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2003 1 February :: 1.11 am
FUCK!!!
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2003 28 January :: 1.05 am
hmmm
People seem to be surprised when they find out what kind of music I listen too... it doesn't fit the stereotype they have classified me as I guess... who cares...
Ashley wants to take me to a heavy metal concert... then after that when are legs are sore from jumping around we're apparently gonna crawl to Krystal's and watch "A Walk to Remember" because I haven't seen it and they think it's the best movie in the world...
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2003 25 January :: 12.05 am
I just wanted to say...
If tomorrow, I should never wake up, I wanted to say
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've done, and what I
haven't done.
I could have done more, I should have done more.
If I harmed you, yelled at you, ignored you, or didn't care... I'm sorry
If tomorrow, I should never wake up, I wanted to say
Thank you.
If me and you were the best of friends, thank you for always being there.
If me and you only talked once and a while, and didn't
go to the same parties, and were not good friends: thank you for humbling me.
You are not perfect, but I am not either, but thank you for having a part in my life.
If tomorrow, I should never wake up, I wanted to say
everything I never had time to.
I love you!
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2003 17 January :: 11.44 pm
:: Mood: depressed
I feel like I'm gonna cry
I kinda feel like writing, but I don't know what to say. This hasn't been a very good month for me and it's only just half way through. I've been sick (and very quiet) for most of it it seems and still am. I've been feeling dizzy ever since I woke up this morning and now I feel kinda nauseous as well.
...I feel so alone...
I've been thinking about suicide a lot recently... it's starting to sound like a good idea... I know it's something I would never do though... :o(
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2003 15 January :: 1.13 am
:: Mood: kinda sad
:: Music: Jets to Bazil
hmmm
have you ever tried so hard to understand something, but you just couldn't understand it?
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2003 10 January :: 1.43 am
it hurts to breathe... :o(
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2003 10 January :: 1.22 am
:: Mood: frustrated
i hate ppl who get ur hopes up for nothing
yesterday my friend asked me if i wanted to go to florida with her, jan 20-27th. her grandparents have a cottage or something down there and were planning on selling it, so it would be the last opportunity for her to go there. so anyways, i said sure, and she said she would get more info bout it today... now she doesnt think she wants to go... grrr!!! she said she wanted to get as far away from family as possible... which included her grandma, aunt, and cousin who would be in florida with us. and apparently she doesnt think we would be able to get away from them and go our separate ways because florida has to transit system or anything to get us anywhere... i suggested walking.... *sigh* who knows... maybe she'd change her mind again and we'd end up going, but she doesnt have very much time to change her mind since its almost the 20th... grrrr!
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2003 3 January :: 3.38 am
:: Mood: reminiscent
...i brought in a few pics of me (in the past) to work for jeremy to see. one of the pics was two pics in one (a pic was taken over another one). it had me on my 4th bday, and in the background chris and our dog buddy... so thats prolly what brought this on...
sometimes i wish i could go in the past and change how things turned out... or i wonder what happened to some of the ppl i knew in the past...
like i wonder where chris is right now, what he's doing, how things might have been different if jim had been his father... i miss chris. he was like my big brother... for a while...
or if my mom didnt have a miscarriage and i had a little brother or sister... i know i was happy when i found out about the miscarriage... but not because i didnt want a younger sibling... because i wanted jim outta our life, and i would've been harder for that to happen if my mom and jim had a baby together...
anyways i think thats enough for tonight, i'll just leave this with one final statement... i want a dog.
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2002 27 December :: 12.05 am
:: Mood: mixed up
Good Charlotte - Hold On
this world, this world is cold
but you don't, you don't have to go
you're feeling sad you're feeling lonely
and no one seems to care
your mother's gone and you're father hits you
this pain you cannot bare
but we all bleed the same way as you do
we all have the same things to go thru
hold on... if you feel like letting go
hold on... it gets better than you know
your days you say they're way too long
and your nights you can't sleep at all
and you're not sure what you're waiting for
but you don't want to no more
and you're not sure what you're looking for
but you don't want to no more
but we all bleed the same way as you do
we all have the same things to go thru
hold on... if you feel like letting go
hold on... it gets better than you know
don't stop looking you're one step closer
don't stop searching it's not over... hold on
what are you looking for?
what are you waiting for?
do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead... what are you waiting for?
hold on... if you feel like letting go
hold on... it gets better than you know
don't stop looking you're one step closer
don't stop searching it's not over... hold on
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2002 26 December :: 12.07 am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: hummmmmmmmm
Brian is AmAzInG!!!!!!!! :o)
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2002 10 December :: 1.00 am
i'm "simply, madly, beautifully crazy"
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2002 28 November :: 1.01 am
i saw the nicest eyes tonight! this really nice blue
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2002 26 November :: 12.49 am
gotta remember rm 206
the past couple nights i have enjoyed working... tonight especially :oD Matt worked... and he's hot!!! :oD when i was leaving as i was walking to the car my friend reminded me that i was supposed to phone her tomorrow and matt said i had to phone him too and that if another guy answered that phone that it was only his roommate and he told me his room where he lived in residence :oD
Anyways before all this... before i went on my break this other really hot guy who comes often came :o) and the interac wasnt working at first for some strange reason so i got to talk to him longer... and this old song came on the radio and he turned it up and started dancing! :oD
Anyhoo, i've gotten destracted throughout writing this, so i guess i better just go to bed and end all this.
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2002 22 November :: 2.14 am
Bother - Stone Sour
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I'll never live down my deceit
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2002 19 October :: 12.42 am
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: i dont want to turn anything on and it be really loud and wake my mom because i cant hear very well
TFK!!!!!! :o)
the concert was wicked!!!!!! i just got back, my voice is soo hoarse and my ears feel weird! :o)
i wish i could go see them next weekend in hamilton, but i dunno how to get there and my mom would flip if i drove on the highway alone (meaning without her)! it would be better next weekend because then it's not in a church... during "intermission" a pastor spoke... but there were two other bands that played before them and they were really good (would've been better if i knew what they were saying so i could sing along)! i brought my camera along but i didnt take any pictures because i ended up jumping/dancing/whatever in the mosh pit(ppl stink)... but i was soo close! and while my friend and i were waiting in line outside before the show, the lead singer from Thousand Foot Krutch(but i didnt know it at the time) came out to get something then move the van i had been leaning against! i was standing right beside him!!!! lol :o)
its sad, they're one of my fave bands right now and i dont really even know what they look like... oh well, it's just about the music :o)
anyways i need to wake up early tomorrow (AHHH!!)
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