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2004 18 January :: 6.28 pm
blahness sucks...
One Thing
by Finger Eleven
Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It’s nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line
If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn’t that be something
I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time
Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds
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2004 17 January :: 3.58 pm
i think the best part of being married and in love is waking up in the middle of the night feeling lonely and looking to your side and relizing your in love and you have the most wonderful person alive laying next to you....
4 Crushed ME |
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2004 16 January :: 11.01 pm
I'm a big batch of emo cookies!
6 Crushed ME |
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2004 16 January :: 8.58 pm
yea im kinda pissed and annoyed right now...yea im dumb...
4 Crushed ME |
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2004 16 January :: 4.02 pm
:: Mood: angry
My Parents are gay man...we got in a lil fight and they threatened to cut my internet and actually went throught the phone and acted like it....wow gayness...and they didnt actually cut it...w/e...as long as i have my internet...lots went down hill from there...im soo emotionally unstable right now that its not funny...this morning i had a bit of breakdown with carrie...i dont know why but i just took her to the side since she was the only one there and talked to her and broke down crying...its soo out of my element...i dont let ppl see me cry at all and i dont let people know me and my weeknesses...i feel really bad cause everyone doesnt know whats really wrong...i mean thats a part of it...but i havent really talked to anyone about anything...i feel bad but i cant right now...i dont know how to talk to myself and explain it to me...im really messed up oh wellz...tomorrow ill complain to my mom to call the place to get a reccomindation for a therapist or something...i need one...i just need to talk things through and just figure it out...cause i cant seem to figure it out to myself...but w/e...my mom is goin to see a therapist too...she has like anxiety issues and some others...its gay...lots of gay thingys...plus then there is the marcos thing and then freddie who heard something but im not sure...arg confusion...oh wellz...i dont care...well im goin to go....man i love my new layout...so pretty...hehe...im goin to go work on carries now...bye bye
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2004 15 January :: 9.00 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Nothing..Some Tv Show
Stop Smacking My Ass...I Don't Know
I redid my layout...i really really really like it...im thinking of making more layouts and putting them on webpages or soemthing...not sure...i want to create a webpage but i dont know where to begin...im really excited about the idea...i just got to think...anywho i had a couple shitty days...i havent really spoken to anyone about anything....I really havent felt like it...so no one really knows whats going through my brain...sorry...well i really hate this girl named jessica...i dont hate her...i just dislike her right now...b/c she is having issues with one of my friends and then with my sister...she tells me all this shit and expects me to do something...i dont know what to do and if im forced to choose between people...sorry i choose my sis and my friend...but im not gettin much into that because i finally got over it a bit and i dont want to get reangry...it jsut frustarates me so much how pathetic a person can be...my teeth hurt...ouchy...umm let me think...marcos asked me out...i told him i didnt know...i just dont know what to do right now...im in this like love pentagon...it sux...this weekend another break for donna...score...i talked to my mom and she finally agreed to get me a therapist or something...i finally bugged her enough...and now i just have to bug her to call for the therapist...man its a really good thing...this weekend me and crystal are goin to go work out...plus i think me and carrie are goin to go take dance classes too...i love dancing...its really great...umm and if i learn it will even be better and i can get evern more fit...man i havent really eaten in like 3 weeks...i just havent been hungry...its weird...hmm...im really pissed...w/e...im just going to go cause im just ahh...whatever people suck...and a lot of people think im suicidal...ill tell you guys tomorrow about it...cesar loves my layout...he loves the link and scroll bar...like i know why...oh yea i get to do carries journal layout...whoo hoo...excitement..bye bye
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2004 15 January :: 5.55 pm
Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
And She will be loved
And She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
Please don't try so hard to say good bye.
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2004 14 January :: 8.51 pm
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2004 14 January :: 3.43 pm
i dont want to talk at all with anyone...that simple...
Last Train
by Lostprophets
Verse 1
To every broken heart in here
Love once was apart but now itÂ’s disappeared
She told me that itÂ’s all but of the choices that you make
And...
Even when you think you liked you have to give to take
Chorus
But thereÂ’s still tomorrow, forget your sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watchin pass the day as it fades away
No more time to care, no more timeÂ….. Today
(But we sang) If were going nowhere
(Yeah we sang) If itÂ’s not enough
(And we sang) Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love...
Verse 2
I wonder if youÂ’re listening
Picking upon the signals sent back within
Sometimes it feels like I donÂ’t really know whatÂ’s going on
Time and time again, its seems like everything is wrong in here
Chorus
But thereÂ’s still tomorrow, forget your sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watchin pass the day as it fades away
No more time to care, no more timeÂ….. Today
(But we sang) If were going nowhere
(Yeah we sang) If itÂ’s not enough
(And we sang) Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love...
But we sang if were going nowhere
Yeah we sang if itÂ’s not enough
(And we sang) Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love...
(But we sang) If were going nowhere
(Yeah we sang) If itÂ’s not enough
(And we sang) Sing without a reason
To never fall in love... Fall in loveÂ… again..
To never fall in love again x2
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2004 13 January :: 8.03 pm
okay...this will be in fragments and bits and pieces since im in one of my rampage pissy modes and i need to write badly...okay here it goes...im sick of being called a fucking bitch because i wont let my sister skip school...i dont think im a bitch for stopping her...plus i dont think im a bitch for not wanting her to skip...its fucking gay as hell...now i have mike and crystal on my ass...mike wants my sis to skip and go to a friends house...umm i think not...never goin to happen unless im dead...which i wont mind right now but im not getting into that...my sister is only fucking 14 and has done more than me which im 16 and trys to act like she is fuckin 18...she is acting pathetic...everyone told me in the past what the hell is wrong with your sister why is she acting like that why is she so controlling...lets see she gets it from our farther...she needs to get what she wants when she wants our hell is paid...i talked to my mother about her skipping so she said she will take care of it...well i dont see it but oh wellz...my sis can handle my dad next...man people called her a whore, bitch, slut, and numerous other things and she comes to me for protection...hmm im not doing any protecting you brought it onto yourself...then she starts fights with people and then makes me lie and makes me try to stop it...umm no not anymore...you started it so you will ended it...your fucking 14 so u can do it yourself...im not your protector...im not your mother either...so she needs to set her priorities straight...school first over guys...plus she supposedly can get into the air force with bad grades umm yea right...and she wants to get out of this hell thats another yea right for her...she will be stuck living at home until she finds another loser to marry (no offense to mike)...
okay new topic...hmm guys...i hate them but you got to love them...its one of those love and hate stuff...i talk about how i dont believe in love...well i kinda dont but then i do...i dont believe in it by the degree of my parents and i believe in it by the help of my grandparents...okay well i can sit here and think and think of how many guys i have a chance to go out with and pursue them into more than just friends...i can list at least 10...i was talking to puja and jerrica about it...and i was like i really dont like it...i mean why me...im not great...im nothing...im fucking waste of time...that simple...i just dont get it...i can list about 1 or 2 guys im actually willing to go out with and they dont want me...and the 10 guys that i have a chance with dont have any with me...man...i have like 2 or 3 friends that are almost perfect...and they cant seem to get guys...it pisses me off how many guys waste there time on me...and wont waste a second on them...they deserve them more than me...i just cant stand that at all...man it worrys me so much how me and some friends may like the same guy but he begins to like me...trust me i know how it is...its like crash in ur heart...it hurts soo bad...man now old fuckin memories are haunting me...arg...anywho...it just makes me more of mess...
next topic...hmmm...fighting...hmm...thats gay...that simple...
oh yea my friend brought of the topic how girls are saying they are bi such of a sudden...hmm thats another thing that ticks me off...girls are only doing that to either look cool or turn a guy on...if you want a guy to like you act like yourself and they will come...that simple dont change yourself for a guy ever...its dumb...but if your seriously bi well congrats! i have nothing against people who are bi or fully gay...they are probably the best people you could ever know...
okay the last thing which is short and funny so for a happy moment...well i was leaving for a club during 1st period and well i went to blow a kiss to cesar out of boredom...i do that to carrie and jerrica all the time...well freddie...me and him have been eyeing each other...he noticed the kiss blown and blew a kiss to me...and i was cracking up...i didnt tell him though cause i didnt want him to be embarrassed...hehe he thought i blew the kiss to him...so that was great...oh wellz...anywho ill let you guys go...bye bye bye!
omg i want to kill something...im soo pissed...whosh...hehe...tomororw morning i wont be there...so score...but the bad part is that my group is gone...no more group in the morning...oh wellz...sad my sister has no one...like i care...i might not even come to school..and if i do i will be back by 4th period...we all will see if i come..i dont know..i dont feel like it...i dont know but im goin to be online all morning untill i leave..damn it....ahh...hehe...bye bye
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