musicthatwritesitself
I'm con.si.der.ing having someone do the quoteunquote warped mother goosery for me. The drawings I mean. Ishallpay.

And now one for Baabaablacksheep. Wool=marijuana? I can't tell if it's clever or reheheally overfucking done.

"Baa-baa, black sheep, have you any wool?"
"Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.. One for my master, one for my dame, and one for the little boy that lives down the lane.."

Master=father
dame=mother
littleboy=mygangsta'homie.

.c.lever.
+edit: nursery=neurosurgery?
don'tmindtherabble,i'mjuststoringideas

heavenjustisn'thighenough[theyletthelooniesin]
I..changed the colors.
soproudofme<3.

takemeout
Headache.Chemicals.
+shitthatshouldn't.be.

Sending flowers to an ex for her birthday. That's fanfuckingtastic of me.iddin'tit? I don't hold it against her.
Really.
And we die, give us a kisssss, give us a kissss, solemnsilentservant give kisssssesss.

Why a snake?
Because snakes wrap around you. And c r u s h. crushcrushcrushinaheatedrushrushrush. Because they flick that tongue + constantly smile. And squeeze you tighter.

Or poison you.
Filthyme.

I still wonderwhere youall are. Does anyone read my writing with the proper beats? Doesanyone?
Probably not the way I envision.

<3 HI ANDY. <3

hereweare[borntobekings]
Good God. Whereas/where HAS the time gone to?

I'm in Malaysia. Was in Singapore. The bugs here are tremendous and there are both goods and bads.

For example.
+: Food here is cheap, filling, and delicious. Healthy, I'mmmmnotsosure, but it's better than Ahmericah.
-: Meetings take place during the daytime over five times a day. I'm getting bored. They last, usually, for more than an hr. each.
+: My cousin's friend is a great help when it comes to deciphering the languages here.
-: Being mugged is terribly unfunny. But makes for a great story.
-tothextreme: One of my bebes died whilst I was away.
-: It's muggyasfuck here. 95 degrees wiss humidity. Makes for one hell of a heat.

Headache.Chemicals.
SSSSSsssssssssssssssssss.

Wherehaveallthe[people]gone?

beinitselfyoumotherfuckingmotherfucker
So I'm not going back to Malaysia oon-teel June. I'm leaving all my bebbies behind. Butwait! there'smore!

My seeg left me. Ohmy. I'm feeling emotions I haven't felt in years. All I can do is blame myself for this.

F: oolish
ucking
reak
...

I have 4told the future and it's blickityblackbleak. I wish I were a part of somebody's world but my own. What'sthat? Vilesays:
SSSSSSSScum. Should have exsssspected thissss. Estupido.Youfuckingsssssssscum.

Ohbaby, I love that sibilant hissing that you do|you sibling pissing WANKERFUCK.

walkieswalkies
While I find cutting/wounds/bloodplay erotic. People who go overboard with that shit are fuckin' NOOTZ.

EMTwork has not gotten better. We had a suicide attempt and. BAHjeezuz. Lots and lots of blood. Oodles you might say.

...yeeeeah. I'll comment on this later when the dogs aren't begging to be walked. YOU SPOILED HOUNDS.

motherfucker[daddyimean]
I'msorry.I'msorry.I'msorry.

Rundown:
I have been in Malaysia. My grandmother is dying and cannot take care of all the things she owns there [eye ee, she runs an entire hotel line] and me beingthe only grandson must take care of it.

Foshizzleahno. I'msorry. I'msorry I haven't been here. I'm sorry I haven't gotten to e-mails. The systems there aren't really advanced and Woohu.com is a tough server to get to on their slowslowcomputadores.

A gain, I apologize.

Crowe, I do believe I lost your e*mails and I apologize for that too. I didn't mean to.

This situation=screwedandnotevenkissed.

Off to enjoy a restless night at home. Worry is eating at me.

I n s o m n i a , h e r e I c o m e.

fingers that smell like meat grinders.
You are what you've made yourself to be, and as much as I'm fucking sory for having to be there for you, I'm going to keep laughing at you when you fall.

Don't think you do NOT deserve this.

Ha.
Ha.
Ha.

singsingsingasong
I wish:wish:wish I was a fish. I don't know how to cry. Over ten years without shedding any tears.

But if my throat bleeds, if my mouth dries, if my lungs burst and collapse and I can only breathe a whisper,
I
will
go
down
SINGING.

oops.
Okayso. I've been gone for a while. Work and work and work is what I've been doing. No surprise. But I think the most interesting part of this week was. Yet again. A [5150].

Stopping in front of a motel with the windows all shut, except: 1. 11th storee. Through it comes a girl who was of medium build, stopping and staring at all the EMU's and cop cars. I barely heard someone shouting up at her through a megaphone, but everyone sawherjump.

Stopped on the seventh storee and swung. Hungherselfrightsidedown. And it's not the EMT OR Police department's job to cover up trauma situations. So we went up and cut her rope, dragged her in. Droppingbody: badthing.

She was laying down as we put her into a bodybag. Nobody wanted to touch her neck to get the rope off, but it was in the way of the zipper. So I picked it up and tossed it in. Then wiped my gloves on a towel and walked away.

Someone commented that it's sad when they do that. They always feel SORRY for them. But when the background was, like in this case, simply being upset over a BREAKUP..

Yeah-HAHAHA, sorry you killed yourself, little dead bitch.

howvile.

breathinginandbreathingout
God damn it-- is it really certain?

That's an iambic pentameter, ladies and gentlemen.

I don't remember where I've been lately.

But.if.I.find.out. I.will.let.you.know.

It's getting closer to Christmas. And I'm wonderingwonderingWonderRing. What will this break mean. If anything at all?

Taking off. Screaming down hallways with that bloodpressurerush pounding in the ears. Nostrils drying out. Mouth devoid of moisture. On the balls of one's feet, freezingbleedhinghands clamped into fists pumping at the sides. Muscles.

I like human anatomy. Hence, being an EMT. There was an accident that I didn't want to deal with yesterday. A man on the other side of a thirty foot wall of water. Freezingcoldwater. He was stuck in his car. Nobody saw him. But.Me.

Running over and lifting the side of the car. He's in there. His face is cut up, revealing those bubble-gum pink pieces of flesh from between spurts of red blood. It was so red. It was everywhere.

The water leaked into the car. About a foot of it. Icy-cold, touching a victim in such shock that he turned bloodshot, wide eyes on me, lips pale and trembling.

I'd never make a good.. offstandish person. I care too much about people in general to let things like this go by without doing anything. It strikes such fear into me.. installs such a feeling of deep pity that I have to block it out to focus. It's such a hard thing to do-- you want to help EVERYONE.

I didn't have band-aids [day off yousee] or any gauze. So I took off my shirt and wrapped it around his neck and upper torso, creating a sling for him to hold one of his mangled arms in. I had to carry his out of the car in a style reffered to as "the infant carry"; tucking the head close to your body and running with the victim.

I ran with him past the people staring and got back into the car. Drove as fast as I could with this man laying in the seat next to me, laying flat on the passenger seat [tipped it down for him]. And tears were sliding out of his eyes. And he grabbed my thigh and squeezed gently. And whispered, "It hurts".

I said I understood. And I was sorry. And I was doing my best to get him to a hospital. I talked with him on the way there, speeding through traffic. I told him my name. I talked to him. Just talked. Told him about myself and what was happening -- what was going to happen. He nodded gently, as much as he could, and blood kept coming out of him-- 'm so used to having medical equipment that I wanted to do something. Anything.

Have you ever seen a face so full of fear and pain that you want to help.. and cannot?

I wasn't allowed to see him while the hospital took care of him. They brought me back my shirt in a biohazard bag, handed it to me briskly, stated, "He died." And walked away.

I felt guilty. And there was the little slithering laugh in the back of my head. Sssthsthsthsthsth. I couldn't sleep and have been up ever since.

Wastedyouth. Oooo~oo.

Girniv.
Feeling particularly down. Beingavirginisn'tbad. At my age it's a feat to be proud of. Sowhy.me? Virginvirginneverneverhadsex. People were laughing about it today: "Virgin's suck"
and
e
t
c
.

I named the creature in me. Vile. Vilevilevilelikemybilebilebile, I feel it rising iiiin my throat. Singsing.

Damnit, snake. You win. You have a name. Vile. Loathingyou. Loathingyou.

I feel like I'm the only person to ever be this way. I feel alienated and strange. Ifeeldead.

.someshit.
I'm slowly finding myself more and more lost. However, if you recognize it on some levels, it only means that I'm giving in to the commonsocietysociopathisideal.

Also, when we think of society, do we really think that these people aren't JUST.LIKE.US. and that they donotfeel, donothurt, donotunderstand? We use the word "society" so freely because all those hardk0re punkerz meen well omgklol. Society is made up of everyone who has ever thought.

This.. "conformity" ..is something we've created for ourselves for an excuse as to why we act the way we do. There is no real pressing conflict that causes us to stand out from the blue-collar workers. Itjustsoundsbetterthatway.

Wishing the snake would go away. Wishingthesnakewouldgoaway. Why are you talking into my brain? You know I don't listen to you whisper. Youslimyslitheringfuck. You make faceless accusations. And you hate the music. Don'tyou.

Partofme,aren'tyou. I just wish you'd wither up and fucking DIE. [esp]

Am I schizophrenic? Surveysays: .x.