If you need me..You know be there!!

If you need me..You know be there!!

:: 2004 14 March :: 11.38am
:: Mood: sad

Always and forever, remember..
Too often we don't .r.e.a.l.i.z.e. what we have until it's gone
too *often* we wait too long to say "I'm sorry I was wrong"
Sometimes it seems we -:-hurt-:- the ones we hold dearest to
our �hearts� and we allow foolish things to tear our lives apart
Far too many times we let `unimportant� things into mind and
then it's . *usually*. too late to see what made us blInd. . .

Well now i can say that i know how it feels to be..second best ='( Urgh i want things back to the way they were..when everything was perfect inside our own little dream world, i miss those days, and would give anything to get them back.

You know who you are, so dont try and ignore it!! I luv you more than anything in the whole world!! I just wish that you still felt the same way.

James i luv you soo much!! Thanks for everything!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 14 March :: 10.17pm
:: Mood: relaxed
:: Music: Have you ever--Brandy

Arent i the lucky one..
You guys you guys!!! Guess wat!!
Omg im soo friggin happy now!!
Of course i bet you prolly can guess,
Its about some guy lol, but still,
Does anyone member me always
Talking about that James kid that,
Is my best guy friend, well yeah..
He asked me back out, urgh im soo
Happy Tiffany will not, and is
NOT going to ruin our relationship
again, I told you all that me and this kid will
Get married, hes my best friend,
And now again my boyfriend, im soo happy!!

Other than that amazing thing, this
weekend Has been awesome, went
to Lisa's n than Babysat, Sounds
boring, but omg you have No idea
whenever lisa n i are Together we
have the BEST time ever!! lol I love
that gurl shes one of my best friends!

One bad thing, Martin is mad at me,
=( he Says that he was going to
ask me out this Weekend, *yeah
WHATEVER..lol* and that he really
liked me, and Its stupid that im
going back out wif James, Urgh
hes being childish but i luv
him and i MISS HIM, so babes plz
stop this stupid fight, And come
back to me =p i luv you!!

Well thats enough for now, im
tired, and i Think that im gonna
call my baby tho he told Me to
call at like 12..oh wells, he
hopefully wont mind lol

I LUV YOU CHELSIE!! Glad i got to
talk to you today, your the friggin
best, i cant wait to talk to you again!! lol =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 11 March :: 4.11pm
:: Mood: lonely

Please dont do this to me..
Oh wowow today was fuckin horrible..1st hour was fun i guess..i actually did my work for math, it was great stuff =p Mrs. Johantgen was soo proud lol..

Then second hour..holy shit..i was sittin there and yeah i was streched out on Cassie Browns cubical thingy so i could talk to her, and yeah she saw uhm *cuts* on my arm, and yeah she freaked out, got a pass went to the bathroom and i jus left the class and ran after her, and yeah we talked..well she screamed..then she told duffey and lisa, and yeah then cassie smith found out and becky.

And then becky was going to tell BRANDY!!! In 3rd hour and beckys like well shes ur friend you sould tell her, im sure she wont tell anyone and then yeah she was hinting at wat it was and brandy guessed it but i jus like joked around about it, and becky laughed so im sure she knows..i told becky if she told her then i wasnt going to talk to her anymore, and then i like left the class bcuz i couldnt take her shit anymore, and i guess brandy and her became good friends while i was gone, and then yeah i didnt talk all lunch and anyway brandy was too busy wif becky anyway, and cassie smith wasnt on my lunch todya, and then cassie brown i was mad at her and lisa was being retarded and so i was totally silent the whole time..big shocker!!

Then i got outta 4th hour too, i couldnt sit in that class really, i was seriously about to pass out, so i went back down to arkison..urgh she gave me the biggest headache..urgh i dont want to go to skool anymore..fuck it!! =(

I want Kyndra to come back tho, i really miss her dang it, i need to talk to her, but i wont be able to see her till wed bcuz group was changed to then, and guess wat my counsler from the aware shelter is coming in to talk in my group lol..fun shit

Well ima go i luv you all ltos byes!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 10 March :: 11.50am
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Toxic --nasty ass b spears =p

When forever ends, i will still luv you..
Well hey nothing really going on today, its an early release day so we get outta school here soon after this class we get to go to lunch and then go home which is friggin awesome because I hope that my mom is gone so that I can get online, not that there will be anything to do because yeah NOBODY will be online because yeah they�ve got school HAHA but oh wells neways..

I really don�t have anything to say, but Brittany I love you soo much and I hope that we can talk soon. I miss talking to you, and I hope that you do to. I don�t know, I just hope that you still wanna be friends, I luv you soo much!!

Ali jean thanks for making my day this morning, I came into class and I was all pissed off because I was tardy for fuckin helping out one of my teachers wif this german pemission slip thingy, and I got in trouble..i aint helping nobody no more!! =( But neway thanks for being soo sweet and being one of the best friends ive ever had!! I luv you soo much!!Well that�s enough for today, I luv you all lots, ex you chelsie =p Latah babes

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 9 March :: 10.23am
:: Mood: excited

Does it really matter..
Just sitting here in uprights class with another sub, with my bestest buddy Lisa Marie and Cassie!!!!

Well today i skipped 1st hour and then i forgot that it was tuesday so i missed group today..lol Kyndra is giong to kill me, bcuz shes in Mexico right now and last week she told me that she wasnt going to be here for group this week and that she wasnt going to be here this week and so i told her that i didnt wanna go to group if she wasnt going to be there and then yeah she told me that i had to, so i siad that i would and then i ACCIDENTLY =p missed it this morning shes giong to beat me up!! hehe oh wells i luv that lady i cant wait until she comes home!! =)

But neways i wrote you a letter last nite britty, and i like was all ready to send it this morning i had the stamp on the envolope n everything but i decided not to send it, but im sure that im going to send it 2marro. But yeah you have to tell me the day that ou get it. I luv you lots babes and n miss you tons babes!! *and yes it does matter* I LUV YOU!!

Chelsie thanks for everything, your the best babes..well i dont really have anything to say rite now ive gotta give cassie here computer back because shes going to get all mad n everything lol..but neways luv you all lots!!

<33 Jilly!!

I luv you soo much lilmofuggy!! Call me tonight!!

Oh yeah by the way..i cant get online during the week anymore, thats me and my moms deal, only on the weekends!! But oh wells luv you all lots!! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 7 March :: 8.53pm
:: Mood: thankful
:: Music: Nobody knows--Kevin sharp

Is that all that i am to you..
How's my journal now everyone..better..or worse let me know!! =)

Ya know ive been thinking about alotta things lately, and one topic that i was thinking about was about who my *true* friends are..and if i am a *true* friend. And who i am a *true* friend to..

A while ago like a long while ago britty told me what she thought a true friend was, and ive stuck with this *definition* or *opinion* ever since. A true friend is someone who is there through everything, and accepts you for who you are. *or something like that*

I know that i dont have many true friends, but i started thinking, and after a while, i realized that i have more than i think that i do..Like Britty, Chelsie, Ali Jean, Brittney, Tiffany, Cassie, Lisa, Becky Dawn, James, Mike, Steffanie, and a few others. Like seriously i know that if i ever needed anything, anyone of those ppl would be right there by my side!! Do you know how lucky am i for that!!

Then i was thinking, and i tried to think of some people that ive always been a true friend to..and seriously you might think this is like my *low self asteem* talking but really i cant think of one person..yeah britty, but yeah she knows that i aint ALWAYS been, chelsie neither, Lisa and i didnt like eachother 8th grade..cassie and i neither, James and i stopped talking for a while, same with Mike..i guess i could say Tiffany Becky Dawn and Steffanie i have been a true friend too, but 1. Becky Dawn was easy, all you have to do is listen to her guy problems and give advice really..and Steffanie same, just a few more things, and just keeping touch when she just recently moved, that too..Tiffany iw ould have to say i really am a true friend to her, its been hard, but its been worth it..i luv you babes!! But really who else..i cant really think of many..maybe gloria, ive alwyas been here for her..shes sucha great person tho..i cant help it *now shes my daw daw and im her mother J* YaYaY!! lol but no seriusly the only reason i try and be there for her as much as i can is because yeah she mite be popular goofy and happy but i think there is much more to her, or much more than the rest of her friends at least, maybe thats mean..i dont care =p

But i dont know..you know how i think too much..welll thats it for today, i'll prolly write more 2marro..latah every1.

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 6 March :: 10.31pm

If only you could see the tears in my heart
Im just putting these qoutes on here so that i dont lose them =p haha

But really..they do mean something to me..=( oh wells life goes on ya know!!

"You can't hurt someone unless you really mean something to them."

"The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be forgotten and ignored."

"At least be there to wipe away my tears if you're going to make me cry."

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 6 March :: 6.43pm
:: Mood: weird

*If only life was this way..
Omg..BEST WEEKEND EVER WAS THIS WEEKEND!! Wowo and Friday too!! OmG you have no idea im soo fuckin happy rite now!! Okay friday oh wow with the snowfest games and every class being shorter, that was soo much fun!! Oh gosh and then after skool.. =)

okay me and becky were going to the bathroom, and like i was walking backwards and becky was walking forward cuz there were snowcones on the ceiling and they had every1 in 9th grades name on it..so we were looking for her name..and like we were at the last one and im like okay i dont know and im like im going to the bathroom and i walked like rite into the guys bathroom and beckys like no no no not that one no..and it wouldnt have been as bad cuz there was nobody around except nathan nimps was walking out rite as i was walking in..omg me and her started fuckin busting up!! She almost pissed her pants!!!!!! =p It was great..=D

And then we like were hanging out and doing stuff at her..and baby sitting the cutest lil girl kassi..Her niece..and like yeah then kevin came got us *her boyfriend* we went to mcdonalds then to the dance after driving around for like forever..it was GREAT!! He is soo fun and kool..im glad she got sucha good one!! Then the dance omg every1 thuoght i was high off my ass..i sweear i wasnt..really..but we were dancing the whole time it was soo fuckin fun!!

Me and chad were dancing together too, which was kinda bad cuz his gf if she found out she would die =( But i luv ashley..and i hope she dont find out..but yeah me and lisa and cassie smith and brown and like arianna and ashley b and brenda and monika and all of us were dancing together it was great!! And yeah it was just great..me and Cassie smith had a fuckin blast!!

And then stayed up at till about 3-4 in the morning talking to becky dawn..about EVERYTHING!! It was fuckin awesome!! But then today nicoles baby shower, yeah that was great i was really surprised that cassie smith actually showed up but that was fuckin awesome and then me and cassie and becky went and baby sat kassi for abit and then my mom came and got me and cassie and too bad she was grounded..but oh wells now im home and im bout to leave in a second to go to chads!!!! =) omfg i luv this kid!!

Me and Cassie i sweear are bcoming like best friends again..you guys have no idea how happy that makes me!!!!!! But tahts enough for t nite.gotta go luv you all lots!! Byes!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 4 March :: 11.19am
:: Mood: tired

Everything must change sooner or latah..
Wow, yesterday was interesting..I got to talk to Kyndra yesterday which was AWESOME!! =) I really luv talking to that lady!!

But neways also yesterday ryan came over so taht he and josh could help me fix my lil scooter thingy..which was MAJORLY odd..i dont know why yesterday was interesting..it jus was =p

But today has been pretty good..got in trouble in woodruff's class again. Second hour was really really fun in gym playin v ball n everything!! Wow we kicked some booty!! =p Im hoping to get outta this hour, im hoping kyndra will come this hour cuz she told me that she would come today if i wanted her to, and so yeah i did. So she sould be coming soon!! =) I hope she comes soon at least.. =p

Latah t nite we've gotta go shopping for something to wear for snowfest, and then im gonna try and go to this hall decorating thingy from 4-8 but im not sure yet!!

But thats enough for now..illw rite more another time!

I luv you britty!! *never leave me*

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 2 March :: 6.58pm
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: amazed--Lonestar

Its just one more day..
It seems like every time i try to make
Things up to you, it all blows up in my
face..all i want to do is be there for you
and care about you wif all that i have
All i want to do, is be the friend that
you've been to my all of my life, but it
just doesnt work out that way!!

I know that we've been through hell n
back, and i wish that things were diff
i wish that we were still the best of
friends..two friends that everyone knew
would be best friends forever..two friends
that were soo close!! i jus want things
to be the same again, wat happened
between the two of us =(

Your the best friend that ive ever had,
and i hope you believe that to be true.
I'd give anything to be ur best friend
again, but it seems to me tha we've
went our seperate ways, and started
our own lives..please tell me if you still
want to be friends, please tell me if there
is anything i can do to help our friendship!!

Things change..people change, shit happens..but l.i.f.e. g.o.e.s. o.n. Yeah i dont believe that, becuz w/o you..my life is over..i luv you soo fuckin much!! And i miss you!! You sould knw who you are..and if not..wow..some1 is either totally retarted..doesnt care..or hasnt been payin attention =/

i luv you wif alla my heart, never leave me =(

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 2 March :: 12.19pm
:: Mood: anxious

One last night with you..
Wow today is like soo bORING!! You guys have no idea..but yeah today was tuesday which means today i got to go into group, but woodruff *my 1st hour teacher* was really pissed off that i was late, and then he like bitched me out when i came back into class to get my stuff, and then yeah i was late to second hour which means i got a detention from mcdowell for being tardy and then he bitched, and urgh they piss me off!!

Now im behind on my layout thingy in his class too but fuck him, screaw this skool i hate this skool!!!!!!!!

neways, yeah kyndra is coming back on thurs so that we can *talk* YaYaY!! Im soo happy i luv talking to her!! And then today i cant go to my other counsler, yeah my mom is sucha bitch i knew she would do this, shes going to act like were going every time but its giong o tbe like yeah we cant go today and then next week oh im sick..I told her that im not going anymore =p

But oh wells, ill write more latah

I luv you soo friggin much britters!! =)

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 29 February :: 9.26pm
:: Mood: lazy
:: Music: suga suga--steve n his bf josh's song =p

i member everythin bout us, every kiss, every hug, even every smile..
Wow, its like only 9 15 and im really tired..so i think that im gonna get offline and prolly go to sleep or at least stare at my wall till the early hours in the morning since i cant ever sleep..

The only reason i get online is to talk to me best friend brittany, but she friggin is either online and not talking, or shes not on at all..so i dont see the point in being online..

Cept for talking to my baby ali jean, cept she seems preoccupied these days..i dont know maybe its just me..

maybe im jus imagining everything, yeah i dont know anymore, it feels like im walking in slow motion, my life is racing rite past me and there is nothing that i can do about it..

oh wells ima go..luv you all..byes!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 29 February :: 6.25pm

you make me wanna stay here forever..

Well lets see here, nothing really happening today..i got to talk to my buddy ol' pal chelsie for once in FOREVER!! =P *i luv you soo much babes*

Got to takl to my best friend britty today too!! Wow that was amazin!! lol I miss you soo much babey gurl!! And i hope things are okay between us!!

Wow i have nothing to talk about really, does everyone like my new journal..i think its more of a happier than my usual kind of journal if you ask me!! =p

I think that brandy is right about steve tho, i think that i sould jus leave him alone and see what hes doing next, cuz i cant be being used like that anymore, screaw him im better than that!! =)

Well i dont have anything to talk about for now..oh wait yes i do..

next friday is snowfest *for those who dont knwo thats the second biggest dance of the highskool year* and yeah me and becky dawn are gonna go together, im giong to her hosue fri were going to the dance then sat were going to nicoles baby shower together!! YaYaY!! Were gonna have soo much fun together! i luv that gurlie =)

Well thats it for now..love you all!! Latah!!

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behindmysmile

:: 2004 29 February :: 2.36pm

READY FOR LOVE: You're sensitive but no pushover,
active but not manic. In short, you're a great
girl/guy who's ready for a relationship. If
you're not already involved with someone, it's
only because you want a guy/girl who's worthy
of your love---you just haven't met him/her
yet. That's cool. You've got plenty of other
interests to keep you busy. When you do meet
''Mr. Great/Miss. Great,'' chances are you
won't abandon all the other impotant stuff in
your life for romance. In fact, your
independance and spirit will be part of what
attracts him/her---and keeps him/her. Would YOU
PLEASE rate my quiz? YOU surely don't have to,
but i'd apreciate it more than YOU could
imagine if YOU would! Thanks! Peace out yo'!

Are YOU ready to have a BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? For the OLDER GALS/GUYS!
brought to you by Quizilla

oh that is soo me lady and gents!! =p

Even chad agrees!! =)
Alien1088: yeah
Alien1088: it is u

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