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2005 16 January :: 6.54am
I've been awake for twenty one hours. @_@ BUT I AIN'T TIAHD! Just hyper as muther fuck! +_+
!CARO!
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2005 8 January :: 6.58pm
There are five friends in my life who mean more to me than anything.
Nee, Kelly, Mandi, Kat and Kate.
I love you guys.
~Caro
2 disappointments |
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2005 8 January :: 6.48pm
Aimee leaves for Cali again on Monday.
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2005 8 January :: 12.27pm
She Said She Listens
Mandi made me a promise, Me and Herself, that if she broke up with Will, she would not get back with David, either.
And what did she do? Huh?
SHE GOT BACK WITH DAVID.
Now, this would hurt if it had just been her breaking a promise with me that I knew would be good for her, and breaking a promise to me in general. But you know what? I thought I was over her, but I'm not. There was once again that faint sence of hope in the back of my mind. But within a week! She's already back with David! It pisses me off! She's only skrewing herself over. AGAIN! Every fucking time, she skrews herself over. I have a bad feeling about this, I told her that, I did! And every single time, when I have a bad feeling about something, it comes true. But does she listen!? NO! No. As a mater of fact, we had just been talking about how people should listen to me. And she said, "I listen to you." BUT SHE DOESN'T. Nupe. Not to a word I say. I tried to warn her about Cody, and Matt, AND DAVID THE LAST TIME! It ended up skrewing her over then, it'll do the same now! Gah! She doesn't listen! Sometimes I wonder if she doesn't like skrewing herself over.
*Sigh* I know she doesn't.
But it sure seems like she does.
Caro
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2005 7 January :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: listless
You know how when three people walk, there's always one poerson who's walking behind the other two?
I'm that person. Always. Example: Me, Kat, and Mike are walking down the street to go home from school, and I start out next to them at the light. As we walk, I somehow manage to magicaly be behind them. They didn't even notice when I fell behind them, got lost in the crowd of people and went to my mom's car. Now, I could blame this on the street not being wide enough for three people to walk abreast, but I can't, due to the fact that when Jeff is with us, he walks next to them, and I'm still in the dust, trying despirately to hear what they're saying and take part in the conversation and be part of it all. I'm the one who knew Kat first. I was freshman number one. Geff wasnumber two, Mike was three. But today I got demoted to number two because Mike didn't want to be number three.
Kat doesn't realize that I worship the ground she walks on. She doesn't think she's worth anything, but I do. She's artistic, she smart, she's funny as hell, she pretty. If she reads this, she'll say she's not. She'll say she's not worth me worshiping her. But she is to me. I'm her number one fan. The fact that she's my friend means so much to me. But I'm being left in the dust. I'm the odd one out.
And it hurts like Hell.
~Caro~
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2005 1 January :: 1.50pm
Fwah
New layout. Again.
I'm turning into Nee. *Laughs*
I went to Hunter's last night for a New Year's Eve RPG. It was a lot of fun. We were doing a new roleplay based on Ghost in the Shell. It was awesome. My character is a Cat Girl Pirate-Hacker ^_^ I had to leave early, so I left her for Hunter to use. Hope he didn't kill her >.>
Anywho, Aimee's dad is doing very well, which makes her happy, which makes me happy. So yea. I'm happy.
Love you all. (Especialy Nee)
~Caro
3 disappointments |
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2004 30 December :: 7.07pm
Add two more to the death toll. It now consists of (In cronological order):
1. Aimee's dad (Dying)
2. Megabyte
3. Tess's Aunt
4. Kat's Great Grandmother, the one person in her family who understood her.
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2004 29 December :: 7.10pm
I am now the proud owner of pants that aren't black.
Kate was just here. We had loads of fun. It's cool to actually get to see her. We talk on the phone all the time, but we don't really get to see eachother. So it's great when we do. Yah.
Pretty much all I had to say.
~Caro
1 disappointment |
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2004 26 December :: 8.01pm
Well, feeling a thousand times better. I guess the holliday cheer finally got to me.
Dude. Two best prsents: a hat with cat ears on it *Squees* and my grandmum got me and my sister iPod minis! *DANCE* She like spent all her gift money on getting them for me and Aimee. We were totaly not expecting them and our jaws kind of dropped when we opened the package with the "holy shit" look on our faces. They're pink. (Not my first choice, but hell, I'm not complaining.)
I'm starting to adjust to Meg not being here, though once again when all of us retuned from being out, I expected to go to the bottom of the stairs and see Meg sitting at the top of the stairs, waiting to see if we were really home. I haven't cried about her in three days, which is major progress.
I might get to see Kelly tomorrow or the next day.Yea.
I'm going to a party at Kat's for New Years. That should be fun.
Yea.
Love you all.
~Caro
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2004 24 December :: 8.41pm
So I went to mass with mum dad 'n aim. It turned out we was an hour early, yah. I started sobbing at some point in that time and had to come home. So here I am, alone, with no way to contact Nee. WHICH SUCKS. And mum and dadare probly gonna be home soon, so I won't be able to talk then. MOTHERFUCKINGHELL.
~Caro
4 disappointments |
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2004 24 December :: 8.40pm
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2004 24 December :: 8.36pm
I know who's voice it was now.
Alex.
It was Alex.
~Caro
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2004 24 December :: 8.33pm
You are night, you are dark and mysterious, you have more than likly been through some kind of truma, depression. you have a creative mind, and more than likly find peace enjoyment in drawing, painting, writing. You are closed and hidden away from people, and hide you emotions behind a wall which you use on people. Try to become more open, spread your creativity, you have no idea of how many people there are out there like you, exposing your art and yourself can make other people come out, so many people would look up to your for your courage and your spirit, your not evil or bad, just missunderstood, so get out there and show them just what you are made of, don't worry about what other people think, it's what you think that really matters. Please rate this quiz!!!
What Element Would You Rule Over If You Were A Vampire? brought to you by Quizilla
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2004 23 December :: 1.08pm
:: Mood: blah
New layout. Hope you all like it. I do. I should probably post the poem I wrot that inspired the last two layouts, and possibly more to come. I'll do that at the botom of this entry.
Mandi couldn't help last night. And I figured out who's voice it was. Alex. It was Alex's voice. He hasn't said anything since. That worries me somewhat.
I'm really, really tired. Like, really tired. It sucks. I need to stop crying about Meg, 'cause it's gonna ruin Christmas for everyone. So I'm gonna shut up and be brave. Buah.
Haven't heard anything from Nee lately.
Okay. I need to go now. See you all later.
~Caro
And so the story ends my friend,
It is more,
This is the end.
I smile upon your lifeless body,
Sword in hand.
I see your blood,
the incarnadine hue that I love.
Ah, to see your blood spilt at last,
by my hand,
by my hand.
I laugh,
Laugh at your spirit as it reluctantly leaves its useless pathetic shell.
Yes,
You were always pathetic,
always useless.
I turn from this scene of death and damage,
Smiling still.
Leaving for you
A rose,
That same incarnadine color,
The color of my love for you.
4 disappointments |
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2004 22 December :: 7.06pm
:: Mood: weird
gah
Soooooooo...
Cried about my dog again today.
I went to Petsmart and got a dog tag just like hers, which said "Hi! I'm Megabyte Pert" Then our address and phone number.
Mine says "In loving memory of Megabyte Pert"
It made me cry. I don't wanna cry anymore. I hate crying. I hate it. It makes me feel weak and helpless, just like I really am. Weak and pathetic, just like I really am. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like feeling weak. I like to try and pretend that I'm not, and I do a pretty good job of hiding from myself sometimes. And when I cry, the mask breaks off and shatters.
For some reason a thought just popped into my head. I just heard of voice saying franticly, "I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die..."
What the fuck.
There it is again. It keeps playing in my head! What the fuck! Just like music stuck in your head. "I don't wanna die I don't wanna die!" Gah! Somebody help me! Please!
Gotta call mandi. She can help, I know she can.
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