~Jennyfer~

:: 2004 27 August :: 9.14pm

i dont know whats rong with me. i cant seem to figure myself out. one second im thinking one thing. the next totally diff. im driving myself insane, i cant imagine how ne one else feels about me. i dont know what i want, i dont know what i need, and most importantly i dont know what to do. its crazi and i feel so weird. i jst hope i can sort through all this soon.

on a diff. note.... two people i USED to have a relationship with, then got into a huge fite with... have been treatin me relly nice and staring at me wen i walk by, wen im sittin in class, and wen im talking to friends. i dont understand it. for years, i wondered why the hell i ever liked either one of them. today i reliezed it. wen its jst me talkin to them and we arent fiting, they are relly nice and i smile wenever i talk to them. then i remember the shit they put me through and i want to punch them.
yet another case of my not knowing wat i want.

ive been trying to be more outgoing, happy, and not shy. im talking to new people, laughing and having fun. another part of me is so sad that i could cry all day. then another part wants to jst scream and kick sum1s ass. so as u can see, my mind is spinning. all the tests ive had also, havent done any good to the situation either.

jennyfer

:: 2004 27 August :: 7.47pm

ive jst had a major break through. ive read sumthing and reliezed that wat has happened in the past few days, is definitly good. i was mad a few minutes ago wen i read it. now i reliezed, that why shud i b with sum1 whos such as ass as to even think about riting that? im good. and acually these last 2 days have been a lot happier than ive been in a LOOONNNNGGG time. no worrying, no drama, no ridiculous conversasions. jst hanging out with my friends, doin bad on tests(well minus that part acually), and having fun being myself with out a care in the world.

the all new, happier...
jennyfer.

yes, she is back. for good this time. b/c i wont fall for that shit anymore!

:: 2004 27 August :: 7.39pm

it really sucks wen sum1 you thought loved you turns out to be an ass. i relly dont think he ever cared about me.. now i read wat he REALLY thinks and it kills me. personally i couldnt b as much of an asshole as he is if i tried. this is why i dont trust guys. then they get mad i dont trust them. and they just turn out proving me totally rite. ugghhh.

4 *time been annoyed* | *annoy me here*

:: 2004 26 August :: 6.16pm

First Day
Still have to study for the YRIBW quiz so I'll try to make this quick...

Random: My popularity on AIM varies SO greatly from day to day. Sometimes I only talk to 1 or 2 people online, but today 5 people IMed me within a minute of me taking my away message down! All in all, I'd say I've talked to at least 10 different people within the past 2 hours...that's a lot for me!

Marching Band: We have a new clarinet! Whooo! She seems really quiet so far, but the more the merrier! We did absolutely nothing but get a 'you are all slobs' lecture from Ferrucci and then warm up for like an hour. Played through NCD ONCE. Soooo productive...

Algebra II: Teacher seems nice, young and cheerful, but the class is SCARY. I'm SOOO not used to regular math! There are all of these huge seniors who are intimidating and probably dumb as dirt. Eeeeek! Christiana and Sara will save me...right? I'm also glad that they're in the class becuase that makes 3 of us who'll be late because of marching band. Her late policy is strict, but we'll see how that goes... The class seems ridiculously easy.

MEHAP: Wangsness is cool. Should be an interesting class because of the people in it... Yay for Shrina and I being history buddies again!

Chorale: W00000000T!!! Soooo hyper in this class. Problem: there are only 4 guys. IF YOU KNOW OF ANY GUYS WITH A FREE 3RD OR A WAY TO SWITCH INTO CHORALE, ENCOURAGE THEM TO DO SO! Should be a fun class. We have lots of Girls Ensemble pride. Heeheee. New girl from New York seems cool.

Lunch: Yay for the 500 wing crowd! REUNITED!

French III: Mme Youatt called me for role as 'Melissa? Ou est la belle Melissa?' I was so flattered! Very nice of her. Someone slap me, though, because I might develop another nerdy person crush. Like REALLY nerdy. (Not Naveene.) Sarah, Sara, Rachel, Amanda, and lots of others are in this class. Yay!

World Lit H: There are 38 people in this class. Good Lord! Strange people for an honors class, too. Not sure why a few people are in there... Molly, Ali, Christiana, Shrina, and others are in the class. :-)

Chemistry: Mr. Babb is interesting... Gotta love the "Chem is the most fun thing you can do with your clothes on" quote. Michelle is in the class with me!! JOY! (Along with Alexandra, Emily, Shrina...)

That's all for now. Gotta make a good impression in english even though Ms. Bonnano is apparently easy...

:: 2004 25 August :: 9.28pm

Pics from Band Camp!
http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Marching! (Our lines are horrible, but it�s only the first week!)

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Christiana and me in the pool!

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Lisa and I waiting to entertain people with our choreographed, sexy diving board act

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Learning to march on Day 1 (hot freshman aka Lane second from the left)

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Mr. Florendo looking confused as he talks to our parents and friends during our performance.

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Center pull? Look at those bee-yootiful, bright green shorts!

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Oh yeah! 2 clarinets and the drum major (an ex clarinet) winning the drill down!

http://www.la.mvla.net/Curric/Per_Arts/InstMusic/MarchingBnd/2004/Pics/bandcamp/
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Circle drill!

:: 2004 25 August :: 8.27pm

Found: Brush
While cleaning out my backpack from last year, I found a large, square, periwinkle hairbrush with brown hair in it. This must have been from a loooong time ago. Is it yours?

:: 2004 25 August :: 3.54pm

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME... I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!

:: 2004 25 August :: 3.51pm
:: Mood: crying once again today

omg.. i relly dont know what to do with myself. i was so depressed and tired today. i miss how things were a week ago. everything was perfect. i miss him so much already i cant seem to bare it.
i was jst about over it last time.. i moved on, and i was doing good. then it started over again and for the second time he's done it to me. i cant stop the tears. its not fair.. i didnt do anything rong.

:: 2004 25 August :: 12.23am
:: Mood: discontent

Realizations
1. I will have no time to shop for a back to school outfit.
2. I don't really care about the above realization! I know that I have friends who'll support me no matter what I wear, SO WHY THE HELL EVEN GO SHOPPING FOR THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?!
3. I'm not going to have a new backpack for the beginning of this school year because I'm picky and we're ordering one online.
4. Crap! I actually kind of care about that one!
5. I have random bouts of ADD. This may not be clinically accurate, but I'm having an awfully hard time focusing on Niccolo's Smile for more than 45 minutes at a time...
6. I don't really know where my classes are. I'm not going to have time to walk my schedule before the first day of school. I'm kind of worried about this.
7. Why the hell is it like 20 degrees colder by the computer than anywhere else in the house?
8. I went skinny dipping last night. No really, I did.
9. I want to be in a concert band...NOW.
10. I had no idea Paige treated Molly and me so differently. That kind of creeps me out.

:: 2004 24 August :: 9.08pm

WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY LIFE SUCKS.

:: 2004 24 August :: 8.01pm

omg i dont know what to do. im shaking and crying... read this:

Holy crap....during 3rd period....Matt Fewox started telling me how much he loves me and always has. He said that he was really depressed when I broke up with him sophomore year. He said that through all his recent relationships....I was all he could think about. Like....What would have happened if he asked me out 20 minutes before Kenny did freshman year. Would it have changed out friendship now??? He was scarring me just a lil'. I didn't know he had so much feelings for me. I thought that he didn't like me whatsoever anymore. He's like.....I have many friends....but you're my best friend, am I glad that we got to know each other these past few years. He said that I'm constantly running through his mind. I'm all that he can think about. I was the first person that he truely loved. And he's like....Krystal, no matter what girl I'm with or ever have been with, I will always love you. Whether it be a relationship or a friendship I will love you. Also, he's like....I prayed everyday that you and Kenny didn't make it. I prayed that I'd get you.
.....and so on....for the whole entire freaking period....

^ thats from sum1 elses journal...

:: 2004 24 August :: 7.33pm
:: Mood: ehhh..
:: Music: people talking. not in the mood to listen to anything

jst clearing my mind.
Dear you,
When we're alone, everything is great. We laugh, we talk, and most of all have fun just being together. Then we get to school and I'm no one. Only saying very few words the entire day I feel as if I'm not wanted. Like I'm just tagging alone beside you as you laugh and joke with everyone else. You say "I Love You" everytime we part. But do you really mean it? If you love me so much why do you only show it when we are alone? I never know what I'm to do when this happens. Do I leave you alone and let you do your own things? Even though all I want is to be with you? You make me laugh, you make me cry. You can make me smile with just one glance. All I want is to feel like I'm needed and wanted. I love you with all my heart, like no one I've every met before.

:: 2004 23 August :: 9.54pm

it scares me when i take a personality quiz and get the results and they are like so incredibly like me its not funny. the one i jst took PERFECTLY described me.

on another note. my day had its ups and downs. didnt relly do much in any class except talk about the hurricane. towards the afternoon i was feeling EXTREMLY happy. then i had a class wit no air conditioning so my mood got a little worse, and then got better once i stepped outside. wen i started the ridiculous spanish hw my mood went downhill but never went back up. band practice sucked. the locker room is a mess and some1 hit me in the head wit a case. then other things i cant talk about upset me to the point at which i was holding back my tears. now im here... smellly, tired, and achin( my arms from holding the flute up w/o stoppin for so long).
im goin to take a shower. laterz.
jennyfer

:: 2004 23 August :: 3.59pm

Survey
I FINISHED THE PRINCE!! WHOOOOO!!! I also have spiffy notes and the chance to discuss answers with people today. Yay!

So what time is it now!? SURVEY TIME!!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Melissa Charlene (fill in the blank)
2. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 15
3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the hum of the water pressure from the hose
4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER? 8443 or 1137
5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? NuGo bar (nutrition...to go!)
6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? bright blue
7. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Alexandra about MEHAP
8. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? everything
9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? i love her!
10. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? quite stressed. hoping to finish MEHAP homework, that my voice lesson goes well, and that i have enough energy to party for the third day in a row
11. FAVORITE DRINK? water
12. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINk? fuzzy navels (wine cooler)
13. FAVORITE SPORTS? marching band!!! gymnastics and swimming are fun to watch.
14. HAIR COLOR? blonde
15. EYE COLOUR? hazel
16. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes
17. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGES? none
18. FAVORITE MONTH AND Y? last year it was october because of homecoming and marching band...december is good too...christmas and vacation
19. FAVORITE FOOD? pesto pasta
20. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? de-lovely
21. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? depends
22. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? nope.
23. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer, but i like winter clothes better
24. HUGS OR KISSES? both! hugs, though
25. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? relationships
26.CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? chocolate
27. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK? not the entire survey as a comment...
28. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? okay, this is just for e-mail people
29. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO? n/a
30. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? (lisa's answer)im not hella neat but im not messy lol...house w/ mom, mom's boyfriend, bird, 2 cats, tortoise
31. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? next up is Niccolo's Smile
32. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? a picture of 2 cats who look like Skittles and Mr. M. I got it from my mentor the day i was confirmed
33. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? church pool party at my house, bought The Prince and a gift for Sarah, celebrated my mom's birthday, started The Prince, watched Olympics...
34. FAVORITE SMELLS? lemons, rain, cucumber melon...
35. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE? only if i squish my nose down
36. WHAT INSPIRES YOU? (lisa's answer:) JEFF HAYMAN MY IDOL AND MY SEX GOD success, watching people better than me
37. BUTTERED, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN? depends if i'm dieting or not...yeah for salted and buttered
38. FAVORITE CAR? Y? tiny, baby blue BMW convertable...it's pretty!
39. FAVORITE FLOWER? rose
40. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? 1 (house key)
41. CAN YOU JUGGLE? no
42. FINAL WORDS? (lisa's answer:)JEFF I LOVE YOU... PLEASE LET MY VOICE LESSON BE BETTER THAN 2 WEEKS AGO!!