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m&ms487
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2008 7 October :: 12.27pm
I got a straight A on my contemporary theory paper about Existentialism.
Yay.
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m&ms487
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2008 6 October :: 3.57pm
I'm finally getting into the swing of things this semester. My French Prof. told me I was doing fine in response to my comments about how I don't feel comfortable speaking in class or volunteering yet on my first participation review. I have things going with the Fraternity and I went to Mu Delta's (the chapter at Western) first degree on Saturday night. I have everything prepared for the chapter field representative visit when she comes the first week of November, and all in all, things are going well.
I have my follow up appointment with the gastrointerologist in a week and I turn twenty one in two months.
I still hate chemistry, but I'm going to stick it out because I have to. I'm doing alright in math, and I still don't have a graded paper back from my English class.
If I could live without the thought of death,
Forgetful of time's waste, the soul's decay,
I would not ask for other joy than breath,
With light and sound of birds and the sun's ray.
I could sit on untroubled day by day
Watching the grass grow, and the wild flowers range
From blue to yellow and from red to grey
In natural sequence as the seasons change.
I could afford to wait, but for the hurt
Of this dull tick of time which chides my ear.
But now I dare not sit with loins ungirt
And staff unlifted, for death stands too near.
I must be up and doing -- ay, each minute.
The grave gives time for rest when we are in it.
-Wilfrid Blunt
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m&ms487
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2008 2 October :: 12.39pm
:: Mood: annoyed
Classes, health, everything is quite overwhelming at the moment.
I had my scope last Friday. I was going to update something about it, but I was still too high from the stuff they gave me and then I took a four hour long nap.
She told me that I don't have an ulcer, and they took some biopsies of my stomach lining/bacteria to test for super acidity. She said that I might need a CAT scan. My follow up appointment is a week from Monday.
Classes. French. Je ne comp pas. J'aime la francais, mais je deteste l'examens. I have a 79% in the class right now. I keep on failing all of the quizzes because we take them after five minutes of review. I think I'm doing better than a lot of people in the class, though.
Chemistry. I would drop it if I could.
Contemporary Literary Thought. I've only written one paper, which was two weeks ago, and I haven't gotten it back yet. There is a TON of theory and philosophy. I feel like I need a philosophy minor to know what's going on. I like my New Criticism, and it's definitely NOT that.
Math. It's just a lot of work.
I can't wait until next semester when I'm taking two English classes and a political science class along with my next installment of French. I think this semester is going to be my rut semester and I'll be happy if I pull all B's.
I think I'm taking History of Literary Criticism this summer and that excites me.
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m&ms487
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2008 30 September :: 2.01pm
Rueben,
My phone won't let me call anyone. If you need me- I'm in Pearce on the fourth floor in the computer lab, and I'll be checking woohu.
If not, I'll see you at home around three or three thirty.
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m&ms487
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2008 23 September :: 12.39pm
Time is slowly slipping through my fingers like a silken cloth.
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m&ms487
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2008 17 September :: 12.25pm
:: Mood: hungry
So, I finally went and saw a specialist (gastrointerologist). I couldn't play last week in band because I was so nauseated and I finally got fed up with everything, so I went and saw a regular doctor at university health services and they referred me to a specialist in town.
I went on Monday and saw her: I'm having an GI ultra sound today at three thirty to rule out any possibilities of enlarged things (like my gull bladder) and I'm having a scope a week from Friday. The scope is where they shove a camera down my throat to look at my stomach and esophagus; I will be asleep when they do it.
For now I'm on Protonix in the morning to help to try to heal any errosion I've had, and Zantac at night to reduce the acid in my stomach.
The specialist said it's probably not an ulcer, but that the medication I was on (over the past year) probably relaxed the sphincter between my esophagus and my stomach allowing acid to come up in my throat. She said there's a strong likelihood that I will have acid reflux disease for the rest of my life if the sphincter doesn't heal.
I can't eat:
gum
tomato based foods
spicy foods
large meals
food high in fat
fried food
alcohol
coffee
caffeine
carbonated beverages
So, there it is. I'll get poked and prodded a bit more in the next few weeks: my follow up appointment is on October third.
Weight lost as of today: 66 pounds (scary)
On to french class (which is also scary).
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m&ms487
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2008 7 September :: 8.20am
Wheatland was great. It's always great.
I'm throwing myself into a busy week again; classes, work, the fraternity.
I made first chair in University Band for the first time in a year and I get many solos, one of which is a montage of Raisins and Almonds-a song which I played many a time in my youth practicing.
My health is improving. My aciphex trial is almost done, and I'm better, but not totally healed. Going to Wheatland screwed me up a bit: it's always two steps forward, one step back. I think once I'm done I'm going to go on Prilosec for a while to help it heal all the way.
Wheatland pictures to be on facebook soon (whenever Jessie gets them up).
Mike Gravel.
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m&ms487
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2008 29 August :: 10.46pm
Ummm...
So, Contemporary Literary Thought=me reading Satre until I fall asleep for the past two nights, and tonight.
I likes.
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m&ms487
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2008 23 August :: 3.28pm
French is scary.
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m&ms487
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2008 20 August :: 11.41am
Ummm... I make kick ass caramelized carrots and stuffed mushroom caps? Yep.
I'm investigating grad school: classes and such. I don't know. BAH.
i don't wanna go to work. i don't wanna.
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m&ms487
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2008 18 August :: 9.23pm
Rueben and I just got back from a long walk. It was quite pleasant, except for the swarms of bugs by the ponds.
I have another day off tomorrow! However, I do have to work Friday night, which is another move-in day. Boo.
Ellen is here and moved in, but she's at band camp all day.
I have a ton of food in the fridge leftover from band camp meals. Luckily, I can actually eat some of it now. Medicine is a good thing.
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m&ms487
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2008 15 August :: 10.44am
:: Mood: chipper
Being overly confident leads me to acting in ways that are not calculated, in ways that are true. Being confident leads me to act like a fool.
I'm going to work soon. Work. Work.
I guess I'll have some money this year. That would be nice since my college education is financed out of government loans. Maybe I'll know what it's like to have some money for a year or two before I have to start paying them off.
I'm being pessimistic.
One of the guys I work with at the Mt. Pleasant Meijer asked me if I would be a witness at his wedding if they opened up Massachusetts to out of state gay couples getting married. I guess right now you have to be a resident (old law from the 1800's so the South wouldn't get mad when Massachusetts wed inter-racial couples) to get married in Massachusetts-which includes gay marriage. Since they are residents of Michigan, and not Massachusetts, as soon as the law changes, we're going. It'll probably be around the first of the year. Needless to say, I feel extremely honored.
I was also informed that I might be getting the service desk trainer position, which is not a big deal at all, except that I get paid twenty five cents more an hour to sit with new people up in the learning center and warn them about angry people demanding the Michigan Scanning Award when they aren't suppose to get it. It won't take any extra time, and I won't really have any more responsibility than I do right now, which is absolutely fine with me.
I started taking my aciphex this morning. I hope that it works. I'm at the end of my rope with food. I just want to eat it all!! [wow, do I sound like a fatty now, or what?!]
On the up side, I'm wearing some pants right now that I've never been able to wear because they were too small when I bought them (when I was fifteen!).
Sixty two pounds down- hopefully no more!
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m&ms487
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2008 14 August :: 9.06pm
I'm in Mt. Pleasant. I'm working. I'm going to the library every morning because my computer doesn't like the rented charter modem and I get too frustrated to sit on the phone with at "Tech" person who I can't understand and repeats everything I say to them. Might as well just get a parrot.
I made lemon bars and gave some to Chris so I wouldn't feel guilty about asking him to use his computer. I took them to work, too, so don't think I'm that neurotic.
I haven't been able to eat for the past couple days because my ulcer has been acting up. My body is really stressed out from moving and working and the tests I went through earlier this month. I'm going to start taking my aciphex tonight. The doctor said that if it didn't get better fast enough or got worse, to start taking it. I guess it's now. I just want to be able to eat more than a bite of a protein powerbar without getting nauseated.
I work until Sunday, I volunteer at Central's band camp on Monday and Tuesday, Rueben comes Sunday night/Monday morning. School starts a week from Monday. First Kappa Kappa Psi eboard meeting is that Monday night; first general meeting is that Thursday. Wheatland is the second weekend of school, Rush starts the Tuesday after that, closed Rush is that Thursday, First Degree is Sunday; then it may slow down.
Oh, and I have to get t-shirts going for the Chapter, and I have to buy gatorade for band camp. Did you know they made gatorade powder that has like 100 servings? Yeah. I didn't know that.
Okay, so, in closing, I have to admit only this:
I love fan.
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m&ms487
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2008 12 August :: 8.45pm
I'm still alive, I promise. I'm having a hard time with internet access, and when I do have it, I'm typing a million miles a minute about kappa kappa psi things. Band camp next week=crazinezz.
p.s. - Rueben, I'm on chris's computer :).
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m&ms487
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2008 7 August :: 9.17pm
I just finished my last day at Meijer. I'm leaving Saturday morning, and starting at the Mt. Pleasant Meijer on Sunday or after.
Things are getting back to normal.
I can't find my hair brush and it's making me quite devastated.
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m&ms487
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2008 31 July :: 8.20am
Well, I went and saw the doctor yesterday after trying to go to work at nine and then working for three hours being extremely dizzy and holding myself up with the counter.
Rueben and Glor came and picked me up and Rueben drove me to my appointment. The doctor said it was either something with my heart (because during my recent physcial I was told for the first time that I have a heart murmur) or I'm hypoglycemic; so I got an EKG, some blood drawn, and they sent me home with at 24 hour EKG. So, I get to carry around a little bag with wires attached to me until two this afternoon, and then Rueben is going to take me to drop it off. The real EKG they did in the office was fine, and the doctor said he thinks the 24 hour one will be, too. But...but only thing he was worried about was that hypoglycimia doesn't explain why I couldn't walk for almost an hour and a half after I almost passed out.
I guess we'll see. I think my ulcer is healing. I was able to eat quite a bit yesterday (probably about 1300 calories), which isn't quite a bit, but it's a hell of a lot more than I have been able to eat the past few months...plus I didn't get nauseated!
So, as one thing gets better, another gets worse.
I have the day off today from work, doctor's orders. I have to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, so we'll see how it goes. I like the little vacation, but I don't like it's cause.
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m&ms487
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2008 29 July :: 8.54am
I almost passed out at work yesterday. I was processing a return and all of the sudden I felt a wave of heat come over me. I looked at the computer screen and it split into three screens (just like in the movies, in fact), and then I couldn't hear anything like I was underwater. So, I told my coworker to finish the return and I collapsed on the floor.
I called my parents to come and get me since I couldn't drive home, and I was wheeled out in a wheel chair.
I have the day off today, so I'm just resting now. I feel a lot better; I couldn't walk for a few hours after it happened.
It was really warm behind the service desk again, almost seventy nine. My dad was yelling at me saying that I shouldn't be passing out when it's only seventy nine and there are lots of people that work in factories where it's warmer than that. It put me off. I can't help it, and there's nothing that a doctor will be able to do. When it gets really hot and humid, I can't sweat, which makes me overheat. I don't know, I feel like I'm thirteen again and I'm getting yelled at for something I have no control over.
I'm not looking forward to this weekend, however. It's suppose to get up into the nineties. What do I have to do? Buy myself twelve box fans to take to work with me?
I can tell you this, I don't ever want to be wheeled out of meijer in a wheel chair again until I'm ninety and don't know the difference.
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m&ms487
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2008 25 July :: 9.45pm
April 18
the slime of all my yesterdays
rots in the hollow of my skull
and if my stomach would contract
because of some explicable phenomenon
such as pregnancy or constipation
I would not remember you
or that because of sleep
infrequent as a moon of greencheese
that because of food
nourishing as violet leaves
that because of these
and in a few fatal yards of grass
in a few spaces of sky and treetops
a future was lost yesterday
as easily and irretrievably
as a tennis ball at twilight
-Sylvia Plath
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m&ms487
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2008 19 July :: 8.22pm
There's nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
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m&ms487
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2008 5 July :: 1.29pm
I'm about to leave for work; it's the last day in my forty hour work week. I have the next three days off.
I didn't get the big scholarship and I'm still waiting to hear on the two smaller ones; but it doesn't matter, anyhow. I'm still going to have to work this school year. Now I'm trying to amass hours so I can qualify for vacation. I have to work at least thirty six hours a week until the 26th. I only have thirty hours next week.
Rueben's been working most nights, I've been working mids. It's hard. I shaved my legs and my ankle is throbbing from the razor cut. Ugh. I have to wear a skirt to work again because it's so warm. I hate wearing a skirt. It makes people treat you different. I don't know how, don't ask for any examples or evidence...it just does.
Waiting for my phone to charge for a few minutes, then leaving. I'll be at work until 11 tonight. Feel free to stop by and get a price adjustment or a lottery ticket.
I'm impecunious and I can't do anything about it.
[curious now, aren't you.]
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