things inside me r tellin me to give jared a try
Crimzon Regret: but whats ur heart telling
Crimzon Regret: u
ripstarsfrmmysky: what mean and chris have is better then any g/f b/f relationship could ever be
Crimzon Regret: hmm
ripstarsfrmmysky: my hearts sayin to give jared a chance
ripstarsfrmmysky: but like it's sayin to lub my christopher lubber boy too
Crimzon Regret: dont u wish u could do 2 @ once
ripstarsfrmmysky: that would hurt chris even more
ripstarsfrmmysky: i'd hate to do that
Crimzon Regret: no thats not what i meant
ripstarsfrmmysky: i'd kill my self b/f i'd rip his heart out
Crimzon Regret: wow, ur in a tough situation
ripstarsfrmmysky: i'm gonna go clean now i just wanted to tell ya what was up... i'll be back in a bit
ripstarsfrmmysky: u can tell him all of it
ripstarsfrmmysky: i don't mind
Crimzon Regret: ok im not telling him
Crimzon Regret: its not my plave
Crimzon Regret: *place
Crimzon Regret: ill talk to u later though ok sweetie
ripstarsfrmmysky: u can tho if ya wanted to cuz i don't mind at all
ripstarsfrmmysky: bubi
Crimzon Regret: byee
dEvourEr 3K: well what i'm telling everyone
dEvourEr 3K: is i hate being second best
dEvourEr 3K: this happens with every girl
Crimzon Regret: i didnt wanna send u it because it isnt my place to tell, but i did
dEvourEr 3K: why don't you IM koryanne
dEvourEr 3K: and ask her what happened
Crimzon Regret: i dont knwo her
dEvourEr 3K: hilbliss, that's her SN
dEvourEr 3K: ask her what happened with me and her
dEvourEr 3K: i was always second best
dEvourEr 3K: and i'm so sick and tired of it
Crimzon Regret: chris, maybe theres sum1 ur not 2nd best too, right now
dEvourEr 3K: who?
dEvourEr 3K: i don't have anyone
dEvourEr 3K: christine is like all i got
dEvourEr 3K: and my friend frank
Crimzon Regret: i dont know, open ur eyes hunnie, no shes not
dEvourEr 3K: i'm don't know how to react anymore, sometimes i want to live, sometimes i want to do
dEvourEr 3K: die
Crimzon Regret: no dying chris
dEvourEr 3K: sometimes
dEvourEr 3K: i just wanna cry and say why me?
Crimzon Regret: chris, to some ppl
Crimzon Regret: they would love to be second best
Crimzon Regret: instead of being nothing
Crimzon Regret: so w/ sum ppl consider urself lucky
Crimzon Regret: against
Crimzon Regret: **
dEvourEr 3K: how am i lucky?
Crimzon Regret: atleast your in her heart
dEvourEr 3K: i have to watch the girls i love be with some other guy, cause i wasn't good enough?
Crimzon Regret: atleast she likes u
Crimzon Regret: chris
Crimzon Regret: trying watching EVERY person u ever liked walk off w/ ur best friend because u werent good enough
dEvourEr 3K: christine is like my best friend, but i want more then that
dEvourEr 3K: and i can't have that
Crimzon Regret: i know how that is too
Crimzon Regret: i understand how u feel
Crimzon Regret: completely i do
dEvourEr 3K: well
dEvourEr 3K: this is what i'm saying
Crimzon Regret: and i understand u
dEvourEr 3K: i know something with her and jared is going to happen..
dEvourEr 3K: and i'm never going to get a chance
Crimzon Regret: NO
Crimzon Regret: dont think like that!
dEvourEr 3K: cause jared got first call
Crimzon Regret: so
dEvourEr 3K: WHY?
dEvourEr 3K: cause it's so possible?
Crimzon Regret: BECAUSE
Crimzon Regret: everythings possible
Crimzon Regret: me getting hit by a plane 2morrow is possible
Crimzon Regret: u getting a chance w/ christine is possible
Crimzon Regret: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
dEvourEr 3K: no it isn't
Crimzon Regret: YES IT IS
dEvourEr 3K: with jared there
dEvourEr 3K: I DON'T HAVE A CHANCE
Crimzon Regret: YES U DO!
dEvourEr 3K: get the fucking clue?
Crimzon Regret: chris i get it
dEvourEr 3K: didn't you just hear what she said?
Crimzon Regret: u need to think outside the box!
dEvourEr 3K: why outside?
dEvourEr 3K: when everything in
dEvourEr 3K: is already there
dEvourEr 3K: all the details i need
dEvourEr 3K: i have
Crimzon Regret: because ur putting more shit in the box than there is supposed to be
dEvourEr 3K: well
dEvourEr 3K: with jared there
dEvourEr 3K: i don't have a chance
dEvourEr 3K: can't you see that?
Crimzon Regret: how do u know he will always be there
Crimzon Regret: yes i see it
Crimzon Regret: i lived like that
Crimzon Regret: !
dEvourEr 3K: sam.
Crimzon Regret: chris
dEvourEr 3K: they are going out to dinner again
dEvourEr 3K: i can't even afford to take her out
Crimzon Regret: theres more to a person
Crimzon Regret: than materialisticness
Crimzon Regret: hes trying to buy her
Crimzon Regret: as u are trying to win her
dEvourEr 3K: yeah
dEvourEr 3K: and he's in the lead
dEvourEr 3K: obviously
Crimzon Regret: chris. . hunnie. . .
Crimzon Regret: materialisticness always is in the lead
dEvourEr 3K: yeah
dEvourEr 3K: and i know that
dEvourEr 3K: but i can't give those kinds of things
dEvourEr 3K: i can't afford to do that
dEvourEr 3K: i'm not 21
dEvourEr 3K: i don't go to college
dEvourEr 3K: i don't have a job that pays 13 bucks an hour
Crimzon Regret: i understand that
dEvourEr 3K: that's what he has
dEvourEr 3K: i don't have any of that
dEvourEr 3K: and he's going to have her..
dEvourEr 3K: and i'm gonna be sitting here
dEvourEr 3K: once again
Crimzon Regret: chris, if u think material is going to win her, all well and good in a way it will, but it wont EVER show her the love that u can
dEvourEr 3K: yeah well
dEvourEr 3K: what if he can?
dEvourEr 3K: she obviously thinks he can
dEvourEr 3K: that's why i'm not in line first
Crimzon Regret: if he has to resort to taking her somewhere and buying her sumthing everytime they see each other, she wont have a chance to know the love, all she will know is material. . . .chris no1 can always be 1st in line, have u ever ran or played a sport and ALWAYS got in 1st place? i dont think so
dEvourEr 3K: uhmn
dEvourEr 3K: that's the thing
dEvourEr 3K: i never get 1st place
Crimzon Regret: it always starts off being 2nd or 3rd best, but eventually u will get 1st place
dEvourEr 3K: i'm never the prize fucking winner
Crimzon Regret: u have to be patient and not rush
dEvourEr 3K: well
dEvourEr 3K: if i'm such the perfect guy like every girl says i am
dEvourEr 3K: why don't i have a gf?
dEvourEr 3K: why am i so lonely?
dEvourEr 3K: and sad all the time, cause i don't have a girl who loves me?
Crimzon Regret: chris if im as sweet as everyone says i am, why dont i have a b/f. . i know how u feel! trust me i know, i know what its like to not be 1st in line!
dEvourEr 3K: yeah well
dEvourEr 3K: it sucks
dEvourEr 3K: and i'm so tired of it
dEvourEr 3K: i just want to know why.. why me?
dEvourEr 3K: why did i get this fucking burden?
Crimzon Regret: i know, but i force my self every morning to believe that somethings goin to go different eventually, im tired of it too, wht is it im never 1st or second best to everyone
Crimzon Regret: brb
dEvourEr 3K: k
Crimzon Regret: k
dEvourEr 3K: wb
Crimzon Regret: thank you
dEvourEr 3K: well this is what i'm saying
dEvourEr 3K: out of everything in the world at this moment, the thing i would want more than anything in the world is her, that's it her..
Crimzon Regret: i kno thi
Crimzon Regret: s
dEvourEr 3K: well it's like i'm suffering
Crimzon Regret: i understand, i know what its like, its the worse feeling, its like ur insides are being torn out like ur heart is being stompted on by a million horses
dEvourEr 3K: well
dEvourEr 3K: this happened to me
dEvourEr 3K: like
dEvourEr 3K: not too long ago
dEvourEr 3K: by the last girl
Crimzon Regret: this same situation has been happening to me ever since. . . .5th or 6th grade. .but to the point where they would find out i liked them, and hate me,
dEvourEr 3K: well
dEvourEr 3K: i dunno what i'm doing anymore
dEvourEr 3K: regardless
dEvourEr 3K: i gotta get off.
Crimzon Regret: ok
Crimzon Regret: if u wanna talk, im allowed on the phone till 11, gimme a call ok
dEvourEr 3K: bye
dEvourEr 3K direct connection is closed.

I am way to nice, I really am! uggh, and now today. . .i wrote a poem its not done but its dedicated to him. . actually its kinda dedicated to all the ppl i ever liked. . .
When I speak to you, I don't know what it is, a smile comes across my face, my stomach begins to toss and turn. But than I notice, it's not me that you want, it's her. It's so hard to hold back the way I feel, the only thing I am is there for you and a friend. But I want more, I want something I cannot recieve! When you begin to tell me about your experiences with her, my smile fades away, my stomach stops turning, and my eyes begin to water, I try to make the best of it, but I know that it's not possible, my eyes fill up with the unbeatable. I only have my thoughts now and the thought that I fell for you. But, than I discover, this is a continuous cycle in my life. I always fall for someone who cannot return my feelings. So here I am left with this space, this space in my heart that only one person can fill....(It;s not finished yet, so yeah, comment to me on what you think)...I try to hard sometimes. . .i dont know anymore, im just going to go
Much Love