being bored is bad for your health

:: 2005 17 January :: 9.24am

what would you do if i went blind?

:: 2005 17 January :: 9.15am
:: Music: the Postal Service

doot do doo.

no school. no friends. no plans.

sarcastic Yaay.

:: 2005 16 January :: 12.34pm

i've built this place into a prison. i've confined myself solitary.

:: 2005 16 January :: 11.19am
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional

she had a history of killing herself and i had a habit of dying.

:: 2005 15 January :: 12.17pm

i do not want to be what i am any more. this affects you. you are what makes me hate myself.
i do not know how to change without pissing you off and losing friends.

:: 2005 14 January :: 12.02pm

It's all so close. No. Yes. No.

Such little things can hold you back, if you let them. Circumstances.

It's been so cold today.
I wish it would go away.

Exams are the worst things ever invented by mankind.

Especially AP Chemistry exams.

:: 2005 12 January :: 12.32pm

you made my head ache, you were that great. but now you're gone and life is wonderful
-Bright Eyes "I Woke Up With This Song in My Head This Morning"

:: 2005 11 January :: 12.18pm

I swear I wanted to die last night. I have hardly ever been so.....fucked up?

Today is a long day. I woke up at 4:30am to memorize my drama thing, and go in early for a history test. After school is a band trip meeting, and then I have to drive to Howard City to give lessons. Finally I should be home around 6pm. I want to sleep then.

I'm having a bit better day today, but still tired.

michelle

:: 2005 8 January :: 10.22am
:: Music: tears for fears- mad world

out into the snowshine
rays of streaming flakes of pale like ashes

life makes me want to die. school makes me want to kill myself. so do you.

:: 2005 7 January :: 8.43pm
:: Mood: anxious

So I just gave a huge part of myself to a group that I barely even trust. I guess you just have to do some things. I guess I just had to say some things. I took the step, as scared shitless as I was about it, but I had to. That's the only way I knew how to trust them. We'll see what happens. We'll see...

:: 2005 5 January :: 9.12pm

So much is going on, but still it feels like nothing. Nothing is striking that chord, you know, the one where you're like "this is great, I'll always remember that".

If you don't remember things, then how do you know you really had a past?

You write them down? What if you don't remember writing them? Then, does that mean you never wrote them?

If I am part of everything I have met, yet I don't remember everything I have met, then isn't that like forgetting who I am?

If you are left with no past, no memories, just impulses and thinking, then, are you really a person? Would you do the same thing as you would if you knew of a past?

I need to go to bed before I drive myself crazy.

:: 2005 5 January :: 6.23pm
:: Music: atreyu

i started retracing my steps to find what i lost. so im recalling every memory that i possibly can, starting with the oldest. im writing most of them down. its quite fun.

:: 2005 1 January :: 8.07pm

Sometimes you can't always have what you want.

Sometimes people are going to hate you, and you don't understand quite why.

Sometimes people do things you don't agree with.

Sometimes you can't help what you do.

It's all because we are so much more complex than we give ourselves credit for. Sometimes you just have to live with it and get over it. Sometimes you have to stand up and say something. Either way, we are all gone to die in the end. I know this sounds morbid; but who is going to care in another 100 years anyway?

stay_c

:: 2004 30 December :: 8.31am

I hate everything!

4 left their 2 cents | leave your 2 cents

70billion

:: 2004 30 December :: 2.38am
:: Music: Senses fail-buried a lie

like 50
A freaking 12 gauge ghauge

2 left their 2 cents | leave your 2 cents

:: 2004 28 December :: 7.28pm

i feel like im already dead.

2 left their 2 cents | leave your 2 cents

:: 2004 26 December :: 6.49pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: "Vesuvius" by Frank Ticheli

Everything
It just doesn't seeem all that much like Christmas anymore. I think you need children to make Christmas magical. Other than that, people can just bring you down by being asses.

I've been working a lot lately. I have about 23 hours this week. That's a good $100 in my pocket. I really want to get transferred to another department, or find another job. I like my job to a certain point, and I know how to do it, I think it's just because I'm lazy, or I actually like to be home at night and get my homework done.

I got lots of good Christmas presents; a few books, good smelling things (lotion, candles, perfume..), make up, a tuner/metronome for my flute, food...all that kind of stuff.

We had my Aunt, cousins, and grandparents over yesterday. My cousin was hitting on rueben, it was so cute. He didn't it until I told him, too. He's quite oblivious to things like that I guess. I wasn't mad or anything, I thought it was quite hilarious. She's 12.

Jessie came and spent the night wednesday after my performance with Mrs. Spinella at Dollarville and my Dentist Appointment. All went well.

Solo ensemble is comming up soon. I really hate it. I hate solo ensemble, I really really do. But it's something I have to do for myself. One of those things that you need to do now in order to benefit from in the future. I just have a hard time taking criticism.

I have to work tomorrow and Rueben is comming over tonight again after he gets out of work. I swear I don't know what I would do without that boy. He keeps me sane.

School in a week. Don't want to go back, but I'll have to. It's just the way things are. I've been having dreams about institutionalizations lately. Just the general catagory, with specific examples. All very scary. I think I'm scared of being lost in the crowd...but I still feel safe in it.

Ah well, time will still pass no matter what any of us do.

michelle

:: 2004 26 December :: 3.13pm

gifts
i got:
10 cds
26 books
31 sharpees (assorted colors of course)
a pony
and some clothes.

:: 2004 23 December :: 12.40pm

"If you are anything, it's selfish" - my mother

Guess i should go die now.