If you need me..You know be there!!

If you need me..You know be there!!

:: 2004 14 January :: 1.26pm
:: Mood: silly
:: Music: Some country music in da next room =)

Jus bored.. lol
Yeah i know dat i said dat i wasnt going to write in this thingy anymroe but yeah im like sittin here in uprights room *computer class* and yeah brenda is finishing her exam and arieanna is like playin on disney.com lol..so yeah i thought dat i woudl do this to give me somthing to do ya know..so yeah

Wow t day was really fun too..im really luving this exam schedule..too bad its going to end and soon =( oh wells lol

Today me and steve are talkin and he wants to talk bout wats going on cuz he talked to his mom last nite and everything and he says dat he really likes me n shit but yeah i dont know bout all of dat..i dont know bout him anymore

Yeah also t day was really fun..haha..and now im stayin after until like 5:00 and yeah den nicks mom is going to come and pick me up and take me to j high to go to my girlies v ball game..n den im going there yeah and den going home..fun fun =)

And wow..ya know im startin to become friends wif da ppl dat i was friends wif in like 7th grade..cuz yeah brenda *jiggy* was my locker partner and we were like best friends..and den we stoppped talkin after dat cuz she joined a diff group of friends..den she went back to he rother one..which ive been havin out wif all week..jamee is like being really weird lately..cuz of he rand mike but oh wells

And yeah guess who called me late last nite..at like 1 in da morning..Brittney..yeah she was all crying and all upset bout her mom and dad..they had gotten into a huge fight..and she was really shaky so i talked to her till bout like 3:00 3:30 and yeah it was great to hear from her again..were gonna get together this weekend maybe..but im not sure rite now cuz brenda n dem have a game and they want me to come over and go to it wif em lol

But yeah neways..i dont really have much else to say here rite now and im bout to help brenda cheat on her exam lol so yeah im gonna get going..

Chelsie i really luv you and im srry fo everything..<33

Megs i luv you too babe..

And brittany, u know dat i luv you more than life itself..tho its not da same anymore..you still mean the world to me..plz talk to me babe..i miss you =(

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 12 January :: 9.20pm
:: Mood: depressed

Well whew..i think i jus got dumped by stacey..and yeah maybe this one is fo good..i hate how she trys and makes me choose between her and my other friends..

And den brittany wont fuckin talk to me and dat fuckin sucks..but ya know if she dont wanna be friends anymore den fuck it..=( *tear*

And den my mom is fuckin drivin me nuts puttin me on this like weight contral program cuz im not as fuckin anorexic as she is..

And den ive got fuckin exams EVERYDAY THIS WEEK..which is going to be fuckin hell..oh well im jus failing every class anyway..

And then all of this bullshit wif steve..

Ya know wat i dont give a fuck anymore..im jus gonig to drop all of my friends..move skools..and start all over..start fresh..but ya know..i bet dat wouldnt work either..ill jus fuckin screaw things up again..

Oh well im out..not dat any of you fuckin care..wateva fuck it..bye!! =(

P.s. im done wif this journal..i mean im not going to write in it anymore..so yeah enjoy this luvly last entry..depressed..sounds like the begining of the rest of my life..*how cheesy*

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 11 January :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: lonely

This entry is all fo brittany..
Okay this is fo britt..so yeah..here i go..

Okay for a while now britt things have been really different between us..and yeah just like today i was trying to talk to you and i would be like so you gonna talk to me and youd be like no and id be like okay and den like a while latah id say it and you be like no and den i was like well den ill jus go and ur like okay bye n everything..so yeah dat was really rude..how am i surposed to feel about that??

Yeah thigns are soo diff now..and i really hate it..i wish dat things could go back to da way they were before..wat happened between us? was it soemthing i did..or said? Come on dont even just say dat this is jus me dat feels this way cuz it cant be just me..cuz yeah thigns r really diff and im not just sayin this..it feels to me like you dont even care anymore.. =/

But wateva, i jus really wanna know wats going on here..cuz i miss you and wish dat we were da best of friends like we were before..plz talk to me..im dieing here without you..i luv you soo much..i dont know wat i would do without you..plz dont leave me..=(

P.s. im not jus sayin this to start a fight or nothing either so dont think dat either..and call me if you wanna talk..but im goin to bed..gotta lotta shit to think bout..=/

Love..Jilly!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 9 January :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: California Love::My baby Tupac!!

New community!!
Okay everyone..i made a new community..and yesh this one we are all actually going to write in..its going to be jus like a blog..like the ones dat me and Jamee *my hoe* n Becky Dawn used to keep last year..and me n Cassie Smith, and Cassie Brown..but yeah..its giong to be for us lil buddy ol' pals!! So everyone MUST join it ASAP..the name is dazedandconfuzed plz join it as soon as you can!! And as soon as i can ill put the rules in it..yesh there are rules.but dont wrry they dont have to be followed..rules are meant to be broken..maybe i sould jus call them guidelines lol..

So yesh Brittany..Chelsie..Megan..Ali jean..Missy..Stacey..you must all join the community..or else you will be in for it =) hehe..but yeah..neways plz join..i will luv you fo it =)

Neways yeah lets see here..aint talked to britt really in a bit..i miss you ya fruit!! Hehe oh well its all good!! hehe and you too chelsie..i miss you lots!!

Of korse i talked to my perv ali tho..i always talk to dat lil chicka..cuz shes a bum jus like me!! =) but rite nwo sehs at a dance thingy..*tear tear* lol oh well I LUV YOU ALI JEAN!!

And yeah my baby Stacey got an online journal..yippie skippie!! lol i luv you stacey your sucha cutie pie!! lol i dont know wat i would do without ya!!

And omg guess wat..me and becky dawn had this oh soo interestin talk today and we talked bout our problems..during science when we were surposed to be makin notes for da exam lol but oh well

and yesh i went to go see miss *beer* after skool but she wasnt there so i went to see mrs blume and yeah that was great..i talked to her fo a while..yeah i feel soo much better now..

and me and steve talked things out and yeah were takin a one to two week break so we dont *jump into things head first and fuck it all up again* hes sucha sweetie..hehe but oh well..i dont really know anymore..hhe but i really like this one..YAYAY..not dat ya'll care to hear bout some stupid guy..neways im going to bed now..or well going to lay down..den leavin at like 12 to go out wif meg n see nicole dat ia int seen in like 2 months!! yippie skippie!! lol

love..ME!!!! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 9 January :: 6.34pm
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: Wilson making noises to annoy me..=/

And it never seems the same..
I took this from my friend Tara.. I don't know how to put it in a link thingy so I'll be a dork and place it here.. I'm bored so I had to do something.. you know how that goes. Basically what you do is you copy the list and then you bold the things that are the same about you and that person you copied it from and then the things that are different you change to fit you. Sounds easy enough.
01. I have made bad decisions.
02. I have never listened to Death Cab for Cutie.
03. My favorite character is scooby doo..scooby dooby doo..where are you..? lol
04. Nope i dont have braces..
05. I have no children.
06. I don't hate any kind of music
07. I usually sleep less than 4/5 hours each night
08. I hate dressing up..i think its jus too flashy..
09. I hate trying in school... in the end it really doesn't matter so why worry about it?
10. I hate that about myself..
11. I love all kinds of shoe shopping.
12. I want to adopt children when I get older.. there are so many children that need families out there and I want to help them and it really doesn't matter to me that I didn't have them myself because they will still be my kids..
13. I prefer pants
14. I collect memories.
15. Actually i think that i give too much..im always the one giving..and never the one recieving..
16. I'm not a member of the mile-high club.
17. I love to read but I don't get around to doing it...
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I am always wanting more
20. I don't believe in love at first sight... you have to at least walk by again..
21. I love music.. it makes me happy
22. I love animals, I want to adopt abused ones when I get older... everyone needs a second chance to be loved. *Oh yesh very awesome point TARA*
23. My bedroom is actually neat and organized..90% of the time.
24. I do not believe in god..or do not accept him or whatever..
25. I do not feel loved by the all mighty god..
26. I do not believe in god..and do not appreciate all of the questions about him..
27. I want to learn how to work in a darkroom.. photography has always interested me
28. I want to learn how to play the drums
29. I am not a very confident person..unfortunitly..
30. I hate like all of my family..and think they sould all just go to hell :-D *cept my cuzie*
31. I love to learn new languages.. sometimes I tend not to study though.. so that doesn't help
32. I sometimes like spicy food.
33. I tend to be materialistic
34. I procrastinate way too much.. like every single day of the year..
35. I love basketball..though im not playing it for reasons only some know..
36. Yeah i do chores..yippie fun..NOT!!
37. I am an extrovert and an introvert... depends on my surroundings.. *thanks to judy for explaining what this actually meant* lol
38. I have a foot phobia.. lol.. don't ask!
39. I used to love to write but now i cant..
40. *I am only truly happy when I am in Michigan.. the rest of the time I am only happy..*< 41. I really enjoy creative and personal gifts, even if they cost nothing.
42.I don't think any situation should necessarily be uncomfortable or awkward. But yet they often are.
43. The flush of embarassment still gets to me.
44. I am passive about what I like and what I don't like.
45. I think people should hug each other more.
46. I cant always find something good about each and every day..
47. I like to write poetry, even though it is mostly bad.
48. I have never really gotten burnt from the *sun* or *tanner* in my life =)
49. I wish I exercised more.
50. I don't care if my siblings like the same things as I do.
51. People think I am older than what I am in most pictures..
52. I am a proficient typer.
53. I think I have the best set of friends anyone could ever have.
54. I'm tired of procrastinating.
55. I don't like killing animals for food... but that makes me a hypocrite because I eat meat. Oh well.
56. I love cool breezes at night. But only in the summer.
57. When it comes to clothes, I'm DEFINETLY a winter person I love sweaters
58. I can stand in front of any group of people..and say whatever..very open and outgoing public speaker..exspecially good at debating =)
59. I love fires especially in a snow blizzard
60.I'd like to take more risks, but depending on the risk, I don't think they're completely necessary.
61. I kind of like broccoli...*which sounds crazy*
62. I dont like italian food..
63. I like to jump on trampolines.
64. I am usually very emotional.
65. I hate sleeping past noon. (but I do it anyways sometimes)
66. I don't watch much TV.. mostly just like Dawsons creek, n 7th heaven, n will and grace, n friends n stuff like that!! =)
67. I want more money.
68. I like deep conversations, but also conversations about nothing at all. hehe Britt sould know wat im talkin bout there
69. I have some great friendships.
70. I'm too afraid of rejection and failure. well the failure part I deal with not trying.. so that settles that...
71. I'm not married.
72. I do not like getting tickled.
73. I always try to give out hugs or other physical means of contact.
74. I predict that my parents will let me drive by myself..as long as my mom dont have to drive me everything lol
75. I love Christmas.
76. I think I am a sadistic.
77. I am addicted to Dr. Pepper..couldnt live without it!! heh
78. I love good books. Who doesn't?
79. I love german class or Intro to Media..*not the teacher..jus the subject..like the writtin not the other gay shit we do*
80. I shower quite frequently.
81. I've never seen Duran Duran in concert.
82. I'm not shy, I have a loud mouth and I am very critical...
83. I believe in choices and a free will.
84. I love rap music *exspecially rap with a meaning..like most all of tupac..n stuff like that*
85. I am not shy with people I meet at school or anywhere else..im a very open and outgoing person..i love meetin new people!!
86. I love aeropostal cloths..or pac sun!! *Only aeropostal cuz of the whole monkey thing* =)
87. I want to travel more.
88. I have never been in love.
89. I could live in my pajamas.
90. I love wearing rings AND bracelets. *though i tend to loss them alot of the time*
91. I'm scared of hurting those I love.
92. I'm scared of human relationships. People hurt people.
93. I love to play basketball..ex by myself..its a place where i think.
94. I never get what i want!! *not fair*
95. I dont really have an interest in getting high..but i love gettin drunk!!
96. It sucks to want things.
97. But it's cool when you get them!
98. Im not really into the whole 80's fashion deal..
99. I have a lot of acquaintences, but not many real close friends. Wish I had more.
100. I am a big sap, deep down inside.

Whew its kinda weird how much me and someone dat i barely know anymore *Not that i knew her mucho much before anyway*..have in common..Weird..yesh..but kool!! =) hehe

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 7 January :: 8.38pm

Whew finally home!! Thank god..cept mymom is already being a bitch oh wells!!

Neways yeah i got to talk wif britt finally and chels..hehe i missed tho fluzz's mucho much!! Hehe..thier da bestest!!

And im talkin wif Tara again!! Yayay i missed dat gurl soo much..we used to talk bout everything..and she is someoen dat i could always trust..but im sure she dont member dat..=/

Neways meg is back home..yayay!! i missed dat asshole =)

N whew i cant believe how much i missed my baby gurl ali jean!! Shes da bestest..n she understands me..unlike alotta freaks here..oh well gots to go now..latah!!

love.me!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 6 January :: 8.18pm
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: katie being weird..=)

Well i jus wanted to say hey in this thing since its been a while..and yeah i dont know wat to say really..

Well i jus wanna say dat i luv you lots britters and i miss you soo much and i hope dat i can go home 2marro so dat i can talk to you I MISS YOU TONS!! and yeah i wanna talk tyou soo much

Yeah other den dat...i really dont wanna leave here cuz its fun here..katie n me r gettin alone better and talkin bout stuff and its really fun to be able to talk to her..shes great. But yeah im gonna miss her when i leave..maybe ill come bak to visit her sometime =) I luv my cuzie wuzie!!

hehe yeah neways luvya chels n miss n meg n ali n mike n all of you boogers =)

love..ME!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 5 January :: 10.29am
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Duffey complaining to mrs rodman.. =)

Hey were jus sittin in class again..since i cant get online at katies house really..cept it dont matter cuz we've been majorly busy lately..yeah last nite was da best..i aint seen steve in a while tho..a couple of days..=/ dunno..oh well tho..

Yeah gotat go tho..britt i miss you loser..hope to talk toyou t nite or something..i mite be on after we go to da tanner and after we go over to whas her faces house and all of dat good stuff..=/ i unno..but yeah ill try n get on t nite..if not email me..

luv you too chels and miss n megz!! =) latah everyone!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 3 January :: 9.10pm
:: Mood: indescribable

awwe man!! Whew im at katies so i dont have very much time..plus steve n mike n katie are all watchin jeepers creepers we jus rented it..and yeah thier gettin mad cuz they want me out there cuz im da only one dats seen it and thier scared lol..=)

Well this has actually been fun time here fo once..and omfg new years was da best ever!! *Britt i have to tel you some thigns..good *really good* and kinda realy bad..=/ ut oh wells*

Steve stayed da nite last nite and is stayin t nite..cuz katies mom my aunt lefted..hehe i luv katie =) shes soo sweet..but yeah liz n danielle and katie and me and steve and mike aare all going out t nite..and were goin rockin bowling and den were going to like prank some pplz ya kmow fun stuff like dat..liz n danielle are comin over bout 11 or so..so yeah i dont know wato tsay

I miss yu freaks soo much..ex britt n chels n my baby ali..i miss you ali sooo sooo much!! Its weird not talkin to you..but newyas yeah im gonan go..luv you lots everyone bye!! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 31 December :: 1.01pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Perfect *Simple Plan*

Those who do not know how to weep with thier whole heart don't know how to laugh either..
Here is a cute lil poem i jus found in this book, and thought dat i would share it wif all of you!! =) *Book-Chicken soup for the teenage soul on Love & Friendship*

Why they are friends

Because...they smile.
Because...they understand just be looking into your eyes.
Because...they finish your sentences and know what you like.
Because...they know you better than you know yourself.
Because...with them you aren't afraid to be yourself.
Because...you can say something stupid or expose your deepest secrets to them.
Because...everything you do together becomes a memory.
Because...you don't need to do something special to have fun...fun just happens.
Because...you don't need to explain anything...they just know.
Because...they tell you the truth, no mtter how much you'd rather not hear it.
Because...they would do anything for you and get you out of trouble.
Because...they make you laugh harder than anyone.
Because...they are not afraid to put themselves on the line for you.
Because...you can trust them.
Because...they believe in your dreams, no matter how silly they may seem.
Because...they dry your dreams.
Because...you are good enough when you are with them.
Because...they love you for who you really are.

Now a lil thanks to all my friends, that have always been there fo me

*Brittany* *Courtney* *Stacey* *Ali* *James* *Adam* *Becky Dawn* *Trixi* *Sidnee* *Mike* *Brittney* *Rachel* *Chelsie* *Megz* *Ashley* *Kristie* *My homefluffs* =) n anyone else i forgot!! =)
Luv all of ya!! =)

Brittany n Jilly best friends forever!! Luv ya babe!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 30 December :: 11.02pm
:: Mood: stressed

When you think youve got it..think again..
britt: then i dont think we can be friends

britt: yo u obviously dont care bout me
britt: and you obviousily dont care that this hurts me

Brittany marie gamester..before i leave..jus wanted to let u know:: That, wat u said rite there, could be nothing further from the truth, brittany u knw dat im da peacemaker and if someone wants to be my *friend* den im going to be like yeah sure *example da whole cassie deal, u knwo wat shit she did to me, but i took her back..no questions asked* and dats da only reason dat i became friends wif her again, iw ould never ever ever want to hurt you in anyway. I swear britt..=/ And im really srry..i wish dat you understood where im coming from, i jus wanna know why u dont want me to..dats it..i mean i'll stop..but it would be nice t oknow dat my BEST FRIEND trust me enough to tell me something as dumb as this..but wateva..

I luv you wif all of my heart britt..and im really srry, *forgive me* or *lose me* take your pick..the choose is yours..plz make da rite one..

I better go..latah..

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 30 December :: 3.38pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: Brenda's got a baby *Tupac*

Its about time..
I knew things would be different..and now im the one payin for it..i wish things could be back to how they used to be..but instead they cant..and im the one that has to pay fo it.. =/

Well lets see..not too much happening around here really..cept coming home from florida..and den my rents gettin into a huge fite last nite..yeah but oh well nothing new wif dat..they always fight..so who cares anymore rite..? neways..

Me and steve r doing good i guess..he'll prolly break up wif me soon tho..but im hopeing dat my mom will let me stay home while they go on vaca and den he can like come over n everything.. weee =) but i dunno bout dat..

Me and Ali are becoming alot better friends..its great..i luv dat gurl shes soo hilarous and shes always there fo me..were planning a road trip to see eachother..lets see ive known her fo like 2 years too..i luv dat chicka soo much hehe!!
LiLAliJEaN xoX: I have been having Jilly withdrawls <
I luv mah baby gurl ali Jean

Other den dat i dont really have anything giong on..well yeah dats enough fo now..bye!!

Love..me!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 20 December :: 9.17pm

Hey everyone..well id ont have very much time..cuz yah ive gotta get going to bed real soon cuz my flight leaves at 8 10 and we've gotta leave here at like 5 in da friggin morning!!! =/ ick!! oh well =)

Yeah..leavin 2marro now..and now comin bak till da 29th i think? if i can count rite =) hehe yah dats when =)

Awwe im gonna miss everyone tho..like chelsie and megan and stacey and steve =/ and becky dawn and courtney and tiffany and katt and brittney and cassie and sidnee and all of my other lil ol' buddies =)

yeah but i bet its all going to be worth it..cant wait to see my fav booger brittany!! =)

Well yeah im tired..and bored..and gettinraedy fo bed..so leave me some lovin for when i get home!! =)

I luv all of you!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 18 December :: 8.37pm
:: Mood: worried

::Im going to name off a few friends that i think dat i have lost touch with over time..that i really wish that i could get bak and be friends wit::

::Cassie::
::Taylor::
::kathryn::
::SARA::
::Emily::
::Mitch::
::Kari::
::Brittney B::
::Brittney S::
::Danielle::
::Becky Dawn::
::Travis::
::Aaron::
::Brenda::
::Chris::
::Josh C::
::Josh W::
::Morgan::
::Heather::
::Anthony::

::And soo many other ppl.. =/::

::Now i would like to say thanks to a few ppl that i am still friends wif dat mean alot to me::

::Brittany::
::Stacey::
::Chelsie::
::Megan::
::Ashley::
::Cassie M::
::Steffanie::
::Sidnee::
::Cassie B::
::Lisa::
::Tiffany::
::Courtney::
::Tasha::
::Gloria::
::James::
::Mike::
::Steve::
::Nicole::
::Nate::
::Ethan::
::Tanner::

::and alot of other pplz =)::

::Now a few ppl dat i think dat im going to be becoming alot better friends wif sometime soon::

::Autumn::
::Katt::
::Leslie::
::Ashley::
::Riley::
::Gloria::

I luv all of my friends and if i forgot you here im srry..i luv you all!! =) *Well most of you* hehe =p

::But my bestest friend in da whole wide world is::

::BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER:: *big surprise eh? hehe*

I LUV YOU WIF ALL OF MY HEART BABEY GURL!!!

love..jilly!!

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