I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell, I know right now you can't tell

:: 2003 16 November :: 11.14 pm

I feel bitter. And I feel kinda bad for it, because I really shouldn't, but I do. I am bitter.

:: 2003 5 November :: 11.14 pm

dear you,
my aunt brenda is coming down tomorrow... but just for the day... she's not spending the night or anything... i asked! i didnt want her to be her this weekend, then that'll be bad! so i didnt ask my mom, cuz then my aunt brenda would know and then everyone in the world would know (she has a big mouth... actually everyone in my family does... they're very loud... my moms the quietest one outta my grandma's kids). and she doesnt forget either which is surprising cuz she's old and old ppl normally forget stuff, but whatever... hmm.. i just dont like questions... or answering the same ones fifty thousand times... *sigh* so thursday night... but i dont know when i'll get to talk to you again... and ur not on now :( and i dont know what time ur leaving if u come.. or if u actually do come which i hope u do... but its feeling like its not happening because there are so many unanswered questions... damn questions! *sigh*
but yay! now ur here!

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:: 2003 30 October :: 11.54 pm

oh patrick, u came and you brought me a turkey, on my vacation away from worky
hmm... i kinda feel like writing but i dont really have anything to write about. today was an ok day... actually for the most part it wasnt good, but then i went to work and it got better. i actually had a good time at work today and was in a good mood. i actually got scheduled in back area and i got to work with ashley, but then they switched me up front where i normally am which kinda sucked but oh well... and michelle was actually in a good mood or at least we were getting along tonight... hmm... actually we've been getting along a fair bit recently... hmm... we got this new guy... actually 2... the one is like 15... he's gotta be... but he looks like he's like 10 lol well thats all i know bout him. and the other guy eddie is from another store so he knows stuff... he seems nice/friendly... hmm yea so tomorrow's hallowe'en and i'm gonna go into work for breakfast(if i wake up in time) and see everybody dressed up and maybe take pics and then i gotta go back there later on to close with mark so that should be good... i'm gonna be a roadie! :o) yea... i'm cheap and boring... i'll just be wearing my own clothes... but portia said she'll stop by and visit me so yay! and i can take a pic of her dressed up lol and before i go to work i might go out trick or treating with my little cousin lisa... she's gonna be a puppy dog :o) she's 3 and oh so cute! i gotta see my little cousin eric sometime soon before he forgets about me... he prolly already has... he's 2 hmmm...
oh! and stupid worked scheduled me to work next friday even tho i booked it off... but don't you worry! i dont have to work it :o)
hmm that's all i got
portia left me.

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:: 2003 12 October :: 2.07 am

everything reminds me of you

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:: 2003 10 October :: 1.30 am

I think I'm getting sick again... now it's more of my nose as apposed to my throat like before.

Anyways... here's a pic of DAshboard Confessional when I saw them in Detroit a few days ago.

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:: 2003 30 September :: 11.55 pm

my family

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:: 2003 29 September :: 11.26 pm
:: Mood: freezing

Ella is back home now. Harry went to Russia to get her back. Because she had not been living in Canada for 5 yrs and didnt have her citizenship or whatever, she wasnt allowed back. They allowed her son to come back to his dad, but not her... but anyways, she's back now after a couple months and all's good.
Dale phoned tonight... aparently he just got outta the hospital. He was in for 4 days. He had something fall on him at work... it was really bad... stuff broken... but he's gonna live... wont be going to hockey for a while tho... I don't really know much of the details. He's always getting hurt :o( Bad luck maybe? or just kinda dumb? ... like him getting in those fights with all those guys... he's gotten beaten up pretty badly... but he still doesnt stop... hmm oh well he's a nice guy tho. His poor puppy dog has cancer too! :o( I feel really bad for him. I hope he'll be all better and back to his old self really soon.
Sooo... on to better news... in a few days i'm gonna be in windsor with Finger Eleven!!!!! And then a couple days later I'll be in Detroit with Dashboard Confessional!!!! :o) I'm sooo excited!!! I can't wait!!! :o)
Argh damn people!!! Don't beat around the bush, just tell me what you're trying to say! If you're trying to say you're horny, then say you're horny. If you're tring to find out if my friends are druggies and alcoholics, then just say it! I'm pretty open minded. Be blunt. Grrr!
Anyhoo I think my mom's feeling better.. she seems better at least... more calmer... crying has stopped... no more talk bout wanting to go to the hospital which is good. I've been comparing myself to her a lot recently... wondering what traits i got from her and what maybe i got from my father... *sigh* I wonder what he's like... I know I don't worry like my mom does and get anxious and have anxiety attacks like she was going through this weekend. She hasn't had them like that for a long time now... I remember when I was really young and going to the emergency room with her because she was getting really bad... I hope she doesn't go back on those pills she had been taking... hmm... oh but I was talking to Marc today and he said that my mom was really bad this weekend because she was worrying about me going away this weekend ... so basically it's my fault she feels like shit... I know that's not what he meant, but that's what I got out of it. :o(
Holy, it has taken me soo long to write just this... I've been destracted too much. But I don't think I want to write anymore so...
The End.

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:: 2003 18 September :: 11.37 pm

*sigh*

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:: 2003 2 September :: 1.18 am

the world's full of ignorant bastards!!!
and the majority of them are the ones in the churches who think they're all high and mighty and know everything, we'll guess what?! YOU DON'T! Everything written in that old book of yours isn't all facts and are not the laws of the society in which we live in! If the courts pass a law that allow gay couples to get married then that's the way it's gonna be... and that the way the socitey in this generation wants it to be... you don't have to throw a hissy fit because you don't like it and start crying on tv and quit ur job to focus all ur attention on fighting this (oh i'm talking bout u asshole), get with the times grandpa, it's a new world and we view things a hell of a lot different now... unlike when your little book was written... woman now work... men can stay home and take care of the kids... gay people are now acknowledged as human beings just like the rest of us goddammit! what kind of sense does it make to have being homosexual a sin?! it's not like you CHOOSE to be gay... if that was the case who would ever want to... you get made fun of... not allowed to do many things that normal straight people can do like bring a date to prom, get married, etc... it's not the ideal to choice to choose... saying being gay is a sin is just like saying having brown eyes is a sin... your eye colour is not something you choose, you're born with it... you shouldn't be tortured, excluded from something, or insulted by what colour your eyes are... People are born with a little "blueprint" (that's the word they called it in the documentary) which describes your ideal mate which you are attracted to... some guys may always be attracted to girls with blonde hair and blue eyes, some girls may always seem to be attracted to losers who dont have a job, are lazy, cheap, and dont treat u right (it happens), then there are people who are attracted to the same sex as them... they can't help... they don't choose too... just give them the rights everybody else has and leave them alone!

ok i think i'm done with my rant for tonight... i'll leave the hypocritical bastards for another night

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:: 2003 29 August :: 11.55 pm

this is the email i received today...
helo there u dont know me but u know my man larry and if i were u i'd stop talkin to him that is if u know whats best 4 u so dont talk to my man no more k bitch

Larry I love you more and more as the days pass. You are my world, my heart and my soul I love you.

*~*tw뮮 У ' *~*
(.)(.)
(----)
(")(")

I think I might have figured out who "Larry" is.... it's some guy I rarely ever talk to anymore... I had no idea his name was Larry... and that I was such a threat to his girlfriend... oh well... but he does have cool hair, it's red :o)

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:: 2003 28 August :: 9.53 pm

ugh i don't like being sick

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:: 2003 28 August :: 1.55 am

hmm...
just remembering back in the day... back as Skippy the travelling crack whore... good times... cant's remember how the theme song went tho...

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:: 2003 25 August :: 10.15 pm

bwat emailed me again and put my pics up :o)
tomorrow i'm going to canada's wonderland with ppl from work, so that should be cool and i'm excited but i really hope ppl dont wanna go swimming or at least not all of them because i hate my bathing suit, i dont wanna bring it, havent decided if i am or not... but it is soo ugly and i look like a friggin whale in it and my boobs barely stay in it... argh! i need a new bathing suit! and it's supposed to be really hot tomorrow too so ppl r gonna want to cool off... hmm.. i dunno... there's a chance it might rain/thunderstorm tomorrow too... argh! i should not worry bout it... what happens will happen... i just dont want to be the only one that doesnt bring a bathing suit... and sit alone by myself bored outta my mind... ok! i'm starting to think about this too much! tomorrow will be great! i always have lots of fun when i go there. i'm gonna bring my camera too :o)
uh oh i should go to sleep now (not like i'm actually gonna be able to sleep), but i need to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow...

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:: 2003 24 August :: 11.53 pm

sometimes you seem so quiet and I don't know why
so today was alright; much better than i thought it would be... Holly was really good, you could even let her off the leash and she'd be fine and stay with everybody(not run on the busy road)... AND without attacking/jumping up on them! And not all the people who could've shown up showed up which was good cuz then their coulda been like 60-70 ppl there.... there was only bout 30...
so the day was filled with lots of picture taking, eating/drinking, then more picture taking... we got a big pic taken of everyone... and i took a pic of my great uncle frank whom in the past we've never been able to get a good pic of, there'd always been like a tree branch or something in his face.
then some people went inside and watched the china dvd frank and dolores brought of their vacation there... others (like me) stayed outside and talked and saw aunt tammy's pics from their vacation to peurto rico or something like that, and she brought me and my cousin steph (and prolly brooke too i just didnt see hers) a necklace back which was very nice and thoughtful of her :o)
hmm... then some ppl left... then we went inside when we got too cold... then the majority of the ppl who were still here left... we looked at some pics/talked/played guitar then stopped when horrible ppl (kenny) started singing then after the last ppl went home (not including jay and steph), we talked a bit more when deciding upon a movie... we watched "meet my parents" then i drove them home.
... that was my day.

tomorrow jay's gonna help me put my cd player in my car :o)

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