my happy nitch
i'm happy! i've found what i've been reaching out for. it's great. i am with my little group, and even though jenna and i aren't on the path yet... it's ok i suppose. maybe it's for the better. i want to write a long entry about what's been going on latley. there is just too much to tell! i've been really really busy, but wow... my moods can change so quickly by what certain people have to say. but i guess the past few weeks have been pretty fun. i'm friends with some new people. steve marvin happens to be one of them. he's a nice kid. and let's see...who else, well no one other than that really. i got my hair cut. charlie loves it! he's so nice. i like it a lot too. i'm doing pit for the musical and that's been keeping me pretty busy. i went bowling with jessica, hilary, jenna, sam, dusty, jeff, kevin and mikey last night. that was ok i guess. today mom took me to flute choir and to breakfast. then we went to a piano sale at aquinas music hall and ended up buying a brand new digital piano... wow...it's really nice. so bring on the lessons and one step closer to college! we went to kohls and got new sheets for my bed to match my room finally! we went to the mall and i got a shirt at aeropostale (i couldn't resist... i never leave there without buying something :)) we went to sam goody and saw josh and i got to meet his little brother (he's so cute!) he's got josh's eyes. and then we saw marty and scott powell there too! i bought ben folds five- whatever and ever amen. mom bought moulin rouge. we went home and then we went to church, came home and watched our new movie! so yeah... basically i spent the whole day with mom because dad is up north. but it was really nice spending time with just mom. i was just talking to mikey... for some reason, i always seem to say the wrong things when i talk to him... it's so not cool. i just feel so stupid sometimes. oh well. last weekend (which i never even wrote about) was really great too. friday night (3-8-02) hilary, jessica, rebecca and i went to see dragonfly at northstar. they came over to my house before and we played sharades imitating people from our school. it was pretty funny. the movie was good, jessica and i jumped a few times, and cried at the end. saturday morning, i got up early and made hash browns, eggs, bacon, and pancakes for robby, kevin and stefanie. they were here by 8 a.m. yeah... you heard me... 8 A.M., granted the first thing kevin did when he got here, was find my room, hop in my bed, pull the covers over his head, and go to sleep. it was kinda cute. anyways, after breakfast, we left (stef was the designated driver) and our first stop was good ol' value land! i had never been there, so it was an experence. a fun one none the less. we then dropped the boys with some money off at hobby lobby to buy hemp and stef and i proceded to go to kohls and went on a shopping spree. we both got some really cute stuff. when i got home, i was dead tired, so i took a nap and by the time i woke up, it was almost time to leave again! we picked up jessica and headed to jenison for the drum line and color gaurd compitition. wow... it was really awesome. we got to see GLP, and they blew us away. they were sssoooo cool!!! as for sunday.. jessi went home and we went to church. spud and beans came over to get beans' duster and they hung out for a while. but that was last weekend here... yeah... i had fun. i'm enjoying going out every friday and saturday night. it's a lot of fun if you get with the right crowd. anyways, my eyes are getting kinda droopy and i'm not talking to anyone... so i think i'm gonna hit the sack kids. good night... sweet dreams... luv you!

tired
i did want to write tonight...but i'm too tired... i think i'm going to quit golf. see most of you in the morning. good night my loves.

overwhelmed
i am yeah..really overwhelmed... i need to get out for a while. i want to escape life for now. like just get out of cedar springs, and relax. i just want all my problems to dissapear so i can be happy. i mean, it fluxuates so much. my happiness, and my unhappiness. if i get out, then i'll just be temperally problem and worry free. but there is no place for me to go, so i guess that won't work. i mean, wow, i have so much to vent and unload. i don't even know how to put it all into words. i don't think i'm happy deep inside. i mean, yeah, when i'm with my friends, and when i'm with band, or somewhere fun, then i'm happy. but when i'm alone or somewhere i don't want to be, then i'm unhappy. so i don't know. i need to figure myself out. but yeah... i gotta eat, so i'll be back tonight hopefully.

music
i wrote a long entry about music and how beautiful it is to me. but i am hesitant to post it for some reason. i am in the greatest mood right now. i am just listing to the greatest songs and i want to dance around. i am. just dancing like crazy!!!! i love doing these things. it just lets out my innerself. well i'm just too happy to be doing one thing...so i'm gonna enjoy myself to the fullest. good night!

everything
what is up with people these days? the girls who sit in front of me in geometry are sooo gross! they sit there and cake up their faces with MAKEUP!!!! it's discusting! and that's all they talk about too. and they're not even pretty. i mean, who am i to judge, but i mean... they would probably look better with out all of that crap. oh well... there's nothing i can do about it. on the other hand, mr. neier was in a good mood today... so it made class a little more enjoyable.

i'm sick of all the roumers about the florida trip. i am SSSSOOOOOOO SICK OF THEM!! i mean, people actually have the nerve to come up to me and ask me about it, and then make fun of me. frankly IT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSNIESS! it's my busniess what i do and don't do, not cedar springs high schools, mine and mine only. so would everyone just SHUT UP about it already. it was almost 2 weeks ago for heaven sakes. i think they need something else to gossip about. i hate gossip. maybe they should just stop. but we know that they won't. it's sad and stupid.

i noticed something today. ok, i was on my way to lunch and i saw this guy. i looked out the window and peered at the snow. the snow was so beautiful and perfect in every way. it was kind of like the snow in the snow domes or like in the movies. i looked back at the guy and i realized he was more beautiful than the snow. the snow was right outside the window and he was just on the other side of the hall. if i wanted, i could have gone over and talked to him. but no... i didn't. it would have ruined the moment i had with myself and the snow and him.

crying
i'm eather the biggest sap...or i have a searious crying problem i'm starting to be aware of. so we were sitting in spanish watching the lion king. (the part where mufasa is teaching simba a lesson after he saved simba from the heienas under the stars) and simba and mufasa were jumping and playing together and i don't know what came over me... a few tears just streamed down my face. ryan laughed at me and jenny said i was sweet. i don't know why i cried... i hardly knew what they were saying because it was in a totally different language!!! i've been crying more frequently latley. i'm not sure what for though. yesterday i cried in english and at home. not the sobbing and throwing a fit kind of crying... just the kind where tears just silently fall from your eyes at unexpected times. but i'm not sure why this happens. i'm not really sad... or maybe i am... i don't know. i'm just a confused little girl who likes to be cuddled. i realized that i'm kind of like a little puppy dog. i like to be held and cuddled and it's nice when people pet my head... not really pet it... but play with my hair in a pet/stoking manner. anyways...i'm going to leave for pep band. i'm going to turn in my other camera to get the rest of my florida pics developed. have a good night guys!

moods change so quicky
how my bad mood faded so fast. i was just sitting here in a bad mood and you know, mikey had to know what was wrong, so i told him. well the sweety he is, he came over to give me a great big hug to make me feel better. we just sat on the couch and watched home improvement and the simpsons. crazy. all my friends are taking over golf. so much for a jessica and dani thing. oh well. i think i'm getting overwhelmed by homework and band stuff. and sadly to say, band stuff will come first considering that's my career and basically everything i do is going on my resume for college. sssssooooo.... there goes my homework and grades. i don't like to be overwhelmed. i was at lunch today. there was so many people at our table, i couldn't take it so i sat on the ledge at lunch. i cried in english today. i'm such a sap. i think it was from being overwhelmed... or stress. i need to chill out in the hot tub. if you want to join me, feel free. decression i'll unload my prob's on ya. i probably won't write for the rest of the night sssooooo... gnasd!

this sucks
i just had an all around bad day today. now that i think about it, nothing good happpened today what so ever. no hugs. i'm a big fan of hugs now that i think about it. i hug alot of people. and i think one of my favorite things to get is a hug. i'm still sick. i just need some searious cheering up here. i'm so sick of school too. i mean, we have a bio quiz tomorrow, and i have no idea about anything that is going on in that class. i mean, in the last 5 days, i've been there 2 of them. i am complaining. i need to stop. because no one cares about my complaints. no one cares about anything. have you noticed that? if you ask someone something, they'll just say, i don't care. people should care more these days. really. anyways... enough of me whining and complaining about how my day sucks. i could have it a whole lot worse. i could have no house or clothes or no computer. then you wouldn't have to listen to me complain about these things. but then again, you don't have to read this eaither. i'm tired and cranky. i'm going to take a nap of some sort. oh yeah... i have a hero.

i'm just sitting here acting all silly. i went to lazer skate with beans' youth group. that was fun! anyways... i just wanted to write for some reason. my songs are downloading so quickly!!! i love it!!! bring on the ben folds!!! gnasd!

I'm a Water Spirit


Love, emotions, and relationships fill your day. You are constantly thinking about others, especially the ones you love. Others consider you a romantic and a fool. You give yourself to others, but don't give too much, even the breadmaker must eat.

giggle... bbwwhhahaha... giggle... you get my drift
i am happy right now. life is just great when you are with or talk to stef. and i know that all my friends are sick of hearing about her... but they don't have to read this eaither. i'm so glad that we are friends. she gives the best advice and i can tell her anything. we have alot of inside jokes that we could laugh about for hours. so thank you so much stefanie for being there for me and being a great friend. i have no idea what i'm going to do without her next year. but we'll figure that out later... for now i think we'll giggle and bust out laugh at random things. i love ya stef... thanks so much!!!!

lots of updates
i'm at home today because of the sickness i aquired while being on the florida trip. who gets sick in florida? oh well. it was a great trip despite that. and swirl was great too...come to think of it i haven't updated since the day before swirl because of being gone for so long... you must have no idea! swirl started out like a bad dream. everything was great. beans and i looked wonderful. my mom did my hair and i did our makeup. we took beans to the hair place and she didn't get back to my house untill about 20 min. after 6:00. which was a bad bad thing considering we were suppose to be at robbys by 6. anyway, we made it there, late, never the less, we were there. elizabeth (robbys sister) made us a delicious dinner and we all had a good time. the dance was fun, same old stuff. we left for florida the next morning. the bus ride seemed to last forever. 24 hours on a hot, smelly, sticky, gross bus with 50 some people i got sick of real fast. the first park we went to was MGM on saturday. sunday i went to church and to animal kingdom and epcot. we had our workshop on sunday and that was really fun and cool. monday we were at magic kindom and we marched in the parade. to my suprise my mom got to wear a uniform and push kelly in the parade. i think i had the most fun monday night with our "train group". robby had to give all the girls in our group kisses on the cheek to redem his badge back from brittany. tuesday we went to coca beach and ron jon's surf shop. we ran around at the beach and pool and i bought the cutest little island girl outfit at this shop across the street. the ocean was a little cold, but we walked along the beach picking shells and jelly fishing. the bus ride home seemed to go alot faster, maybe because i slept alot more than on the way there. yesterday was back to school again and it was great to see everyone that didn't go on the trip. i was glad to see beans and i got a big hug from mikey which was nice. and it was soooo great to see stef and tell her everything that happened! i had an interesting chat with mikey after school on aol and i'm not sure if that was a mistake or not... i don't think it was. anyways, there's a small update on what has been up the past week. i think i'm going to sleep... being sick sucks... don't worry, i'll be back soon :)