If you need me..You know be there!!

If you need me..You know be there!!

:: 2003 21 November :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: relieved

Im very wise beyond my years.. =)
Awwe i luv givin advice..ex on things dat i know lots bout..like boys..yippie..steff never really talks to me about stuff like dat..i tell her things but she dont really talk wif me like bout boys..other thigns..but not boys..but she did t nite! And i helped her!! WOo HOo! I luv when ppl r happy.. =) makes me feel better lol

Oh gosh, steff called me boy crazy..im not boy crazy am i? I dont think so..but alotta ppl seem to think so..my mom also thinks i am but dat bitch is crazy lol newyas..

me done latah!

love..me..! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 21 November :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: giggly

Sad to Happy, Happy to Sad, wen will this ever stop..?
Oh wow..im going out wif Steve now..i hope dat becky dawn is okay wif it..i think dat she will be cuz like after skool t day when i was walkin her to her bus, shes like so whas up wif u and Steve *fo da million time* and im like i unno, shes like well do u like him, im like i unno kinda, and shes like i used to have da biggest crush on him, im like well hes a kool guy, and shes like yah he is, and im like well yah ive gotta get going babe, and i left..I really hope shes okay wif it..but i dont think dat it'll last very long anyway..

Hes sucha friggin sweetheart, hes jus like mike, cept hes a bit more of a perv but not really, i know wat he really wants outta dis relationship even tho he said dat he would do without, he wants to have sex..i know it..prolly cuz we talked bout it lol but dude he said dat i didnt ever have to do anything dat i didtn wanna..but now hes talkin bout coming to my house, and dat he wants me to come to his house..and hes in 11th grade..and has a rep bout that kind of thing, i mean like not dat he like plays alotta gurls, jus dat he goes out wif gurls dat he really likes..and has sex wif em alot alot!! So its not like hes a player..its jus he finds gurls he likes..and he has sex wif em..is dat real bad? I dont know if im ready fo dat kind of thing again..i mean he wants to meet my mom he wants me to meet his dad..I like him alot, but i unno..hes not going to be at skool monday..so ill have time to breath..ive never seen this guy, cept on challenge day, but like t day..i saw him before skool, I met his friends, and den he walked to my 1st hour, and den we met after 2nd hour, he walked me to my second hour, and den we didnt see eachother before 3rd hour but he skipped his lunch and came to my lunch, and den we walked to my 4th hour, and den like he walked me to my bus..awwe hehe, plus like he told me dat he would call me at 3 10..and den like i got off at 5 and now im callin him at 7..yikes! Alotta of him fo only da first day going out!

Well yah srry dats prolly really friggin long! Im gonna get going now..big day 2marro..going to chelsie's house!! Yippie skippie!! LUV U CHELS! =)

Britt plz if u get on..den like write in ur journal or something..and call me latah if u can..like at 9 or something..but if not den hopefully ill talk wif u like sun..oh wait no ur busy..uhm prolly monday!! I LUV U MORE THAN ANYTHING IND A WHOLE WORLD..NEVER EVER FORGET DAT!! Latah babe!

*Plus Cassie *mcCann* is here..shes hilarous were havin a blast!* lol

:*:M&M's and Skittles* =)

*Jilly n Cassie lol*

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 20 November :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: excited

Well things got a little better for me. All cept i didnt talk wif britt like at all, and i know that something is bothering her, and now its bothering me cuz she wont talk wif me about it! So yah dat really sucks..

Then becky dawn was kinda mad at me lol..i unno i hate skool i never ever wanna go bak to skool..

But then Steve called while i was in the bath, and like yah he called me bak in 10 but we talked from like 9 10 until 10 o clock! dats not very long, but ive only really talked to da kid once, at that challenge day thingy! I talked to him yesterday after skool tho, but i was jus introducin him to my friends, and like we were talkin bout how hes gettin his licence soon *2 months* and like he said dat he would give me a ride everyday when he got it, and like i was like kool, and i was like well when u get it call me, and hes like well i dont have ur number and cuz i was leavin rite then i was like well ask becky fo it, and i really didnt think nuffin of it, but he called me t nite! I wa slike hello hes like hey is jill there im like yah this is, whose this and hes like take a wild guess, im like i unno whose this, and hes like ur fav person in the whole world, and im like omg it steve-o!! hehe hes sucha sweetie! Hes soo easy to talk wif! And its perfect timing, cuz me n mike jus broke up *sniffle sniffle* but like he kept hintin at how he wanted to go out, and like he keep sayin dat someone like me wouldnt go out wif someone like *stuff like dat* and he called me a FRIGGIN PREP..dats why i wouldnt go out wif him, cuz hes a skater dude ya know! Yah rite hes friggin hott!! Lol, but hes in 11th grade..i dont know how dat would work out, he told me dat i need to come sit wif him 2marro before skool at *his table* lol, i liked dis guy da first time we met..now i like him more hehe! But i unno hes crazy! And when he called becky to get my number she said *wat ur gonna go out wif my best friend now* awwe hehe..so i unno im gonna ask her bout him, and see if its kool dat we go out or not..but oh well hehe i unno im done now..

me n guys..bah! Jus cant get enough of em! =) hehe..

I LUV U BRITT, AND HOPE UR NOT MAD AT ME! I LUV U SERIOUSLY MORE THAN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD, NEVER FORGET IT!! I LUV YOU!! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 20 November :: 6.41pm
:: Mood: restless

I've finally become my own worst nightmare..
Urgh t day was pretty bad..i got sick at skool t day, so i had to go to courts n stayed there da whole day..n hung out wif her awesome friggin mom, im soo glad i work wif dat lady shes soo friggin awesome i luv her! But den we picked up court n we hung out n stuff, and den she brought me home! Dat was fun since i aint seen her a lil while, but i still feel like shit, and like i only came home so dat i could talk wif britt, but now shes gone.. =(

I think britts mad at me, shes been actin really weird lately.. =( And i really think dat shes upset bout something..she jus wont tell me wat..Britt i know ur not fine so dont friggin lie to me! Talk to me, im always going to be here fo you, and im srry dat i wasnt!! I luv u, so talk to me!

Ahh, 1 month and 2 days fo me n mike.. ='( i guess dats kinda good fo me..but oh well, i guess i dont really care..neways..

Nuffin else really happened t day..so write more latah! Bye!

BRITT I LUV U AND IM SRRY! PLZ TALK TO ME!!

love always,
me.. ='(

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 19 November :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: cold

How about i jus fall over and die? =(

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 19 November :: 6.34am
:: Mood: *sTiLL TiReD*

Ahh britt ur sucha mofo! =) I luv you tho! Ur da best person in da whole world, if you read dis in da morning, have da best friggin day ever! I luv you soo much! Latah chicka..p.s. dont forget to read da other entries not jus dis one :-p Luv you latah!

I WUB YEW!!

love..me! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 18 November :: 9.42pm
:: Mood: *FuCkiNg TiReD*

Omfg dude i seriously feel like a zombie, im soo tired i cant even really think..its only 9 30 rite now! I feel like i could jus roll over and die!! My whole body hurts im soo tired..im not sure dat i can keep going on like this much longer..i feel like im slowing dieing, FROM BEING SLEEP DEPRIVED!! *dont ask i cant spell* =(

No becky dawn t day..ick! I miss her already dang it! I really want her to come bak soon! 2marro rite after skool im going to visit her..i think dat im going to take like a face mask thingy so i dont get wat shes got.. =) hehe But yah im really worried bout her, so i got all her hw and im takin it to her 2marro! i really cant wait to see her!! Well neways..

Ahah t day i was sendin steff pix of like all these diff ppl like mike and kristie n steph and angela and amber and trixi and courtney and brittney n all these fun ppl =) and like shes like do hve any of brittany! OH YES HOF KORSE I DO! IVE GOT PLENTY WANT TO SEE SOME?! hehe so i showed her a million and shes like awwe shes so pretty and so did kristie and chelsie and lisa and cassie and duffey hehe..hehe britts so friggin lucky shes sucha friggin cutie pie! PLus shes da best person in da whole world! Shes sweeter than sweet, shes da smartest, funniest, craziest, specialist, i unno she da BEST! i luv her more than anything! hehe!

I unno early t day, it was bad..now its GREAT! i luv britt she makes my whole life better..write more latah bye!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 17 November :: 10.36pm
:: Mood: numb

Uhm..t day was an okay day i guess..Becky Dawn wasnt at skool t day so dat really sucked..*whines* and shes not going to be at skool 2marro either..shes really really sick! She said dat she would try n come jus fo me, but i told her not to, even tho i miss her and really want her to..Ahh its crazy dat me and Becky *Dawn* r friends tho..cuz last year..she was best friends wif Jamee, and me n Jamee got really close n we kinda excluded becky, i didnt really like becky all too much, i mean we were okay, but i wouldnt go outta my way to talk wif her or anything ya know? And like she really ditn like me cuz i was *stealin her best friend* even tho we werent even dat close me n Jamee, she jus liked to smoke n shit and so did i, and she loved to go to riot everyone fri and so did i, and becky dont smoke or nuffin, and she didnt go every fri so ya know..Jamee n I did alot together! But i would never want her to be my best friend..*Ive already got a really great one..and..* cuz shes not a very good friend really..becky deserves mucho better! Hehe i luv dat girlie shes awesome!

Lets see 1 month fo me n Mike..but im thinin dat were gonna break up soon, cuz hes ignorin meh, i unno i really really like him, but i didnt thin it would work out anyway.. =( Oh well..

Plus i think dat britts mad at me fo some reason, i unno y but she jus seemed upset/mad at me t day! I sure hope she isnt, tho i prolly did something wrong, i didnt mean to..well dats enough fo now im gonna jus go to bed..cuz i didnt sleep last nite, n im pretty sure britt went to bed hehe =) but yah latah..

*I feel like a god damn zombie* zZzZzZ..*starts snoring* =/

Love always..me..of..korse.. =)

I LUV YOU BRITTERZ!! hehe! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 17 November :: 8.53pm
:: Mood: loved

gymnasticfrk: sidnee loves you
J d shortier 623: uhm where'd dat come from?
gymnasticfrk: just cuz i thought i should tell you how much you mean to me
gymnasticfrk: and that was the silly way to say it
gymnasticfrk: i don't know what i'd do with out you
gymnasticfrk: your one of my closest friends,
J d shortier 623: whoa duffey u feelin okay?
gymnasticfrk: i'm bein serious
J d shortier 623: awwe well dats sweet sid!! I luv you too!:-D Thanks fo everything ur sucha sweetheart n sucha great friend! *Jilly luvs yew* :-P;-)
gymnasticfrk: thanks!
gymnasticfrk: i love you more though
gymnasticfrk: its a proven fact
J d shortier 623: Ahaha ur soo funny!!
J d shortier 623: I luv you way way more!!!
gymnasticfrk: nope!!
J d shortier 623: YESH!

awwe sidnee is soo friggin cute! i luv dat lil girlie!! =) Shes sucha great friend..i dun know wat i would do without her..

Well i think dat im going to get going and go to bed now..since i didnt sleep AT ALL last nite..too busy thinkin bout some of da shit my bestest buddy britt said to me..ahh oh well..neways nitey nite! =)

Brittany I LUV YOU SOO MUCH! *Ill try n get dats stupid pic to work* luv u lots chicka latah!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 17 November :: 4.10am
:: Mood: stressed

Will they ever honestly understand..?
Rockergurl217: well ud ont act like u wanna be my friend, even tho i know u do cuz i know u need me
Rockergurl217: admit it jill, you need me, and the only reason u dont like emily n all them is cuz i dont need you as much with them
Rockergurl217: n dont sell me out to emily:-P:-P...ill pick who ever the hell i wanna be best friends
Rockergurl217: with
J d shortier 623: yah u already choose her..i was jus in da way..and p.s. dis sentence::admit it jill, you need me, and the o ..fuckin rude..but tru:'(
Rockergurl217: i didnt fuckin choose her
Rockergurl217: u live a million milez away...if u lived here we wuld be two loners in a corner n we'd be each others only friends not bcuz ppl dont like us but cuz we dont need anybody but eachother really, (or at least thats how i feel) but u dont live here and ur not availble for me 24/7..
Rockergurl217: i would choose u over anyone
Rockergurl217: ide choose u over the rest of my life, over emily, over courtney, over kevin, over chelsie, over all of them combined, over ANYTHING
Rockergurl217: get that through yur head and make it stay there!!!

I hate to admit it..but shes rite..and im sick and tired of always being sucha bitch *and horrible friend* to her..Like seriously, all of my other friends, they think dat im da best friend there ever was..cuz im always there fo em..ill listen when they talk *actually listen ya knwo* and ill do things fo them, and im da peacemaker n everything..ya know..but wif britt im jus dis evil fuckin friend..and i really dont know why.. =(

Brittany--you are rite..about everything..I do need you ..more than anything in da world! I do luv you! I do want to be friends..and dat is da reason dat i dont like those lil chicken heads! =) hehe..but seriosuly i tried tellin u dat before..ex da part bout chels..member i said i was jealuos of her..* well i was jealous of da rest but her mostest* Yah dats most of da reason y..but oh well theres nuffin i can do bou t dat ur rite..but p.s. why was it sucha bad thing when i had other friends..like Brittney n Stacey? Well im srry and i cant stay dat im going to change..cuz you dont even think dat i will..im srry tho..and i luv u more den anything in da whole world! But ive gotta get going..even tho its only 4 20 *=)* Im gonna get going n start gettin ready fo skool..ick..luv you!

Love..me..korse.. =)

P.s. Im wearin my JD n BG..Best friends..shirt t day!! =) My mommy found it yesterday..yippie skippie!

I LUV YOU BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER! AND I ALWAYS WILL NO MATTER WAT!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 16 November :: 11.06pm

Ahh ppl r so fuckin stupid..they say one thing..and do another..dats fuckin stupid! And not to mention all da shit they talk bout EVERYONE includin da ppl they say r thier friends..wateva dats fuckin stupid if youve got somethign to say to someone..DEN FUCKIN SAY IT..

wateva fuck everything..fuck you..fuck skool..fuck life! Dats all i gotta say..

Fuck ALL of yew!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 16 November :: 1.56pm
:: Mood: contemplative

Omfg dude..i was sittin there, and i was lookin at da diff moods there, and like i asked my mom, wat contemplative meant and she said like *someones thinkin about something* and i was like okaythanks..and den she said *like someone is contemplating suicide..like i am* under her breath like i couldnt hear her!!

Wtf..am i surposed to take care of her too? I cant even take care of my damn self..let alone take care of friggin my MOTHER!!

I really dont know wat to do anymore..

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behindmysmile

:: 2003 14 November :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: crazy

Britt im at home..so call t nite if you'd like =( latah..

Urgh t day was crappy..i ended up going to skool..it was..SHITTY!! I fuckin hate skool and everyone there..*cept some special few* n one of those few, we got into this arguement t day..urgh it was crazy =(

Ya know i jus dont know wat its worth living fo anymore..wat da hell do i have to live fo..? NOTHING! Im losing everything and everyone..*including my damn mind* Im losing grip..on things i once loved..on things i once cherished..

Oh gosh and not to mention my mom..she hasnt left her room fo like a week now..shes drivin my insane! All she does is take drugs..smoke..n starve herself to death every single day..so i have to take care of myself and wilson..im not da fuckin mom..this is fuckin crazy!!

I jus dont know wat to do anymore.. =(

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