:: 2004 3 April :: 2.23 pm

today was a blast...that simple...it was awesome but at the same time confusing...yes confusing...la di da...im really happy right now...



im trapped in this void all alone feeling needy, hungry to grow. but im at an end im at an end and theres NO WAY OUT!!!

6 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.55 pm

well i just got back from the movies with mike and cesar...it was fun.....dude the movie was fucking awesome...i was soo confused...but it was good...JOHNNY DEPP IS FUCKING HOT...okay am done...its like the movie identity if any one has seen it...well its way better than that...anywho i dont know anymore.....today sucked i mean it seriously went to hell...im soo tired and thats the lamest terms about how i feel...and its the first week after the break...i dont know how ill take this shit anymore...growl i just give up trying on eveyrhint...sounds good to me...hmmm tomorrow i have the walk for diabetes...YEY!...cesar, carlos, mike, jerrica, olivia and a lot more are coming...yey fun!...bye bye

Crush ME

:: 2004 1 April :: 4.07 pm

Man i should have listened to my horoscope...gah...
Ever had one of those days when everything people say sounds like fingernails on a blackboard? Here's a suggestion -- act cheerful. Even if you're faking, brushing annoying people off is way better than letting them get to you.

today sucked that simple...no reason really...just didnt feel like trying today...yea...

Crush ME

:: 2004 31 March :: 4.13 pm

well today was whatever...i dont feel like going into that...tonight at 6 im leaving to go to the mall...im going to the sneak peak movie thingy for the prince and me...i cant wait...ive been wanting to see it for a long time since i seen the commercials...and the movie comes out friday...i get to see it first...hehe im a dork...im not going to be home till like 9 or 10...whatever...im surprised my dad is letting me go sicne its a school night...oh wellz...i got to go cause i got homeowrk to do and mikes layout...so bye

from a friends journal...this is what she expect from friends, relationships, things at that kind....and its soo true.....
I expect everyone to be honest, and butally honest when necessary. I expect them to be there, without having to be asked or called upon. You shouldn't have to go crying to someone; they should already be there. I expect them to stand up for me, when someone is talking about me and they are around. [ Not many people actually have the guts to do that.. ] Or at the least, to just walk away from it. I expect them to be willing to work things out if something does happen. [ If they aren't, they aren't worth it ] I expect them to realize that I do have my very bad days, and I will soon apologize, just give me time. I do expect them to make time for me. I hardly ever ask for it though.. I don't expect them to agree with everything I say // do, but they should respect my decisions, beliefs, opinions.


got from a freinds journal...

3 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 30 March :: 4.57 pm

today was aight...cesar didnt come to school today :-(...8th period i was hanging out with the guys at the gun range...it was cool i wanted to shoot one of the guns...one of these weekends me and jerrica are going to go the marcos's house to shoot paint ball guns...i want to do that soo bad like on 10 things i hate about youl...i dont care about the bruises much i just want to have fun...and it looks like fun...hehe...who knows...i dont really feel like typing much because i dont feel like involving much people in my life at the moment...if you want to know something im me that simple...so yea...bye

Crush ME

:: 2004 28 March :: 6.05 pm

this spring break kicked sooo much fucking ass...i love it...only sucky part i only saw cesar (which isnt a bad thing) but i would have loved to see jerrica, thaimi, and some other friends...sniff sniff tear...hehe but i made 50 bucks and spent every dime...i got new jeans which are baggy, undies, a i love boys beach bag, my eye brows waxed (still hurt a lil and they look awesome), neon pink nailpolish (score), and the best part the lostprophets cd...ahhh i love that song last train home so now i have the whole cd...score!...also went to ai like twice and got a killer tan...im not that pale...my legs look awesome because of the tan...i just got to wear skirt one of these days...who knows if i feel like it...umm whatelse...i got my expander off...i didnt get my license cause i found out that one year is tomrorow and i have to get the insurance settled but my mom will do that tomorrow...so everything will work out hopefully...if it doesnt...its okay...i really dont need it right now...i jsut need it by the summer...hmm what else...i had no shit from people.....ahh my long awaited break has come and feel great for once...its odd...but ahhh tomorrow is school and thats such a drag...but im hoping we have new people...guys...hehe...ryan came to our school around this time...so we just need another ryan but dateable...hehe...im such a dork...not a bad thing...oh wellz...i better go cause my mom made my favorite dinner...so yummy...hehe soo bye bye everyone...and see ya guys tomorrow!!!..bye bye

6 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 27 March :: 3.57 pm

i just got back from ai and im tired like hell....my sister met up with some friends of hers and she met this guy and they hung out and were all over each other all day...so lets say i felt lonely badly...no friends no guy...oh wellz donna can entertian herself...im getting good at it...hehe...i should go take a shower but im too tired...anyone care to join me?..hehe...i bruised my sisters hand bad with my mouth...marcos wants me to make him cookies...i was like no...i refuse to do anything for anyone...i know im a bitch...but it doesnt matter...i refuse to go back out with him that simple...i rather be single....its easier...whatever....im going to go....bye bye

update...well i have deformed big toes...hmm great right...its not life threatening...but if i want my toes to be not deformed i have to get an operation where they shave down my bone...wtf...scary i know...i refuse to get the operation...i can live with my messed up toe...if it affects me ill worry about it then....my ankle is bruised and swollen...it must be from ai but i dont know how i hurt it...but its hard to walk on and its bugging me...ahhh...well bye

6 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 26 March :: 11.38 am

have you ever met someone that off the bat you feel like you know them and they know you...its like love at first site...just not like in the movies and stuff where you automatically love someone....but you grown to love this person in 5, 10, 20, 30 minutes and you want to be with this person for as long as you can have them...all you want is to know this person like no other...be with this person...when you are with this person everything is right...you feel like nothing can happen to you...you feel safe...your happy and you dont want it to change...this person is like a friend and you want more than just a friendship...but cant because its a scary thing...something horrible might come out of it or something beautiful...its based on the risks you take....

dont ask me where all that came from..lol...i was just thinking about being little and now and just everything...i remember in 1st grade i had my first boy call me...3rd grade i had the first boy like me and he gave me my first teddy bear for v-day...my actual first crush was in 4th grade...hehe i remember when i was in day care before kindergarten (sp?) and guys had cooties and you had to stay away from them...i also remember me and leah beating up lil boys and they would push us off the swings and we would get dirty...and you had to cross your fingers so cooties wouldnt get to you...lol wow man we were some cute kids...me and leah and crystal would go in the back yard when we were younger and make mud pies with oranges and nasty stuff we found in the ground...we would also catch lizards and find there eggs and hold them untill they hatched...i know i had a few hatch in my hands...gosh...good old times when stuff didnt matter and you didnt really know what was going on....i wish for those days again....just to be 8 again and the only thing to worry about was catching cooties...and the best thing was finding a cookie or your mom bringing you a barbie or something to that effect...just simple things made you happy...but now adays everyone wants more...its amazing how people change from a childhood to teenage years...and now we are going to change while we get into our adult years....and we learn from our mistakes...risks...chances...moving on from stuff we dont want to move off of...from everything that happens to us...and we all become amazing people...gah too much umm i dont know...hehe but im going to go i got to call my dad and see if he still letting us go to ai...i got in trouble last night because i was online at 11:15...its not like i can get raped over the net...oh wellz...bye bye

24 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 25 March :: 3.20 pm

this spring break has been the best other then some annoyance by my sister...but thats okay..ive been to ai once so far...im going again tomorrow i think and hopefully sunday too who knows.....i just really want a tan...and i have one but i want it a lil darker...it doesnt matter...i really want to cut my hair...its nuts...its getting way too long..if my hair grows two or three more inches it will be to my ass...so i guess im just going to wait about a month and a half and it should be to my ass and then ill cut it all off...not really but a lot of it.....i dont know...im a dork and am too indesive...am bored and marcos's older brother is calling me white...he is always messing with me...oh wellz...thaimi comes back today...i dont know waht time but she comes back...so far i only seen cesar from school this spring break...im only missing carlos and thaimi and jerrica...if i saw all those then i would be good...im watching life or something like it...i love this movie...it makes you think about life...and how you really only have a lil time left and you should live it...thats my plans...man im soo excited for my future dude...i know what i want to do with it finally....its awesome...my grades are good...i got nhs...i got everything at school going for me...all i need now is to work a bit harder and get accepted into university of florida...and ill be set...everything will be good...and im going to travel...how awesome...hehe im done...last night me and my mom talked about when i get older...it was nice i havent spoken to her for a long time because everytime we talked she would always tell me how cold i am to people...and how i dont care and how much im careless and blah...i was like okay thanx your not perfect yourself...so whatever...me and her get along for now i guess...who knows how long that will last...crystal finally met the guy at the orthodnist that i thought was cute but not my type but crystals type...she thought he was cute and he tryed to hit on my sis...it was funny...he is like 17 and he goes to jefferson...my sis was following my into the room for them to take my expander out and he was like you dont have to go wiht her...i was like wow loser...oh wellz...my dad's cell wont shut up...i want to throw it...im babbling too much hehe...this is what boredom does to you...i want something but imi bored...oh yea im buying this bag thats soo cute for the beach that says i love boys or i lover surfer boys...dont ask i like it...la di da...i want new pjs with ducks on them...dont ask why i just do...anywho im going to go cause kings of chaos is calling me...lol...i just felt like checking it because i have like 500 turns because i ignored it since like a while back....bye bye peeps

I want the kinda of the guy that...
-if I asked him if I was pretty, he'd say no.
-if I asked him if I was in his heart, he'd say no.
-if I asked him if he wanted to be with me forever, he'd say no.
-if I asked him if he'd cry if I left, he'd say no.
But then, as I walked away he would grab my arm and say...
-you're not pretty, you're beautiful.
-you're not in my heart, you are my heart.
-I don't only want to be with you forever, I need to be with you forever.
-Baby, if you left me, I wouldn't cry...I would die.

Crush ME

:: 2004 24 March :: 9.54 pm

well i just got back from the mall with cesar, jen, and crystal...it was a lot of fun...we all went to the parking garage and me and cesar were sitting next to each other talking and talkin while jen and crystal were on the other side...then the dumbass sercurity guy told us to go....oh wellz...me and cesar hung out a bit today cause crystal and jen were having issues with cookieman...so yea...we talked...he is awesome...anywho...i went to the book store and i found like 3 books i want to buy...yup yup...well im going to go cause i need to change...luv ya guys...bye bye

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