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2007 10 February :: 3.08pm
:: Mood: pensive
This is the moment that you know that you told her that you loved her, but you don't.
I felt so much better, but it was wrong. Not enough time for self-reflection. Too many people that aren't here.
I've been going through so many different 'moods'. I can't even explain.
...all i see are grey clouds...so when you asked if there's something wrong, you're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now.
But it was vile, it was cheap, and you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
but you have to trust me, that i don't mean You.
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2007 9 February :: 11.51pm
Everyone left me. Coincidentally, my room is full of people.
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2007 8 February :: 11.31pm
I'm really quite anxious right now. I'm not quite sure why.
I have to take a fourty question test and write a one page paper
before i go to bed.
but it's okay, because I'm really anxious and I wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.
ello.
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m&ms487
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2007 6 February :: 10.58am
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: Bright Eyes-True Blue
Is it moral to use the handicapped stall in a public bathroom if you're not handicapped?
These are the questions that keep me up at night.
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2007 5 February :: 11.11pm
I feel like crap. I've had a headache all day, and now I feel really queezy. Eh. I hope this isn't the norovirus.
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2007 4 February :: 2.17pm
:: Mood: calm
I am officially a Brother-In-Training for KKP. I had first degree, found out who my Big was, and got my pin. It's all very exciting.
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2007 3 February :: 6.55pm
The weather outside is frightful, but my dear you're so delightful
I come home and it snows, and due to the blizzarding conditions for most of the day, I've been stuck inside. Unfortunately I had a cleaning bug, so I cleaned my room and rearranged all my furniture. I cleaned out drawers that had stuff from when I was in first grade. Among the things I found were some baseball cards from 1995, and some Poggs. Remember Poggs? Yeah. It was a big fad in the first grade. So, my weekend home has been quite productive.
My parents won't let me go out tonight, which is okay because our road hasn't even been ploughed yet, but I wish I could hang out with Jessie and everyone. That's pretty much the reason why I came home in the first place (well, besides free laundry and non-RFoC food). Ah, well, there's not much I can do.
I'm leaving tomorrow morning about nine-thirty or ten because I have an initiation ceremony for KKP.
So much for a weekend home.
At least I have clean socks, now, though.
Michelle
[edit] Craptastic. The pellet stove (which is the only source of heat in our house) just stopped blowing hot air for no apparent reason. This wasn't the best weekend to come home...
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2007 2 February :: 12.25am
I'm going to be a brother.
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2007 1 February :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: restless
Formalism
New Critics
Motif
Realism
Character
Dialogue
Exposition
Image.
Waiting. Tired. Eleven O'Clock. Packing. Dirty Socks. Memoirs of a Drunk.
I hate when people get their futures handed to them on a silver platter, and they piss it away. If only they could know how hard it is sometimes. If only they could realize...
I can't even describe how angry I am. There are people in Cedar that are working at fast food jobs for menial pay that are more intelligent, and have more insight than many people that I've met here.
In my edu 107 class we had to take a survey of our high schools. Cedar Springs ranked as a rural school (on the chart, it was at the bottom). Out of 115 people, two were from a school such as ours, and 100 were from "elite" schools (one notch below private). Most of those kids don't deserve to be there. They're there because their parents can pay for them to. They skip classes and aren't there for the academics. It makes me angry. It makes me angry that so many people from Cedar feel like they can't do anything with their life except work at a minimum wage job and hope for a promotion, or go for vocation training, or, go into the armed forces, when all these little bitches here sleep for most of the day. They don't study, they don't do anything. They complain about writing papers and having to actually participate in classes. Sometimes it's a little much, but I LOVE being here and having intelligent discussions. I love my professors and their dedication to their area of study. I even love having to write papers and work my ass off, because I know that it'll pay off one day. It'll make my life better, and I'll be able to make a difference somehow. But these bitches don't do anything. They 'try' a little so that they won't fail enough to get kicked out, or get bitched at by their parents. How are kids suppose to be encouraged in school to "do their best" and succeed, when there is little hope of them doing anything better than their parents after graduation. What's the incentive? What's the point? Why don't we just put everyone that has enough money to go to college in one school, and then train everyone else that doesn't to be a plumber. That's pretty much what China does. A communist nation is kicking our butt because the privledged are too good to get their head out of their asses, and the poor kids have no hope for anything better. Whatever.
*end rant*
[edit] In retrospect, I've realized that plumbers actually make good money, and therefore, please substitute plumber with another vocation that doesn't make much money...such as a stocker at a grocery store, or a security guard (the ones without guns).
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2007 1 February :: 7.16pm
Why does my foundation (make-up) have caffeine in it?
[ponders]
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2007 1 February :: 7.10pm
:: Mood: determined
I'm leaving for closed rush in a bit. It's at eight and they told me it would just be an interviewing process. I'm really quite excited.
p.s. I'm coming home this weekend. :)
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m&ms487
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2007 31 January :: 11.43pm
:: Mood: calm
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford
If only you would be a little sensible, this wouldn't be quite so difficult, I think. I'm here when you need me.
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2007 30 January :: 10.41pm
:: Mood: calm
I'm very content today. I'm not sure exactly why, but I simply feel content.
There are a few directions I could be going very soon. I'm not quite sure which I will take, or even if I will go anywhere.
I don't see the need to separate yourself because of the things you do to relax. Just because I drink and smoke doesn't make me any better or any worse of a person. Just because I don't believe in a Christian God and don't go to church doesn't mean I'm any better or any worse than anyone else. Just because I've wanted to stop living, or just because I've had premarital sex doesn't make me good or bad.
The way I act, the way I present myself, the way I treat other people is what makes me who I am. You can't decide someone's station by a single action. It's the sum of all the parts, and how those parts are interpreted.
I just felt I need to say that, and that's all.
Goodnight.
Michelle
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2007 28 January :: 11.32pm
:: Mood: amused
My face got windburnt from walking to and from my car.
Poo.
Now I know why Rueben doesn't misspell so much these days, Firefox has spell check and it underlines all the words that it think are misspelled.
I find it annoying, but oh well.
I bought those Kool-Aid things today that are plastic and have the twist off caps. It reminds me of being five. They were only $1.00 for six, and I needed some berry cheer.
I finally went and picked up my driver's license. Now, it's time for a job.
Michelle
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2007 26 January :: 2.10pm
:: Mood: cheerful
I'm having such a good day today!!! I woke up and watched some CNN and my hair was still curled from last night, so I did a touch up and it still looks really great. In American Literature, we were discussing Emily Dickinson, and I had a validating, but short, converstation with the professor and another student about how we admire her life and her convictions, but we don't necessarily like her poetry. Then, in Literary Analysis, I shared my response paper and the professor told me that it was the perfect aim of a Formalistic Critic (probably the best in the class, he said), and the only problem was that I didn't include that the message of piece was desirable, or in that case, that I just didn't include an opinion, which, of course is negotiable, but still a good piece of advice. And, when I walked back to the dorms, the ground was a slushy. but my socks didn't get wet!
I find it a little odd that I'm so cheerful, but it's just one of those days where everything is going right! I'm eating with Rueben in fifteen minutes at the RFoC, and then I'm on to finish up my homework for the week. This leaves all weekend to lounging and mayhaps a bit of cleaning (my side of the room is in sore need of some tidying).
Michelle
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2007 26 January :: 12.47pm
:: Music: droning computer fans
Hey yall. I'm commin' home to cedar on Saturday. From 3-8Pm i'll be at the round up cheerin' on my man in his crazy hobby: arm wrestling. I may have found someone even weirder than me. Come sniff him out if you dare.
love,
baylee
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m&ms487
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2007 25 January :: 9.38pm
I went to a social event for Kappa Kappa Psi tonight. It was really great and I'm really excited to join. It's so nice to be with band kids again. Those are the only people you can have debates about legalizing prostitution, abortion, and which star trek series was the best all in the same half an hour.
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2007 23 January :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: crazy
I just got back from working out with Rueben. I don't understand why the fitness center is so busy at ten thirty at night. It's the only time that we can go together, but I would go in the middle of the day if I had a choice.
I went to an open rush tonight. I'm going to join Kappa Kappa Si. It's music/band co-ed fraternity that is based in service work for the music, mostly band, organizations. I'm excited. Now the only thing left to do is get a job!
I finally figured out how I'm going to get out of college in four years without killing myself. The answer: Summer classes. I have an appointment Thursday with my academic advisor to see if this is a real possibility. I hope it is.
Time to shower, do some homework (Ugh, EDU 107 video quiz), and got to bed. Tomorrow is my busy day (five classes!).
Michelle
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2007 20 January :: 5.42pm
And the sunset was blood red, a beauty stolen from the flesh. It coursed through the sky and splayed out into the clear blue that held it in. Not a cloud in sight to mar the too perfect spectacle.
Considering this sight, the boy wondered. He wondered in the way a new parent marvels at the ten perfectly tiny fingers and the ten perfectly petite toes of her newborn. A wonder of nature created by man.
For the sunset, the beauty of it all, was only a sign of his destruction. One last plea from the sky before it fell to the hand of man. The blood red was merely a product of his modern life.
The boy turned away from the window as the red faded into the horizon, behind the skeleton trees. The realization of the conception of the wonderfilled sight came to him. It was only then that he understood his place in his world. He would honor, celebrate, and even write of scenes of beauty, but with every car ride to the mountains, every piece of plastic discarded, every flip of a light switch, he would silently acknowledge his part in the murder.
In the last rays of the sun, the blood red shone upon him, casting him in his fitting color.
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2007 19 January :: 4.10pm
My intro to literary analysis professor proposed a unique idea to my class today. He offered that, at every moment, humans are in one of the five stages of grief. These are onset by loss, and we lose something in every minute that passes in our lives.
Although I have to memorize seventy two words (dealing with literary analysis, such as Accent, Enjambment, and Doggerel) and their definitions in a week and a half, it's still my favorite class this year.
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