See You At The Bitter End

See You At The Bitter End

:: 2003 16 July :: 4.54am
:: Mood: about to fuckin kill myself and others
:: Music: fucking thoughts of how exactly to kill em all

fuck u!
god damn fuck i am pissed and sad and fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!! for one person nothing is good enuff and another wont say any fucking thing cept that i "wouldnt understand" without fucking giving me a chance and another keeps complainin but only tellin half the story and another i have always hated and another i will just amuse myself by killin and i dunno but i will find sumtin wrong with this person and collect all there eyes in one big jar.....then nobody will ever have anything nobody else doesnt....they are all the same fucking things and then i can not hate them...they are just eyes..nothing more...nothing less...fuck i am still a fucking pathetic virgin thats all i ever will be nothing can ever change as much as i may try to make it i have no say in this world in my life in anything it is all preplanned but then y is my life meant to be so shitty??nobody will fucking like me for who i am and i accept that but here i go off bein selfish and thinkin only of myself again but i am in such a terrible mood kuz i thought of others...maybe i need to stop considering them?be a hermit all alone forever?that would make stuff easier but i would still find sumtin wrong kuz i always do and i am leavin for eureka soon and then i will be surrounded constantly no leavin no bein alone and i swear i am goin to commit suicide up there while everyone is asleep fuck im done with this hardly anyone reads my journal anywho but sumtimes it helps just to put it all in writing sumwheres

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 15 July :: 2.48am
:: Mood: discontent
:: Music: buzzz goes the computer

its dark in here
i actually clicked the wrong link and didnt wanna update my journal kuz i have nuttin reaally to put in it cept i was right now that convo ended completely opposite of how started and its funny and now i talkin to bethy and kyle and lindsey kinna sorta not reelly and me and kyle talkin bout if i were to ever go there hed get me drunk and wed sit and watch tv and eat chips and bethy and i talkin bout alcyhol also and i not sure y all this alcyhol came up but i not allowed to be up now kuz i was sposed to be in bed by the latest 12 and now its 1 and yah i am gettin a tummyache again poo:( i dont get comments anymore...SUMONE LEAVE ME A DAMN COMMENT!!!!!!

5 Hearts | Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 14 July :: 1.29pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: audioslave

i cant type
i am reelly tired but just got back from gfh kuz kaylenie was so ikind as to volunteer me to be pitured for the yearbook cover. like cut out this persons eyes to go there and this mouth there and such. i have "diversity". YaY for me??? it seemed like they took a lot longer on my face than kaylenes.....i dont know if i liked kuz i not photogenic...bailey got a journal and her name is bailerz just to let yall know but i dunno if she wants that out but now ppl MIGHT read it......i wanna go bak to sleep*pout*

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 12 July :: 3.46am
:: Mood: itchy
:: Music: janies got a gun.....my favoritest song by aerosmith

damn i update too much.......
i was lookin through pics of me bai recently got developed and they are around warped tour time and yah i realized i reelly look like shit and bai said one of em was a reelly good pic of me and i thot damn that explains why nobody will ever like me.......................and bsides that i am a big bitch with an attitude no decent person could handle so yah i can see why i have not once gotten the person i wanted and i have no life it is all so clear to me now and no im not just bein pathetic apart from wut it may seem tho i am paffetic alot...another reason y im soo repulsive so yah..........................nobody has wanted to do anything with me for the past week cept bai and shellio but bai just lives over here and its me or be alone kuz joe only comes at night so yah and zach wanted me to go to dutton funday(perfect little town hell)and i was told it was fun like reelly alot but since i have no way of gettin there im not gonna be able to go so that suks ass and the only ppl that think im attractive in any way are ppl that want a piece of ass so luv everyone(i dont give it to em) or ppl over the internet thatcan lie all they want kuz its not to my face so they have no reason to feel guilty

1 Heart | Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 11 July :: 1.13am

happy birffday nicko!!!!!!!!!!

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 10 July :: 6.39pm
:: Mood: booooooored!
:: Music: water

i am soo bored im playin minesweeper with kayce waite! sumone update...

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 9 July :: 11.55am
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: hakuna matata

i am royalty!!!!!!!!
i went to the dumb capfire campy thing did not want to go to and i didnt feel good and i told my mom that but she made me anyways and then i was sittin outside with my lil ppl watin for it to start just sittin there and this worker chick came up to me and is all like "do u want to be here" i was all like no....and then she called my mom like an hour later and she was PISSED but thats wut she gets for bein a big bitch and now i am a "royal bitch to the core" and bailey cant come to eureka with me because she doesnt wanna deal with 2 bitches up there just one and that was a fucking rude thing to say and i reelly hope i ad somewhere else to go but it doesnt look like i do and i reelly wanna go to lincoln today with raab to see schylar and roxanne kuz tha would be great fun and i have a god damn shrink appointment at 3 and those never go well so god damn fuck!

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 8 July :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: westerns

im about to cry
my mom fucking ATTACKED me with god damn fucking HOLY water!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!she put a lil on her hand then like SLAPPED me and it hurt like a fucking bitch!i dunno wtf her problem is today but i dont like it but it will all be better since shellio can stay the night and we are going to the show...i just hope scott will give us a ride or else we are screwed ridewise

3 Hearts | Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 8 July :: 7.51pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: linkin park

holy fuck i hate my mom!!!!shellio cant stay the night unless her parents come and pick her up at whenever they go to work at 7 fucking 30- in the morning and i have to go volunteer at a fuckin CAPMFIRE camp tommorrow that god damn fucking erly and roxanne is not allowed in "her" house because she BI and she knows she is goin out with schylar but my mom has nothing against schylar.....she does not want "bi or gay ppl in her house" i shoulda told her i was movin...she is soo fucking clueless and god damn fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2 Hearts | Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 8 July :: 5.17pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: no doubt

:(
i feel soooooo sick right now!~!! make it go away!!plz!!!!i needa go puke maybe

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 8 July :: 3.41pm
:: Mood: annoyed

gouselesss
wut is up with the new woohu thingy????it has to have a lil ~ before the name and i dunno y.....toast is yummmy

19 Hearts | Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 8 July :: 1.53am
:: Mood: happy kuz tipfferz said so
:: Music: ring ring

YaY for me-JessJess-Jessika-Jezzicka-Jessicka-Jessi-Jesse-Jessie-Messy Jessy
my Kyle is coming to gf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YaY!!!!!!!! cept its in the eureka time...POO!!!o well he may not come anywho......but i hung with amanda today and my mom freaked ku there a FOUR year difference so im not allowed to be her friend anymore and my mom sumhow thot we were more than just friends and FREAKED...so yah....i prolly gonna go to show tommorrow kuz monsters playin shellio and maybe bai go with me.....bryce made it so that NO ppl can come to my house when mom not home and it pisses me fuckin off sooo bad!grrrrr!

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 7 July :: 4.07am
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: me about to cry

i was soo carefree earlier today too.....suddenly life is shit....not the obvious reasons like schylar breakin up with me.ok that is PART of the reason but not NEARLY all.....suddenly everyone has SOMETHING against me....i understand y......my fuckin razor is at baileys house and i know i could never bring myself to walkin over there and gettin it.she hates me and i know y. i dont know anyone that DOESNT have SUMTHING agaisnt me...cept maybe tiph who is kummin to see me on thursday i hope. highlight of the week.and i keep gettin these fuckin blooy noses.last week everyone loved me...i dont know wut hapnd....its not just schylar and bailey...noo....not even close...(even tho schy doesnt hate me nor does roxanne)

14 Hearts | Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 7 July :: 3.09am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: south park/lil bro snorin

bryce/bai is a DUMBASS!
on saturday roxanne brought me munny at like 3 and bethy kame and we went shoppin and i couldnt buy anything but i wanted to go to movies but o well mishelle have ur damn party!i had fun anywho.on today i went to big timber water slides with schylar and had fun

schylar and roxanne are goin campin for like a week and u all NEED to do sumtin with me kuz that leaves me with bryce or bailey.....take that as u wish...but yah raab said he may try to save me sumtime but he has work and all so all kall me PLZ!!!!

Love?

Jessika

:: 2003 3 July :: 5.42pm
:: Mood: i need a shower
:: Music: commercial

happy bday to roxanne!!!
HAPPY BDAY TO ROXANNE!!!!YaY!!!! cept she is havin a party and only me and raab are comin so that is pooey. it shall be fun tho and i dont have to get up at 7 in the fuckin mornin kuz tommorrow is the 4th so YaY again.

Love?