back home again. wyoming was absolutely gorgeous. beats the hell out of st. louis. stayed in a mansion for a couple days. free of charge mind you. i'm so glad my daddy's boss is rich. went white water rafting, knew more then the guide and probably could have done a better job then he did, but whatever. it was fun. beau and i were really cool most of the trip. he helped me play poker because i'm quite possibly the worst card player ever. he also agreed to be my pool partner even tho the only balls i ever get in are the 8 ball...or a ball for the other team. we won anyway, thank god he's good...he seems to be good at everything...hmm...
got a new journal. it's very pretty. the one i wanted was the beautiful leather handmade one...but it costed over $100...so i got the $12 version instead. i also got a pair of boxers to add to my collection and a nice hoodie. i also went to a bob dylan concert. the poor guy has completely snorted, smoked, tripped, and injected himself retarded...but it's dylan, the guy's a legend. ended with all along the watch tower, one of my favorites, and before that was like a rolling stone so i was a happy girl. bought a shirt of some crazy old hippie man. it's so chill...tye died...i adore it.
we went took a tram to the top of one of the tetons and watched paragliders (sp?) for a while. that's one of the coolest things i've ever seen, pretty sure. you get a parachute and run of the side of a mountain. i could have done it had we gone a day earlier, but we left for my dad's bosses the next day so...not to mention it was $200. i got a firm promise from beau that we would go next time. i smiled not only because i would go paragliding...but because there would be a next time. this crush is ridiculous. i've known the kid my whole life, he's actec like an older brother to me for as long as i've known him. it's just creepy that i have any sort of attraction towards him. but, then again, if you saw the guy i think you would understand where i'm coming from. he's highly intimidating...but, i'm also very easily intimidated. it's weird, i thought he had always seen me as the annoying little sister that he had to put up with is whole life...but we were cool this trip. i could justify it with saying we're both older or whatnot...which, i'm sure is part of the reason...but i don't know. the comfortabless was just cool. anyway, i should get going. i need some sleep...hasn't happened in a while.

"i'm a cult classic, not a best seller."

i never told you about warped tour now did i? well, to be honest, it was a little dissapointing. last year was just, incredible. and this year was kinda..eh. dont get me wrong, i had a great time but the line up wasn't as impressive, and i only met one band. my shirt from last year is completely filled with band signatures and i have pictures galore of me and different so and so's. meeting afi was pretty exciting tho. i will say, the ataris rocked my world and i have a new found love for the mad caddies.

in other news i went and saw my mom in showboat last night at the muny. dear god, it was hot. the muny is the largest outdoor theater in the world which is pretty cool. i've only done two shows with them, but it's still fun to say i've worked there. my mother, on the other hand started back in the 70's and has been on and off since. she works at different theaters all over town but this one is her favorite, mine too. anyway, joey was also in the show...ahh i think i'm starting to like this one, which is bad seeing as jarob and i are still "together". he asked for my number last night at the after party and gave me his. i can't decide if he likes me or is just wanting a friendship deal. who knows? not me. i guess we'll jus wait and see if he calls...

tomorrow is lolapalooza! we all know what that means...allie's seeing incubus!!! sorry, only a minor obsession i have. the distillers are playing as well which should be a reaallly good set. brodie armstrong is amazing. plain and simple. i wish i could scream/sing like that. i wonder how she does it...

that's all for now. i'm tired and have to clean. story of my life.

"...like what i happen to be wearing the day someone takes a picture is my new statement for all of woman kind."

yet again, i have managed to piss off more then my fair share of people. my mother thinks all i do is take her and dad for granted and i don't appreciate how much they do for me. i left the kitchen messy, that's how this conversation came about. lizz and jarob are mad because i didn't go to the movies with them last night. i had good reason. no ride, no money, and an angry mother. so sarah and lil came and got me. we went to clayton's and watched memento...a very, very good movie by the way. confusing as hell, but excellent. ray's been on the phone with her mother since tuesday night fighting over conor staying at their house. the tension is so thick in this house i'm pretty sure you could cut out little shapes. they're coming back over after dinner. i have no idea what we're doing tonight, but it's getting out of the house. that's all that matters, that's all that ever matters. so if anyone would like to take me in for a while, please let me know. i don't need much, honest. a little food, some water. all i need is a way to get out of here. out of this house, out of this town.

as of now i have no plans for the 4th. hooray for allie.

i leave for wyoming in a week or so. should be fun. as long as beau stays chilled out we should be fine. i hope...

well i have to go get ready. don't know really why tho. it's not like we're going anywhere special. probably lillian's living room like always. we'll sit there and stare at eachother and whine that we should be doing something. call a few people, well, only if we can reach the phone, maybe they'll come over or they'll decline the invitation and it will be a night like all the others. another one to put on the shelf. we always used to have some exciting adventure to go on. somewhere to go someone to see. sigh, what happened to those days? hell if i know.

tune in next time friends...

i wonder if anyone reads this...hmmm

"lets go find a roadside motel with a clerk who won't tell. days will turn into nights, nights will turn into days, weeks seasons and years."

they're here. well, sarah is. conor left yesterday around 1. i didn't spend his last night here with them. instead, i went and saw charlie's angels with meg. why? well, i have my reasons...we'll just leave it at that.

they're getting ready to leave to go to the galleria, lil and sarah that is. allie gets to stay here and wait for the yard guys to show up and leave.

watching two girls try and get ready at the same time, with only one mirror, one hair dryer, and one straightener, is...um...comical? only when it's these two.

charlie hurley just im'd me. what the hell? we hate eachother. like, seriously hate. he's asking me what i'm doing tonight. maybe it's a joke. i'm sure it is...

it's june in st. louis, easily 90 degrees outside, and i'm sitting here in a long sleeve shirt under a down comforter freezing...what's wrong with this picture?

sigh. sarah's telling me to go take a shower so she can "play with my hair" i suppose it looks like i'm going on this shopping outing as well...ready set go...

"and that's what you get for falling again."

my summer ray comes today...it should be good fun. we're all going to warped tour tomorrow which, should be a lot of fun. last year was excellent, so i'm hoping this year will be just as good. the ataris are playing which thrills me to no end. jarob's coming with us. i guess now is as good of a time as ever to introduce him to these friends of mine, and the person i am around them. yikes.

speaking of jarob, i was over at his house last night. well not just me, but lizz and tommy and matt all showed as well. nothing spectacular happened, but it wasn't a horrible evening either. he has a trampoline, so lizz and i had great fun acting as idiotic as possible on it.

well, the mother is telling me i have to have my room absolutely perfect for sarah, conor, and lillian...because they've never seen it before or anything, i swear. till then, my friends.

so many adventures so little time...

last week was alumni. and it actually was a lot of fun. i found that david and amy are really cool kids, and, the fortunatly live near by.

i'm supposed to go to a hot tub party tonight. yikes. i have no swimming suit, and have no intention of anyone ever seeing me in one. i serirously need the kind the hippos wear in fantasia. little pink skirt and all. sigh, sarah and i were supposed to go...but she hasn't called me back yet....

ahh i have to go.i'll finish this later

i love swimming at night. it's so much more relaxing and just...ah, i don't know. it makes me think of sticky summer nights where every care and worry was forgotten. and the only concern was how much ice cream and leftover pizza was left in the fridge. sigh, three weeks and my official summer ray will arrive.

i was supposed to go to point fest tomorrow. for those of you that don't know, point fest is kind of like warped tour. only the music is more alternative. the point is a radio station here that sponsors most of the big shows that come to town, hence POINT fest. anyway, jarob calls me up yesterday and tells me he has two third row tickets to point fest, and if i would want to go. now, these tickets are usually in the $70 price range...and i'd be going for free. hmm, third row...no charge...some good bands...need i say more? so everything was cool, and then all a sudden i couldn't go. so i figured that out and it was all cool again. then dienneca, his sister, decides she and her boyfriend should get the tickets. so now neither one of us gets to go. it really sucks, a lot. oh well, i think we're going to the loop or something tomorrow, so that's fun. i have birthday money burnin in my wallet, and i have my eye on the new jack johnson cd. speaking of cd's, i got 5 today! 5!! that's like, diamonds and gold to me. i love the family birthday gatherings. especially when you're the only niece/grand daughter, you tend to get spoiled.

ouf, i'm tired and still need to pack some. i wish we had a hammock...

"all these poses of classical torture ruines my mind like a snake in the orchard, i did go from wanting to be someone, now i'm drunk and wearing flip-flops on fifth avenue. once you've fallen from classic virtue, won't have a soul for to wake up and hold conducting at the city streets a wonderous chorus singing all these poses."

i got my permit today. passed on the first try too. not bad eh?

jarob asked me out last night. you would think i'd be ecstatic. i really like this guy, right? right? i don't know anymore. he's nothing like i usually go for. i mean yea, he's sweet and everything, but, i don't know what it is. i wish matt, his best friend, wasn't so good looking. i reaallly wish matt wasn't so good looking. he has a thing for lizz, so i'm pretty sure they're trying to pull some little scheme of me and jarob, lizz and matt. hah, as if they thought they could fool us. i'm pretty sure this is a trick lizz and i would pull. sigh. he's clingy, never kissed a girl, very naive. skajgfs. it's summer, i don't want a boyfriend now. school year, yes...but not now...right? am i being logical, or am i being selfish? all these voids and feelings i've been complaining about are finally being filled and i'm not grateful. god, i am a bitch.

WHY IS MATT SO HOT?!?!

"lets push things forward"

hooray, it's my birthday.

Pointofpaul: dont be surprised if there is a cake at ur house tommorow big enough to have oh i dont know me inside naked

Pinkdevil63: haha...aww pauly, you're my favorite.

thanks paul, i got a good long chuckle out of that one.

camping trip went well. my tent is beautiful...i love presents.

i leave for alumni monday. should be fun. i love rafting, so i'm looking forward to that. a 13 hour bus ride in a school bus is kind of rough, but this will be the third time i've done it. you'd think i'd be used to it by now.

went to jarob's last night. sigh. i almost hate being in like, almost. he's so...shy, and mysterious, and soo hard to read. we held hands under the blanket and i felt like i was in 7th grade again with chris...err...or nathan. i put my head on his shoulder and i could have sworn i felt his heart beat go faster. i found out later from his friend matt that he's never had any sort of girlfriend. i don't understand why tho. hmm. anyway, he wants to get together before i leave monday...i'm excited, to say the least. if kevin hadn't shown up last night he told lizz he would have "asked me out". whatever that means anymore. i love smelling like boy when i come home. it's kind of reassuring. heh, i haven't been someone's chick in a while...this could be fun.

my birthday's tommorrow. hooray.

that's all i got. tune in next time.

and we're back. i'm almost packed, almost. i suppose i could finish in the morning, we're not leaving till almost 11. yes, that's much time.

i keep getting these weird pains in my back and shoulders. they're really, quite unpleasant. i went to the chiropractor yesterday and was snap, crackle, and popped back into place...but i'm not so sure everything went back to its own home.

oh and just for the record. i was supposed to be arriving in indy today, just if you wanted to know. i would be at sarah's right now laughing, talking, probably eating. tomorrow morning, i would be getting ready to go to school with her. i would be really nervous the car ride over. thinking about the last visit, wondering if mike would remember me. i'd be telling myself to talk to taylor this time, and to not be as shy. i'd be excited to see lowell elyse and conor later that night. i'd be able to give him his graduation present in person instead of having to ask lil to do it for me. i would finally be able to meet all of these people she talks about. i'd finally meet this hot freshman she tells me so much about. we'd spend that free period with him that she tells me she spends every day with. i would sit through the classes with her and be quiet and nervous like i always am, but promised i wouldn't be. hopefully i would have gotten some balls, and actually introduced myself to the hawaiin dynesty. he's only ever spoken a sentence to me. "allie, have you seen my goggles?" i, unfortunaly had not seen the poor child's goggles. so that was the end of that. (why he was looking for goggles is another story to be shared at another time) that night i think would be conor's graduation party, which the sweet boy, invited me to. (conor and i do not get along very well, so i was truly shocked, yet incredibly happy at the same time when he told me about it.) i think that's the best part out of all of this. a person who i had burned some bridges with built them back up and was being really cool and friendly. could i go? could i tell him how much i appreciated it all? if you haven't guessed yet the answer is no. no. i couldn't. it makes my blood boil just thinking about the whole situation.

blech. i'm tired and now very hostile. these two do not mix well especially in the body of a girl who has not yet been to bed from the day before. so this is g'night. till then, my friends.