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2002 10 July :: 6.14 am
:: Mood: sad
It's just one of those days...
So it's 5:16 AM on a Wednesday and I've already screwed things up for this week. Lacrosse started as I have mentioned before and m Dad, trying to be "cool" was going to let me go out afterward. This is an amazing thing at my household, my Dad, actually being flexible. It's unheard of. The fourth of July happened last thursday, and i spent alot of it throwing up in a bathroom. Fun time eh?
So i was amazed to see that my parents let me go out that Sunday. I did call them drunk of my ass and just rambling on and on and on about God knows what. It's starting to get light outside, and i have to make this brief...
so anyway. I went over to a friend of mines house. ( This is who i saw Sunday ) and we wactched a movie. I had to be home by 10:30, and if i was going to be late to call. Well, of course the ride situation didn't work out and i called and said I would be about 5 minutes later then i thought. He was glad I called and offered to come get me. I said no, that it was all fine. And that was that. I broke curfew by 17 fucking minutes. When i got to the door he just unlocked it and walked away. I tried saying sorry but the bastard was like i've heard that so much this week don't even try it. He knew where i was. He knew I was going to be late. He knew. And now, i'm stuck at home all day long today tomorrow and friday because, well to be honest...i think he hates me. Both of my parents have a real problem with trust. No i take that back, they only have problems trusting me. I've screwed up, i know that. But they have this wonderful idea that i go around and sleep with every living thing. Thanks for the support guys! Well, it's getting late/early. And i have to get up and make the father breakfast. He gave this whole deal about how he'll only get 6 hours of sleep because of me because he gets up at 5:45 evry morning. I slept maybe two, and i have a game tonight. Hooray! Well, kitchen is calling me...what joy.
" I used to live in a room full of mirrors, all I seen was me, well I can't take it no more, so I smash the mirror and set me free..."
Any Takers? |
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2002 8 July :: 11.10 pm
:: Mood: anxious
:: Music: John Mayer
Am I really Crazy?
you're girl, interrupted. you're fun and friendly, and just a little bit crazy.
take the which prettie movie are you? quiz, a product of the  slinkstercool community.
This is definitely not what i thought i would have been...but hey...who knows...i could end up crazy someday...
Any Takers? |
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2002 8 July :: 5.33 pm
:: Mood: distant
:: Music: Ben Harper
Scream
Do you ever just wanna shake someone? Or just break down and cry or scream? I do, all to often. People are confusing me. And what I thought was a good thing is just kind of there, because I know it could never actually happen. Which makes me want to cry. I want it to all go away, I want to be held by someone. I wanna laugh and dance around and not care about anything anymore. I want things that are almost realistic to come true, and I want it to all work out for everyone. I want it to just go away. I want all of these people im'ing me to just stop. Can't they see and understand that i'm angry. Distant. Confused. No, i don't suppose so, but I wish they could, and not ask any questions of who, what, when, where, and why. I have to leave soon and i'm not even close to being ready. I get to go roast out in the sun. Maybe it will help. Maybe i'll forget reality for a little while and just enjoy myself. Wouldn't that be a nice thing? Yes, I would have to say so.
Any Takers? |
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2002 7 July :: 10.25 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Dashboard Confessional
So now, i'm sitting here, just starting this whole journal thing that my friend has been telling me to join for what seems like ever, and i seem to be in a bit of a writers block. See good things have happened to me today, but i don't know how to write about them...at all. My favorite song on my favorite cd is playing right now...but it's making me almost sad.
Yet again, i find myself in a sticky situtation i'm not sure how to get out of. I feel so distant..and my best friend is telling me about how she's like a genie and can make any wish come true. I'll be sad not seeing her next year...highschool and all. Speaking of highschool, i start lacrosse tomorrow and i'm slighty scared shitless. Not of the game, i love the game..but of all these new people that i'll be meeting. Reactions. Thoughts. Worries. Will i fit in? I hope the answer will be yes. My genie friend and i were supposed to be going to the same highschool..unfortunatly that's not the case anymore. I'm really going to miss her.
As all of you that are reading this can tell i've mastered the art of rambling...quite well if i do say so myself. The fact of the matter is i'm not used to having everyone see my thoughts...then again i am anonomous...
Well, maybe next time I'l have a deeper entry, when I know what the hell I'm doing...until then
1 Greedy Bastard |
Any Takers? |
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