KinkyRose1212
|
::
2008 30 April :: 1.47am
:: Mood: apathetic
Meh
Well, I am back again. Things are going alright. I've been with the same guy for almost a year and a half now, so I guess that's good. I'm attending cosmetology school, and I definitely cannot screw that up (or I'll be lynched), so I guess that's good, too. I'm still on anti-depressants, and every now and again I still break down and cut myself. From January to March I did drugs a lot and disappeared from my job without a trace (except for friends who works there saying I was having a hard time). I still find myself waiting and waiting for something, and I may have actually figured out what it is. I am waiting to be living on my own, married, possibly with kids, but that doesn't matter so much in this case, and to know what I am doing with my life. That would be nice. I still REALLY want a baby NOW, but what can I do? That would be pretty bad considering I don't even have a job, but I'm working on that. My boyfriend has court tomorrow, so that's joyous. On May 12, I am going to see The Cure live, and I am wicked excited about that! I just can't figure out who I'm bringing. I could bring Lisa, and that would no doubt be fun, but I kind of want to bring someone as into The Cure as I am. I was going to bring one of my other friends, but he's kind of an asshole, so fuck it. I don't really want to bring my boyfriend because even though I told him if I brought him I wasn't paying for anything of his, I know that he would be bitching and whining the whole time if he got hungry or thirsty, which of course he would. So who knows? I also want to bring this guy I used to work with, but he hasn't called me either, and he might be in New York that day, anyway. Oh well. Life carries on even when you don't want it to, so there's no real point in bitching is there? Other than the fact that it's fun, of course. I still do all the same shit I always did. I write in my journal, read, and watch movies. Music is still the key to my life. I still find myself thinking about the same old people. Sometimes with the same exact thoughts, actually. But oh well. Anyway, off to watch a movie now. Goodnight.
Crush ME
|
babaloo181
|
::
2008 24 February :: 9.48pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: ipod on shuffle
2 days.
MOTION CITY SOUNDTRACK
"Resolution"
I like the universe, but she messes with my words
I'm not talking planets or galaxies and the distance just makes it worse.
I know what you're thinking, this probably sounds rehearsed.
So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.
Liquids, powders and pills, not quite taken against my will.
The tastes test of girls, from all over the world
who refuse to accept my excuses.
She put up with so much of my madness and my self-abuse
She would tend to my wounds and fill me with food when I'd stumble in drunk for breakfast,
She was right to take off before she was consumed
So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.
So let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep
Let's give it up for the New Year
Did this party of two have you slightly confused?
Now that our things are divided
She refuses to speak and I'm driftin' to sleep at the wheel.
I like the universe, but she messes with my words
I'm not talking planets or galaxies and the distance just makes it worse.
You're totally right, every action was well rehearsed.
Crush ME
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2008 8 February :: 7.44pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: alicia keys
"I need that love"
Wreckless Love by Alicia Keys
Let's go back in time
When seeing your ID on mine
Made me crazy
Ooh baby I'm saying
Let's go back there
Let's take it there
I'm talking bout
Back in time
When you wanted to know my every move
Tired to keep it smooth
Keepin' up with me
You drove me crazy ohh baby
Let's go back there
Let's take it there
When you
Didn't know me
Didn't need me
I wanted to touch me
Couldn't leave me
I couldn't know how
Far it would go
I couldn't know if
This was for sure
We just could not
We just could not get enough of it baby , let's go
[Chorus]
Have that wreckles love
That crazy love
That off the wall won't stop ti'l I get enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go
Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I don't really care
We can have it anywhere
Kind of love
That wreckless love
Let's go back in time
When our kiss was brand new
An adventure not perfected
A little hesitant
Let's go back there
Let's take it there
Take it back in time
When forever was a minute, and eternity was a second
I'm stressing that we have to go back there
Let's take it there.
When you
Didn't know me
Didn't need me
I wanted to touch me
Couldn't leave me
I couldn't know how
Far it would go
I couldn't know if
This was for sure
We just could not
We just could not get enough of it baby , let's go
[Chorus]
Have that wreckles love
That crazy love
That off the wall won't stop ti'l I get enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go
Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I don't really care
We can have it anywhere
Kind of love
That wreckless love
Ooh baby, let's go
[Chorus]
Have that wreckles love
That crazy love
That off the wall won't stop ti'l I get enough kind of love
I need that love
So baby, let's go
Have that wreckless love
That crazy love
That I don't really care
We can have it anywhere
Kind of love
That wreckless love
Crush ME
|
jus4fun06
|
::
2008 8 February :: 5.15pm
i think
something is different
when did it happen?
Crush ME
|
|
jus4fun06
|
::
2008 4 February :: 6.15pm
I miss being able
to express myself
life is taking me away
I cant be in control
Ive lost control
I need to be in control
I have failed
Crush ME
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2008 3 February :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: dc
damnit .. there's just no getting away from this one lol i love him. end of story.
"Shirts And Gloves"
When I'm back from the road
and you're out on it
& I'm tired of this distance
& I believe it's over-rated.
And this phone tag game is endless
the novelty is wearing
I'm hoping time will pass
without any assistance
or convincing.
Road rules apply
there's so much action,
you're getting busy.
I'll call your cellular phone
to tell you TV night was
lonely without you
& so am I...
so am I.
It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.
So many high points on this last leg.
I can't wait to recount them
it seems like nothing's happened
until I've shared them with you.
The note that you had called
says youre half a day away
& you are heading home
just in time for me to leave.
Road rules apply
there's so much action
I'm getting busy.
So make sure that I'm up to date
on TV night,
I hate to miss out.
I think I miss you most
on Wednesdays
& Saturdays.
It seems our day keeps falling on a leap year.
Crush ME
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2008 19 January :: 11.21am
:: Mood: i'm ok.
:: Music: dashboard on shuffle
i miss you... A LOT.
If I give up on you, I give up on me
If we fight what's true, will we ever be
Even God himself and the faith I knew
Shouldn't hold me back, shouldn't keep me from you
Chorus:
Tease me, by holding out your hand
Then leave me, or take me as I am
And live our lives, stigmatized
I can feel the blood rushing though my veins
When I hear your voice, driving me insane
Hour after hour day after day
Every lonely night that I sit and pray
Chorus
We live our lives on different sides,
But we keep together you and I
Just live our lives, stigmatized
We'll live our lives, We'll take the punches everyday
We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way
I believe in you
Even if no one understands
I Believe in you, and I don't really give a damn
stigmatized
We live our lives on different sides
But we keep together you and I
We live our lives on different sides
We're gonna live our lives
Gotta live our lives
We're gonna live our lives
We're gonna live our lives, Gonna live our lives, Stigmatized
Crush ME
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2007 26 November :: 7.48pm
:: Mood: anxious
this song is so beautiful..
"Almost Lover" by A Fine Frenzy
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no
I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Crush ME
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2007 2 November :: 6.45pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: oldies
sigh...
it's been a rough past couple of days. I really don't know why shit like this always happens to me around my birthday .. it's starting to become a tradition that the week of my birthday be filled with drama and tears... so tough.
I'm done. i'm done with guys and getting attached too quickly. I'm done with empty hook-ups when I know that i want, need, and deserve so much more..
I want someone who's gonna be there for me. someone i can just chill with .. why is that so hard to find? do i just give off a hook up vibe? i really wish i knew ... like is there something on my face that just says "not suitable for a relationship" ??
on a more positive note. i'm moving on ... we're moving on ... and quite frankly it's about time. it was an unhealthy relationship at best. he was the first person to ever mean the world to me though and he will always have a piece of my heart. that i can never change..
hopefully the next time i write in this i wont be in such a melancholic mood... night.
Tonight's song: see the lyrics below.
Crush ME
|
|
babaloo181
|
::
2007 2 November :: 6.37pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: ipod on shuffle..
not normally my style lol but this song pretty much sums everything up right now..
Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting
I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying
I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should
I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it
I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over
I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should
I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should
Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting
Crush ME
|
|