silversoldier
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2014 26 October :: 8.29pm
:: Mood: embarrassed
Oh god...
This is a trip.
1 truth |
lie
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jessika
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2006 2 August :: 11.29pm
:: Mood: ill
:: Music: AFI
Wow
I completely forgot about Woohu until Alex mentioned it a minute ago. Holy shit it has been a while. I feel very ill and tired, but I can not sleep. It is a sort of too-tired-to-sleep sort of thing.
I <3333 AFI. They are amazing.
lie
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jessika
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2006 10 May :: 9.25pm
:: Mood: cranky
:: Music: Defying Gravity - Wicked
Yay! AFI!
If you do not know who they are, you should totally find out quick. Buy their new album, coming out 6/6/06! Possible the most anticipated album this year!
2 truthsooth sayers |
lie
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Jessika
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2005 21 January :: 11.47pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls
Read this!
{I'm witnessing death as I type this.
A fly just fell off the wall or the ceiling or somewhere above this computer and landed next to the monitor's power cord here in the school library. It's laying on its back twitching and wriggling around trying to use its last bit of energy to flip itself over from this fatal position. It stops every couple of seconds to rest and everytime it looks as though it's the last time it'll move before being swept away by a janitor into the garbage and eventually whisked away to its ultimate grave.
Five seconds it stops. Three seconds it twitches.
Seven seconds it stops. Three seconds it twitches.
"I'm not quite dead yet!" says one side of the fly, the other half retorts with the ever-comical reply, "Yes you are now shut up."
It looks as though this is the end.
Oh, no it's pulled through once more.
And as it twitches again, it finally flips over onto its feet. A good two minutes after it falls, it has finally moving properly again. It tries climbing up the wall... and once again falls onto its back. Several seconds are passing and it's stopped moving, but the frantic flailing of its appendages has resumed and it's now trying to regain its composure.
I find myself wanting to put this poor fly out of its misery. And then I remember, flies are disgusting germy things and they should suffer like the rest of us sick creatures do, at least once in awhile. I want to scream at it to
JUST
GIVE
UP
but these last few moments are an eternity to the fly and if it can only just flip over once more...
I really don't think it's going to pull through.
I really hope it's not going to pull through.
Disgusting germy thing anyway. I am revolted.
And alas, it is flipped over once more onto its feet. Movement is stopped except for what looks to be its cleaning habits. (That's an absurd thought. Flies don't clean, they merely rearrange the disease.)
In another minute or so, this fly will try to climb up the wall (it's much too weak to fly) again and fall onto its back again.
...or maybe instead, it will take a trip under the monitor and disappear into whatever depths from whence it came.
Not that I care anyway.}
Lindsey typed that today....it is flipping awesome I think. I love the style.
Is anyone free after the early out on Wednesday? *is extremely determined ;-)*
4 truthsooth sayers |
lie
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silversoldier
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2005 14 January :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: An Original Suite
Taming of the Shrew casting results came today. I'm Vincentio... Not a huge role, but that's ok. 1: Vincentio is a father, which means I'm not being cast by type for every play. 2: I'm in two plays right now, and two smaller roles equals one big one for me. 3: I've already been a lead this year, and I'm a sophomore. My stage presence is actually better than I would have expected (though I'm sad that I don't get to do techie work much... oh, wait, everyone is a techie/actor for Madwoman).
Even greater news came when I read the casting sheet: Trevor is on prop crew. That means Trevor still exists! (That really makes me sound like I'm crazy!) EEEEE!!! I'm so glad he's alive and well and being and so forth. Life can be a prosperous occupation after all.
8 truthsooth sayers |
lie
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silversoldier
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2005 11 January :: 1.53pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "Bury Me with It" - Modest Mouse
yes, I really do exist
Seeing that I haven't updated in... well, I don't know because the school computers won't let me check my journal, I figured it would be good to say something... anything.
The Fantasticks went well (though the audience was extremely small). Winter break also went well. I got to see my sister (even went sledding), and I had an escape from reality for a few fleeting moments.
But now, the return to school has come, and I am again entering the bleak truth of the farce we all live. I'm craving a revelation, something to make me believe there's a salvation. Sometimes it is a wonder that we do continue this life. I still don't have the gut to take it. That would be stupid and pointless. As long as I live, I'm doing something, influencing someone (though that's not necessarily a positive thought)... In short, to exist is to have power.
I keep telling myself that I've become invisible. But somehow, I only believe it behind closed doors. There is no truth in it when the world begins to consume me. I fear my soul is fleeting, keeping away from my potential.
And still, this thing called love tortures me. It isn't enough to live without, and my life is well empty without it. And so things continue to pass me in this world.
I stay perched on the pedestal created for me. I fear the lashing tounges that will strike the minute I falter. I am the monkey in this circus now.
For Madwoman of Challot, I got the part of Pierre. He tries to commit suicide because he was sent to blow up an architect's office. The play is strange to begin with, and the character certainly parallels that.
I tried out for Taming of the Shrew yesterday, and I have a feeling that I may well get cast (not that the 30 males necessary was any indication). Honestly, we don't have many people who can speak Elizabethan with relative ease. Such is the life.
I think I'm going to retch.
lie
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Jessika
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2005 9 January :: 6.59pm
:: Mood: grumpy
Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart.
Love is not like anything.
Especially a fucking knife.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah. I am loving those lyrics by the Used right now.
I have no one to talk to >_<
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 7 December :: 2.09pm
:: Mood: unmotivated
:: Music: "America" - Rammestein
And fireworks shall mark your entrance
As we're going through the opening sequence of the play last night, one of the lights exploded. At first, we all thought B. had added fireworks to the show, but it didn't take long to realize that the light was gone. Basically, the lamp blew up, the resulting concussion blew off the back of the light, and sparks and molten glass and other objects came cascading upon the house... It's being fixed.
Also, there was absolutely no one backstage yesterday... it was strange. Yes, some people were watching the show, but most were off screwing around in the hallway. Needless to say, there will be much yelling tonight.
And, for those of you who are unaware (and decidedly stupid, ignorant, etc.), Woohu has changed its format. How amazing.
I suppose I should put something in about MORP. So:
I survived, Jesse wasn't excessively clingy, the music was OK, and Justin broke up with his girlfriend. Yup, that's about it (and hopefully blunt enough for Jessika's mind).
5 truthsooth sayers |
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 3 December :: 1.54pm
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: The Christmas Song
Sentries guarding the water hole
Sometimes it's obvious that our rights are being compromised. No, that wasn't a jab at our political leader, though it may as well be.
Mi papi fixed the Internet connection last night, and then decided to Google his name. So, I couldn't get on last night (nor did I feel much necessity to) because there were three million some results for him.
Play rehearsal was... eventful last night. First, we got the lid on our trunk, so our blocking changed yet again. And, because of the way the lid is secured, it also made a few life attempts on us. I was told it almost took my head off, but Mike stopped it (what a guy, eh? :P ). One of our swords broke in the crescendo of action. They're all made of lightweight wood; it was bound to happen. We skipped over about a page of dialogue, but nothing was really screwed up. I almost knocked the sun down, and Bo hit a note much higher than anyone's range (a fluke, but startling nonetheless). Oh, and light and sound were there to observe. Grand ol' time.
So, MORP's tonight, and I'm thinking that it won't be as bad as I envisioned. Jesse's admitted that she can't dance much (leaving me the oppertunity to be social with others...), and we're NOT going to Golden Corral (thank god... buffets are disgusting). Besides, it's only four hours out of my life.
I need to call some of you for ticket purchases. I have to sell for the show, so if you can decide what day you want to go, then I can presell so you get in. Pick a date... Pick two, or come all three nights. Our department needs the money.
1 truth |
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 2 December :: 1.32pm
:: Mood: energetic
:: Music: "Hammering in My Head" - Garbage
Santa Claus is dead, kids.
Though I'd love to be enraptured by the Christmas spirit, I am currently busy in other affairs. Mostly, the play has taken over my life. There are, however other causes, most of which I find no purpose in discussing.
Our Internet connection is dead at the house again (has been since Tuesday afternoon), so I can't really talk to anybody unless the phone is used.
I've got two injuries from the same blocking in the play. I'm supposed to stab at Bo with a sword, then he takes the sword, shoves me foreward, and I do a stage dive. Two days ago, I slid across the stage as I fell, and I got a REALLY bad canvas burn. Last night, I landed strange and my pinky folded much too far back, and now it's pretty well immobile.
Lacey hasn't called me in a week... I'm surprised, really. She always complains that she misses me and she can't wait to come home, and yet she hasn't called for anything. Maybe she's finally becoming independent. How nice for her.
I think I'll do something "productive" now.
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 30 November :: 1.58pm
:: Mood: pleasantly dispositioned
:: Music: Brahms' Sonata No. 3 in f minor, Op. 5
Sundried tomatoes have so much flavor.
^ For future cooking projects
Rehearsal felt so disgusting yesterday. I don't know why, but we were horribly flat. On the plus side, we started work with props.
I'm so glad that computer lit. turned into a study hall for me (I actually stay current on my assignments, giving me plenty of free time) because I have no time after school today. I forgot that pep band was rehearsing today, plus I have piano lessons and play rehearsal. The parents also want me to get a haircut... something that's likely not to happen today.
My overall moody attitude has (at least for the moment) dissipated. Since we're headed toward the last quarter moon, I should be generally pleasant. Plus, the show ends on a new moon!! It's perfect timing in my life. Beautiful indeed.
Well, class will be ending soon, so I guess I should say 'ta.
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 29 November :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
Excuse the mess... and the blood as well
I've been horribly moody for the past week... Must have been the full moon.
Thanksgiving was OK. We went to the great aunt and uncle's house... They were leaving for Spokane the next day and they didn't give us leftovers. It's annoying A) because I really like Thanksgiving food and B) because it's all going to waste.
Whitney and I talked about Jesse's clinginess today. It's frightful how that girl is, and I continue to regret saying yes to MORP with her... Kaitlin would have been such a better date.
Our volleyball team lost our first game today... finally the ranks have begun to break down. People are going out of position and arguing... It's general chaos. I really like Ben though. He seems to keep things together for us. Not to mention he's gorgeous... Gah, there are a lot of good looking guys that happen to have lockers close to mine in gym... :P
I really want to go to rehearsal!! The Fantasticks is the only thing I look forward to in the day. I don't even value sleep right now... That's how screwed up my feelings are. I've realized that it has become my escape to depression, and avoiding sleep... well it doesn't exactly solve anything either, but it keeps me somewhat sane. I need readjustment. And as much as I'd love to be in a relationship right now... that may certainly screw things up even more, considering my social position at the moment.
Life is bloody wonderful when you're not trying to destroy something.
If only that feeling could last more than minutes.
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 11 November :: 2.01pm
:: Mood: Insufficient
:: Music: "Talk Show Host" - Radiohead
A pool of azure water, seeming calm upon the surface
But underneath its glossy pane, the dynamic is extreme. All life fights for survival, many hunting their own kind for food. What cannot be used is destroyed; worse yet, what can be used is coveted, plundered, and ultimately rendered useless after the masses carelessly fight for it. The dead are non-existant, or that is what is perceived: anything deceased becomes armor for the constant warfare. All this under the glass of the world above, perfectly ignorant: abashed to jump in.
1 truth |
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 9 November :: 1.29pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: "I'll Marry" - The Fantasticks
And, after a brief interlude:
We're script out of hand in rehearsals now, and I'm not doing too bad... thus far. Then again, I do practice every two hours, so there could be a reason why I've not messed up yet.
Miranda told me yesterday that her brother thinks I'm "a funny kid." I take it as a complement, seeing as he graduated last year and I wouldn't expect him to remember me. (Her brother is Kevin, the guy who used to work at Herbergers, the guy who fell asleep on my couch at my sister's graduation party)
Next week is the drama trip (!) I'm so excited... mainly because I can get out of town for a few days. Plus, we're seeing Les Mis. It's one of the bestest Broadways ever, yes?
Ha ha! We started reading Oedipus Rex in English today. Greek stories of incest and such... lovely. Mrs. Stubbs is having us act it out which, considering there are few people who've ever set foot inside a theatre, let alone understand voice influction, that exist in our class, left much to be desired.
Paul's trying to challenge me in band, which is really ok with me, except that play rehearsal has taken over the week... I just feel bad that he has to wait another week just so he can beat me. Yes, I'm really not a good trumpet player, despite what my director thinks.
Stephanie (girl I'm helping around, as she's in crutches right now) fell on her cast pins after band... Apparently her doctor's in Choteau today, so they can't examine it to make sure things are all right. Poor girl already has to be in the cast for three months. I can only hope she'll be fine.
Volleyball is so bloody annoying in gym. It's impossible to find enough people to stick in the same gym class that can actually play a real game of it. Such is the life though, eh?
Oh, I was so happy to see Josh yesterday. He was extremely depressed at the football game last week (like, I could pick up signs of suicide from him). I was worried all weekend that he'd be there on Monday, and thank god he was. It's not a good sign when a kid is checking the obituaries every day for his friends...
lie
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silversoldier
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2004 4 November :: 1.46pm
:: Mood: exanimate
:: Music: Oscar Mayer B-O-L-O-G-N-A
here's a quicky:
In contrast to Tuesday, Wednesday was extremely busy for me... but not much happened of real importance... Except that Bush won.... I guess that's important >:I
We were supposed to finish blocking for the play last night, but things went a bit longer than expected, so we finish tonight. We were interviewed yesterday... School newspaper interviews are always lacking in substance...
!! All people that live here must buy chocolate from me!! Our drama department DESPERATELY needs money.
Levi was back today. He's been in ISS for a while, so I was glad to see him back.
... yeah... rather unimportant update... but I'm in school, and censorship is exercised.
3 truthsooth sayers |
lie
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