SeraphimRhapsody
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2005 8 May :: 11.46pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: A Girl Worth Fighting For ~Mulan ~Disney
ladykiller
So tired.
No studying. None. Not matter?
Gotta learn history.
And find those english notes on those books....
I download about 130 Disney songs. ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY!! Crazy.
Realy hope they can't track me.
*relives Disney memories*
One more week...
One more week..
Youth Orchestra gave me 2 trophies! o.0 I feel kinda bad.
With love
~*~
Never look back.
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SeraphimRhapsody
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2005 2 May :: 10.48pm
:: Mood: hasn't hit me yet
:: Music: the new songs LimeWire gave me
we are who we are when
4/28 was the last test of my high school career. It was a Calculus Mock.
Today was the last day of high school. Last actual full day with meaningful classes and teachers and all the kids and all. I might go on Friday. But it just won't be the same.
It's really weird. Today was the last day I'll eat food from the cafeteria. The last time I'll eat at the top tier with the other seniors. The last percussion class with my boys. It's a mildly upsetting feeling to know that they're moving on without me.
Grad Nite was Friday. Bus with Anderson and the regulars. Kinda not happy. 5 hours up. Tough. Went around the park with Amanda, Lauren, Amalia, Anderson, Gabe, and Chris (don't ask). It was SO MUCH FUN! There was like no wait for the rides! We ran through the line set-up at Pirates of the Carribean. Skipped through the line set-up for Splash Mountain. We did Splash Mountain twice. The second time I even did it with one arm up! And both up for all the little ones! ALL! So proud. Took lots of pics at Small World and some illegal ones from Peter Pan. Haunted Mansion rocked my socks. Thunder Mountain broke right before we got on. Philharmagic was really cute. Singing along rocked.
There was just something uber cool about running through Magic Kingdom at 2 in the morning with your friends and a whole bunch of seniors listening to Yellowcard play live.
We met some kids from Mass. For some reason I thought this was just FL. Was pretty weird seeing kids who actually flew in for this. Crazy stuff. Bought a whole bunch of pins. Awesome Grad Nite pin!
5 hour drive back. KILLER. So much pain. -.-
3 hours sleep. Up for Ensemble Concert. Played all 3 ensembles...interesting improvs but the crowd loved it.
I feel.....so out of place. So awkward. So left-out. It's like middle school and I hate it. Like I don't fit in with anyone. They have nothing to write me. Nothing to say to me. I realize I haven't ever really been myself. I realize I don't even know what myself really is. I'm too afraid from past experiences and how people reacted then. And then I see the girls acting like how I used to then and....resent not being open anymore. But I was hurt so many times already...can you blame me? No one would even help me take my truck down the slope I was that despised. They looked down on me like I was diseased. Do you know what it's like to feel that way?
I realize that I can't go four years keeping ties with the same people. They're gone. I doubt they'll want to keep up with me.
Still hurts so much. And people think I don't care what others think about me. A curse. Curse me. Curse them. Die. And here I have to grow. Oh goodness, I forgot about going back to say hi to the nurses. I guess I will have to go Friday.
And still my yearbook is filled with messages I don't dare read. What does this mean?
Are they fake? I suppose so...but which? How many? Surely not all...
So many signs pointing noways and allways and upways and sideways. I don't know what to do or what to believe.
I hope the summer is as much hanging out and fun as I picture in my head. Parties every week? Times spent with all of them? Getting to know the most obscure peoples even a little better? But as the one signature said, "What does it matter? I leave in a few months anyway and it's not like I would've kept in touch anyway. I'll forget that they ever existed and then what does it matter? I won't keep in touch with any of the people from high school anyway."
Bittersweet? Pessimistic. All I ever predicted. Maybe.....is that why I can never open myself truthfully? To people I tried so hard to get close to? I still expected to leave them? Fear of abandonment?!? WTH. That can't be true.
*Le Sigh*
IB Exams start tomorrow. Start. Tomorrow. TOMORROW. TOMORROW!!!
*sigh* It hasn't hit me yet. Will it ever? Meh. I dunno. Guess it doesn't matter anymore. Ah, I can only predict the relief I will feel when these are done.
Tomorrow is Calculus.
Crappy. Random burst of sharing emotion. Must be the 'late night' and stress from all the anticipating.
*continues to free-fall down the abyss and waits to feel the KER-SPLAT of the coolcoolbrimstone*
4 glances |
Never look back.
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Beagle147
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2005 26 April :: 10.11pm
:: Mood: distressed
Sasha had her surgery today. I know that's a good thing, because she hadnt been using her leg, and it was beginning to lose muscle mass, but still.. She's in really bad shape right now. She cried the whole way home from the vet. She was still very much under the anesthesia, but I'm not sure how much pain medicine they gave her. I'm giving her stuff at home, but I dont know that it's enough. She has tons of trouble getting around, and she cries a lot. She can't lie still for too long, but she can't really get up. Her whole back left leg is shaved, as well as about 3 inches on each of her front legs for the IV. And she has a pretty large incision with staples. It's pretty much exactly how it was before, except her back wasn't shaved for the pain patch. I told the vet this morning to have her microchipped, but she wasn't. Oh well. Dr. Boss asked if I wanted it done right then, but I told him no. She looked so miserable, I wasn't about to have them give her another shot on top of it.
It just makes me so upset to see her in this much pain. She's like a child. But there's nothing I can do for her. Sometimes she lies down on the wrong side and really gets a lot of pain, but she has such trouble getting up, she'll sit there for a few minutes, lying on her injured leg, until she can gather enough strength to get up to lie on her other side.
She's finally pretty sound asleep. There's no way I'm going to wake her up to go to bed, she can sleep in the family room tonight. She gets her staples out next friday afternoon, and then after that I have to start doing physical therapy with her. I really hate that we don't have a pool, because that would be the best thing for her. And they closed the dog beach. There's nowhere she can swim. : ( She will get better though. It will be a few weeks, but she'll be in less pain than she was before, even though she's in so much pain now. It's a normal reaction to the surgery, keeping in mind that they sawed off part of her bone, it's just tough to watch, knowing that I can't really do anything to help her.
1 glance |
Never look back.
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Beagle147
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2005 26 April :: 9.16pm
Stolen from Kristen
Which IB Book are you?
Yay! Calc is my favorite subject!
Never look back.
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SeraphimRhapsody
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2005 26 April :: 8.38pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: Until the Day I Die ~Story of the Year
rip my paper heart
Couldn't resist bringing this one back....it is almost over!
Which IB Book are you?
PHEW! I've gotten LimeWire since like...half a week. I already went through downloading all the good songs from all 18 of the NOW! Greatest Hits and just now finished surfing through a certain someone's journal because their musical taste is AWESOME! ^_______^
*happiness*
with love....
~*~
Never look back.
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Beagle147
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2005 25 April :: 11.23pm
Stolen from Amanda
x next to the ones you've seen, add your own at the end.
(x)Napoleon Dynamite
( )Saw
( )White Noise
( )White Oleander
( )Anger Management
(x)50 First Dates
( )Jason X
(x)Scream
(x)Scream 2
( )Scream 3
(x)Scary Movie
(x)Scary Movie 2
( )Scary Movie 3
(x)American Pie
(x)American Pie 2
(x)American Wedding
(x)Harry Potter
(x)Harry Potter 2
(x)Harry Potter 3
( )Resident Evil I
( )Resident Evil 2
(x)The Wedding Singer
(x)Little Black Book
(x)The Village
( )Donnie Darko
(x)Lilo & Stitch
(x)Finding Nemo
(x)Finding Neverland
( )13 Ghosts
( )Signs
(x)The Grinch
( )Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( )White Chicks
( )Butterfly Effect
( )Thirteen going on 30
( )I Robot
( )Dodgeball
( )Universal Soldier
( )A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( )Along Came A Spider
( ) Deep impact
(x)KingPin
(x)Never Been Kissed
(x)Meet The Parents
( )Meet The Fockers
(x)Eight Crazy Nights
(x)A Cinderella Story
(x)The Terminal
(x)The Lizzie McGuire Movie
(x)Passport to Paris
(x)Dumb & Dumber
( )Dumb & Dumberer
( )Final Destination
( )Final Destination 2
( )Halloween
(x)The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( )Harold & Kumar (white castle)
( )Practical Magic
(x)Chicago
( )Ghost Ship
( )From Hell
( )Hellboy
(x)Secret Window
( )I Am Sam
( )The Whole Nine Yards
( )The Day After Tomorrow
(x)Child's Play
( )Bride of Chucky
(x)Ten Things I Hate About You
(x)Just Married
( )Gothika
( )A Nightmare on Elm Street
(x)Sixteen Candles
( )Bad Boys 2
( )Joy Ride
( )Seven (SE7EN)
(x)Oceans Eleven
( )Oceans Twelve
( )Identity
( )Lone Star
(x)Bedazzled
( )Predator I
( )Predator II
(x)Independence Day
(x)Cujo
( )A Bronx Tale
( )Darkness Falls
( )Christine
(x) ET
( )Children of the Corn
( )My boss' daughter
(x)Maid in Manhattan
( )Frailty
( )Best bet
(x)How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x)She's All That
( )Calendar Girls
(x)Sideways
( )Mars Attacks (Dumbest movie ever...)
( )Event Horizon
(x)Ever after
(x)Forrest Gump
( )Big Trouble in Little China
(x)X-men 1
(x)X-men 2
( )Jeepers Creepers
( )Jeepers Creepers 2
(x)Catch Me If You Can
( )The Others
( )Freaky Friday
( )Reign of Fire
(x)Cruel Intentions
(x)The Hot Chick
( )Swimfan
( )Miracle
(x)Old School
( )Ray
( )The Notebook
(x)K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x)A Walk to Remember
( )Boogeyman
( )Hitch
( )Back Door Sluts 9
( )The Fifth Element
(x)Star wars episode I
(x)Star wars episode II
(x)Star wars episode IV
(x)Star wars episode V
(x)Star wars episode VI
( )Troop Beverly Hills
( )Swimming with Sharks
(x)Trainspotting
( )People under the stairs
( )Blue Velvet
(x)Sound of music
(x)Parent Trap
( )The Burbs
( )SLC Punk
( ) Meet Joe Black
( )Wild girls
( )A Clockwork Orange
( )The Order
(x)Spiderman
(x)Spiderman 2
(x)Amelie
(x)Mean Girls
(x)Shrek
(x)Shrek 2
(x)The Incredibles
( )Collateral
(x)The Fast & The Furious
( )2 Fast 2 Furious
(x)Sky Captain & The World of Tomorrow
( )Closer
(x)The Sixth Sense
(x)Artificial intelligence
(x)Love actually
( )Shutter
( )Ella Enchanted
(x)Princess diaries 1
(x)Princess diaries 2
( )the graduate
( )Constantine
( )Million Dollar Baby
(x)Godzilla
(x)Phantom of the Opera
Never look back.
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Beagle147
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2005 24 April :: 1.10am
:: Mood: tired
Stolen from Amanda...real entry coming soon
NAME THE LAST PERSON WHO:
x. Slept in your bed: Person? Me. Anything else...Sasha
x. Saw you cry: Umm...it's been a while. I don't remember
x. Made you cry: Stress
x. You shared a drink with: A real drink? Myself after my english oral
x. You went to the movies with: Amanda, Amalia and Mike after Prom
x. You went to the mall with: Krystle
x. Yelled at you: Parentals
x. Sent you an email: Ms. Kelly....wow, I'm a loser
HAVE YOU EVER. . .
x. Said "I Love You" and meant it?: Yes
x. Gotten in a fight with your pet: Tonight I fought with my cat over whether my dinner was mine or hers
x. Been to California: No
x. Been to Hawaii: No
x. Been to Mexico: No
x. Been to China: No
x. Been to Canada: No
x. Danced naked: Ummm....no.
x. Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Not that I can recall.
x. Wish you were the opposite sex: Absolutely, guys have it so much easier.
x. Had an imaginary friend: I had an imaginary dog when I was little. It was a dalmatian.
x. Do you have a crush on someone: Not someone "real" Only Gerard. o.~
x. What book are you reading now: I'm actually not reading anything now. Taking some time off from anything "intellectual" that doesnt involve school.
x. Worst feeling in the world: Embarassment/guilt
x. Future son's name: Definitely Nathan.
x. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: No, I sleep with my cat. She even takes naps with me in the afternoon. : )
x. Favorite sport to watch: Football or Curling
x. Siblings: Will
x. Location: What location? Where I live? Florida
x. Piercings: Ears, kinda. Left one keeps closing up. I'll fix it eventually.
EXTRA STUFF
x. Do you do drugs: No
x. Do you drink: On occaision.
x. Who is your best friend: Don't really have one. I tend not to rank relationships.
x. What clothes do you sleep in: Flannel PJ pants and some t-shirt. Whatever's lying around...literally.
x. Where do you want to get married: Disney World
x. Who do you really hate: Hate's a pretty strong word. No one comes to mind, so I guess that means I don't hate anyone. I get pissed at people a lot, but I dont really think I hate anyone.
x. Been in Love: No
x. Do you drive: Every day...it's starting to get annoying. For goodness sake, it's the 21st century...when are we going to invent teleporting?
x. Do you have a job: Yes, and I'm trying to get a second.
x. Do you like being around people: Most of the time
x. Are you for world peace: What is this, Miss America? It's a nice idea, but I don't think it will happen anytime soon.
STUFF
x. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with: Of course. I usually have some celebrity crush.
x. Have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did: In middle school.
x. Do you have a "type" of person you always go after: Hot. Haha, just kidding...kind of. I usually like people that would be good "relationship" material.
x. Want someone you don't have right now: Gerard!
x. Are you lonely right now: Lonely? Not really.
x. Song that's stuck in your head a lot: I'm too tired to have a song in my head.
x. Do you want to get married: Yes
FAVORITE
x. Room in house: I guess the family room? My house isn't really in rooms...it's kinda open. And my room is too messy for me to like it.
x. Type(s) of music: Classic rock
x. Band(s): at the moment: The Beatles
x. Color: Blue
x. Perfume or cologne: This perfume I got in Aruba
x. Month: July..or December
x. Stone: Opal
IN THE LAST WEEK, HAVE YOU...
x. Cried: No
x. Bought something: Hahahahahahaha....yes.
x. Gotten sick: No
x. Sang: Yes
x. Wanted to tell someone you loved them: No
x. Met someone new: Yes
x. Hugged someone: Yes, today even! I'm making progress.
Never look back.
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SeraphimRhapsody
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2005 21 April :: 12.39am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: "Holiday" ~Green Day
hominid evolution does not like lighter fluid!
Yeah, all right all right, you want an actual update?
Not much is going on.....Okay maybe everything is going on.
States was awesome! Can't believe Andrei and I forgot to have our show down!! We'll just have to have it next Monday at the final MAO meeting....MUAHAHAHAHA It can be the focal point. Poor Andrei... ^^
Senior Celebrations was kinda close to what I expected. Then again not close.. Everyone getting a gift was pretty cool, though the gifts could be a bit more equal...still becomes a game of luck and whatnot. The video was AWESOME! Absolutely loved it! Everyone did a wonderful job on it! Valmere and her crew did excellent on the picture collage as well, very happy with it. I loved seeing everyone dressed up all pretty! The dance was interesting....but eh, kinda fun. It was Danny's 18th birthday!
Okay, the stuff that's just me. I've been sick. Kinda weird sick. Not sick sick. Monday coming home from States I was kinda....not feeling too well. Figured it was just exhaustion from the four days. Kinda crashed Monday after school and went straight to bed. I was shacking and tossing and burning up but cold and just so ill... Tried to get up Tuesday but it just wasn't happening. Planned to go in for the chem test and....I just couldn't do it. I'd have little periods of feeling okay but then I'd just shake and it'd feel like, to quote, "my blood is hurting me." Like I'd be uber sensitive and ache-ing and pained. I decided to spend Tuesday sleeping and then running through some get-better-quick-methods so I could manage through Senior Celebrations. It was still pretty rough. Shaking through dinner. Dizzy and ill through the rest of it. Never seems to be enough water. Partways through last night it was *snap* all better. I actually slept nicely. Went through the morning and all that. But slowly through school I was just....eh. Was wondering if I'd get through the concert.
(Yeahyeah too much info...ah well...just saving up for the times I don't update.)
On that note: my solo couldn't be played because of the accompanist. She wasn't able to sight-read my piano part as well as match my changing tempos (which I change personally). Certainly no one would be able to do that in 2 run throughs. I was pretty not happy....but it was a relief. Still would've liked to play it at my last Percussion Concert. (And of course I didn't have the piece down perfectly which was also a reason for cancelling) AND! The piano was a full half step flat. Sounded so bad..
Otherwise, my ensemble went pretty poorly. One of the worst perfomances of it we've done. But at least we didn't fall apart.
Never look back.
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