jedibumblebee
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2010 10 August :: 10.08pm
:: Music: The Postal Service- The District Sleeps Tonight
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering/ What's buried underneath where I am...
Smeared black ink
Your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening
To last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering
What's buried underneath where I am
I'll wear my badge
A vinyl sticker with big block letters
Adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends
I am a visitor here: I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is where I am
You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
D.C. sleeps alone tonight
You seem so out of context
In this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key
Explaining that I am just visiting
And I finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
The district sleeps alone tonight
After the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving
Into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 5 August :: 12.13am
somedays, when i see the wedding albums of all the people i know on facebook, i get sad. I am happy for the people... don't get me wrong, but i wish that i could have gotten those things.
no wedding cake
no pretty white dress
no pictures
i wish i could have that fairy tale.
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 30 July :: 3.32pm
it's a bit messed up when i start singing songs in my head just to avoid these arguments. I want this fuck head of a "guest" not to come back.
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 25 July :: 12.14pm
sometimes I think my "friends" are just politely saying they don't want to see me in encrypted messages. I want a heart of stone. I hate feeling like this is all a lie.
If that's the truth tho, i guess i will never find out. My phone calls and attempts to do things can just be continuously evaded. Life goes on right, and nobody will ever truly understand how damaged i feel, how empty, or how alone.
1 crown |
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 23 July :: 5.46pm
somedays my dad just annoys me!
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 21 July :: 11.25pm
the people who told me to open up and trust have hurt me worst of all. it would figure right
crown me!
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.j.e.s.s.
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2010 21 July :: 11.20pm
How long do u live your life "playing by the rules" and "doing things the right way" even if u hate it more than anyything before u actually go out and do what u really want to do and get the things out of life that are actually importnat to you? I don't want to play it safe anymore.I can't live like this-i need help but there is no where to get help- admitting failure .... I wish I could start over again and focus on what I was made for. I wish I could understand why I am like thuis and I wish I could know the right things to do. I just feel like there really are no solutions and I hate it
1 crown |
crown me!
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spud
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2010 16 July :: 3.03pm
my life right now
A breadth-first search makes a lot of sense for dating in general, actually; it suggests dating a bunch of people casually before getting serious, rather than having a series of five-year relationships one after the other.
3 crowned |
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 14 July :: 5.14pm
i am feeling a bit mischievous! I wish I could come back to MI for a few days while my hubby is traveling.
And maybe I am.... oh yay!
crown me!
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joslyn_julia
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2010 13 July :: 7.16pm
I'm sick of fighting. I am sick of headaches and I AM SICK OF CLEANING UP THE SAME MESSES! I just want to be happy and calm. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is it that I don't' ever get a break, and as soon as he comes home from work that is all he gets. It's just the same redic. shit on another fucking day. And I wonder why I don't have a portfolio at all going into my senior year... maybe if i had the time to ever be creative I wouldn't feel like such a worthless sac.
crown me!
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spud
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2010 13 July :: 2.13pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: BnL - Bank Job
life barrels on.
being single is not all it's cracked up to be. i know i'm pathetic, but it's just really nagging at me a lot lately. but at the same time, it's not good to be desperate. that would be a good way to rush into something ill-advised. i figure if i'm gonna be in a relationship, i would want it to be one worth having, and worth taking the time to do it properly. not that there's a rulebook on how those things work or anything, but i do know that it at least takes time and energy to cultivate something lasting. i feel like i'd probably prefer something with more longevity over something of a fling. even though the fling is less daunting, and could be lots of fun in the short haul.
but enough about that. i can't help but notice that a lot of my good friends keep moving away. which is fine, i'm very happy for them. but it makes me want to get the fuck outta here in a quick hurry. not that i'ma run off to japan or anything, but i really want to do something, ANYTHING to break up the monotony.
get a fucking job, you hippie.
which reminds me, i do have work tomorrow and thursday. hopefully that'll mean some gas in the truck, and maybe some grocery money for chuckles.
the drum lessons have been fun thus far, but i'm not sure how well i'm doing as an instructor, and they're definitely not breaking the bank. eh, whatevs. at least it's something.
oh, other exciting update! i was at becca's saturday night (well, sunday morning) and thrashed my foot pretty good on an angle bracket. considering how deep it is, it doesn't hurt too badly, and i've been fairly diligent about keeping it cleaned out and putting antibiotic ointment on it, but it's still not healing up any too quickly. it's a pain in the ass because it's right on my heel. i have this irrepressible tendency to walk on it. maybe i'll take pictures and post them up for funzies. evidence that i'm a dumbass and a klutz.
1 crown |
crown me!
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jedibumblebee
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2010 10 July :: 7.53pm
:: Music: Ben Folds Five- Fair
I send my best, cause God knows, you've seen my worst...
you know when you don't listen to an album for a really long time and then you listen to it again and it's like... whoa.
i bought ben folds five- whatever and ever amen, on cd... i already have it, but it's on..umm... cassette tape.... so i haven't listened to it in a while.
<3
3 crowned |
crown me!
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jedibumblebee
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2010 8 July :: 9.29pm
:: Music: Ben Folds- Kalamazoo
Don't you know that I've been there too?
Ran out of time
Running my mouth
Ran up a tab and
All the way from Kalamazoo
On my way back home
I was surely stoned
Now I'm sober in my yard
Can't believe I was there
Can't believe I've been anywhere else
There was a time
Almost forgot
We had been drifting
All the way to Kalamazoo
And I said that I loved you too
All the way back home
There's an old joke
I just made up
How many of me
Would it take to screw up your life?
One to settle down
One to turn you 'round
Now I'm sober in my yard
I would say you had to be there
And I regret that you're still there
Seems like you'd be frozen
Frozen there in time
Waving your goodbye
High up to the sky
Your place on the map
Has faded away
Looks to be lost in
More that one way, Kalamazoo
Don't you know that I've been there too?
And it puts your mind more at ease
If you'd say the words of release
All the way back home
crown me!
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jedibumblebee
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2010 7 July :: 9.29pm
i think i might have a driniking problem.........
3 crowned |
crown me!
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jedibumblebee
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2010 6 July :: 8.00pm
:: Mood: nostalgic
:: Music: Jimmy Eat World- Always Be
How are you gonna know the feeling/ until you lost it?/ I've been losing plenty since...
Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it's easy
You can't keep safe
what wants to break
I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
a little far for me to reach
I was just a boy like every other
I thought I was something fierce
I thought i was ten times smarter
Love would be something that I just know
How are you gonna know the feeling
Until you lost it
I've been losing plenty since
Maybe something else I'm missing
Something good and you're the reason
It's a dream but there's a real world waitng
crown me!
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