If you need me..You know be there!!

If you need me..You know be there!!

:: 2003 6 November :: 4.54pm
:: Mood: impressed

wow they were rite..!!!
Omfg i got 107 hugs today, i was countin to see how many i could get cuz da ppl at da challenge day thingy siad dat ppl say you need 3 hugs a day to have a good day, but 12 was wat they thought was wat would really make you happy, and like i tried to get alot and wow i did!!! Hehe, i hugged alotta hot dudes too *wink da wink*

Also like steff said, after dat whole challenge day thing ive really been thinking, ive been thinkin bout everything, and ya know wat..im going to change..im going to be a better person and a better friend *ex to britt* and im going to try harder in skool and im going to be happy, and talk bout my feelings and get help n shit! Im dead serious know dat ive said dis before but like im seroiusly going to change now! No question bout it, i started t day, i stopped wif rude comments and started being nicer to everyone, and wif all my hugs hehe =)

And ive also been thinkin about my true friends and da very few dat i do have..but dats enough fo me, like before i felt like i needed to meet everyone and be friends wif everyone and now its jus like..im good wif wat i have cuz wat i have is da BEST ever!! I would like to say thanks to some of my TRUE friends::

BRITTANY MARIE GAMESTER..
BECKY DAWN MCDERMOTT..
STEFFANIE ANN LEICHT..
MICHEAL ALLAN COLMEN..
SIDNEE DEANN DUFFEY..
James Micheal Monthese..
Tiffany Marie Monthese..
Allison Jean Maloney..
Amber Lynn Jones..
Chelsea Rose Grinnell

If i forgot anyone dat really is a true friend dem im srry but those r da ones dat really r true friends..like ppl dat have been there through thick n thin and id never trade fo anything in da whole world..

Other friends may include::Brittney B *not S* Gloria *Loopi* Stephanie S. Kristie C. Ariel M. Cassie B. Lisa M. Brittani L. Steve B. Taylor S. Cassie S. Tom M. Chelsie W. *of korse* Jill Z. Liz B. Judy P. Brianna W. *Perv* Sara M. *wub yew* Jenna T. Chad B. Amanda H. *Mah Cupcake mwuhz* Tiffany H. *Always n forever* Steve-o- Alex M. Danielle D. Danielle F. Jessica B. *Big sis fo life* Jessica W. *good luck wif Evan* Evan S. *oh babey* Hailey *geel better babe* Hell*ana* Jake H. Ryan J. Ryan F. Katie K. Alandra *grrr..* Martin H. Jordan B. Jordan D. and last but not least Rachel F.

I LUV ALL OF YOU!!

g2g tho now..love ya always latah!

love,
me..

2 comments | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 5 November :: 9.18pm
:: Mood: thankful

omfg!!
BRITTANY YOU HAVE TO READ DIS RITE NOW!!!

Today was like da second best day of my whole friggin life! *1st being da day dat i met brittany* im seriosuly dat challenge day thign was like life changing and im soo happy dat i went..i dont even know wat to say bout it..i feel liek im a better person now, and like wif becky i feel like were closer and its awesome and wif tiffany i feel like i got to know alotta ppl on a much diff level and like they got to know me better fo who i really was, and fo once in a crowded room i didnt feel judged at all!! I loved it, i want to change my life now, and im going to *Im going to be da change dat i want to be in da world fo now on* Im dead serious dat was like da most amazin day ever! I was soo inspired by the ppl there, and becky and tiffany and dat andriee or howeve ru spell it girl, and its awesome cuz shes goint to dj at my work on sat da 15th and yah i cant wait, cuz shes like a soph in college but sehs AWESOME, and she helped me a ton! I luv her, i dont even knwo anymore..

Hey to all my friends, if you feel like id ont appreciate you as much as i sould and i dont say dat i luv you as much as i sould, i jus want u to know dat im srry and dat all of you mean everythign to me, it dont matter if we were friends and arent now or wateva, all of you made me who i am t day and i dont know wat iw ould do without any of you, i luv all of you no more or less. Thanks fo always being there fo me! I appreciate all of you! and i will always love ALL OF YOU! Thank you!

Brittany you seriously mean everythign to me tho, i luv you soo much and i promise that things r going to be diff, you watch n see. Im changin and i want u to know dat i luv you soo much and im soo glad dat we met cuz i dont know wat i would do without you youve changed my life so much and i cant even begin to explain everything dat you mean to me and i cant even begin to name off all of da diff things dat youve done fo me and all da diff things dat i appreciate and luv about you, so ill jus say dat i luv you and everything about you and i hope dat were friends forever because my life woudntbe da same without you and i really hope dat you can forgive me fo everything dat ive ever done to you, things will be diff i promise...but ill stop now so yah if you get on t nite any time call me if you can i luv u soooo friggin much! Latah chickie boo!!

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER NO MATTER WAT I LUV YOU MORE DEN ANYTHING IN DA WHOLE WORLD!!

LOVE ALWAYS,
JILLY!!

leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 4 November :: 9.07am
:: Mood: cold

ahh stupid fuckers!
I fuckin hate skool, dats why im here instead of being at skool in well lets see Core plus 2/geomtry class well till 9 10 den im off to Computer Tech, ahh wif mrs rodman shes sucha bitch! She called Bri Bri stupid n all dis shit last week and made her cry, and den da next day when i had her class, SHE HAD A SUB, so i couldnt bitch her out bout it!! But i think dat im going to go to skool wif like a half an hour of 3rd hour left and bitch her out jus fo da hell of it!! *Looks innocent*

Ahh last nite was horrible, rite when i first get to work, mark has to bitch me out, and den dana screams at me, and so im all upset and den im cryin and den i have to run to da bathroom cuz icouldnt stop cryin and i got sick! ICKY!! And like when i did stop cryin i would walk out and see someone and they would say some smart shit to me and i would jus start cryin again, and dat party had like all my old teachers from last year, and like all these ppl in my grade dat go to my skool, and like all these ppl from other skools i knew, ahh it was HORRIBLE!!

And dne i had da worst headach, but my momy gave me half of her vicodine lol so i was good, but neways yah im going to get ready fo skool now LATAH GATOR!! hah

I luv u more den anything in da whole world brittany marie Gamester!!

ONLY *3 MORE DAYS* AHAHA!!

:*:~Jilly~:*:

leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 3 November :: 10.00pm
:: Mood: indescribable

Indescribable in a bad way..
Urgh i had a really shitty day at work t day..i told my mom dat i wasnt workin dis weekend when she already scheduled me to work, and i told her dat i wasnt going to work where ppl treatin me like shit and like i was nothing jus cuz im younger..*so basically I QUIT*

Urgh i fuckin hate da ppl there, and thier my family so yah dats great aint it?

Urgh i wish dat all of em *ex my "step dad"* would jus ACCIDENTLY fall off a cliff and DIE!! *Grabs a knife outta da drawer and casually strowls behind him, whistling* mwaha *looks innocent wit da bloody knife in her hand*

I unno, i wonder where britt is? I miss her! And oh yah britt ur friend *Daniel Lupo* says *Hey babe* hehe while im on ur sn rite now!! But neways luv u lots babe but im dead tired and im really going to bed rite this second, *Too much cryin of korse* :o( ahh shit luv u bye!!

Love always,
~*ME*~

leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 3 November :: 4.39pm
:: Mood: tired as hell!!

Britt u wanted me to update so yah im updatein but i have no idea wat to say and ive gotta go cuz my mom is waitin fo me outside rite dis second lol..

Neways lets see dis week was okay i guess..

fri-was horrible den good fo halloween nite!
sat-was pretty bad all i did was work..ick!!
sun-was SHITTY! urgh..

i unno work sat sun mon thurs fri sat ick!

haha and they actually thought dat i would be able to take off work to fit around CHEERLEADIN!! I cant believe dat they even asked me to be a cheerleader! hehe dats hrorible i hate cheerleaders :o)

Neways ive really gotta go now before my mom has a hard attack!! I luv u sooo much brittany and u write in ur journal again t nite so dat i hvae something to read t nite! Luv u lots bye!!

1 comment | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 29 October :: 7.34pm
:: Mood: numb

Another one!!
Awwe holy fuckin shit!!! Jimmy died too! Yesterday im pretty sure!! Dats fuckin crazy everyone is dieing!!

Like in da begining of da summer in june...Justin was killed in a car accident...den on July 30th Jeri was killed in a car accident...and den now Jimmy was hit by a CAR, does dat sound like a pattern going there? Urgh who da hell is next?!

God how many more innocent ppl are you giong to take from our lives?! Whose next? Am i? Is brittany? Is Amber? Is Mike? Who who who!?! Take your pick...were all here at ur finger tips...Wat da hell is it like some kind of iny miny miney mo {catch a tiger by his toe} Game or something? Were all at your finger tips as u know...so you mite as well get it over wit...you evil fuckin bastard!!

*But if you would happen to choice Brittany Marie Gamester, take me instead, give me the most painful death...rip out my heart, chop me to a million pieces while im alive, drown me, drop me from a buildin, do wat you did to Jimmy and run me over twice while im still alive like he was...do wateva da hell you wish to do wif me...jus dont take Brittany...MY ONLY WISH* <<
Im sick of everyone dieing...randy my aunt my cuzin my grandma justin jeri jimmy...geesh dont u think dats enough from my life?!

*gets down on her knees and prays {to da god she dont believe in} and prays dat da rest of her friends r okay, and live FOREVER!*

4 comments | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 29 October :: 7.14pm
:: Mood: sleepy

Okay im pretty sure dat me and Mike offically started going out on October 17th but im not sure...cuz he told Ryan dat we were going out on da 15th but he asked me on da 17th, so which one sould i pick? I think im jus gonna go wit da 17th cuz dats one of my lucky numbers!! Hehe...but yah i unno, we havent really been talkin much lately...and i dont think dat he wants to go out anymore...*sigh* Jus another guy to add to dat *L---O---N---G ass lists of guys-i-went-out-wit-fo-no-damn-reason...urgh i dont wanna have him be one of those guys tho...cuz i really like dis one...its weird, its like a first crush all over again...everytime i talk wif him i get these really weird butterfly feelings, and i giggle alot, and i smile constantly, and its crazy lol...but i unno it will prolly turn out to be nothing AGAIN!! But ahh oh well...

I unno me n Britt havent really been talkin lots lately either...like t day fo example she keeps leavin forever and i havent like talked to her at all t day...I unno whas going on there either...*sigh*

Maybe im jus going to lose everyone again...all my friends...my boyfriend...everything! Well everything dat means anything to me! Urgh dis is so stupid...and pointless...im done bye!

4 comments | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 28 October :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: frustrated

I had a very well as my mood says, frustratin day t day! Alotta crap jus happened to go wrong t day, on da one day dat iive gotta go talk wif Becky {stupid ass counsler lady} Urgh like wit Cassie...shes sucha bitch and i seriously dont even know why i try wit her these days! Shes always going to stab me in da bak! Shes not da same person as she was before! And da new pesron really isnt da kinda person dat i wanan be friends wit...so why cant i jus forget bout her?

And James is all pissed off at me cuz im going out wit Mike, and dats really shitty cuz he made dis really huge scene at skool t day! We were in Gym and like we had to play b ball wit eachother, cuz were in da same squad and like yah he started yellin at me and sayin all dis shit bout mike when he dont even know mike and he kept sayin dat im fuckin ruining our friendship and dat im makin him hate himself and shit like dat...urgh i luv da kid to death but dats pretty fucked up...and ex since he said all of it rite in front of everyone in gym class! Everyone heard it!! And den he left da class and went into da locker room and i left da class and jus left da building and like was really pissed off so i jus went outside on da cross country trail till 3rd hour started...i freezed my ass off too...ick!

And jus everyone else was all pissed off t day, like cassie is mad at lisa, so cassie asked sid to be her partner in tech and lisa was all mad at both of em cuz like they ditched her and i was mad cuz i was ditched too and den lisa wanted to be my partner and i didnt wanna say no cuz i luv her to death, but she dont do shit, and we'v egot a hard station this time, and im not smart enough to jus do it myself and i dont wanna do it myself and im not fuckin failin dat class and havin to take a whole semester again wit dat stupid bitch teacher! Urgh...

Den tiffany was mad at Amber and i was talkin wit amber and tiff thought dat i was talkin bout her to her and i wouldnt do dat cuz tiff is like my really good friend and i really wouldnt do dat anyway cuz i hate ppl dat talk shit behind ppls baks...i mean da way i see it, if u gonna talk shit talk it to thier face...and den like yah so tiff was all mad at me and den i tried smoothing things over wit her and amber got mad at me and yah dat was shitty too!!

But bout da only thing positive dat happened t day was...well cept dat i got an email from sara...but cuz in 3rd hour we got new seats and i sit rite in da way bak corner and autumn sits rite in front of me on dat table and still faces me and me and chris share a table! I luv chris hes been my good friend forever! Hes so cute n so sweet! I luv him!! hehe!

Geesh i had a frustratin day tho...i think dat ppl need to jus GET OVER THEMSELVES, and stop bitchin! --Words of wisdom from Jillane! hehe

Love awlays,
xox~*Jilly*~xox

leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 27 October :: 6.22am
:: Mood: tired

ZzZzZzZzZ...*snores*
Urgh brittany u better not stay home from school t day! Cuz i really cant, ive got a science test to finish t day...ick! Plus yah ive already got 5 absences on B days and if i get one more ill have to do dat whole deal and like yah i dont really wanna lose credit fo all those core classes and den still have to finish da skool year wit em!! Ick! Ahh oh well ill talk wit u latah chicka...hopefully t nite! hehe

I wub yew!

Love alwyas,
~*Jilly*~

2 comments | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.07pm

I luv Michael Allan Colemen!! :o)

2 comments | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 26 October :: 11.04pm
:: Mood: frustrated

Could things get any worse...?
Urgh t day was pretty shitty but we wont get into dat rite now...i'll write bout dat 2marro maybe...but i jsu watned to tell Britt dat i luv her so much and dat i really did have to leave and i hope dat she dont stay home 2marro cuz dats really mean...ick! heh I luv u more den anything and i unno maybe we'll talk 2marro luv you lots! Bye!

P.s. write in ur journal *sticks tongue out at brittany* hehe :-p

Love always,
~*Jilly*~

leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 26 October :: 12.01pm
:: Mood: crappy

oh nuffin...
Awwe dang it, Britt said dat she would be bak...but NO she never came bak, and now its like 12 and ive gotta go...urgh fucker...i wanted to talk to her t day too! And now i cant! Well actually maybe latah t nite at like 10 or so...but i unno if i can even do dat cuz i have so much friggin hw and ive got so much to do, and now ive gotta go to work extra extra early cuz im not surposed to be there till 4 but now we 've gotta leave rite now cuz da ppl changed thier fuckin minds...everyone seems to be doing dat lately if u ask me...but ahh oh well i unno t day was jus blah...

But last nite was pretty awesome cuz i got to talk to my fav asshole!! Heheh i Luv britt more den anything in da whole world...ahh stacey jus got online!! hehe i hate her!! *growls* hehe

I unno wat to say in here...but maybe i sould go do my hair n everything...gotta look cute fo work he he! But now i cant be gettin numbers and now i wont be able to find someone dat will take a break wit me outside...cuz...

IM GOING OUT WIT MIKEY BOO! heheheh I luv you mike!

Neways gonna go now luv you all latah!

Lov ealwyas,
~*Jilly*~

Oh i almost forgot...britt i wanted u to see dis quote dat i put in my info its...
I hope that one day you'll come to realize, how perfect you are when seen through my eyes...perfect fo us i luv you chicka bye!

leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 25 October :: 12.40pm
:: Mood: cold

ahh fuck!!
Okay first i lose all my close friends...which i was gettin used to since its been happening fo a while now...but den i lose my good friend Stacey...and now da i lost da only thing worth livin fo, i lost my britterZ!! ahh fucker!!

*Sigh*

1 comment | leave a comment

behindmysmile

:: 2003 23 October :: 11.34pm
:: Mood: confused

I did a really really bad thing t nite! I broke a huge promise to britt...and i didnt mean to, and im really really srry! I wish dat i could take it bak! But now i cant! And she dont know wat im talkin bout which is totally a good thing! And if i would have not flipped out she would have never known anyhting bout it! I tried not to but it jus happened and im so confused, and everything is fuckin crazy! I dont even nko wwat to say!

Ill jus leave! Like britt

bye!

1 comment | leave a comment