woohu..

woohu..

:: 2008 24 January :: 4.18pm
:: Mood: frustrated

i had a bunch of weird dreams last night. the one that sticks out to me in particular is the one where i was with emily, (i can't remember what we were doing) and i got a loose tooth. but we were running around, trying to get shit done, and all of a sudden i pulled it out. it didn't hurt, but it was absolutely MAMMOTH, and it left a bunch of chunks in my mouth, which i then had to spit out, which struck me as odd. but apparently nobody else found it bizarre that a 21 year old had just lost his tooth, and so the dream just kept right on cruising.

i ran into a bunch of problems with my film project yesterday. i'm kinda pissed, but i'll get over it. hopefully i finish in time.

and i resolved to call up on my W-2s and see where the hell they're at, like a responsible person, and the people all said that i wouldn't have them until the first week of february. fuckers. way to wait until the last possible second.

so then i was like, "well, i'll do as much of the fafsa as i can without my tax info," but noooo, the fafsa website had to go and crash on me too.

i swear to god. it's like a sign telling me that i'm supposed to give up. because every time i try, i get pushed aside or yelled at or in some way usurped, and i'm just fucking tired of it. i'm losing sleep, having weird dreams, freaking out on people that don't deserve it.

and now i can barely keep my eyes open.

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homsar

:: 2008 23 January :: 8.08pm
:: Music: Sexton Ming

AAaaaAAAaaaAYYY'm the sweet condensation that's creepin the nation;&

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spud

:: 2008 21 January :: 8.32pm

crazy ass shit
this is ridiculous. nothing is working out cleanly or adding up evenly.

which means the great sheep in the sky didn't like my emo entry about how i'm pissed at it. but i'm not pissed anymore. so it should be nice to me and make the stars align once again.

i'm sorry, oh aviary ovine! i didn't mean to upset you. may your wool grow long and thick! and may your first child be a masculine child! i suck at forcing things to work. which is why it's so much more pleasant for everyone involved when you make things line up properly, so i don't have to mash them together in my rudimentary way.

that would be super-duper.

p.s.

basically, all this means is that i had avoided making plans so we could go get the car tomorrow, but they never confirmed with me, so i had this empty day ahead of me, with a shit-ton of stuff to get done, and a couple of hours ago, bruce called me and said, "so, you busy tomorrow?"

and then this weekend, kristi was like "so you wanna go to president's ball?" and i was like "yeah, that'd be fun!' but it turns out that it's the weekend of winter camping.

so, i'm fucking retarded, and the world hates me. scheduling conflicts galore, and my laziness has placed me squarely behind the eight ball in so far as the amount of shit that needs to be accomplished within a certain time frame.

fuckin' a.

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spud	:: 2008 20 January :: 5.34pm :: Mood: sleepy i think i might lay down for a bit. addison might stop by later. it's been a fun weekend. too bad i didn't get any work done, and now all i want to do is sleep and watch movies. the side effects of michigan winter. yepper. 2 comment?s \| comment

angel_bob

:: 2008 17 January :: 7.33pm

I can now be found at:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/littlewindow/

Hopefully I will get a pro account for my birthday. I'm going to post more of my pictures later when I get the pro account.

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spud

:: 2008 17 January :: 3.10pm
:: Mood: exhausted

Dear Whatever-you-are,

why the hell do you do this to me? what have i done to earn such torment?

is this all for my personal growth? one of those life-lessons where the pain is just part of the process - to progress?

well fuck that. it's like when you go weightlifting. you're supposed to be sore the next day. you rip your muscles, they repair, they get stronger. but if you overwork them, they rip too far, they have a much harder time repairing, and ultimately don't get any stronger. they just get miserable for awhile.

now, i'm not saying i'm miserable. and there's no REAL reason for me to hurt. and i'm not even sure hurt is an adequate term. but at the very least, it's difficult for me to cope with all of the different situations and expectations that i find myself in. and i get so sick and fucking tired of people thinking i'm awesome, me knowing i'm not, and then me disappointing them because i suck. and then i'm like "no, chris, the only reason you suck is because you tell yourself that. it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. so, all you need to do is just say that you don't suck, believe all of these people, because they're obviously right, and just go out and do the best you can do." and after i give myself this little pep talk, not only to i fail, although maybe not quite as badly as before, but i get the added perk of having all the people who just got done telling me not to sell myself short, telling me how badly i just fucked up, and they never would have thought it possible.

i didn't fuck it up on purpose just to prove something to all the people who believed in me. i didn't try not to fuck it up just to prove something to the non-believers, with the exception of myself. so why can't i just be content to fuck things up, have everyone else be fine with that too, and make six figures doing it? i see no flaw in that plan whatsoever.

but all i can figure, after all of these mixed signals you've given me, is that you aren't my homeboy, you're not trying to help me grow as a person, you're just fucking with my program, because it's fun. it's like feeding peanut butter to a dog. they trust you. they have faith in you. then you do something wholly unpleasant to them, merely for your own amusement. you are a saucy minx who likes toying with my emotions, and i honestly don't know how much longer i can cope with that. not that i really have a choice in the matter. but i seriously question how long it will take for me to get so disenchanted that i just give up and lie there, because i'm all out of other ideas, and i'm too tired to think of anything new.

i'm just grumpy and unappreciative. i'm sure it's just a phase, it will pass, and you will be understanding again. but for right now, fuck you. because it's still mean as hell to let me do this to myself.

sincerely,

Chris

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angel_bob

:: 2008 16 January :: 8.34pm

I have noticed that the feeling I get from drinking is the same feeling I get with really bad cramps except the pain is social awesomeness and laughter.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 14 January :: 8.28pm

I am going to start saving up my pennies for this baby stroller.

Srsly.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 14 January :: 7.03pm

My Folk and Square Dance class is getting increasingly more awesome. My leg hurt after the first day but it was fine by the second. We learned the Hukilau and a couple line dances.

Dancing is my kind of exercise.

I have decided that I really don't want children for a while. I'm even okay with not getting married for a while.

I am beginning to freak out about graduating in a year because it turns out, I will graduate on time.

I drank a bit on Saturday. It was fun. I am so excited for my birthday. Seriously. It'll be keen.

I have to think up a topic for a paper for my EU class. I want to do it on Hungary but they were talking about not doubling up and choosing countries out of a hat... I just want to write it on Hungary.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 8 January :: 11.07pm

I am taking a Folk and Square Dance course that is designed for Health and Physical EDUCATION majors. Ashley and I are the only non-athletic people in that class.

Instead of an exam, we have to draw up a lesson plan and teach a dance move that should take about twenty minutes. I was thinking about teaching the hobo dance and making something up or doing the jitterbug or belly dancing but I decided not to.

Instead, I am going to teach the Charleston. I don't know how to do it but I've always wanted to learn. I figure that if I have to teach people, I'll learn it far better than I ever would on my own.

In other news, I am thinking of not working this semester. I have a lot of classes and a lot of work to do. We shall see. I might just cut down to nine hours of work.

I love you all.

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angel_bob

:: 2008 7 January :: 11.59pm

This semester is going to suck.

I had two classes today and I have four tomorrow. My final class tomorrow is what I politely refer to as a semester-long quad. It's a semester-long course that starts at 6:30 and ends at 9:30. Woo.

On the bright side, my French class that I had today is canceled for the rest of this week and the Monday of next week. Also, tomorrow is the first day of my Folk and Square Dance class. Hopefully it will be just fun and not just work.

Here's to an awesome semester!

Also, all of you need to come home on the weekend of January 25 so we can celebrate my big two-one. I am contemplating partying Monday night too and just skipping my 9:25 class. We shall see.

I love you all. I hope everyone is doing well.

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spud

:: 2008 7 January :: 8.19pm
:: Mood: frustrated

this is absurd. the very first day of class and i'm already stumped. i'm very - not quite concerned, but - uncertain about how this semester's going to go. if this assignment is any indication, probably not well.

PSAs are unavoidably tacky. especially when they're about high school. i thought a PSA was a good beginner assignment. but making the topic high school dropouts is cruel and unusual punishment, especially when you're giving it to a roomful of college students who have obviously never dropped out of high school.

and then you give me 30 seconds to change a mind that i can't even begin to fathom? that is bullshit on a stick.

any bright ideas?

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Angel_Bob

:: 2008 4 January :: 8.58am

So, Ben's journal got deleted.

This means we must restart THE COMMENT POST OF DOOM.

Anyone up for it?

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spud

:: 2008 3 January :: 12.34am

it's 12:34 ... make a wish.

i feel - unfulfilled? i'm not sure that's the right word. it's just that nagging feeling like there's something missing. something i forgot to do.

and i know there are things i forgot to do. which is okay, for the most part. i can accept that, drop them, and move on.

but obviously there are more that i have not yet realized, because after dropping them and moving on, the feeling remains.

i need to make this go away. it's not unbearable, so much as obnoxious and slightly depressing.

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spud

:: 2008 2 January :: 5.07pm

i love it when i have those moments where i feel like i'm on felix felicis and everything just falls into place.

then there are those other times where i try and try so hard to adapt and adjust correctly so that it will fall into place, but no matter how hard i try, it just doesn't fit.

i hate those other times. i'm always tempted to give up on them. but i never do, because i know there's always hope that suddenly felix will step back into the ring and make it all better. but he doesn't always do that. and then i'm left holding the bag.

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