People
It seems to me no one gives any thought to a person until they die...at least thats how it is in books...anyways back to my life...is it okay if someone kows more about you then you know about yourself? Is it possible? Can i take back all the personal bullshit i told this person, or will it just sit there inside of them until they can use it against me? I went to (more like was forced) Animal Kingdom...joy behold the hapiness of disney...yeah right...anyway...why do ppl think they have a right to worry about me? Seriously..my life. You don't have to pretend to care just so you can seem nice. Its okay...sincerity is a great thing..but..the thing is...it has to be uh....sincere. Anyway this ends my rambling for the day...PEACE

IS there anyone that feel like me?
I make mistakes, as we all do but i make them all the time. I doubt myself so much and always end up saying the wrong thing. Some times i just want to sit and cry and hope everythign goes away....i just dont know who i am or at least what i want. I sit here in this dark bedroom listening to the same song over and over thinking different things every time. I just want everything to be alright....its raining. This fits my mood perfectly..i just want solidarity and to be apathetic. Why can't i fall in love? Why do i have to be such a bitch and never let anyone in? Who made me like this....i dont know i probably did it to myself just like i do everythign wrong to myself. I want somone to love me and for me to love them back, im simple to figure out yet why can i never figure out what i want? its not possible to be this undecisive....is it?
Will you sleep tonight will you think of me will i shake htis off pretend its all okay htat theres someone out there that feels jus tlike me..there is...

Chicago Summer
I cannot wait till I go back to Chicago there are some ppl im dying to see and some "learning expreinces" that i am looking forward to hahaha. Anyway today me and my momsie went to MGM and ate at the Sci Fi Cafe...groovilicous and we went on some rides and saw some stuff...its amazing the lack of hot guys at theme parks!! I mean honestly you'd think there'd at least be a few groups of them!! Anyway i get home on saturday just in time for Morgans party which should be kick ass...well obviously cuz im gonna be there haha...seriously...ANYWHO life is just dandy and im happy as hell that its summer and that its going to be the BEST SUMMER EVER!!!!! i swear this summer i am not staying home ever im goign to be out all the time at the beach and movies and mall...and meeting hotties hopefully...where is a summer flign when you most need it??? Well after Morgans partayyyyyy i am kicking into social queen gear and hanging out with all my chicas and chico's!!! I wanna have a sleepover with my chicas and just rent all the scary movies out there and pig out on pizza and popcorn!!! how much fun would that be??? hahaha WELL .....i hope everyone is having just as a good time as i am so far....LUV YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!

Decisions
I've found myself unable to make any decision, big or small. I mean everyhtign you do carries so much weight and its not always worth it i guess. And what if you regret your decision the instant you make it? I tedn to do this way to much. The consequence of sayign that you think your wrong can end up hurting somone or hurtign yourself. And then what if that decision to say your first deciosn was wrong...was itself wrong. It's just so pointess to say somethign that your most likely going to change in a few hours, days....years? We as people ...or realyl just girls...change our minds so constantly that if we just don't make a decison at one point it doesn't realyl matter becuase we would have changed it already. But then there comes that time when its like all the world has stopped to wait for you, and you faced with the choice that can either destroy or creat a whole your whole world, don't konw what to say. I seem to be faced with this a lot. I dunno im just really in a thinking mood. And to make matters worse, i think i've made a shitload of undoable mistakes, including some things that i didn't do and i should have. Don't worry if you don't understand what the hell m talkign about cuz i don't either

Lust or like?
hey everyone that isn't going to read this ha Well it is the first official day of summer wahoo and so far i've cleaned my room and stuffed envelopes to send to ppl for cheerleading...great start huh? I feel anxious..amost like something big is gonna happen soon...if only i knew what. Now i pose a question to y'all....whats better like or lust? Lust is just all ooo hottttt stuff while like is ooo sweet and hot whats better? Like gets your feeligns invovled but lust is only for looks....hmmm just wondering bye ppl must go tan my pale self

I LOVE YOU
Hey people so today was the last day of school thank the lord!!! Well it was a crap load of fun in 3rd our exam was about 5 minnutes long so we just played with the penis ball for the rest of the class hahaha. Now onto a more serious topic...why do I never say what i know i should have said? Yeah okay.....gawrrrrr Okay somone said sumthin that if i had known that particular somethign a while ago i would have said/done something....Yeah i could go into detail ut i choose to not embaress myself..which actualyl i do on a regular basis anyway....AHHAHAAH yessum so thuthie is good and so is her best friend Mr. Penis ball

Boring day
Alrighty one more day till school is out thank the lord!!! I have been so bored lately and i know i've been mean cuz i just need a break from ppl tha ti see EVERY SINGLE DAY. anywho me and linsey went to the movies after school it was my smart idea to walk there...yes its far and yes it was hot out its okay though we had fun! We saw Identiity...scaryness....don't doubt little kids. HOES DON'T GET SECOND CHANCES!!! After movies i had Southwest practice where all we did was jumps and stunt soo tiring...yeah i think im on Lady birds but i practice with falcons...w/e im sure no one cares haha so thats it boringness for me...O ahsley and andrew are going out wahoo

LIfe
Life is funny. Every time somethign happens it goes away so fast its like it never happened at all. I guess this could be constrewed as good, i mean its like a rollercoaster, fun and twisting. I like it i guess its just i miss a sense of security. I know this won't make sense to anyone..if anyone even reads this hahaha but i can read something or be reminded of a time and all these emotions come back and i doubt my self. Heart or brain? What do i listen to? The brain says don't get your hopes up do you really think things will work out? My heart jumps at the sight of his screename on my buddy list and is a giddy tennager. I don't know. Im in a good mood though and grateful to have legs and arms (unlike thutihie LOL) and a mind and i feel loved. I feel loved that ppl care how i feel and don't just brush me aside with an 'o' ....im a confuzzling person......Finals were today i got a 100 in theater and an 87 in science...go me!!!

Why do things never happen to me?
ALright im typically not a jealous person or anything but i feel like everyone else gets what i want. Its like im stuck in between death and living, im not doing anything. Nohting ever changes nothing good seems to happen to me. I'm probably being petty and just want to convince myself that im all deep and depressed but...what if its more? What if one day i just wake up and decide that this life isn't for me? What do i do, what choices do i have? None really. I can't tell somone to love me or conivence God to make me skinny or have the friends that I want. I can try to change myself but it just gets me farther into how much i want ot change. This goes out to no one and i just hope it goes away...