It's the waiting that kills me.
I just can't help but wonder what's going to happen next.

I hope she didn't see my stupid little dance of joy...
Okay, so maybe last night turned out to be the opposite of a let down. It actually turned out to be pretty decent, dare I say, fantastic.
All I really don't think should've happened is me pushing myself on her so much. The girl deserves some tim, she just got out of a big relationship.
I will say though, I may just like her but I love being around her and making her smile. It's easier to be myself around her now. I really don't know why.
I think I'll end this one with the catch phrase of the night...."Are you uncomfortable?"

I got bored waiting for a call.
A long annoying survey I decided to take for the sake of time passage.



001) What time did you start this?:
Almost 6pm
002) Name?:
James
003) Date of birth?:
November 16,1986
004) Sex?:
Male
005) Height?:
About 5'11"
006) Eye color?:
Hazel
007) Weight?:
143 pounds. Real fat ass material.
008) Location?
The mitten state.
009) Do you currently love anyone?
Not in particular. No.
010) Do you have crush on someone?
Possibly.
011) Do you have a bf/gf?:
Nope.
012) What are you wearing right now?
Boxers and Khaki pants.
013) Would you have sex before marriage?:
Been there done that.
014) Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?:
I live in cedar, have you seen these teachers?
015) Do you smoke?
Not anymore.
016) Do you drink?
Last night at a party, but I don't really favor it much.
017) Are you a player?
Hell no. I wish.
018) What are your favorite colors?:
Green, Orange, Blue...
019) What is your favorite animal?
Wolves are pretty kick ass.
020) Do you have any birthmarks?
Yeah, one on my left butt cheek that looks like Wistler's mother.
021) Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?
No, and I don't really look forward too it. I don't really like fighting.
022) Have you ever beat someone up?
I broke a kid's nose in my first fight, felt terrible afterwards.
023) Have you ever been slapped?
If you'll simply read my answer to #4 you'll know.
024) Do you get online a lot?
Yeah, only way to get ahold of friends when I have no cell phone.
025) Are you shy or outgoing?
Depends who I'm around, I try to be outgoing most of the time though.
026) Do you shower?
Shower? What is that?
027) Do you hate school?
...ha...what a silly quesYES.
028) Do you have a social life?
It's summer, I work, and I'm out of school and nobody likes me, what do you think? Of course I do.
029) How easily do you trust people?
I like to try and make new friends, but most people aren't very trusting. Some people you can pick up on right away as being not very trust-worthy.
030) Have you ever lied to your best friends?
Yeah, but mainly if I promised someone else I wouldn't say something. I try to stick to my promises.
031) Do you have a secret people don't know?
Many Many Many. Here, I'll tell you a few...
032) Would you ever Sky Dive?
Oh hell yeah. Base jump too!
033) Do you like to dance?
Not at all, like most white boys, I just don't have the funk.
034) Have you ever been out of state?:
Who wouldn't want to get out of this state?
035) Do you like to travel?
Not alone, I prefer company on my trips.
036) Do you want to get out of your hometown?
Yes, but sadly, I think I'd find myself back here, because I'd have no one to go anywhere with.
037) Are you a brat?
No, brat's are full of themselves and think they deserve everything, I'm more of an ass.
038) Have you ever been dumped?
Yep.
039) What’s your favorite soda?
I cannot resist an ice cold pepsi. Diet pop is like piss in a can.
040) Do you like Snapple?
Not as much as Sobe. I love my sobe.
041) Do you drink a lot of water?
No, don't really like it. I should drink more though.
042) What toothpaste do you use?
Rembrant whitening my ass. Been using this stuff for weeks and I haven't seen a change.
043) Do you have a cell phone or pager?
No, I'm poor and white, not a good combination at all.
044) Do you have a curfew?
No, I'm a freebird with nowhere to go.
045) Who do you look up to?
Used to look up to Malcom X...sorry, couldn't resist. I can't really think of anyone right off hand.
046) Are you a role model?
I really hope not, those'll be some fucked up kids I tell you what.
047) What kind of jewelry do you wear?
A leather necklace...I want a hemp one damnit.
048) What do you have pierced?
One on the top right ear, and two on the lower left ear.
049) Do you like taking pictures?
No, all they do is preserve moments. Some moments are best left priceless and precious. A thing of heart.
050) Do you like getting your picture taken?
No I have this disease that makes me squint and make stupid faces into a lens.
051) Do you have a tan?
No, I'm an irish boy, it's hard as hell to simply get color.
052) Do you get annoyed easily?:
Yeah, when people get a little too familiar with you and step over the line.
053) Have you ever started a rumor?
Haha, yeah, it was great.
054) Do you have any siblings?
Yes, a sister, 29 years old, she's the only family I truly have.
055) Do you prefer boxers or briefs?
Briefs. Boxers let too much swing around and ride up, gets annoying to do anything after a while.
056) Do you get along with your parents?
#1) Parent. #2) What sane individual does?
057) How do you vent your anger?
Usually I box it up for a while until I flare at something tiny and insignificant.
058) Have you ever run away?
No, but I moved out for about 3 months.
059) Have you ever been fired from a job?:
Nope .
060) Do you daydream a lot?:
Yes.
061) Do you have a lot of ex’s?:
Not compared to most people.
062) What do you want a tattoo of?
My birth sign over my heart.
063) What do you have a tattoo of?
Still to poh to affohd one yo.
064) What are your favorite flowers?
Orchids.
065) Are you rude?
If I don't like you I'll make it obvious.
066) What was the last compliment you received?
I really couldn't tell you. It's been a long time.
067) Is your belly button an innie or outie?
Actually, it's flat, so there is no belly button. Just kinda runs in with my abs. Oh wait, my bad, innie.
068) Are you flexible?
Depends, battling vicious hordes martial arts style, or intercourse?
069) What is your heritage?
Straight from Ireland about 3 generations ago.
070) What does your hair look like right now?
Messy but pretty hot I'd say. It's clean *shrug*.
071) Could you ever be a vegetarian?
Hell no. I love animal flesh.
072) If you had to completely dye your hair it'd be what color?
Rainbow. Or orange.
073) would you ever date someone younger than you?
If I cared.
074) Would you ever date someone older than you?
If I cared.
075) When was the last time you were drunk?
Last night.
076) When was the last time you went on a date?
Pff. I never really go on dates. Girl's don't like a guy that's willing to spend time with them, be loyal and eventually marry them and love them for the rest of their lives. They like assholes.
077) Have you ever had an eating disorder?
No, I enjoy my 8 meals a day.
078) How many rings until you answer the phone?
Depends if I'm on the can or not. They always call when you're using it.
079) Do you look more like your mother or father?
My father, though I have no idea what he looks like.
080) Do you cry a lot?
No, I haven't been able to cry for a long time.
081) Do you ever cry to get your way?
Hell no, I cuss and swing and throw my liqour bottle like an angry bum!
082) If you had to amputate one limb, what would it be?
...I'd kill myself before never being able to run or swim ever again.
083) what phrase do you use most on the phone?
Uhhh
084) Are you the romantic type?
Haven't had the chance or reason to be for a while now.
085) Have you ever been chased by cops?
Oh god yes. Multiple times in my freshman-junior year.
086) What do you like most about your body?
I like the definition I get natural, mainly because of my metabolism.
087) What do you like least about your body?
That I'll workout, but gain no mass, I'm still a little guy.
089) In the opposite sex, do you prefer blondes or brunettes?
I don't really prefer anything.
090) What do the shoes you last wore look like?
My white and green Etnies. Seems like everyone's getting those now-a-days.
091) Do you ever wear shirts to show your belly?
All the time.
092) What about cleavage?
Yeah, twice as much as belly shirts. Like even three times a day. I'll just go home and switch shirts to check out my boobs.
093) Is your best friend a virgin?
I think all my friends pretty much lack that.
094) What color are your underwear right now?
Grey.
095) What size shoe do you wear?
11-12.
096) Would you pick a wedgie in public?
You don't get those with briefs.
097) How are you feeling right now?
I feel pretty laid back, almost hot. I want to go somewhere with people.
098) When was the last time you were at a party?
Last night
099) Have you ever given a lap dance?
Haha, yes, to Justin that one bonfire at David's. He so didn't see it coming.
100) What do you sleep in?
A bed.
101) Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?
Oh yeah, people want to be me. They're jealous.
102) What is one of your bad qualities?
I don't know how to date. I always move too fast or too slow.
103) What is one of your good qualities?
I'm willing to give of myself more often than not.
104) Would you marry for money?
How much are we talking here...
106) What do you drive?
1995 oldsmobile achieva. Yeah, I paid for it, sorry by daddy couldn't buy me better.
107) For two million dollars, would you pose for Playboy?
Yeah, but I'm sure there'd be alot of unhappy guys out there.
108) What time is it now?
Almost 7 o clock. Waste of time.

So today was a change. I called into work sick. I have no more sick days, I am actually -2 sick days now. It'd be a bad thing if I wasn't going to apply for a new job anyways. The work isn't bad, but I've been pretty much staying just for the people because the pay sucks the big one. I mean 6 bucks an hour to scapegoat. For god's sake, cashier's make 6.15 an hour to stand there and scan things all day while we do so much more. Oh well.

Today was something else. I slept so long. Hibernated. Around 7ish, I left to hang out with Tony, Erika and Jay at the Sand Lake festival. It reminded me of a time with Tanya. I missed her slightly. I rode so many rides. No more circular motions for a long time.

I ran into several people of past and present. Some were good to chill with, and one in particular gave me that overall good to see you again feeling.

Tonight I asked her if there was a chance of anything. Her reply sparked a long pushed away crush. I remember those days. I missed hanging out with her. I really have to drag her ass to the beach this time.

Well, this was a huge update, time for sleep now, I have to work at 10am.

Deep
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
And that frankly will not fly. You will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

Lately...
So I'm getting a tattoo across my back. Having a friend design it. Of course I'll need money for it. There's the big issue in my life. All of my problems in life can be traced back to the lack of money. It's not fun at all.
And all the stress mounting...makes me want to crawl into a corner and assume the fetal position. I got a boost of confidence a few days ago when a paramedic instructor handed me a card and offered services. I think I'm going to call and ask if he wants a part time teacher's assistant for cheap. With the money he makes for his lectures, cheap would be like...10 bucks an hour.