:: 2004 30 January :: 11.28 pm

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw, my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again.

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:: 2004 30 January :: 8.59 pm

WOW!

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:: 2004 30 January :: 4.21 pm

ARG!

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:: 2004 30 January :: 3.43 pm

i just did something really dumb...wow...someone shoot me...

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:: 2004 29 January :: 9.00 pm

i decided today no more writing for ahwile from donna unless its music lryics or poems i written no real entries...bye homies

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:: 2004 28 January :: 5.21 pm
:: Mood: mixed!!!

okay well today i decided im not writing in this thing for a while...hmm i dont know why...but ill still post an entry every once in a while...maybe tomorrow and do it daily for once....hehe i dont know me and my indecisiveness...so now im going to make another complete entry...i think the moon is full...anywho...today was actually pretty interesting and funny...well i got my tests back in algebra 2 and on my tests i got one A, one B, and one C...yup go me!...then i work in the office and the last two days have been hell cause my teacher person has been absent...oh wellz...yea but it was funny today cause i had like a line of 10 ppl signing in and marcos walks in and i let him cut in front of everyone...i was like oops i didnt notice...hehe...umm 3rd...me and carrie are nuts and vince...hmm he is umm him...i dont know there is something about him...he is a cool one...then there is 4th...i refuse to do anything in that class cause i dont agree with what has happened in the last couple days...i hate the ib kids in there...i hate how they control everything...its not a fucking dictatorship now..then lunch hmm mike was there...so crystal was happy and i undressed marcos half way...its fun unbuttoning someone and they not noticing...its great...then 5th i was going to go to B lunch but then when i got the pass i decided to not go...i dont know what stopped me but w.e....its okay...then came 6th...i got out and went to C lunch...that lunch if alright...me and nessa went to the side so we could exchange shirts...well i had my top off but my jacket around me so i was fine...but some how it opened and flashed some girls walking by...then the bell rang so i had to rush and figure out how to get my shirt on...w/e hehe...then umm 7th i hate mr.zale...oh wellz...its okay..it was alright today...then hmm 8th...omg im going to kill someone there...me and jerrica was looking at andrew's ass and of course i get caught looking so the whole class thinks i like him...umm noo...he is good looking..but no...so now i concluded i have a love pentagon...its nuts..i like a few guys and a few like me...so its good in the hood but donna wants to be single...hehe whosh singleness rocks...i love flirting and having my fun..omg i forgot to leave the best parts out...the next two weekends are going to be a blast...this weekend im going to nessas house...me and crystal and her and daniel and cyrus and paul are going to her house and we are all going swimming and taking pictures and having a band meeting and stuff...yea it will be fun and for next week on friday with no school we are all going to the fair...me and crystal and mike and carrie...me and carrie are going off alone to go pick us up some hot ass high school guys that also have friday off...plus im hoping to see ppl from middle school for some reason to see what happened...it will be fun...i think marcos might go...i dont know...maybe who knows...i realized that cesar lives close to me if he lives close to nessa...thats cool...yes yes...well hmm anymore shit happened???...i dont know but if i left something out im me...hehe...bye bye carrie my lvoe and the carrier of my chilld...bye bye jerrica my turtle lover...bye bye cesar my muffin man...and bye to everyone i luv!...ill write tomorrow...brrr cold......PEACE BYE!~

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:: 2004 27 January :: 4.22 pm

i can sit here and think about everything...i understand why people kill themselves...i feel it...i dont know how to explain it...but i just think why do they get that far...just why...i mean you know how many times i actually wanted to die and how many times i tried but something stopped me from going too far...i just think and then i realize why i dont kill myself and why some other dont...you know around every road you find a sercret, surprise, a learning experience, or just something worth living for...all these unexpected things just makes life worth coming...it may be painful or it may be beneficial...who knows...just that little thing in life that you dont know thats coming makes it worth while...i dont know anything...

like i say before...life is gay deal with it...and time is the only medication for anything..

4 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 26 January :: 8.52 pm

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friend and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway. - Mother Teresa

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:: 2004 25 January :: 10.47 am

Whosh i just woke up...hmm 9:30....fuck its too early...hehe...i just ate a bagel yummy with chocolate milk another yummy...hehe i want more chocolate milk...im missing two of my rubber duckies...thats not good...my ferrets probably got a hold of them...i better go look for them soon before they become umm i dont know a word but ruined..i hate today...i already can tell...tomorrow is school and i dont want to go to school but i have too...cause people and umm i got to retake a test that ive been stalling...damn it ms rizzo remembered...yea i got my report card like last week some time..it wasnt half bad...i finally got a B in my ap class...whosh thats a great one...i feel ahh sick...yesterday was weird...friday night was hilarious...my nails are pink...yesterday a lady clapped for me at walmart supercenter...it was funny cause i was backin out and having trouble cause there were a lot of cars in the way and i wsa just ahh...i like angled parking...but straight back ahh trouble...umm i dont know...do i have hw...hmm i dont know....omg jerrica tell me the chemistry hw...i got to try to do that or just copy...my mouth feels weird...today im going to al lopez park to go run/jog/walk...its fun and jerrica is meeting me there or something...i like that park cause you can walk around the whole thing and its like 2 miles and you dont realize it...its nice..umm i need to go download some music for my sister and myself...im goin to create a new mix...hehe mix number 5 or 6...who knows....ouchy the chair hurt me...okay well im goin ill write later maybe...bye bye..

2 Crushed ME | Crush ME

:: 2004 24 January :: 8.28 pm

man i hate my sister...she is so much like my dad...arg jealous, paranoid, manipulative, and a whole bunch of other shit...she just through a half an hour tantrum to my mom cause i was talkin to mike....omg wow...arg she is sooooo gay.....and she is pmsing...go figure...then she acts like everyon owes her something and she has the worst life in the world...she can sit there and cry and look my mom in the face and say how bad a life she had...im sorry i lived it too and it was pretty bad but we had good moments...and also its so gay...she just crys and crys about oh how horrible things are and can i buy this or nah nah nah....arg she nags...she sux...w.e..okay lets go happy before i get pissed ever more....


ahh my mouth hurts hehe...mmm chocolate milk...man i love chocolate milk...and i got my favorite pringles...oh gosh marcos just signed on...he was supposed to ask me out friday and i advoided him all day so score me...i dont want to say no and i dont want to say yes...i hate it how now adays we all got to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend and i just want to date guys...thats all have fun...but then i want to go out...its gay...whosh...today i went to walmart supercenter...i saw a yummy guy...oh wellz...ahh something in my eye...ahh somebody missed hehe...you know this is like first entry i wrote in a while...arg freddie thinks he has a right to touch me now..i dont mind but i just dont get it...he grabs my arm and trys to take me to class...its like okay wtf...oh wellz...wanessa is tryin to get me to go out with daniel...i went to her house today...it was fun...we praticed and i love her rents...they are soo funny...they think we are good...so its all good...oh yea ppl we started a band...its called fallin misery...omg i fuckin hate my sister...she just told me im not good enough and im not beautiful cause im not a size 3....omg fuck her....im goin....bye

i hope she dies in her sleep...i hate it how she can make me feel...w/e...she has ruined everything that i have...takin everything i have...she ruined my life....

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