I'm a Loner Dottie, A Rebel

:: 2004 27 February :: 3.54pm
:: Music: bockmans euphio

'marriage is love'
www.millionsformarriage.com

:: 2004 20 February :: 2.29am
:: Music: string cheese- untying the not

holy shit
this happens every year
winter, more specifically.
i cannot rest until the words are purged
all my friends and lovers are either asleep or drunk
while i am unable to consistently be either
and waking from one or the other shows me
that nothing lasts.
i wonder how jaded i will have to become
before i learn to let go lightly.
if anything other than the ground beneath my feet
is worth believing in whole heartedly
i would believe in you, if i could hang on
but you are so far and the reach
stretches my dry winter skin
until i have to make a choice about which kind of pain
i would rather endure.
the problem with numbing myself
is that i lose my decisiveness
it falls in and drowns
in whichever bottle i have emptied into me
and abandons my capacity
to ever be free.

:: 2004 19 February :: 11.18pm

answer questions using one band's lyrics

band: counting crows

1. Are you male or female?:
american girls are weather and noise

2. Describe yourself?:
something altogther different never just an ordinary girl

3. How do they feel about you?:
shes trying to be a good girl
and give them what they want

4. How do you feel about yourself?:
these days I feel like I'm fading away

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?:
"oh", She says, "you're changing."
But we're always changing
It does not bother me to say this isn't love

6. What would you rather be doing?:
Got no place to go
but there's a girl waiting for me down in Mexico
She's got a bottle of tequila, a bottle of gin
And if I bring a little music I can fit right in

7. Describe where you live?:
or we could just pack our bags and catch a plane to barcelona cause this citys a drag

8. Describe how you live?:
I�ve been up for 38 hours
And it don�t look like sleep�s coming soon

9. Describe how you love?:
every word is nonsense but i understand it all

10. Share a few words of wisdom?:
i cant remember all the times i tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?

:: 2004 17 February :: 10.21am
:: Music: widespread panic- light fuse, get away

lesley
You should make out with Lesley! Lesley can drink
you under the table, and she once peed in a cop
car. She's also an EMT so if you get all fucked
up she can save your life! Reassuring, huh?

which stl girl should you make out with?
brought to you by Quizilla

:: 2004 16 February :: 3.45pm
:: Music: fell in love with a boy-joss stone

@ 02-16-04 3:00am
[ delete ]

You know, if you would just stop bitching about how bad you have it, you may realize there is more to life than older guys who just want sex with younger girls, and that you have it alot better then most others.... Food for thought

[ reply to comment ]

@ 02-16-04 3:01am
[ delete ]

Can you pity yourslf anymore? I mean goddamn shut the hell up

angry anonymous posts. i love when people think they know everything about a person just from one venting entry. i also love when they don't have enough balls to leave who they are. i'm also pretty sure it's the same person leaving these seeing as they were posted only a minute apart. for post #1, i'm not chasing older guys, and i do understand how good i have it. if you hadn't gotten the memo this IS a journal, the place where you're supposed to write your thoughts and vent. this is mine, this is what i want to write about, your opinions are shit to me...just some food for thought.
as for #2, did you know that you don't have to keep reading something you don't like? no i'm serious, you can actually hit the random journal button again and it will take you to a new place. so can you please stop acting like a hardass, no one cares.

anyway, this weekend turned out much better than expected. the dance wasn't too bad either. i saw once upon a time in mexico friday night. that movie is amazing, watch it if you haven't. hung out with lizz, dan and ben last night. good crowd of people, good things always happen when i'm with them.

well i have to go write my english paper. 'till then.

"you're an exception to the rule."

:: 2004 15 February :: 8.52pm
:: Music: karl densons tiny universe

�	�	�	�	�	�
Marriage is love.

:: 2004 15 February :: 9.22am
:: Music: doria roberts- portrait

Answer questions using lyrics from only one band.

Band: ben harper

1. Are you male or female?:
She had diamonds on the inside

2. Describe yourself?:
brown eyed blues

3. How do they feel about you?:
the woman in you, is the worry... the worry in me

4. How do you feel about yourself?:
I'm afraid for this I may be liable
So its best I be moving - moving along

5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?:
I don't want that kind of forever
in my life anymore

6. What would you rather be doing?:
wish there was something
I could say or do
see cause I can resist anything
but the temptation from you
but I'd rather walk alone
than chase you around
I would rather fall myself
than let you drag me on down

7. Describe where you live?:
There is not a river wide
Not a mountain high
And neither sin nor evil
Could change how I feel inside

8. Describe how you live?:
I live a hundred lifetimes in a day.
But I die a little
In every breath - that - I take.

9. Describe how you love?:
Your eyes shine through me
You are so divine to me
Your heart has a home in mine
We won't have to say a word
With a touch all shall be heard

10. Share a few words of wisdom?:
When I was a baby I was not prejudiced
hey how about you?
this was something
that I learned in school
something they taught us to do

:: 2004 14 February :: 8.36pm

i am not frustrated by the sleeplessness
knowing that i am matching your breathing
watching you pull my arm over your body
and anchor it there with your hand
(it is so much smaller and so much softer than mine)
(so are you)
it is better that i am tired and awake
than any fitful sleep
im not an insomniac
im inspired for the first time in days
that make up months
that add up to years.
i like you
without alcohol in me
i am taken aback
taken offguard
trying to remember my life
with something worth working for.
i hate the way you lay there
and wait for me to move
.kiss me.
even for a minute
those minutes last hours
(although they go by too quickly)
and make up the lost time in my life.

:: 2004 13 February :: 6.58am
:: Music: yer mom

my knife isnt sharp enough to cut my skin or my ties to you.

2 Greedy Bastards | Any Takers?

:: 2004 12 February :: 12.03am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: another lonely day-ben harper

so lets break this down, shall we?

tommy wants nothing to do with me. yet, i'm still the one that gets angry people bitching about how horrible of a thing that was to do, and how i really need to get some morals and blah blah. not only do i get to hear people rant and rave, i didn't even get the guy.

he of course got the girl...

zach also wants nothing to do with me. that night, that horrible friday night, we were supposed to get together. i thought he was just after some lovin' seeing as that's all he's ever after. no, the guy i've had a little crush on since, oh the beginning of the school year might have actually had feelings for me. and not just the wow, she looks good kind. the actual, wow i could see myself dating her kind. i found this out about 10 minutes ago. i apologized for what went down, and he replied with a, "don't worry about it...it's over." i took this as tommy and i being over..oh no, he meant me and him. i didn't even know we were started. i asked if he would maybe wanna hang out again...i get a "i dunno." and a quick sign off. he might as well have said, "can't you see i hate you? now get away from me you stupid little girl."
things just aren't going to go my way.

valentine's day is coming up...oh joy! another glorious holiday that has been so commercialized by hallmark it's sickening. i will say i probably wouldn't be as bitter if i had that "special someone" to share this day of love with...but seeing as i don't, it's hostile bitch-mode for allie.

he went shopping for her today, to buy her a valentine's present. i hope she doesn't take him back..i hope to god she doesn't. i know she will, but there's still a part of me that hopes she has some sense. i still get death stares from across the biology lab. i'm afraid those stares are going to turn into victory smiles, he's nothing to be too proud of. she should know first hand. i unfortunately do too.

we'll just have to see what tomorrow brings i suppose. the winter dance is this weekend...on valentine's day, of course. i am going stag, lizz, of course has a date. lauren i'm sure will have her boys up there, and i will assume the wallflower position i've grown remarkably good at.

"the best years of my life" are here and now...so why can't i wait until they're over?

1 Greedy Bastard | Any Takers?

:: 2004 10 February :: 7.36pm

thoughts of no relevance
lately ive been wearing my hair curly
ive been growing it out too
as i outgrow you
and in the event of your return
there will be nothing to run your hands through

:: 2004 10 February :: 7.17pm
:: Music: howie day

the return
"It's not how you fall, it's how you land"
-translated from La Haine

:: 2004 4 February :: 11.08pm

"and believe me or not, im always going to love you, you have a special part of my heart."

please make me melt more, i'm begging you.

stupid ass.