welcome back fellow strangers and estranged friends...
This journey called life has certainly taken me through an unexpected whirlwind of events since i last updated. It has now been almost a year since the last time i confided in this now desolate online blog. Despite the insecurities and anxieties that saturate my last post, college did indeed get much better. Freshman year was a journey I will never forget. It changed me completely and i like to believe it was all for the better. I made friends with people i now value quite dearly. Despite the giant gap that exists in time between this post and the last, i do not wish to recount the countless chain of events that occurred as my first year at USC unraveled itself. In fact, i shall move on.

Michael and I ended our relationship back in october i believe it was. We grew apart and honestly it was bound to happen. As for him, and those who have even remotely read this pathetic excuse for a journal (for journal implies a daily occurrence) should know exactly which "him" i am referring to, we are just as confusing as we ever were. I still love him. He still loves me. I dont believe such will ever change and i'm not sure that i'm ready for it to change. He's not perfect. There's a lot about him i wish i could change but for some reason in times of loneliness i seem to yearn for his conversation and understanding. I am beginning to think he will forever remain an integral part of my life and maybe that isn't as bad as i thought it would be. However, no need to get hasty worried readers. Despite this emotional revelation, i still maintain no desire to recreate any kind of romantic, long-lasting relationship with this man. At least not until he has matured and begun to take responsibility for his life and his actions. The hope that such a rebirth of character will occur sooner rather than later seems to drive me to keep him in my life. Whether or not such a change will ever occur, I truly don't know. But i honestly think i would regret not waiting around to see if such a transformation ever occurs. Therefore, I will keep him as my friend and maintain close contact with him while i am home for breaks. Such is my decision.

Now on to a new and possibly more exciting subject. The single life. Ah yes the life that men have mastered and women pretend to pursue. I find it exciting and thrilling but lonely and unsatisfying all at the same time. The possibility of meeting someone who may be a great conversationalist or with whom i share similar musical interests is enough to keep me on the edge of my seat. However, the more i enter the "single scene," the more i realize that such are not the men that are currently single. In fact, they're quite the opposite. The only conversation they're interested in pursuing involves any lines that may result in the removal of my pants. Unfortunately for them, they are miserably unsuccessful. I do not pity them, however, for such is the fate of scumbags. So, yes fellow readers the dating scene on a college campus is full of interesting and vibrant characters. Dont get too excited, however, because as i previously mentioned these "vibrant" characters are desperately seeking to charm their way into your pants. *sigh* Welcome to the wonderful world of dating at the University of Southern California.

Currently, i am spending as much time with him as possible before i embark on the second year of my academic journey in a couple of weeks. I am nervous and anxious to see what this year may hold for me. I could never have predicted that i would have formed such lasting friendships or that i would have done so many regreattable things this past year. But i cannot, nor do i wish to take back the events that made up my first year of college. It was what it was and for that I am unconditionally thankful.

I will definitely attempt to keep you posted on the events that will make up my sophomore year at USC. However, promises are cheap and i have been known not to keep them. So, i will simply declare that i will try. But if i don't, I urge you to simply indulge in such an occurrence, for it means that i am much too busy enjoying my life in california to actually sit down and write about it. And that, my friend, is certainly not something worth apologizing for.

Until next time,
your faithful confidante.

tonite's song: photographs and memories by jason reeves

As i often have done, i will return and post the lyrics to this beautiful song in a few. Hope you enjoy.

Crush ME