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--*Being Alone*--

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babaloo181

:: 2004 16 November :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: screaming infidelities

well as for now im gonna hear the saddest songs and sit alone and wonder.. how ur makin out...
i feel really fucking selfish for even feeling this way.. but honestly.. im sick and tired of everyone else being so god damn happy.. im sick of everyone getting to spend time wit the ppl they love... i guess misery DOES love company.. and i feel pretty shitty for feeling that way but.. w/e i can't help it.. seeing ppl happy just reminds me of how unhappy i am rite now.. so i know im being a bitch lately.. and im sorry... but everything's really fucked up rite now ... and im just kinda hopin shit gets better.... so just.. bear wit me.. and dont hate me ...

Crush ME


x0whitney

:: 2004 10 November :: 6.49pm

Hour 46 of my fast. It feels great. I`ve drank coffee (no sugar) and one energy drink. I`ve gotten dizzy quite a few times, but never enough to bother me.

I got up & met my mom & some people she works with at huddle house for "breakfast." I had like, 5 cups of coffee. Then, I went to the eye doctor. They had to order my contacts `cause they didn`t have them in. I also got my hair colored & trimmed. I got to school at 12 & left again at 2. Had to run by the bank & then go get my nails done. They are gorgeous. =)

Went to Justin`s before he hadta go to work. I think I`m going to P&W`s tonight `cause no school tomorrow. Love y`all.

Crush ME


babaloo181

:: 2004 9 November :: 7.47pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: over and over again by nelly and tim mcgraw

my new favorite songs :)
Over And Over
by Nelly And Tim Mcgraw

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo

I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me through
Every time I close my eyes I like it down
I can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head
------------------------------------------

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
by My Chemical Romance

Well if you wanted honesty, That's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks,
For photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but still don't know what they mean
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look!

I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay.
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

wish you were really here listening to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this I'm okay!
(Trust me.)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)
---------------------------------------


ps. HE'S COMING IN LIKE 10 DAYS! YAY! ... and he got out of moto today which means i get to talk to him soon :D im so excited! hehe

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jus4fun06

:: 2004 8 November :: 9.31pm
:: Mood: ugly

im so upset with myself
these guys were callin me ugly today. it makes me so sad. i jus wanna cry. im sick of being ugly... i think some day soon i will post a picture of myself to show you and let you decide if im ugly or not...

2 Crushed ME | Crush ME


jus4fun06

:: 2004 7 November :: 11.10am
:: Mood: no other way to put it, happy

the contrastign of the tired trees never made the sky so blue...
today is such a nice day. the sky is cloudless. i looked out my window as i lay in bed and i see this tree. the leaves are a golden brown. through them, you can see the sky peeking out. the contrast makes the site quite lovely. i personally like the golden yellow trees that really stand out against the sky. it makes me have hope of finding good in this world. i plan to go to the movies today. im hoping that may be a very plesant experience. ill get to see him. happiness.

1 Crushed ME | Crush ME


jus4fun06

:: 2004 4 November :: 2.09pm

. . . . . . ..::.:.::* wishing upon a star *::.:.::.. . . . . .
she doesnt mean to hurt him when she turns away. more than anything, she wants to hold his hand as she walks down the hall. when she looks past him its only for her friends. they think she doesnt pay enough attention towards them. they are the ones that were there before the boyfriend and they are the ones that will be there when he leaves. does it not make any more sense to give more attention to her friends than him? at night she calls him to talk and none of her friends. it balances itself out in the end, right? she doesnt want him to be hurt. it has only been a week. are they rushing things? expecting too much? so much goes unanswered.

1 Crushed ME | Crush ME


jus4fun06

:: 2004 3 November :: 9.03am
:: Music: coheed and cambria

the world is at ease...
maybe for a little. i am content enough. i still hide the scars from him. he knows of them but has never seen them. i am tired of iding them. i think i may stop. it is simply beautiful in the mornings. the clouds are out and simmer in the golden rays. quite entrancing. sometimes i wish i was as pretty. i noticed more and more that people are starting to leave me. is it really my fault? i try to be a pleasant enough person. i dont talk about people behind their backs. sure, i get a lil hyper sometiems and i talk a little too much, but does that really annoy them? it confuses my mind and im not quite sure how to deal with it. i have tried fixing myself but i cant seem to change. maybe i am not trying hard enough. im not quite sure. life is so confusing.

How do i change the entries so they go to the left or right???

1 Crushed ME | Crush ME


babaloo181

:: 2004 2 November :: 7.54pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: confessions pt. 2 by usher

agh i hate mixed emotions..
You Make Me Wanna
by Usher

This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do

1. You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things it come along with
You make me
you make me

Repeat -1

Before anything began between us
You were like my best friend
The one I used to run and talk to
When me and my girl was having problems
You used to say it'll be OK
Suggest little nice things I should do
And when I go home at night and lay my head down
All I seemed to think about was you
And how

Repeat 1

Now what's bad is you're the one that hooked us up
Knowing it should have been you
What's sad is that I love her but I'm falling for you
What should I do
Should I tell my baby bye-bye
Should I do exactly what I feel inside
Cos I, don't wanna go, don't need to stay
But I really need to get it together

Repeat 1

At this point the situation's out of control
I never meant to hurt her
But I gotta let her go
And she may not understand it
While all of this is going on
I tried, I tried to fight it
But the feeling's just too strong
You make me, make me

You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna

You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna

Repeat 1 until fade

Crush ME


x0whitney

:: 2004 1 November :: 10.04pm

Okay, I`m not sure why I`m here, but I am.

Body image= down the drain.

& the only thing I know to do, is use control.
& I don`t wanna pull that shit again.
I don`t wanna go three days without eating a damn thing.
But, I simply have to.
& This will be where I write about that `cause no one really reads it & I can hopefully keep it..
quiet.
I just can`t.. feel good about myself.
I`ve put on more than a few pounds.
I`m beginning to look like the average girl & I can`t do that.
So, starting tomorrow, 0NE meal.
& If I can, N0 meal.
My biggest problem will be Justin.
He WILL notice, without a doubt.
We eat 24/7 & that`s more than likely the reason for all of this.
So, I really don`t know what to tell him..
But, I cry when my pants are tight.

D0`S
-WATER
-SUGAR-FREE GUM
-GREEN TEA

IF I D0 EAT (SMALLER PORTIONS)

D0N`T'S
-BAKED POTATOES (MY WEAKNESS)
-CHEESE (AN0THER WEAKNESS)
-C0MING HOME & GRABBING SOMETHING TO EAT (I D0 THIS EVERY DAY)
-MUNCHING ON CANDY/CH0C0LATE



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babaloo181

:: 2004 1 November :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: melancholy
:: Music: you make me wanna by usher

i can't help the way i feel..
you are my sunshine
my only sunshine
you make me happy
when skies are grey
you'll never know dear
how much i love you
so please dont take
my sunshine away..

*reminiscing bout old times* ..

"good morning beautiful
how was your nite?
mine was wonderful
wit u by my side... "

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