My Journal

:: 2005 15 October :: 9.27pm
:: Mood: Peaceful
:: Music: Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton.

Sabbiticle
"...time can bring you down, time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, if you beg it please, beg it please. Beyond the door, there's peace I'm sure. And I know, there'll be no more tears in Heaven. Would you know my name, if I saw you in heaven? Would you be the same, if I saw you in heaven? I must be strong, and carry on, 'cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven." -Eric Clapton, Tears in Heaven

Yes, I am on a sabbiticle. I can say with sincerity my sword has remained sheathed for one week as of four thirty tomorrow morning. It is an exercise in discipline for me. My tendancy is fight, not flight, and all too often I almost get myself killed this way. Don't get me wrong, I want to die by the sword, but as the colored man in gladiator said, "Not yet, not yet..."

Later.

alastar

:: 2005 15 October :: 12.24pm

Eyes blurred and closed.

Hit pause, rewind.

Back was the first thing to rise. Brain soaked up blood from matted hair and tile like a sponge, and pieces of bone worked themselves back into position in the skull. Skin stitched itself together. Head followed a crooked neck followed a broken back off of the floor. With torso in the air, thighs and arms followed and drug feet and hands across the tile. Body spun and unwrapped itself from the shower curtain. Hooks snapped back around the metal rod which unbent itself straight and fixed itself back into the wall. Shampoo flowed back into the bottles leapt back onto the shelves and arms and hands followed them. Knees unbuckled and body untwisted. Water flew up out of the drain back into the shower head as feet hit the bottom of the bathtub. Body, waist, and neck straightened. Head turned toward the window.

Eyes opened and refocused.

What was that? What did I see out of that window?

alastar

:: 2005 15 October :: 11.08am

X-ray and scalpel

Push me drag me pull me open. (These are only thoughts.)

[1.]What happens when the knot Loosens; the pulley Snaps; the lock Breaks; the flood gates Open? What happens when it all comes crashing down?

[2.]What happens when the dimes and nickles Land on their edges? Would you lay back down, would you stop fighting me?

[3.]What happens when the windows Turn into mirrors; the television screens Mutate into cameras? Would you finally see yourself?

What happens||what happens||what happens\\what if [I'm already falling apart; I'm already done fighting; I'm already staring at my reflection?]

Would you let your [2.]fist [1.]fall and take a [3.]look at yourself?

:: 2005 13 October :: 9.33pm
:: Mood: Cynical
:: Music: All the Love in the World, NIN

Love

You have DIVINE love, and it shows in every fiber
of you. If you havent yet graced someone with
your love, dont rush. Not everyone deserves
someone as wonderful as you are because they
dont understand your rarity, but when you find
someone who does you will lead a very full and
wonderful life.

What Type of Love Best Represents You?? (WONDERFUL anime pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

I am beset by the ironies of my life. Time and time again, I am told I am a rarity. a diamond amongst mere stone. And yet, the truth presents itself in the actions of women I encounter; I am simply not worthy of requited love. Indeed I do desire it, and indeed I do search for it, but only to meet rejection after rejection. This is not overly encouraging, but I have a whole world to travel.

"Those of you who suffer because of love, love still more; For to die of love is to live by it."

Later.

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alastar

:: 2005 13 October :: 9.12pm
:: Music: The Mars Volta - The Widow

Results

I'm pulling a pickaxe and shovel through graveyard dirt to gather all of your ghosts.

I'm running parasitic eyes and fingers across skin, leaving a trail of black on the hosts.

I'm dragging a barbed wire net through an abyss of boiling tar and memories.

I'm tugging fishing line and hooks through a lake of daydream nightmare reveries.

I'm scratching and biting with tooth and nail against your guns and knives with bullets and blades.

I'm licking every wound and naming the future scars after you and all my best mistakes.

I'm rolling rocks and snowballs down this mountain side, trying to cause an avalanche.

I'm swimming through fire, gravel, and sand to a distant island formed of volcanic ash.

This will be over soon. It'll all be over soon.

:: 2005 13 October :: 12.58pm

Okay, last night was Powder Puff practice last night, Becky and I went.. good times.

After that I went over Jims house for a little bit.. then I stopped at GE to get bread and milk. I got home about 9:30.

Today is PSSA tutoring again.. gayyyy. I'm taking Roxy and Merry home, and Krysta and I have to work on our projects for English. GAyyyyy. But anyways.. the internet will be hooked up on Monday for my new computer. I'm so excited!

k, see ya!
Jena

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aerii

:: 2005 12 October :: 5.34pm

monica you called me!! tell me your freaking phone number bitch!!

lasdhfoabjlkahagklhsdfojd

<3

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:: 2005 12 October :: 12.03pm
:: Mood: amused

lmao.. freshmen make me laugh.

especially when they think that I care that they talk about me.

ahahaha. hahaha. haha.

I love it.

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What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

:: 2005 11 October :: 9.54am

Your Birthdate: January 27

Your birth on the 27th day of the month (9 energy) adds a tone of selflessness and humanitarianism to your life path.

Certainly, you are one who can work very well with people, but at the same time you need a good bit of time to be by yourself to rest and meditate.

There is a very humanistic and philanthropic approach in most of things that you do.

This birthday helps you be broadminded, tolerant, generous and very cooperative.

You are the type of person who uses persuasion rather than force to achieve your ends.

You tend to be very sensitive to others' needs and feelings, and you able to give much in the way of friendship without expecting a lot in return.

:: 2005 11 October :: 12.08am
:: Mood: Alive
:: Music: One day Remains, Alter Bridge

I know this is what you've been singing to me, sorry I ignored it for so long...
As your will is bent and broken
and every vision has been cast into the wind
as your courage crashes down before your eyes
don't lay down and die

'Cause I see in you
More than you'll ever know
And I ask you, "Why
You question the strength inside?"
And you need to know
How it feels to be alive

When every wound has been re-opened
And in this world of give and take, you must have faith
And the distance to your dreams stretch beyond reach
Don't lay down and die
No

Cause I see in you
More than you'll ever know
And I ask you, "Would
You question the strength inside?"
And you need to know
How it feels to be alive...

How it feels
How it feels to be alive...
How it feels
How it feels to be alive...
How it feels
How it feels to be alive...

Cause I see in you
More than you'll ever know
And I ask you, "Would
You question the strength inside?"
And you need to know
How it feels to be alive...
How it feels to be alive...

Later.

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:: 2005 10 October :: 11.31am

I bought a computer.
It's a 2005, HP.. I got a 17" monitor.. I'm calling to connect the internet today.

I'll update more later.

<33333

Lots of drama with Jim and I last night.

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aerii

:: 2005 7 October :: 4.52pm

OMFingG.

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:: 2005 7 October :: 3.37pm
:: Mood: PSYCHO!!!! cocaine, cocain, crazy!

"Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow." Oscar Wilde, 1854-1900...May your soul rest in peace..."es".

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:: 2005 7 October :: 3.35pm
:: Music: The chicken dance...IN TECHNO FORM!!!

Wow...this is getting habitual (hah, if you say habitual and take of "ha" and "ual" you say BITCH!!!!!!! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

You are beyond help. Congratulations,
congratulations, congratulations, and welcome
to the mind of the we. Just remember, your
logic is flawless. (No matter what those idiots
at therapy say.)

How much mental help do you need?(With anime pics)(For screwed up minds only)
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